Karamea Radio Interview with Trail-Running Vickis

Vicki Quinn (left) and Vicki Woolley…TraiRunners

Vicki Quinn (left) and Vicki Woolley…TraiRunners

Trail Runners Vicki Woolley & Vicki Quinn arrived in Karamea after running the Heaphy Track in two days. They stayed at Rongo Backpackers & Gallery in Karamea and enjoyed a Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast, visited the Oparara Basin arches and caves the following day and ran back to Karamea along the Oparara Valley Track…tomorrow, they’re off to Vicki Woolley’s old hometown of Seddonville to take on the newest MTB track in New Zealand…The Old Ghost Road…Happy Trails for 2014 and beyond Super Vickis!

Vicki Woolley is the N.Z. Editor for TrailRun Magazine: www.TrailRun.com She is a single mum on her annual one week holiday….Vicki Quinn is her friend and fellow trail runner.

Paul Murray is the founder of the LivingInPeace Project.

Welcome to Karamea Ladies….

Posted in Business, Department of Conservation, DOC, Education, Environment, Heaphy Track, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, Karamea Radio, LivinginPeace Project, Media, Mountain Biking, MTB, New Zealand, Oparara, Permaculture, Photography, Product review, Radio, Social Commentary, Sport, Sustainablity, Tramping, Travel, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

40 Historical Photographs

While some photographs capture our attention because of how the artist behind the picture has decided to compose the shot, others are fascinating simply because of the subjects that they depict. Below are some captivating photographs that tell stories about our past, depicting the people, places and events that have shaped the course of history. Some of these pictures tell us about history in a way that books and documents will never be able to.
 
 

Woman With A Gas-Resistant Pram, England, 1938

Elvis in the Army, 1958

106-year-old Armenian Woman guards home, 1990

Baby cages used to ensure that children get enough sunlight and fresh air when living in an apartment building, ca. 1937

Animals being used as part of medical therapy, 1956

Testing of new bulletproof vests, 1923

Charlie Chaplin at age 27, 1916

Hindenburg Disaster, May 6, 1937

Circus hippo pulling a cart, 1924

Annette Kellerman promotes women’s right to wear a fitted one-piece bathing suit, 1907. She was arrested for indecency

Annie Edison Taylor, the first person to survive going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, 1901

Unpacking the head of the Statue of Liberty, 1885

The original Ronald McDonald, 1963

Disneyland Employee Cafeteria in 1961

Advertisement for Atabrine, anti-malaria drug, in Papua, New Guinea during WWII

Soldier shares a banana with a goat during the battle of Saipan, ca. 1944

Little girl with her doll sitting in the ruins of her bombed home, London, 1940

Construction of the Berlin wall, 1961

Unknown soldier in Vietnam, 1965

Bookstore in London ruined by an air raid, 1940

Walter Yeo, one of the first to undergo an advanced plastic surgery and a skin transplant, 1917

Suntan vending machine, 1949

Measuring bathing suits – if they were too short, women would be fined, 1920′s

Martin Luther King with his son removing a burnt cross from their front yard, 1960

Hotel owner pouring acid in the pool while black people swim in it, ca. 1964

Lifeguard on the coast, 1920′s

Artificial legs, UK, ca. 1890

Mom and son watching the mushroom cloud after an atomic test, Las Vegas, 1953

Mother hides her face in shame after putting her children up for sale, Chicago, 1948

Austrian boy receives new shoes during WWII

Hitler’s officers and cadets celebrating Christmas, 1941

Christmas dinner during Great Depression: turnips and cabbage

The real Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin, ca. 1927

Last prisoners of Alcatraz leaving, 1963

Melted and damaged mannequins after a fire at Madam Tussaud’s Wax Museum in London, 1930

A space chimp posing to camera after a successful mission to space, 1961

Illegal alcohol being poured out during Prohibition, Detroit, 1929

Princeton students after a freshman vs. sophomores snowball fight, 1893

A beautiful suicide – 23 year-old Evelyn McHale jumped from the 83rd floor of the Empire State Building and landed on a United Nations limousine, 1947

First morning after Sweden changed from driving on the left side to driving on the right, 1967

Source: boredpanda

Posted in Art, Education, Historical, Media, Photography, Politics, Religion, Social Commentary, United States, War | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hard Road Leads to Nice Cuppa Tea Atop Mt Hua Shan

This may be the scariest trail in the world…..

