Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #6

A New Zealand Government Department Authorised by a Rhetorically Ambiguous Act of Parliament and Compounded by Tacitly Implied Royal Approval to Receive Official Complaints.

Office Manager:    Red Scarlett

Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints Officer:   ComplicaTed Simon

ComplicaTed Simon

Office Bimbo    :    Scrumptious Starfire

Scrumptious Starfire

Tea Person   :   Lady Millicent Braxnall XXIII

Lady Millicent Braxnall XXIII

General Dogsbody   :   Super Moo the Karamea Wonder Dog

SuperMoo the Karamea WonderDog

Market Cross   – Office of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape 9.15 am Wednesday February 31st

Muggins Zanzibar  :   Hic!  Hawo!   Earyagun!

Muggins Zanzibar

Ted Simon   :   I am in extremely good health and fine spirits sir, but I venture to suggest that you are rather inebriated and dire need of a haircut!

Muggins Zanzibar    :    Shrunk!  Nyever!

Ted Simon    :    I gather from your aggravated demeanour and your dishevelled appearance that you are here to make a serious complaint!

Muggins Zanzibar   :   Ssstrewth!

Ted Simon    :    An Official complaint in accordance with Section 1 of the Official Complaints Act?

Muggins Zanzibar   :     B…a…r…fff!!!!!!!!

Red Scarlett   :   Mmm! You sir, have breached Code of Conduct Ordinance 21 by regurgitating…  mmmm???  Carrots on our new office linoleum!!

Muggins Zanzibar    :   B … a…  r….ffff!!!!!!

Ted Simon   :    Beetroot Yoghurt!!!!

Beep beep!  

Lady Millicent Braxnall XXIII   :   How do you do??

Red Scarlett   :   I have a special mission for you Lady Millicent. Need to know basis!  For your eyes only. Hush hush!! Wink wink!  Nudge nudge! Say no more! Say no more!

Lady Millicent   :   How enthralling! Do tell!

Red Scarlett   :  You will need to disguise yourself as a cleaning lady. You will also need to get a bucket and a mop and some napalm from the armoury!

Lady Millicent Braxnall XXIII   :   Mum’s the word!

Lady Millicent Braxnall XXIII (Cleverly disguised as a cleaning lady)

Red Scarlett    :    Lady Millicent This unfortunate man in the  process of spilling his guts whilst making an official complaint did exactly that on our new linoleum!

Lady Millicent Braxnall XXIII   :    B…a…r…ffff!!!!

Red Scarlett   :    Harden up Lady Millicent. Secret missions are always tough!

Lady Millicent Braxnall XXIII   :   How extraordinary sir! You appear to in possession of a superfluous nasal hair!

Muggins Zanzibar   :    Ooooooh!!!   Aaaaggghhh!!! You bloody bitch, you kicked me in the goolies!!

Lady Millicent XXIII   :   Oh bother! Anatomy was never one of my strong subjects at St. Delilah’s Finishing School for Girls!

Red Scarlett   :   Please tell me the nature of your complaint!

Muggins Zanzibar   :   Shi got shbraynwashed at the Karamea bible shtudy last night!!!

Red Scarlett   :   Right troops!! Combat Alert! This is a Priority 1 Official Complaint!!!

Ted Simon   :    Yessir!!

Lady Millicent Braxnall XXIII   :   Sah!

SuperMoo    :    Ralf!!!

Scrumptious Starfire   :   Is my hair alright??? I’m not showing too much cleavage am I???

Red Scarlett   :    Please elucidate us on the devious machinations of last night’s Karamea Bible Study!

Ted Simon   :   Tape Recorder activated! Sir!

Muggins Zanzibar    :   Well, the parable of the Good Samaritan shmeans you should help your fellow man when he shtumbles! Ya??

Red Scarlett   :   Indeed! Go on my good man!

Muggins Zanzibar   :   So what say your worst enemy happens to stumble after ravishing your wife!

Red Scarlett   :  Forgive! Seventy times seven!!

Muggins Zanzibar   :   And my wife??

Red Scarlett   :  Publicly stoned to death during Market Cross’ Saturdays Morning Market!!

Recent Public Stoning at Karamea Saturday Market

Muggins  Zanzibar   :   But the good book says “ Let he is without sin cast the first stone!”

Red Scarlett  :   Ok have her hung, drawn and quartered instead by all the angry kiddies who missed out on getting their faces painted! Problem!!  Solution!!

Muggins Zanzibar   :   Are you a Catholic?

Red Scarlett   :   No I’m an infintissemalist!

Muggins Zanzibar   :   Like your shtyle! Hic!

Red Scarlett   :  How were you brainwashed??

Muggins Zanzibar   :   Shwell after Bible Study we had our regular drinking games!!!

Red Scarlett   :   Incredible!!!

Muggins Zanzibar   :   Shwallowed enough Holy Communion to see a double vision! Hic!

Ted Simon   :    I knew I should have gone to Bible study last night! Bloody AA meetings!!!

Muggins Zanzibar   :  Zen when the assembled got me completely yogenberried the brainwashing started! Really frightening!!

Red Scarlett   :   I need complete silence troops! Now every fine detail of this bizarre affair needs to be accurately recorded!

Muggins Zanzibar   :   There was this strange man with crazy blood shot eyes! He scratched his eyeballs when I scratched mine! He sneezed when I sneezed! It was like Voodoo!!

Red Scarlett   :   Can you describe this man for our official records!

Muggins Zanzibar    :   Well he had two eyes in the middle of his forehead and two  … no three nostrils!!

Ted Simon   :  Where did the brainwashing take place?

Muggins Zanzibar   :  In the bathroom in front of the vanity unit! Hic!

Red Scarlett   :  Mmmmm!  Look deep into this mirror and tell me if this looks like the culprit?

Muggins Zanzibar   :   Aaaaaaagggghhhhhh!!!  Get behind thee!!!

Kaboom!!!!

The Anaesthetist

Scrumptious Starfire  :   Boss! You didn’t extract our usual outrageously extravagant fee before you anaesthatised him!

Suprised Scrumptious Starfire

Red Scarlett   :  Lady Millicent!  I have another highly urgent top secret mission for you to perform!

Lady Braxnall Millicent XXIII   :   Let me guess!!   A cup of tea???

Red Scarlett   :   Sarcasm does not become you Lady Millicent!! Carry on and don’t forget to wipe the whole office for fingerprints!!!

Super Moo   :   Awoooooooooo!!!!

Ted Simon   :    The sight of blood too much for your delicate constitution Super Moo???

Super Moo   :   Awoooooooo!!!!

Ted Simon   :  Here! Have a forequarter!!!

SuperMoo   :   B… a…r…ffff!!!!!

About LivinginPeaceProject

Paul Murray is the founder of the LivinginPeace Project. www.livinginpeace.com Paul originally from Australia, but have been living in New Zealand for 14 years. Before that he was in Japan for a decade working as a journalist. He met his wife Sanae in Japan and they married in 2008.
This entry was posted in Art, Business, Economics, Education, Erotica, Fashion, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, Moo, New Zealand, Parody, Photography, Politics, Satire, SuperMoo the KarameaWonderDog, Uncategorized, Weird and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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