Office Manager : Red Scarlett
Senior Complaints Officer : Julius McCaeser
Julius McCaeser
Manager’s Secretary : Sophie L’Amour
Office Tea Goddess : Lkashmi Bollywood
Lkashmi Bollywood
Office Taniwha: Count Marmaduke Montgomery Bartholomew Dracula-Smythe III (Bart)
Count Marmaduke Montgomery Bartholomew Dracula-Smythe III (Bart)
Interrogator: Marie from Schweden!
Torturer: Agent Danger Surprise!
Executioner : Madame Chocolat!
Grave Digger : Laurent De Chinlone!
Get Away Driver : Hurricane Duncan
O/C Sympathy Cards : Romain De Cognac!
Market Cross – Office of The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape 10.00 a.m. Monday May 21st
Office of The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape
HRH Prince Charles : We are pleased to confer the Royal Seal on the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape. Blah blah blah!!
Red Scarlett : Yawn!
Right Charlie : Oh, I beg your pardon Miss Scarlett was I boring you?
Red Scarlett : We?
Charlie Boy : The Royal We!
Red Scarlett : You and those pathetically stupid Royal Corgis Woofus and Wodger???
The Prince of Whales: More Face Book friends than SuperMoo!!!!!
SuperMoo
Red Scarlett: Why are they slobbering on your new brogues???
C. Windsor: Naughty doggy woggies!!
Kaboom!
Charles: You shot the Royal Corgis!!!!! Mummy will be furious!!!
Red Scarlett: So WE did! How rather unfortunate!!
His Royal Highness Prince Charles KCMG: You bounder!! I challenge you to a duel!!
Kaboom!
Red Scarlett: WANKER!@!!
Julius McCaeser: Och aye, nice shooting lassie!
Laurent de Chinlone: Excuse moi , mademoiselle! Where can I bury His Royal Highness.
Red Scarlett : The Rongo worm bin requires topping up with bullshit!!!
Lakshmi Bollywood : Oh my golly gosh!! The Queen will not be being amused!!
Red Scarlett : Indeed! His Royal Highness deserves a 21 gun salute!! Rest in Peace!
Kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, kaboom,
kaboom!
Lakshmi Bollywood : Aaiiieeee!!!!!
Red Scarlett : Wasn’t that 21?? I can count! This little piggy went to market….
Lakshmi Bollywood : By the spiriting of Lord Vishnu, a 21 gun saluting in the air not in the deceased!!!
Kaboom!
Red Scarlett : One for luck!!!
Office Taniwha : F.A.R.T.!!!
Lakshmi Bollywood: Aaaaaiiiieee!!! We must be kneeling and praying!!
Laurent de Chinlone: I’m praying for ze new Porsche!
Madame Chocolat: I’m praying for un homme with ze unquenchable stamina!!! Ooh la la!!
Sophie L’Amour: You got to pray just to make it today!!
Marie from Schweden: Ya! I’m praying for free breast augmentation for my dolly Pippi Longstocking!!
Lakshmi Bollywood: I’m praying for departed soul!
Red Scarlett: Nonsense!! Corgis don’t have souls!!!
Romain de Cognac: Allors, mes amis!! We must cover up this awful tragedy!!
Romain de Cognac
Red Scarlett: Right troops!! Combat Alert! Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Hospitality Squad!
Attention!! By the left…quick march!!!
Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Hospitality Squad
Agent Danger Surprise: Excellent!! Not a trace of blood or vomited dog food!!
Agent Danger Surprise
Red Scarlett: Good morning Madame!
Lady Camilla: I’m looking for Snookums, he’s late for lunch!
Red Scarlett: Prince Charles??
Lady Camilla: Mmm Snookums!!! I am rather annoyed that he seems to have disappeared!
Lady Camilla and Close Relative
Red Scarlett: Does Madame wish to make a complaint??
Lady Camilla: Oh, well yes!!
Red Scarlett: An official complaint Mistress Camilla???
Lady Camilla: Yes and money is no object!!!
Lady Camilla?
Red Scarlett: Let me consult The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Complaints Manual…..Mmmmm!!! Here we go. Official Complaint .303 “ To whit … blah. … blah… blah Prince Charles late for lunch..blah..blah..blah… riddled full of bullet holes… blah .. blah …blah Plead the 5th… blah..blah..blah.. Royal pooches humanely inoculated.. blah…blah..blah.. Her Royal Indoors a bit uppity.. blah..blah…blah…a red leather mini skirt on sale at Global Gypsy???
Lady Camilla: Bitch!! Give me that sales brochure! I want that dress!! Claw!!!
Red Scarlett: I saw it first!!! Hiss!
Lady Camilla: I am to be the Queen of England and I will have that skirt!! Yowl!!!
Julius McCaeser: Och aye!! A lassies cat fight!! Where’s me Nikon Jimmy?
Julius McCaeser
F .L.A.S.H!!!
Lady Camilla: Did you get my best side!! Rupert will pay a squillion for that pic!!
Red Scarlett: I can just make the Global Gypsy Sale before elevenses!!
Lady Camilla: Parker???
Parker: Yes ma’am!
Parker
Lady Camilla: Bring the Royal limo to the front doorstep of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape offices!
Parker: Yes ma’am!
Red Scarlett: Bloody trollop! She’s going to get that skirt before me!!
10.55 a.m. Global Gypsy Monday Sale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Global Gypsy, Market Cross!
Gerar: Hey Babe!!!
Lady Camilla: How do you do? I wish to purchase that rather fetching red hot miniskirt!!
Gerar: For B and D???
Lady Camilla: No, for Charles! To help cure him of chronic impotency!!!
Gerar: Yeah! Hey, I could be your knight in shining armour!!! Let’s get ready to R..U..M..B..L…E..!
Lady Camilla: Mmm! You are rather cute!! What assets do you have???
Gerar: (whisper…whisper…)
Lady Camilla: Giggle!!!! Ooooohhh!!!
Red Scarlett: Have at thee wench!!! That mini skirt is mine!!!
Lady Camilla: Parker????
Parker : Yes ma’am!!
Lady Camilla : Please deal with this impudent young lady!!
Parker : Yes ma’am!!!
Red Scarlett : Get your plastic hands off me you stupid puppet!!
Lady Camilla: Puppet??
Laurent de Chinlone: Une puppet??
Julius McCaeser: Boollocks!! A puppet Jimmy!!
Lady Camilla: Is this true Parker? Are you a puppet??
Parker: Yes ma’am!!!
Parker
Red Scarlett: A relic from Thunderbirds Are Go!!
Kaboom!!!!
Red Scarlett: You slut you shot Parker!!!
Lady Camilla: Wow!! This skirt really goes with my Royal gloves!!
Kaboom!!!
Red Scarlett: My shout at PUB!!!
Hurricane Duncan: We just shneed a shnober driver!!
The Rongolian Star 
Absolutely Bloody Outrageous!
Thanks!