We hope you’re not afraid of heights, because this even made our palms sweat. What you see below is a mountain in China called Mt. Hua Shan. At its base, you’ll find a gigantic set of stone stairs, called “the Heavenly Stairs.” These stairs go so high up the mountainside, it’s hard to see where they end. If that wasn’t enough, the precarious stairs lead to the world’s most dangerous trail, the Hua Shan plank path. The plank trail leads high up the Hua Shan mountain just outside the city Xi’an. No one will force you to wear safety gear, although it’s strongly encouraged. The trail itself is dangerous and stunning, but what is at the top will really shock you.

The stairs themselves, although beautiful, are daunting.

And they are the easiest part of the climb.


 However, countless people make the dangerous journey for what’s at the top…

As you climb the stairs, you pass little villages and houses that have cropped up on the mountain.

.

Then, once you get high enough, you can take a gondola to the southern peak, where the plank path awaits.

This is where the path turns truly dangerous, with nothing but planks to walk on and a rail of chains to hold onto.



There is almost nothing keeping you from falling
.

There are parts you must climb as well, with toe holes cut out.

Our palms are sweating just looking at this path.

… Woah.

But, if you’re brave enough to keep climbing…

You’ll find something pretty interesting at the end of your journey.

At the very top of the southern peak is a Taoist temple that was converted into a teahouse.

 Thousands of people climb the world’s most dangerous path to end up at a teahouse.

So, either these people really like dangerous climbing, or they really like tea. Either way, you should probably check out the teahouse at the top of Mt. Hua Shan.
Source: reddit.com

Posted in Art, China, Environment, Historical, Peace, Photography, Tramping, Travel, Weird | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Yoshihiro Takishita: Mr Minka

Off the Top of My Head

By Paul Murray
 

 From a vantage point on wooded Mt Genji overlooking the ancient city of Kamakura, Yoshihiro Takishita relaxes in his stately antique home after returning from a U.S. book tour.

 

His book, Japanese Country Style: Putting New Life Into Old Houses is the culmination of his career to date as a rescuer and restorer of old Japanese minka (farmhouses). His life’s work has been to preserve the grace and style of traditional Japanese architecture for future generations to appreciate, enjoy and admire.

Cover-large.preview

The positive response of audiences on his U.S. tour “gave me confidence in what I’m doing, that I’m doing the right thing––and that’s so important for Japanese people, he said.

The book is essentially a collection of excellent architectural photographs that capture the splendour of 16 of the minka homes Takishita has rejuvenated. But it also includes insight into his life and his passion for minka, background information on the buildings, tips for modernising the homes, hints on joinery, advice on suitable interior decorating and details on dismantling, transporting, and reassembling the structures in separate locations.

Takishita has saved 30 such homes so far, dismantling the buildings, transporting the materials to new locations and reconstructing them to live on as examples of a bygone age when elegance, refinement and grandeur were more highly regarded than purely economic considerations and rationalisation.

“People today buy houses like they’re buying (a new car) from a catalogue: fast and cheap.”

Takishita claims it is reasonable to expect a reconstructed minka home to provide comfortable living for at least 200 years, and that minka––themselves antiques––actually become more beautiful with age, unlike contemporary Japanese homes, which begin to deteriorate and become “grimy and unattractive within a few years.”

 

“Government statistics show that the average lifespan of a new house in Japan is 26 years. People say ‘economy comes first,’ but what kind of economy is it when a house only lasts 26 years? In the long term, minka are much more economical,” Takishita said.

To sit chatting with Takishita in the spacious living area of the more than 200-year-old minka annex to his Kamakura home, surrounded by sturdy, solid wooden uprights and majestic overhead beams blackened by centuries of wood smoke and the patina of age, is truly awe-inspiring.

 

He uses the building as a showroom for his separate, but complimentary, business as an antique dealer. “What could be better to display antiques in than an antique building?” he asks in his book.

Takishita fears the nation is losing its way culturally and is allowing the West too great an influence. “We are losing our sense of beauty and sense of value. We are losing the beautiful things in this country. We are ruining and destroying it.” He said.

