Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #13

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape

A New Zealand Government Department Authorised by a Deliberately Ambiguous and Subtly Rhetorical Act of Parliament and Compounded by a Tacitly Implied Royal Approval to Receive Official Complaints.

Office Manager:    Red Scarlett

Office Manager: Red Scarlett

Senorita Complaints Officer:    Mater Harriet Yablonski

Senorita Complaints Officer: Mater Harriet Yablonski

Office Receptionist:    Honey Child Bizzarrre

Office Receptionist: Honey Child Bizzarrre

Tea Imperator:   Chai Yu

Office Tperadactyladilloasaurusoceros:    Rajah

Office Tperadactyladilloasaurusoceros: Rajah

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape:  Market Cross 9.15 am

Dalek Venutian:   “Exterminate, exterminate, exterminate!!!”

Dalek Venutian (right)

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    Ooh wow! Have you got a big horn in the middle of your forehead or are you just pleased to see me?”

Dalek Venutian:    “Take me to your leader!!!!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “Ooh you are so cute! Why don’t you come up and see me some time?”

Dalek Venutian:   “That does not compute! I can see you now! Exterminate!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “Wow, you are so sexy!! Why don’t we do lunch?”

Dalek Venutian:    “Earthling cretin, show me your mammary glands! You will obey!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    How naughty!!!  I don’t….. oh..alright!”

Dalek Venutian:    Exterminate!!!…Ex…..sproing…..sprark….kapowski!!!……”

Doctor Say When:    Congratulations! You have just destroyed an extremely dangerous Varazian Dalek Ninja!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    Why thank you Mister….???”

Doctor Say When:  They call me The Doctor! I am a Centaurian Time Lord from a time dimension in the seventh cosmosphere!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “A doctor! Great! I’ve had a slight tickle in the chest this week! Could you please have a look at it?”


Doctor Say When:    “Cough cough… Well, actually I’m a doctor of…..mmmm….aaaghhh….yes I can see the problem! ( Yowser!)

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “How many aspirins should I take?”

Doctor Say When:   “I’m prescribing an immediate diaphragmatic massage and the application of a homeopathic application of whipped cream and strawberry jam!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “Ooh Doctor! Can you also please have a look at this to the left of my sternum! Is it a melanoma?”

Doctor Say When:   “Mmmm! Looks more like an enlarged supernova!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “Ooh! I’m having a dizzy Doris episode! I need to sit down!”

Doctor Say When:    “Right, you had better sit on my knee while I take your temperature!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “Ouch!!!”

Doctor Say When:    “Pardon me!”

Chai Yu:    “Would you like a cup of chai tea Doctor?”

Doctor Say When:    “Indeed! Two lumps of sugar and some hot crumpet would be nice!”

Chai Yu:   “Voila!”

Doctor Say When:    “Ow! That is rather hot!”

Mater Harriet Yablobnski:   “Would you like to make a complaint?”

Doctor Say When:    “Well….yes!”

Mater Harriet Yablonski:    “An official complaint?”

Doctor Say When:    “Indeed!  Justass must prevail!”

Red Scarlett:    “How do you do Doctor….??????”

Doctor Say When:    “Say When!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “When!”

Red Scarlett:    “I am Red Scarlett the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office Manager and I will personally manage your complaint!”

Doctor Say When:    “Excellent! First of all I must complete a thorough physical examination of Mistress Bizarrrre! Now stand up and bend over!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “Should I drop my panties, doctor?”


Doctor say When:    “Cough… cough…Ahem !  Now open wide and say aaaaaagghhhh!!”

Honey Child Bizzarrr:    “But I am a virgin!”

Doctor Say When:    Open your mouth and say aaaghhhh!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “R!”

Doctor Say When:    “Mmmm! When did you last dye your hair??”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “About fifteen minutes ago!”

Doctor say When:   “What is your original hair colour Honey Child???”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “Why blonde of course!”

Doctor Say When:    “Mmmm! Rather serious! Tetrachlorohydroxyfluoromaxicapillarosis poisoning! Immediate mouth to mouth resuscitation is required followed by a jolly good spanking!”


Red Scarlett:    “Eureka! Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Complaint 48 DD. To whit…Lecherous Doctor from seventh cosmosphere…blah…blah…blah…burns his fingers…no I mean his mouth on sizzling hot crumpet…blah…blah…blah….extravagant cleavage….blah…blah…blah…official complaint… blah…blah…blah…That will be 20 sqazillion Ranganewthadons plus Imperial War Tax!”

Doctor Say When:    “Absolutely bloody outrageous! The cost of a new Tardis and a longer zargiffilo scarf! I would rather shoot myself than bow to extortion!!!”

Red Scarlett:   “I can save you the trouble!”


Mater Harriet Yablonski:    “Yo! Bullseye!”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “Boo Hoo.”

Red Scarlett:    “Whatever is the matter?”

Honey Child Bizzarrre:    “I don’t think the Doctor took my temperature for long enough!”

Red Scarlett:    “I think two minutes is plenty!”

Rajah:    “ Arf arf!”


About LivinginPeaceProject

Paul Murray is the founder of the LivinginPeace Project. www.livinginpeace.com Paul originally from Australia, but have been living in New Zealand for 14 years. Before that he was in Japan for a decade working as a journalist. He met his wife Sanae in Japan and they married in 2008.
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2 Responses to Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #13

  1. Bob says:

    I haven’t laughed in twenty years and I am not going to start now!

    A bloody Pom!

  2. Go on with ya….Give us a smile Geeza…Don’t cost nuffin’

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