Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #11

A New Zealand Government Department Authorised by a Rhetorically Ambiguous Act of Parliament and Compounded by a Tacitly Implied Royal Approval to Receive Official Complaints.

Office Manager   :    Red Scarlett


Senior Complaints Officer    :   Julius McCaeser

Julius McCaeser

Manager’s Secretary   :   Sophie L’Amour

Office Tea Goddess   :    Lkashmi Bollywood

Lkashmi Bollywood

Office Taniwha:   Count Marmaduke Montgomery Bartholomew Dracula-Smythe III (Bart)

Count Marmaduke Montgomery Bartholomew Dracula-Smythe III (Bart)

Interrogator:  Marie from Schweden!

Torturer:   Agent Danger Surprise!

Executioner   :     Madame Chocolat!

Grave Digger   :  Laurent De Chinlone!

Get Away Driver   :  Hurricane Duncan

O/C Sympathy Cards   :   Romain De Cognac!

Market Cross   –  Office of The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape 10.00 a.m. Monday May 21st

Office of The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape


HRH Prince Charles    :   We are pleased to confer the Royal Seal on the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape. Blah blah blah!!

Red Scarlett   :   Yawn!

Right Charlie    :    Oh, I beg your pardon Miss Scarlett was I boring you?

Red Scarlett   :    We?

Charlie Boy    :   The Royal We!

Red Scarlett    :    You and those pathetically stupid Royal Corgis Woofus and Wodger???

The Prince of Whales:     More Face Book friends than SuperMoo!!!!!


Red Scarlett:   Why are they slobbering on your new brogues???

C. Windsor:    Naughty doggy woggies!!


Charles:   You shot the Royal Corgis!!!!! Mummy will be furious!!!

Red Scarlett:   So WE did! How rather unfortunate!!

His Royal Highness Prince Charles KCMG:   You bounder!! I challenge you to a duel!!



Red Scarlett:    WANKER!@!!

Julius McCaeser:   Och aye, nice shooting lassie!

Laurent de Chinlone:    Excuse moi , mademoiselle! Where can I bury His Royal Highness.

Red Scarlett     :    The Rongo worm bin requires topping up with bullshit!!!

Lakshmi Bollywood     :     Oh my golly gosh!! The Queen will not be being amused!!

Red Scarlett    :    Indeed! His Royal Highness deserves a 21 gun salute!! Rest in Peace!

Kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom,

Lakshmi Bollywood   :   Aaiiieeee!!!!! 

Red Scarlett   :   Wasn’t that 21?? I can count! This little piggy went to market….

Lakshmi Bollywood   :   By the spiriting of Lord Vishnu, a 21 gun saluting in the air not in the deceased!!!


Red Scarlett    :    One for luck!!!

Office Taniwha      :     F.A.R.T.!!!

Lakshmi Bollywood:   Aaaaaiiiieee!!!   We must be kneeling and praying!!

Laurent de Chinlone:   I’m praying for ze new Porsche!

Madame Chocolat:   I’m praying for un homme with  ze unquenchable stamina!!! Ooh la la!!

Sophie L’Amour:    You got to pray just to make it today!!

Marie from Schweden:   Ya! I’m praying for free breast augmentation for my dolly Pippi Longstocking!!

Lakshmi Bollywood:   I’m praying for departed soul!

Red Scarlett:   Nonsense!! Corgis don’t have souls!!!

Romain de Cognac:   Allors, mes amis!!  We must cover up this awful tragedy!!

Romain de Cognac

Red Scarlett:   Right troops!! Combat Alert! Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Hospitality Squad!

Attention!! By the left…quick march!!!

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Hospitality Squad

Agent Danger Surprise:   Excellent!!  Not a trace of blood or vomited dog food!!

Agent Danger Surprise

Red Scarlett:    Good morning Madame!

Lady Camilla:   I’m looking for Snookums, he’s late for lunch!