“Japanese are group-minded and community minded; they lack the ability to make individual judgement––it’s a shame, Takishita said. “Losing (World War II) was a denial of our cultural heritage and we lost confidence in our traditions. It is now time for us to rediscover Japan and it is my mission to spread this message,” he said.

There seems to be a popular misconception among Japanese that old houses are cold, dark, dirty, damp, uncomfortable and expensive to maintain. Worse, they carry the stigma of penury in the Japanese mind-set, in which keeping up with the Watanabes is essential.

“For Japanese, to live in a farmhouse is a symbol of poverty. A thatched-roof house is considered shameful,” Takishita said.

 This may have been valid 100 years ago, but Takishita’s homes have every modern convenience from flush toilets to Jacuzzis, as each home can be tastefully modified to include any amenity required in the process of disassembly and reconstruction. Incorporating fireplaces, air conditioning, and subfloor heating panels that warm the entire home from the bottom up solves the heating problem, skylights improve lighting and security is enhanced with locking doors and windows. Takishita appears to have a solution for every objection and a visit to his comfortable Kamakura home quickly dispels minka misconceptions.

 

Takishita looks to the past for a vision of the future and his excellent book redefines the word “progress.” Modern buildings become inconsequential, regressive and artless beside the splendour of minkas, serving as a reminder to us all that we can still learn from our ancestors.

The following excellent short documentary film by Davina Pardo is on the life and work of Mr Minka Yosihiro Takishita:

Posted in Architecture, Art, Book Review, Economics, Education, Environment, Historical, Japan, Photography, Product review, Social Commentary, Sustainablity | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Rongolian Star Quiz #5

***The Rongolian Star Quiz is acknowledged by esteemed philosophers of the School of Socrates, Men of Letters and Captains of Industry to be the most ridiculous and mind numbing quiz on the entire planet!!!***

November’s Rongolian Star Quiz prize schedule for ten correct answers:

1st Prize     1 billion air points on any Congo Air flight to the Dallas Book Depository!

2nd Prize     A mounted framed original photograph of the sole surviving Congo Air DC3!

3rd Prize      Souvenir cap recovered from the wreckage of ill fated Congo Air Flight 101 from Brassierville to Istanbul shot down over Dealey Plaza!

Question 1.

Who really shot JFK?

  1. A glassy troll?
  2. The Salvation Army’s best sniper?
  3. Roger Rabbitt?
  4. The Dalai Lama?

Question 2.

Professor Bogor Yakkalov, Master of Antiquities from Moscow University, recently discovered the Holy Grail utilised to share the wine at The Last Supper in a dumpster behind the Dallas Book Depository. On the base is the inscription “    קילרוי היה כאן     ” Meticulously translated from Mosaic Hebrew this inscription reads :
A. “Kilroy was here!”
B. “ Made in China!”
C. “Vote Republican!”
D. “Other end up!”

Question 3.

Which famous quote was voted best of the 20th century?

  1. “I smoked but I didn’t inhale and neither did Monica!” – Bill Clinton!
  2. “Ok chaps I’m going out for a short while, I may not be back!” – Jimmy Hoffa!
  3. “Are you fucking blind? It was way over the service line, arsehole!!” John Superbrat McEnroe!
  4. “We’re more popular than the Lee Harvey Oswald!” The Teletubbies!

Question 4.

Your lying sluttish Sunday school teacher is found by Mormon missionaries in her herb garden completely stoned out of her brains!  Do you:

A. Anonymously donate your unpaid taxes to the elders of the Jewish Synagogue?
B. Double check your mother in laws fingerprints are indelibly etched on your wife’s pet rock, before you try to flush it down the loo, then ring Police 911?
C. Pray for her sassy soul?
D. Pause for a moment’s reflective silence, down a gassy skol and enjoy the biggest fart of your entire life?

Question 5.

You accidentally parachute from Congo Air Flight 762 into Beirut Lebanon during Ramadan and a Hizbollah uprising! Do you disguise yourself as:

A. The American Flag?
B. A bottle of Jack Daniels?
C. The second coming of a pork sausage?
D. Uncle Sam?

Question 6.

