Off the Top of my Head: Musings on Morality

Pious Kiwi attempts to watch pigs rutting

By Paul Murray

New Zealand today is a rather pious place, but it was more so in the recent past. Apparently, up to around 1950 it was illegal for farmers to permit their animals to copulate in the public, so breeding animals were kept in the back paddocks well away from public roads and the prying eyes of the curious nation. The sacrosanct dairy industry was supported by a Government policy, which until 1970 stipulated that if you wanted to try new-fangled products like margarine, you were required to get a prescription from your doctor… (what’s wrong with good old New Zealand butter aye?), and if you wanted to read a magazine from overseas, you needed Government permission….I’m quoting this from a Time Magazine article, so the information may not be accurate as the same magazine lists Helen Clark as the nation’s first female prime minister…wasn’t it Jenny Shipley?

Off the Top of My Head: Musings on 1080

By Paul Murray

The Listener? Really?….More like the Gossiper!

The Gossiper

No pest control in the Kahurangi National Park aye? That statement is an insult to the hard-working pest controllers working in the Kahurangi, the Department of Conservation staff, the people living on the fringes of the park, the tax-payers of New Zealand who fund the millions of dollars used for this supposedly non-existent pest control…and to the pests themselves!

It would seem that the editor of The Listener had a quick read of the report by the Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment Jan Wright and read her erroneous statement (or many of them) “…almost no pest control is done within the spectacular Kahurangi National Park…” and Chinese whispered that falsehood into a full-blown fabrication.

The truth of the matter is that there has been a LOT of pest-control work in the Kahurangi, for example, in 2008 the Animal Health Board blanketed 54,000 ha around Karamea with poison, much of it in the park, the Department of Conservation has poisoned the Heaphy Track many times and has had an ongoing stoat trapping operation there for many years. DOC has a drop scheduled in the Kahurangi of over 20,000 ha this winter, so not only has there already been a whole lot of trapping and poisoning going on, it is on going.

Perhaps the minister and the editor meant that there have been no effective pest-control operations in the Kahurangi National Park to highlight the fact that the many aerial pest-control programmes in the park have been ineffective and that the efficacy of the approach has been far less than expected?

Or perhaps such false statements (and there are many others in both the report and the editorial) highlight the bias in the report toward supporting an unworkable Government pest-eradication policy at the expense of the very native fauna and flora the poison campaign is supposed to be protecting?

The Wright Report is based on studies by the AHB and DOC and other government-sponsored analysis and ignores the many other independent scientific research papers on the subject that show a very different outcome to that required to substantiate Government policy. It is a farce of the top order, it is a fallacious document meant to sate the general public into believing that the government is doing everything it can to protect us from the perils of pests and their imminent threat to our environment and our sacred forests and birds. It is high time for a comprehensive study of the issue by an INDEPENDENT body without hidden agendas to thoroughly assess the subject of pest-control, the use of toxins, the impact of aerial pesticide use on the environment, tourism industry, agricultural exports, rural communities, the international image of New Zealand and to find a better way to address the challenge of protecting our land, forests and animals…this would be a far better use of public money than constantly trying to convince an increasingly aware public that blanketing the country with pesticide is a good idea.

I am one of the many rural people affected by aerial by aerial 1080 programmes, I live in Karamea and have experienced the horror of huge helicopters dropping poison around where my family and I live, I have felt the negative impact of the policy on my tourism business, I know the international reputation of New Zealand is being irreversibly damaged, I have seen rat populations explode after an aerial 1080 poison drop (this is supported by scientific studies by Landcare Research and Dr Jo Pollard, both of which were ignored by the Wright Report), I have friends who have had their pets die horrible deaths from 1080 poisoning, I have seen the poisoned carcasses of dead animals floating down rivers near my home and on the beaches that I invite travellers to come and enjoy, I have lived in the uncertainty and fear of having the environment around my home poisoned with dangerous pesticide that is banned in most other countries and I have seen the detrimental effect of the ubiquitous skull and cross bones 1080 (and other poison) signs that blight our roads, our national parks, the very scenic attractions we encourage visitors to our country and my region to enjoy…and I have suffered the constant Government line that opposition to aerial poisoning is wrong and that the Cavalier spreading of deadly toxin indiscriminately over our country is right…


The Listener is well known as a servile mouthpiece for the Beehive (with the exception of Jane Clifton…go Jane!) This latest nonsense has finally convinced me (and many others I know) to cancel my subscription and start reading North & South for at least that publication exhibits the impartial, unbiased reporting requisite with good journalism.

Great News for Mountain Bikers – Heaphy Track Open to MTB

(Between May 1st to September 30, 2011, 2012 and 2013)

(From HappyZine:

Rongo Backpackers & Gallery ( and Karamea Farm Baches ( welcome Heaphy Track mountain bikers to Karamea and offer hot showers, great food, cold beer and comfortable beds…fire bath, radio station, organic vegetable gardens, Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast, BBQs, transport services and much more and every 4th night is FREE!
Rongo Backpackers and Karamea Farm Baches specialise in group bookings, so if your club would like to organise a ride along the Heaphy Track, please contact us if you have any questions, require accommodation, transport, Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast, require more information, or assistance in organising a tour for your club members.
For useful information about the Heaphy Track, please visit our Web site:

For enquiries, please contact Paul Murray by e-mail or phone.

