The Rongolian Star
Issue No. 2 January 2011
Published by Royal Decree since 1878
Rongo Backpackers, Waverley Street,
Karamea, Buller, South Island, New Zealand Telephone 00 64 3 7826 667
One of Rongo guests over Christmas, New Year was Sam Buys Pre-production co-ordinator for Weta Studios owned by Peter Jackson Director of Lord of the Rings, his wife Fran, and Joe Lettee. Responsible for creating the visual assets of a movie including architecture, props and characters. Sam is currently working on Herge’s Tin Tin due for release on Boxing Day 2011. The pirates’ ship, Captain Haddocks whisky bottle and the sea plane are three of the computer generated visual assets that Sam is responsible for creating for the Tin Tin movie.
Sams’ first movie “ Chinese Monks Attack Oranges” was nominated for a Licorice Allsorts Award. A futuristic apocalyptic vision of planet earth in the year 2109 involved Chinese Monks who fought each other with keys instead of swords until some renegade oranges arrived and beat the monks and then rolled off to greater conquests!! Bowing to enormous public pressure Sam produced a second block buster entitled “Ninja Cats” where cats were used by Ninjas as weapons like shirukens. Sam would like to ensure readers with a humane interest that no Ninjas were harmed in the making of this movie!!
A graduate of EIT Film School in Hawkes Bay receiving a certificate in video and electronic media, Sam hopes one day to travel to London to work in visual electronic media and one day run his own film studio. His first movie would be “Seven Samurais.”
Sams’ Oma (grandmother) came out from Holland in the 1950’s and then returned many years later to marry David. Sam first learned how to play chess from his Oma (grandmother) when he was five. Sam’s first game was on a leather board with resin pieces. One of Sam’s favourite chess plays is called the Amsterdam Steeple Chase whereby his rook on the first move can jump over every piece and take the opposition rook. Sam had such a brilliant analytical chess brain at such the tender age of 5 that he won his first game of chess against his grandmother Klaske with a stunning Hungarian Fianchetto utilising the little known Piscatore Variation against Klaske’s Kings Indian Defence. Sam played in the Hawkes Bay Primary School Knock out competition aged 7 winning two games before being knocked out by an attractive young blonde who deliberately diverted his attention with her silly giggling, generous display of cleavage and hair twirling.
Team Sweden: Anna and Marie Hoglund
On New Year’s Eve Team Sweden on the Radio Karamea New Year’s Eve show played In The Jungle by The Moo, Omoch Omigen, Oh Boy by Miss Li, This is the Right World by The Moo and a love song by Mans Zelmerlof “Cara Mia.”
Anna and Marie are from Ostersund in Sweden. Schools they actually attended include Hedenvindsskolan, Vattudalskolan and then Primrose Friskola where Anna studied Music and Marie studied Art. Marie also attended Holafolkhogskola.
Anna learned to play Chess at 18 playing her first game against her room mate Marcus. The result of this game is lost in the mists of time. Marcus then played blind folded allowing Anna to knick his secret stash of chocolate cookies and copy his essay for her mid term internal assessment. Anna got 93% for the same essay that Marcus got 54% for! Anna was lucky to have such a kind loving teacher as Casanovaski Boronksy. Anna also played Marcus father and the result of this game is still the subject a Parliamentary Inquiry! According to Anna her sister Marie is a really easy beat at chess and Supermoo managed a brilliant Ruy Lopez- Petrosian Variation to remove Marie’s Queen after just two moves!
When Mother Team Sweden Majbritt was at Rongo Anna and Marie took their mother to visit Bob the Taniwhia at the Opapara Arch. With her modesty still intact after such a passionate encounter Majbritt then enjoyed one of Rongos famous pot luck dinners.
Team Sweden organised an amazingly successful Pippi Longstocking Dinner party where all the wwoofers dressed up as Pippi with a twist!
Anna and Thomas played DJ Pukeko and Chris from Czechoslovakia in a punishing team game of chess which went right down to the wire. Chris did his utmost to sabotage the game with some bizarre moves right out of Kamikaze Anonymous. Result – DJ Pukeko didn’t keel over from heart failure.