You incredibly win $27 million in Lotto’s Powerball!!! Do you:

  1. Donate all your winnings to the Free Cuba Society, then head to a Dallas strip club to watch an arsey moll?
  2. Wisely employ your divine windfall to drink the Republic of Ireland under the altar?
  3. Invest heavily in the Dealey Plaza Poncy Scheme?
  4. Head to the Trentham yearling sales to purchase a classy foal?

Question 7.

The All Blacks are beaten by the Dallas Cowboys 53-0!!! Are you absolutely:

A. Elated?
B. Deflated?
C. Fellated?
D. Chelated?

Question 8.

tumblr_mw4gmcIni41qg7xwvo1_500

You have just gallantly and unselfishly aided a hot young Dominican nun to lose her virginity on the grassy knoll! Do you celebrate your virility by:

A: Rushing down to the nearest 9-11 to purchase a packet of strawberry flavoured Fourex?
B. Rushing down to the nearest liquor store to purchase a six pack of Holy Communion?
C. Getting your second wind and immediately head to the Dealey Plaza underpass where you swear you spotted a Lassie doll?
D. Realising that your manly conquest was in reality a crassy goal and head to the nearest Irish bar to enjoy a pint o’ Guinness?

Question 9.

You are leaving New Zealand to visit your alcoholic uncle O’Shamus O’O’ Toole in County Cork! What do you purchase for him at Duty Free?

  1. A couple of tins of jellied Tuatara?
  2. A homespun Kokako smoking jacket?
  3. A stuffed and rear mounted albino Giant Spotted Kiwi?
  4. A large collectible Mercedes Benz chassis pole?

Question 10.

“Knock  …. knock….. knock!!!

Who’s there man?

J. Edgar Hoover man!

J. Edgar Hoover?

Yeah man!

No J. Edgar Hoover’s not here man!”

Is this conversation extremely :

A. Secretive?
B. Original?
C. Silly?
D. Erotic?

Nota Bene !

Absolutely no correspondence whatsoever will be entertained regarding the professional credentials of the Editor, reporting staff, SuperMoo the Karamea Wonder Dog and all the other ruff rolph associated with disseminating the trivial nonsense printed under strict copyright of The Rongolian Star and its associated business interests!

DSC_0283

The release of all highly classified information contained within this quiz has received prior approval of the Dallas County Mayor’s office and the Warren Commission!!! Arf arf!!!

Signed U.S. Army Lieutenant Brassy Col.

1963

No. 1 on the Texas hit parade!!!

“I shot the President!” by Weird Al Yankovich (unfortunately later bastardised by Eric Clapton!!!)


Posted in Art, Business, Economics, Education, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, LivinginPeace Project, Media, Moo, Parody, Photography, Politics, Quotes, Religion, Royal Family, Satire, Sex, Social Commentary, SuperMoo the KarameaWonderDog, Uncategorized, United States, Weird | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape: #24

A New Zealand Government Department authorised by a covertly suspicious and deliberately rhetorical Act of Parliament and compounded by a tacit Royal Approval to receive Official Complaints!
 
By Raving Reporter Товарищ Самсон Казаков
 

Office Manager:     Red Scarlett

beautiful-anahi-gonzales-red-dress-1920x1200

Senior Complaints Officer:      Adolf Eichmann Esquire

Office Receptionist:    Miss Triple X!

Tea Strumpet:   Moanika Lewinsky

Office Minstrel:   Rolex Harrasss

Office Muttley:   SuperMoo the Karamea Wonder Dog

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape offices, Market Cross, Karamea, Friday October 25th 0915hrs

“Radio Karamea 107.5 FM and the Rongo Hit Parade with DJ Hooters!

…..Tie me kangaroo down sport, tie me kangaroo down!
Screw me blue when I’m thru Stew, screw me blue when I’m thru!
Spank me hide when I’m dead Fred, spank me hide when I’m dead!……

Miss Triple X!:     Wow! I just love B and D music!

Adolf Eichmann Esquire:    Ist goot song!!

Rolex Harrasss:   I wrote that song after me mother in law got totally shagged by a large Caterpiller digger!

Adolf Eichmann Esquire:    Ya??? Playing it again Uncle Samuel!!

Red Scarlett:  Attention!!!!! Ok troops we have our first customer for the day! Combat alert!

