Ole! Karamea Ministry of Red Tape! Ole! 

A subtly rhetorical, covertly ambiguous, ridiculously sinister Propaganda Unit of the Mexican Tequila Cartel! Authorised by Amigo Gaucamole Zappata to receive Official Complaints on behalf of the New Zealand Government! 
 

Market Cross, Karamea, 0900 hrs Monday the 15^th of March 2025 

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Head Honcho: Senorita Rohita Skarletta 

Receptionist Senora El Vino Dizzy Dorozita

«Troops! Avanti!» 

Office Teetotalitarian: Yeltin El Boozlebub! 

Office Guard Hundt: El Supermoo 

(Radio Karamea 107.5 FM DJ San Pedro «Ze chanson dedicated to all ze Rongolians!» 

«I don’t like Mondays.by Herp Albert and The Tijuana Brass.» 

Office Bar Keeper: Ole Amigos! A Montgomery Pythagorian Tragedy! The Karamea Ministry  
of Red Tape has run out of Lemons and Salt! 

Generalissimo Cancun Fernandez aka Bob!: «ring ring»: I wish to make ze complaint! 

Office Front Desk Receptionist Senora El Vino Dizzy Dorozita: An Official Complaint? 

 
Bob!:  Si! I have just visited the the Karamea Memorial Museum of El Senor Don Jockstrap  
Trumpetkov and I do not believe he has earned the right to be a Life Member of The Purple  
Tit Club! 

Senora El Vino: Three tours of Nam! 

Bob!: Si! In the foyer there are free psychodelic doggie bags of mescalin flavoured bull dust! 

Senora El Vino: Ai Carumba! Your complaint is extremely serious! Karamea Ministry of Red  
Tape fee is 3 million pesos including GST and Alcohol and Cigar Excise Tax! 

Bob!: Ole! A bargain senora, keep a the change! 

Senora El Vino: Receipt? 

Bob!: Non! 

Senorita Rohita Scarletta: Please enter the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Chanson 
and Pizza Bar! I will personally record your Official Complaint! 

«Ring! Ring!»  

Dizzy Dorizita: Si senor! 

El Senor Donk Jockstrap Trumpetkov aka Pueblo: Si Senorita I wish to a make a complaint? 

Dizzy Dorozita: An Official Complaint? 

Pueblo Trumpetkov: Si! In Market Cross there is a Memorial Museum dedicated to a me  
senorita but I am a still alive! 

Bang! Bang! Bang! 

Office Karpenter Georgian Vazilimov: Santa Maria! My Nigro and a Decker nail  
gun a Misfire! 

Pueblo: #@%$#@@@ ! You pierced my good ear, my left nostril and my wallet! 

Senorita Dizzy Dorizita: Mmm? That will incur an a extra fee! 

Office Hostess Senorita Stormy Jacqueline Danielo: Amigo! Is that a nail in your nose or are you  
just a please to a see me!? 

Pueblo: Ai carumba! I need to a sit down! 

Dizzy Dorizita: Si! 500 pesos Senor! 

Office Con Artist El Guevara El Che: Attention Staff! The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape 
is collecting donations for the Radio Karamea 107.5 FM! So a give til it hurts! 

Pueblo: F…#$@%&*&*^% El Che! You a kicked me in the balls! 

El Che El Guevara: Senor! Uno you have a no balls and duo I give and you a hurt! 

Pueblo: Can I get lunch here? 

El Che: Please a sit down in the Karamea Ministrry of Red Tape Lunch Bar Amigo! 

Pueblo: A cheese board with a Soviet hammer and sickle!?? 

El Che: Si Senor! You are a iron deficient! Bonk!!!! Slash!!!! 

Pueblo: #@$%^% EXPLETIVE!!!!! @#$%^&* 

El Che: Senor! A watch this video of me ringing the Casa Mexicana the day  
before the Ides of March! 

«Ring 111 800 9/11»

Bustrous Affropithecus: You have reached the Communications Office of  The Mexican Tequila Cartel! 

 
El Che: Si! Cave Idibus! 

Bustrous Affropithecus: Red Alert! I will put you immediately through to the Casa Mexicana 

Emergency Response Team! 

El Voda Phona: «Burp!» Zis is ze the Answerphone for the Casa Mexicana Tequila Cartelo! 

If your call involves torture or pubic persecution of Senor El Trumpetkov, please a hang up now and dial 0 for further Options! Hasta La Vista! 

Radio Karamea 107.5FM ….. Gang Bang Style by Juanita Chiquita!!!! 

 
Doktor Kavorkian Mengele aka Max: Mmm? You a need an urgent a Frontal Phlebotomy! 

Pueblo:  $@%$#$% That is an El Giordo Katheter! 

Max: Say agghh!! 

Pueblo: Aaaaaghhhhh!!!!! Not a from my a one eyed trouser snake! @#$@%^%$#! 

Max: Mmmm Blood Type 911! 
 

El Senor Sweeny Todd: Haircut Senor? 

Pueblo: Si! Can you cut this hair stuck in my front teeth since Senorita Stormy Danielo 
trespassed my office in the Casa Mexicana!? 

El Senor Sweeny Todd: Si Senor!   «husqavvaaarmmma!» 

Pueblo: #@$%^%$# A haircut with a Husquavarna Chain Saw!! @#$%$# 

«Husqavarrma…..!!!!» 

El Sweeny Todd: Ai Caramba! Hjey senor, how am I to know Pueblo you have hairs on your   
a forked tongue!  I give you a quick lesson in Mexicana Sign Language for gratis!! 

Pueblo:  (Both middle digits!) 

El Sweeny Todd: Ah, you learn a fast senor! 

Doktor Jekyll and Senor Hyde BDS: Hey it is a tooth hurty pm! Just a time for a tooth extraction!! 

Pueblo: «Two Fingered Salute!» 

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Ultra Secret Sign Language Code Book! 

Senor Hyde: Ai Caramba! An educated Amigo! «Two fingered salute!» 
A Churchillian quote! ( We shall fight them in the Garden Bars, we shall fight them in  
the Chicano LowRiders, we vill never surrender! Amigos will still say this was their  
finest Lunch Hour!) 

Doktor Jekyll: Step aside senor Hyde! «An Eye tooth for an Eye tooth!» Recriminations 9/11 

Senor Hyde: Si, but I will administer an anaesthetic! Open Wide El Senor Pueblo! 

Doktor Jekyll: Ah an a awkward customer! Use a crow bar Senor Hyde! 

Senor Hyde:  Read the label! An Oral Suppositry! Should work Herr Doktor! 

Taco Lolita:  Ah a Rule .303! Si! 

Radio Karamea 107.5FM DJ San Pedro

Senor Frederick Mercury Filling: …Another one biting ze dustkov!