Red Scarlett:    Prince Charles??

Lady Camilla:     Mmm Snookums!!! I am rather annoyed that he seems to have disappeared!

Lady Camilla and Close Relative

Red Scarlett:     Does Madame wish to make a complaint??

Lady Camilla:   Oh, well yes!!

Red Scarlett:    An official complaint Mistress Camilla???

Lady Camilla:   Yes and money is no object!!!

Lady Camilla?

Red Scarlett:  Let me consult The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Complaints Manual…..Mmmmm!!!  Here we go.   Official Complaint  .303 “ To whit … blah. … blah… blah Prince Charles late for lunch..blah..blah..blah… riddled full of bullet holes… blah .. blah …blah Plead the 5th…  blah..blah..blah..  Royal pooches humanely inoculated.. blah…blah..blah.. Her Royal Indoors a bit uppity.. blah..blah…blah…a red leather mini skirt on sale at Global Gypsy???

Lady Camilla:   Bitch!! Give me that sales brochure! I want that dress!! Claw!!!

Red Scarlett:   I saw it first!!!  Hiss!

Lady Camilla:     I am to be the Queen of England and I will have that skirt!!  Yowl!!!

Julius McCaeser:   Och aye!!  A lassies cat fight!! Where’s me Nikon Jimmy?

Julius McCaeser

F .L.A.S.H!!!

Lady Camilla:   Did you get my best side!! Rupert will pay a squillion for that pic!!

Red Scarlett:    I can just make the Global Gypsy Sale before elevenses!!

Lady Camilla:   Parker???

Parker:   Yes ma’am!


Lady Camilla:   Bring the Royal limo to the front doorstep of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape offices!

Parker:   Yes ma’am!

Red Scarlett:  Bloody trollop! She’s going to get that skirt before me!!

10.55 a.m. Global Gypsy Monday Sale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Global Gypsy, Market Cross!

Gerar:   Hey Babe!!!


Lady Camilla:    How do you do? I wish to purchase that rather fetching red hot miniskirt!!

Gerar:    For B and D???

Lady Camilla:   No, for Charles! To help cure him of chronic impotency!!!

Gerar:    Yeah! Hey, I could be your knight in shining armour!!! Let’s get ready to R..U..M..B..L…E..!


Lady Camilla:   Mmm!  You are rather cute!!  What assets do you have???

Gerar:   (whisper…whisper…)

Lady Camilla:   Giggle!!!! Ooooohhh!!!

Red Scarlett:   Have at thee wench!!! That mini skirt is mine!!!


Lady Camilla:   Parker????

Parker    :    Yes ma’am!!

Lady Camilla    :    Please deal with this impudent young lady!!

Parker    :   Yes ma’am!!!

Red Scarlett   :   Get your plastic hands off me you stupid puppet!!

Lady Camilla:   Puppet??

Laurent de Chinlone:   Une puppet??

Julius McCaeser:   Boollocks!!  A puppet Jimmy!!

Lady Camilla:  Is this true Parker?  Are you a puppet??

Parker:      Yes ma’am!!!


Red Scarlett:   A relic from Thunderbirds Are Go!!


Red Scarlett:      You slut you shot Parker!!!

Lady Camilla:     Wow!! This skirt really goes with my Royal gloves!!


Red Scarlett:     My shout at PUB!!!

Hurricane Duncan:      We just shneed a shnober driver!!


About LivinginPeaceProject

Paul Murray is the founder of the LivinginPeace Project. www.livinginpeace.com Paul originally from Australia, but have been living in New Zealand for 14 years. Before that he was in Japan for a decade working as a journalist. He met his wife Sanae in Japan and they married in 2008.
This entry was posted in Humor, Humour, Karamea, Parody, Photography, Satire, Uncategorized, West Coast and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #11

  1. Prince Charles' Mummy!! Elizabeth R. says:

    Absolutely Bloody Outrageous!

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