Adolf Eichmann Esquire:    Raus!!!  Schnell!!!!!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Bodgie Mactavish:    You’re a complete bastard Jimmy! Oi oi oi!!!

Adolf Eichmann Esquire:      Having ze bad hair day kamerad????

Bodgie MacTavish:     Are you a bloody Kraut, Jock????

Adolf Eichmann Esquire:    Ve ask ze qvestions!!!!

Bodgie Mactavish:    I want to make a bloody official complaint!!!!!

Adolf Eichmann Esquire:   Regarding vot schwein hundt???

Bodgie Mactavish:   The German bloody football team!! They’re absoloute bloody shite!!!!

KABOOM!!!!!

Adolf Eichmann Esquire:     Vanker dumbkopf!!!

Rolex Harrasss:     Skills cobba!!! A precise nasal incision, dissecting his sinuses, severing the carotted artery, exiting the rear temporal lobe and scoring a neat double tops on the office dart board!!!!!

Moanika Lewinsky:    Cup of tea?????

Adolf Eichmann Esquire:   Danke schoen fraulein!!!!


…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Radio Karamea 107.5 FM News Flash with DJ Pukeko!!!!

“The Prime Minister of New Zealand, the Right Honourable John Key, National Party Member of Parliament for Remuera and the Minister in charge of the Security Intelligence Service and the Government Communications Services Bureau;  in Wellington today publicly stated  …blah..blah…blah…..:

Karamea Weather with DJ Tokov

“Bonza today! Get out the Barbie and give it a bit of slap and tickle, May the sauce be with you!!!
And now exclusive on Radio Karamea 107.5 FM Rolex Harrasss recorded live on this week’s Rongo 5ooth Blues Show!”

The Big Man:      Do we have to play this turkey???

DJ Crap:      He’ll be good for the ratings!!!

The Big Man:     Naval ratings??

DJ Crap:      Originally recorded by “The Divinyls” the one and only Rolex Harrasss live singing  “I Touch Myself”!!!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape offices

Rolex Harrasss:    You know, it was the proudest moment of my life to sing that song personally to Her Majesty the Queen at her Palace Halloween Piggy Party!!!

Adolf Eichmann Esquire:    Bringing tears to my eyes kamerad!!!

SuperMoo:    Awwrrooooooooo!!!!

Moanika Lewinksy:        Sniffle……..sniffle……….

Miss Triple X:         Boo hoo!!!

Red Scarlett:    Dear God! I have a serious run in my pantyhose! Do you see me teary eyed!

Rolex Harrasss:    Allow me!!  I am an expert with young ladies hosiery!!!

Red Scarlett:     Et tu Rolex!!!!!!! Get your hand out of my crotch!!!

Adolf Eichmann Esquire:   Nein fraulein! Ist goot photo opportunity!!!!!!

FLASH!!!!!!!

Rolex Harass:    Did you get my best side????

Whip……whip…….whip……whip….

Red Scarlett:   Miss Triple X!!!!  Jesus Christ the son of Mary!!!! Why are you whipping SuperMoo???

SuperMoo:    Awwrooooooo!!!!!

Moanika Lewinsky:   Wow!!! I’ve never seen a dog smile before!!!!

“Radio Karamea 107.5 FM

…I’m living on dog food……………”

SuperMoo:       Awwroooooo!!!!

Red Scarlett:     Attention!!! Urgent departmental intelligence briefing now in session!!

Adolf Eichmann Esquire:      Ya!!

Red Scarlett:    Now, I must have your complete and undivided attention!!  Listen very carefully!! The Rongolian Star cryptic crossword, fourteen down..  “A fiery enigma not to be trifled with French heresy!”

Miss Triple X!:     Rubber truncheon!!!

Rolex Harasss:     Two little boys!!!

Moanika Lewinsky:   Cunning linguist!!!!

Red Scarlett:    Thirteen letters!!!

Adolf Eichmann  Esquire:       Kamerad Nostradamus’ prophecy…. ARMAGEDDONKOV!!!!

Red Scarlett:   Dolf!!! Brilliant!!!

“Radio Karamea 107.5 FM

“……….I’m Jake ze Peg viz ze extra leg……………….”