If Anna ruled the world she would ban Hokey Pokey Ice Cream and execute anyone caught eating it!! If Marie ruled the world there would be no borders and people would be able to go where the fuck they wanted to and if anybody wanted to disagree then they can get Hokey Pokeyed!!
Anna – Favourite song Bob Marley Redemption Song
Marie – Anna stole my favourite song!
The Cisco Kid
Russian Rules player of the day for December 30th Cisco is a natural who picked up the game very quickly scoring some spectacular tries . Cisco played rugby at High School in Canada for the Humberside Huskies in the Tier 1 Toronto competition in 2005 his team winning the competition. The Huskies only had 1 try scored against their team all season. Cisco played blind side flanker No.7. Favourite move The Bomb consists of Cisco the No. 7 booting the ball down the field and across the pitch for an extremely fast winger Rose to beat everyone to the ball and score a try.
Being Canadian I grew up playing ice hockey. My last game, the Championship Game! I was playing in the Parkdale Flames. It was a cold night at -35C at Swansea Arena . The game went into quadruple overtime. As I stepped on the ice I knew I wanted to end the game there and then. To make a long story short I called for the puck and put it top shelf where Momma keeps the cookies.
Favourite singer Bob Marley with Redemption Song. 1st LP I ever bought aged 12.
Neighbour Boysie was a Rasta Man. Cisco has a Degree in International Development. Me and a few buddies taught themselves how to play chess when we were in Grade 4 as a revolt against Pokemon.
“Humans to grow need to learn lessons because from the ashes a flower will grow.”
Cisco wears a Mother Mary medallion around his neck as spiritual protection, given to him by his brother Alec and given to Alec by one of his buddies.
Svenja aka DJ Morepork
Svenja escaped from Aschaffenburg, Bavaria, Germany and eluding border guards and young men dressed up as hungry wolves found sanctuary at Rongo. Svenja went to Karl Theodor Von Dalberg Gymnasium, then went to Gutenberg Art School in Frankfurt and then to Fhschwiesbaden Landscape Architecture College . Future ambition to be a National Park Graphic designer for fliers in a National Park in Germany or New Zealand.
Svenja excels at board sports such as surfing, skateboarding and snow boarding. Surfed at Warrington Beach. Climbed the rock on the grove near Collingwood.
Rongo “ ruhig, laul,and laut.” Men should live in Peace with one another!
I’ve climbed a lot of trees – apple and walnuts and if I saw a Hokey Pokey tree I would climb it because it would have strong branches. Everyone should eat Hokey Pokey Ice Cream!!!
New Year’s Eve Pot Luck Dinner
A gregarious gargantuan gourmandising gastronomical gorgeathon was indulged in by the Rongolians and invited ambassadors. Sionara Haren Buchi Bu! Rongo El Pesidente Paul Murray and his secretary and concubine Sanae, The Big man and Mitsuyo , Rajah Timothy the Ambassador for India, Boris Pukekoski Military Attache for Russia, Gerar International Gypsy Ambassador, Brian Cool Dude for Maui, Anna and Marie Cultural Ambassadors for Sweden, Camille French Consul, Leo Procurator Fiscal for Scotland, Supermoo and Rongo guests enjoyed an International Extravaganza!
Auld Lang Syne
The Rongo New year’s Eve Radio Show was kicked off by DJ Crap and featured Sammy G, DJ Morepork, DJ Cucumber, DJ Little Naughty and DJ Duffer, Cisco in the House, Team Sweden, Chocolat, DJ Sausage, DJ Maui, and The Big Man. Each DJ had 20 minutes to play a selection of music and offer some philosophical insights into 2010 and the wider Cosmos!
Dave Roberts after swallowing a whole glass of lemonade for Dutch Courage broadcast the 2010 countdown live on air at 23:59:50
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, what’s next?? 1 Dave!!!! No I’m Dave Man!! Is that you Dave?? No. Dave’s not here man!! No! I’m Dave Man! 1 !!!!!! Happy New Year.
Go for the Doctor
Rongo El Presidente for life Palo Murrio in December 2010 was seriously injured with his right arm taking two slugs whilst fighting off armed robbers trying to raid the wwoofers fridge at Rongo for a midnight snack. Ok!!! The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!! Paul spent 1 week in Christchurch Hospital after injuring his right arm trying to remove his hands to perform the Aussie Haka after he had superglued his hands to his pockets before going to pub on The Big Man’s birthday.
