The Rongolian Star
Published by Royal Decree since 1878
Rongo Backpackers, 130 Waverly Street
Karamea, Buller, South Island, New Zealand
Ph: 00 64 3 7826 667
News of The World:
His Royal Highness King Wunbungalung of the African Protectorate of Wakuzimbongo today announced that his government will officially recognise Rongolia as a sovereign state. Reciprocal diplomatic and trade missions will be established to allow the import of computer chips manufactured from stolen oil drums and to allow Rongolia to utilise a non-extradition treaty to deport guests of Dutch extraction or spoilt children of Yankee Imperialist Nation who complain about the prices of Rongo accommodation whilst they put their Gold Cards into punishment overdrive on purchases of Monteiths and Tim Tams.
Rongolian El Presidente for life Palo Murrio has declared a national holiday and feast to celebrate this auspicious occasion.
Big Man’s Birthday:
On Saturday The Big Man celebrated his 47th birthday. All the citizens of Free Rongolia convey their best wishes. Vic wanted to know if there was going to be a beer keg shout! Yeah right Tui!!!
All the people that really matter in Karamea signed a birthday card for The Big Man.
Karamea has been caught in the vicious jaws of a severe drought that has seen the Karamea River almost dry up and the Rongo Fire Bath go into summer hibernation. To appease the weather Gods Rongolians performed a rain dance to the song “Africa” by Toto. (Rongo TV: Rongolian Rain Dance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPYn1pLREtk) Rain fell that very day and to celebrate an innocent young virgin was sacrificed at dawn and then spit roasted on the BBQ. To find an innocent young virgin in Karamea was a mission entrusted to former gendarme DJ Pukeko. After many long romantic interviews finally one sweet innocent young lass called Rhubarbara came forth and offered herself to Rongo the God of Peace. (I swear it was Bigga in disguise!!)
SuperMoo the Karamea WonderDog:
SuperMoo is gearing himself up for a hectic festive season of social engagements and public appearances . Fresh from receiving the Karamea Russian Rules “Player of the Day Award” Supermoo will be available for signatures and photos on Christmas Eve. To join SuperMoo on FaceBook go to: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000754641826
Favourite song – “ Me and You and a Dog Named Moo”
Like Lambs To The Slaughter:
On Tuesday at sparrow fart Team Rongolia marched en masse to the LivinginPeace Farm witness the last round up at the Karamea Corral. Five benevolent jujubaiea flavoured volunteers were selected by random methodology (Big and Juicy). To be ritually slaughtered halal. Pointed towards Mecca and dispatched by Vic and Bigga. The Rongo freezer is chocka full of quality protein that will feed the ravenous Mongol Hordes, Vikings, Visigoths, Cossack Warriors, Wild Irish and other guests of a slightly more sophisticated upbringing that will camp out at Rongo during the month of Muharram Ul Haram.
500th Blues Show:
Wednesday night saw Radio Karamea celebrate the 500th Blues Show. DJ Crap AND The Big Man played some cosmic Blues, Jazz, Soul and Gospel as the Rongolians sat around a large inferno in the fire pit!! There was a special live phone in request from the two Jills in Austin, Texas who requested Ben Harper and “Burn One Down”
Pot Luck Dinner:
Thursday night saw a pot luck dinner dedicated to Tim and friends of Rongo; Tim’s mother Joan, sister Faith and Tim’s nephew Sathya from Tamil, Nhaidoo. Special guests included Chris, Leo, Tim’s friend Paul, Supermoo and Rongo guests and wwoofers.
The LivinginPeace Project encompasses the Wood Lot, Food Forest and Farm Baches Gardens . The wood lot was weeded and mulched. Growth of trees planted to be utilised for timber and firewood has been spectacular and the wattle trees have doubled in size despite the drought. The Farm Baches Garden Beds were planted with soybeans, peas, cucumber, zucchini, sesame seeds and pumpkin seedlings. Future trials will involve chia, quinoa, and Irish jumping beans. The Food Forest, suffering from a prolonged drought, was weeded and watered.
For More Information: https://livinginpeaceproject.wordpress.com/about/
Thursday night at the Karamea Domain saw a game of Russian Rules Touch Rugby that resembled a cross between the Stanley Cup, WWF, Roller Ball and afternoon tea at Dave Higg’s mother in law’s. Played in boisterous spirits the game saw the PINK TEAM defeat the Blue Team 10-7!!!
According to one knowledgeable commentator the level of argie bargie in the game reflected normal West Coast bonding.
Players of the Day : Game 1 – Cory Higgs. Game 2 – Logan Timoana. Game 3 – SuperMoo the Karamea WonderDog (Never subbed off the whole game and didn’t bark at the ref once!!) Game 4 Tara The Terminator – Disgraced Politician who took out her fury on Karamea’s young sports stars. Game 5 – Matt James. Game 6 – Hazel. Game 7 Brendan James
Super Sub – Dave Roberts – An impact player who came off the sub bench with devastating effect until an old war wound saw him limp off just after the initial warm up.
Russian Rules A Team as selected by DJ Pukeko Referee and Coach
Matt James – captain, Sam Jacquard, Logan Timoana, Cory Higgs, Brendan James, Alex, Stretch, Tjelva,and Frank. Team of 7 and two subs.
Karamea Crime Report:
Karamea was this week horrified to learn that a thief had stolen Old Mother McCreadies bloomers from her clothes line. Heart broken, but determined to appear in public despite not having any frillies to cover her naughty bits, Gertrude has vowed to catch the culprit and make that miscreant vote for in the next Westport Mayoralty election. Let the punishment fit the crime!
Rongos guests are the most amazing group of people you could meet anywhere in the world and apart from particularly the Tulip Munchers and whinging Poms, Rongo has not a single complaint about the superlative service Rongo guests experience in all of 2010.
Endless pot luck breakfasts, Radio Karamea, the Rongo Fire Bath, SuperMoo, the Peace Garden , tropical weather and amazing cuisine has seen Rongo head honcho Paul on his knees politely begging backpackers who have stayed more than three months to leave to allow room for first time visitors. Putting red hot chilli, salsa and Jamaican cayenne pepper in DJ Pukekos panty dropper muffins and playing Val Doonican or Rolf Harris on Radio Karamea has seen a timely exit of overstayers and fresh guests welcomed with open pockets!!
Join Rongo Backpackers & Gallery on FaceBook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=52782788167&ref=ts
Live the Great Dream Time:
Gurgle your mouthwash loudly.
Dress up like a prince or princess.
Draw pictures of dinosaurs and imperfect stars.
Burn your marshmallow and then burn it again.
Get jean pockets tattooed on your ass.
Find a button, leave a button.
Put an egg in your sock and hatch it.
Kiss hard and smile at the same time.
Put junk in your trunk and dash.
Twist your legs like pretzels.
Joker trumps all.
Put spoons in the fork slot.
Wear face paint instead of makeup.
Talk to yourself with blue steel clarity.
Laughter is an instrument of joy and we are all musicians.
By Katy Anderson