Rolex Harrasss:  They’re playing my song!!!!!!!!!!!!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

Posted in Art, Business, Economics, Education, Erotica, Fashion, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, Jesus, Karamea, Karamea Radio, LivinginPeace Project, Media, Moo, Nazis, New Zealand, Parody, Photography, Politics, Religion, Satire, Sex, Social Commentary, SuperMoo the KarameaWonderDog, Uncategorized, United States, Weird | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape # 23

A New Zealand Government Department authorised by a deliberately rhetorically and covertly suspicious Act of Parliament and compounded by a tacit Royal Approval to receive Official Complaints!

By Raving Reporter Товарищ Самсон Казаков
 

Office Manager:    Red Scarlett

Director of Intelligence:     Hanoi Doris

Senior Complaints Manager:  Sheikov El Judas

Office Receptionist:   Victoria Cross

Tea Hostess:     Yowserkova Hot Momma III

Office Sheep in Wolf’s Clothing:  Supermoo the Karamea Wonder Dog!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Offices Market Cross, Karamea Monday September 9th 9 a.m.

Red Scarlett   :     Attention : Look here comes our first customer for the day!

Silvio Paparazzi:    Bongiorno!

Victoria Cross:    Welcome to the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape sir!

Silvio Paparazzi:   Grazi!

Victoria Cross:   You are desirous of making a complaint pertinent to a matter of public indignity sir?

Silvio Paparazzi:    Si!

Victoria Cross:   An official complaint sir?

Silvio Paparazzi:  Si!

Victoria Cross   :    The nature and content of your complaint sir?

Silvio Paparazzi:    Scuzi?

Victoria Cross:    Your official *%$@*!!@! complaint !

Silvio Paparazzi:    Pardona?

KABOOM!!!!!!!!!

Yowserkova Hot Momma III:   Wow! Italian men really do have spaghetti for brains!

alessandra ambrosio image sexy

Red Scarlett:   Achtung!!! No official complaint, no fee, no execution!!!

Victoria Cross:   Oopskov!!!

Red Scarlett:  I will handle the next complainant and demonstrate the correct protocols required to take an official complaint and extort the requisite outrageously exorbitant fee!

Yowserkova Hot Momma III:    Cup of tea???

Red Scarlett:     Before we have morning tea, please get a vacuum cleaner and clean up Mr. Pizzeria from the office carpet!

Vroooooom  …..slurp!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Radio Karamea 107.5 FM!

Breaking News with DJ Sausage!

“ The Karamea Four Square has just been robbed of all remaining stocks of Whittaker’s Chocolate Dark Extra Cacao. The young robbers armed with badminton racquets and all wearing Daniel Quayle clown masks fled on a stolen caterpillar digger and were last seen running into the Karamea School Library! Police Swat Team Leader Sergeant John McLean stated “ Karamea School will be cordoned off after this morning’s Story Time reading of Winnie the Poohkov!”

Asked by Radio Karamea “ Pourquoi???”

Sgt McLean’s official reply “ Pourquoi pas???”

Karamea Weather with DJ Fukyoushima

Karamea weather!

Stratified cloud at various altitudes will drift slowly away from the horizon by late morning!!!

Rain progressing from spasmodic to intermittent to persistent to torrential to influential to apolitical … blah…blah…blah….

Remember!!!   Slipper, Slopper, Slapper!

“God save our gracious queen.blah.blah.blah.”

    Karamea Minstry of Red Tape 4 p.m.

Ned:    Yeah gidday!

Red Scarlett:  Welcome to the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape this beautifully fine Monday!

Candice Swanepoel Very Sexy Jet Tour Red Dress Sexy

Ned:   Bonza sheila! Fancy a shag?

Red Scarlett:   I have subconciously transcended the notional concept of physical lust and seek intellectual Nirvana in the ethereal realms of meditative contemplation!!!

Ned:   Christ!!! You’re a bloody virgin!!!!

Red Scarlett:   Do you wish to file a complaint my good gentleman?

Ned:  Yeah! Some bushranger nicked me digger from outside the supermarket this morning!

Red Scarlett:  Have you visited the Karamea Police sir?

Ned:   Are you joking me babe?!?!

Red Scarlett:   Many apologies! Let me find an official complaint form!