Rongo 2010 Awards
Wwoofer of the Year – Laurent Bassier or was it Zaurent Lassie Barbie??
Famed for his chocolate mousse and his expert managerial skills around Rongo Laurent was an asset to Rongo for almost 6 months . An exceptionally talented chinlone player and an extremely popular wwoofer. Laurent left Rongo amid a few tears to live in a far away Colonial Penal Colony amongst rogues and Alan Bonds and by some miraculous feat the Rongo Pirate Cap’n made it back to France in time for Christmas!
Guest of the Year – Duncan
Duncan’s 40 proof Rimu and Molasses Beer home brewed by Rongo Super Guest Duncan knocked DJ Pukeko off his perch and made many an innocent young lassie easy prey!! Och Aye Ye Canna Beat A Canny Scot!
SuperMoo of the Year
Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Let’s get ready to rumble!! This time hailing from Wharf Road, Karamea in the Red Corner weighing in at 75 lbs (GRRRRRRRRR!!) OK 45 Ibs Arf Arf the one the only undisputed bantamweight champion of the world SuperMOO!!
Trojan Soldier of the Year Award –
The Big ManThe cement that keeps Rongo ticking. The Big Man would love for YOU!! Yes you, I’m talking to you Jimmy!! To shout him a meat pie and a beer!! Luxury!!
DJ of the Year
DJ Jaak from Estonia a highly trained and disciplined assassin with the Estonian Army, Jaak was discharged from the Estonian Army after successfully completing 27 suicide missions into Albania to gather information on supermarket prices for baked beans.
Jaak was assigned the midnight to 7 am shift on Radio Karamea 107.5 FM. Playing a wide electic selection of Heavy Rock, Jaak played to a captive wide awake audience of possums, big bomber moths, moreporks and sleeping guests. Jaak was so popular he had fight off groupies, naughty school girls, Supermoo and Rongo El Presidente tooth and nail. Karamea needs to sustain a much higher standard of naughty school girls and groupies to maintain a reputation as a destination for discerning connoisseurs of fine music and ensure International DJ’s like Jaak are regular visitors to Rongo!!
DickHead of the Year
Dork HiggenBottom or Bottom to his mates. Crimes committed by Dork will be revenged 10 fold on April Fools’ Day, incidentally also his birthday. Dork’s mother in law once sat on his face and now she’s in rehab getting therapy!!
Radio Karamea Song of the Year Lynnyrd Skynnyrd – Sweet Home Alabama
Earthquake of the Year
Either The Big Man in a generous moment let rip or Rongo had a sizeable quake. The jury is still out!!
LivinginPeace Project: https://livinginpeaceproject.wordpress.com/about/
Kathleen Anderson a completely independent free lance journalist who has never wwoofed at Rongo and Paul denies having ever met, in January 2011 wrote an incisive article on the Rongo initiative The Living In Peace Project.
To read this article and see the vision Paul Murray has for the future please copy this link:
Karamea Chess Classic
Easter weekend April 22,23,24,25,26 will see Rongo host the Karamea Chess Classic. Four days of trout and Kahawai fishing competitions, Mt. Stormy Climb, BBQ, Blues and Jazz, Opapara Arch sighseeing, tennis and fine cuisine will be the prelude to a chess competiton to decide the Karamea Chess Title. Hosted by Rongo bookings can be arranged by contacting Paul. For an info pack e-mail contact email@example.com
Early entries Lewis aka DJ Pukeko, Cleveland McKay, Sanae, Leo and John Lodge.
Ist prize The e-mail address of a sweet young lady trapped in a refugee camp in war ravaged Dar Es Salaami whose father has left her US $ 27.5 Million Dollars!!
2nd Prize A brand new mother in law with her tongue surgically removed and her armpits shaved!!
3rd Prize One dozen bottles of Duncan’s home brew. This prize can only be won by a lonely bachelor living next door to a rather naughty school girl!!!
Bye Bye Mimi:
Super Wwoofer Mimi is leaving us after two months to travel the country and spreads the word…Bon Voyage Mimi!