Rongo Backpackers & Gallery
130 Waverley St
P.O. Box 54
 What could we possibly do at Rongo Backpackers & Gallery ?

LivinginPeace Project

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Kiwi Host

Last Samurai addresses DJ Pukeko

Rongo 9 am Meeting:

Last Samurai:  Front and centre soldier!DJ Pukeko: Sah!

Last Samurai:  I’ve had so many reports of your outrageous extroverted hugging of female guests that I am sending you on a Kiwi Host Course today!

DJ Pukeko: You said I should focus on their chests!

Last Samurai:  Chess!!! Yesterday you hugged Juliana from Campinas and now she is with child!!

DJ Pukeko:  Hey Wwoofers are unpaid, but man a hug from Juliana that was muchos dolleros! Ai caramba!!

Last Samurai:  Right! Now The Big Man is taking the van to Westport today. Jafas are on special at New World so jump in and he’ll drive you to Kiwi Host Westport and make sure you pass!

DJ Pukeko:  Yessah!

The Big Man:  C’mon let’s go! I don’t want to miss out!! Three packets of Jafas for the price of two until 12 pm!



DJ Pukeko:  Yowser!! Look!!  A gluten free pukeko hitchiking!

……………….VVrroom!!  Splattlle!! Splosha splosha splosha!!

DJ Pukeko:  Hey man!! I could have eaten that!!

The Big Man

The Big Man:  Ha ha ha! Pukeko nibbles, pukeko pate, pukeko facial pack, pukeko balm, pukeko brulee!! Yee hah!DJ Pukkeo: Hey slow down! Look! In the middle of the road! A really healthy looking dead hare!

 Vrroooom!!    Grompa grompa grompa!!  Slagglesplok!  Squidglesplurt!!!

DJ Pukeko:  Man! That one just about stuck to the front wheel!! Hey man this is fun!

The Big Man:  Look Westport already!

DJ Pukeko:  Hey!  Look! A rather tasty hitchhiker, let’s give her a ride!!

Naughty Hitchhiker

The Big Man:  Wow! I’ll slow down and we’ll pretend we’re a free taxi!

DJ Pukeko:  Hey Honey Child!!

Naughty Hitchhiker :  Piss off Grandpa!

DJ Pukeko:  Bloody Russian! Why don’t these Westport Pilgrims speak English!

The Big Man Here it is Kiwi Host Westport! I’ll pick you up at 4 pm!

Mammaria Munchos

Kiwi Host Westport

DJ Pukeko:  Yeah g’day!

Mammaria Munchos:   Hola amigo!  A welcome to a Kiwi Host a Westport. Today we a going to teach you ze diplomacy, ze manners, ze etiquette and ze eloquence.

DJ Pukeko:  Boring!!

Mammaria Munchos:  MMM!!! A DJ Pukeko MMM Let me a see!! Ah a problem a child. Okae!  I’’ll sort you out a quick a smart. Right, now you a pretend I am a newly arrived young lady visiting a Rongo for the first a time. Show me how you would a greet me.

DJ Pukeko: Well I am a bit a shy so I usually avert a mine eyes from making a eye contact.

Mammaria Munchos: Ahem!! Do you a think you could avert your eyes a somewhere more appropriate. Senoritas do not a like a chauvinistic boars leering down their a cleavage.

DJ Pukeko: You a joshing me!!??!!!

Mammaria Munchos:  Now a focus on another part of my a body.

DJ Pukeko:  Ok!   Wow, what a grossly hairy armpits you’ve got a Momma!




Mammaraia Munchos: Why you a slap, me?

DJ Pukeko:  You  a bit of a slapper!

Mammaria Munchos:   AAaaGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!! Look you a pass. Here is a your certificate . Now please a leave while I have a nervous a breakdown! Ai Caramba!

DJ Pukeko :  Pass? Just a pass? What about Honours, Distinction??

Mammaria Munchos:   Okae!! Alright. First a Class Honours!! Now vamoos!!!

DJ Pukeko:  Well I never!! Do you think you might just have an anger a management problem??

Mammaria Munchos:  AAAAAAaaaaaaaGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!

DJ Pukeko:   Is this a Moro Bar which  I see before me!!

Mammaria Munchos:    @#$$%^%$#@##@!*&^%%#@$!!!

DJ Pukeko:    Dosvadonya to you too!

4pm Westport – Main Street and 25th Avenue

Vrrooooom!! Screeeechhh!!

The Big Man:  Hey El Pukeko!! How did you a get on?

DJ Pukeko:  Look a First Class Honours with Distinction and a big a smily face!!


The Big Man:  Hey okae, alright!  Have a Jafa!!

DJ Pukeko:  Muchos Gracias Senor Grande Hombre!

The Big Man:   Okae, okae!!!  You a can have a two!!

Suffer Little Children………….







An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.

A man asks What is wrong??

The boy says Me ma is dead

Oh bejaysus the man says ‘Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?’

The boy replies ‘No thanks mister, Sex is the last ting on my moind at the moment’

About LivinginPeaceProject

Paul Murray is the founder of the LivinginPeace Project. Paul originally from Australia, but have been living in New Zealand for 14 years. Before that he was in Japan for a decade working as a journalist. He met his wife Sanae in Japan and they married in 2008.
This entry was posted in Department of Conservation, DOC, Environment, Heaphy Track, Humor, Humour, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, Photography, Tramping, Travel, Uncategorized, West Coast and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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