Ned:   Got a light Sheila?

Red Scarlett: No smoking on official New Zealand government premises!

Ned:    Can I chew gum?

Red Scarlett:    Of course!

Ned:      Scruncha….scruncha…scruncha……

Red Scarlett:    Here we go!  Karamea Ministry of Red Tape official complaint form

111/9………..”Aussie yobbo has his digger pinched outisde the Karamea Four Square by three young hoodlums armed with badminton racquets and all wearing Daniel Quayle clown masks!!!”

Ned:    That’s yobbo with two b’s!

Red Scarlett:   The fee for your official complaint can be paid for with crocodile skin, Whittakers Chocolate Extra Cacao  Macadamia or Coober Pedy opals!

Ned:   Strewth!!  Haven’t shot a croc in anger since last Melboune Cup Day, my chocolate stays in me swag and me missu shot thru with the family jewels!

Red Scarlett:   What authentic collateral do you have then?

Ned:    Just me FJ Holden parked there over the road outside the RSA!

Red Scarlett:    Wow!@!!!!!

Sheikov El Judas:  Schnell Vagon !!!!!

Victoria Cross:      Incredoible!!!!!

Super Moo:    Arf arf!!!!

Sheikov El Judas:   Ve cannot possibly accept such a priceless  objet d’art as collateral but now zat you have established your financial credentials, ze Karamea Ministry of Red Tape is prepared to extend you unlimited credit, interest free, tax free and with no legal obligation to make any repayment whatsoever for ze rest of your natural life!  Sign here kamerad !

Ned:      E….d…..w..a..r..d…..K…e…l..l..y!         What’s the catch?

Sheikov El Judas    :  You are obligated to take the entire staff of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape on a crutch cruise up the main street! Pronto!!

Ned     :   All aboard!!!!!

Vrrooom…..vrroooom………

Hanoi Doris:     Alrighty!!!!!

Red Scarlett:     Yowser!!!

Sheikov El Judas:     Shtein Lager!!!!!!!!!

Supermoo:  Arf arf!!!!!!!!!!

VROOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Radio Karamea 107.5 FM

“ Don’t you ever let a chance go by…………………..”

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape
Staff Intelligence Briefing
Staff Cafe 1630hrs!

Hanoi Doris:  Does anyone have the answer to 3 across in this mornings Rongolian Star cryptic crossword? Naughty but nice, leaning towards Moscow!

Victoria Cross:      Bitch???

Red Scarlett:    Hokey Pokey???

Hanoi Doris:   Five letters!!!

Sheikov El Judas:     Porky????

Yowserkova Hot Momma III:    Fukov!!!!

Red Scarlett:   Can we have this week’s classified intelligence and covert operations report?

Hanoi Doris:    The Government Communication Services Bureau are close to cracking our internet scam to fleece Nigerian play school children!!!!

Sheikov El Judas:   Shize strasse!!!!!

Red Scarlett:   Covert operations????

Hanoi Doris:     The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape has today, employed two street kids to act as lookouts in case of any unexpected visit by the FUZZ! Their code names are Grasshopper and Jelloo!

Jelloo:    Pleased to be working for such honourable institution!

Grasshopper:   Can we be paid in roubles????

Red Scarlett:   Attention!!!

Grasshopper:   What for? Are we going to get a medal???

Hanoi Doris:   Your job is to to be on combat alert at all times!!  One wolf whistle for Jehovah’s Witnesses, two for the Filth, three for the Serious Fraud Unit and four for my mother in law!!!

Red Scarlett   :   Any questions????

Jelloo:  What does radioactive mean????

Red Scarlett:   Why do you ask???

Jelloo:    I found this silver canister floating in the Karamea River this morning!!!!

Hanoi Doris:  sTRonTiuM….. nInE….. Tea!!!

Red Scarlett:     EVACUATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaghhhhh!! Aaaggghhhhh!! Aaaaaggghh!!

Jelloo:   Oi!!  Don’t eat all the gingernuts!!!!!!!!

Grasshopper:    Munch…munch…Richard Head!!!!  I said write STRONTIUM 90!!!!!!!!!

“Radio Karamea 107.5 FM!

“Just eat it…………………..”

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