Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #2

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape

A New Zealand Government Department authorised by an Act of Parliament to receive official complaints.

Office Manager   Red Scarlett

Red Scarlett

Complaints Officer   Roget Thesaurus

Roget Thesaurus

Roget:        Good afternoon sir. Welcome to the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape.

Boronski:         Dobroe vecher comrade. I wish complain to officials.


Roget:        You wish to lodge an official complaint?

Boronski:       Da!

Roget:        Please state the nature of your complaint.

Boronski:        Da! I biking Heaphy Track in one day starting at 6 am, now big tiredness.

Roget:         Ah! Chronic fatigue syndrome.

Boronksi:       How catching syndrome?

Roget:      Highly infectious! I read in the Encyclopedia of Dublin that you can catch this from wild bees!

Boronski:      What can doing?

Roget:      You need to fill out an official complaints form.

Boronski:       BZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!


Boronski:       Uh! What slapping me?

Roget:      Wake up Boronski! You need to sign a this Karamea Ministry of Red Tape form  U81B

Boronski:        Da!

Roget:      The requisite fee is $475.

Boronski:      Bolshoe Krasny Kapusta!!! (Big red cabbage!!!) 7 years in wages in Siberian Salt Mines!

Siberian Salt Mines

Roget:       Can you not afford the fee!

Boronski:     Can afford fee! I owning salt mines!

Roget:        Mmmm. Roubles! Ok, Karamea Bureau de Change exchange rate of 500-1 compounded by multi hypothetical superfluous factors and duplicitous rhetorical contingency currency fluctuations and ascribed with Irish rounding that will be one million two hundred and seventy five thousand three  hundred and thirty eight roubles and twenty three kopecs!

Boronski:     Chernay Sobake!  (Black Dog!)  Your babooshka bagging lady for Mafia!

Red Scarlett:         Plus one thousand dollars Imperial War Tax!.

Boronski:         Zaplesnevloi molodoi soyir!!!  (Mouldy green cheese!)

Roget:       Yawn!

Boronski:       Storonski! You catching big fatigue.

Roget:       Yawn!  Mmmm!  Third party litigious indemnity.  Another two million roubles!

Boronski:       You bankrupting me!

Roget:       Would you care to see our insolvency officer who specialises in liquidations?

Boronski:      Nyet! Please not firing squad!

Roget:      Ok. Please sign this. Karamea Minstry of Red Tape ransom form UO7K or Invercargill Gulag!

Boronski:      Nyet! Aaagghhh!

Red Scarlett:     Calm down comrade! Have a special coffee!

Boronski:       S..l..u..r..p!  Z..z..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Red Scarlett:      Quick check his pockets!

Roget:       Chocolate!!!!

Red Scarlett:      Right give him a shot of gluten free truth serum!

Roget:      Ok! Let me see! 50cc of sodium penthouse barbie doll.

Boronksi:       Owski! What doing?

Red Scarlett:       Ok Boris! What is your secret?

Boronski:       Not smoking until I three, not drinking wodka while I sleeping and eating Mamas Borsch!

Red Scarlett:     Tell us about your girlfriend!

Boronski:       Da! Slender neck, big waist, black top, big spirit!

Red Scarlett:       Does she look anything like this?

Boronski:       Da! Smirnoffska! Baby!

Red Scarlett:       What is your account number?

Boronski:      Nyet accounts! Paying all debts on first of month!

Roget:      Dumbkopfski! Your current bank account number!

Boronski:    Allerging to currants! Achooski!

Red Scarlett:       See this in my right hand Boris?

Boronski:      Da! Vodering pistolaet!

Red Scarlett:       Nyet! MAGNUM!!!!

Boronski:       Champagne!!!  Sozzoloski!!!

Red Scarlett:       Here Rog you do it! I just had baked beans for morning tea!

Roget:       Wait! Look! Sergeant Paddy Locks is outside in his Police wagon. He will catch us red handed!

Boronksi:       Nyet! Smersh executioner! Mama!

Red Scarlett:       Excuse me Sergeant!

Sergeant Paddy Locks:       Que?

Sergeant Paddy Locks 

Red Scarlett:       This Russian spy Boronski  is on the Interpol 100 most wanted list!


Red Scarlett:       Ai Caramba! You didn’t have to shoot him!

Sergeant Paddy Locks:         Just doing my duty! Roget had two outstanding parking tickets!!!

Boronski:       Zaroffski!!! I cured! No more big fatiguing syndrome! Starushka!!!

Sergeant Paddy Locks:       I am seizing this chocolate in the name of the law!

Red Scarlett:        Over my……

Sergeant Paddy Locks:        Roget! He is still breathing!


Red Scarlett:       You missed!

Boronski:      Izvinite pozhalusta tovarish! (Excuse me please comrade!)


Sergeant Paddy Locks:       Mmmm! Whittakers extra cacao!

Red Scarlett:       Mmmmmmm! Double caramel!

Boronski:       Mmmm! Salut!


About LivinginPeaceProject

Paul Murray is the founder of the LivinginPeace Project. www.livinginpeace.com Paul originally from Australia, but have been living in New Zealand for 14 years. Before that he was in Japan for a decade working as a journalist. He met his wife Sanae in Japan and they married in 2008.
This entry was posted in Art, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Karamea, Karamea Ministry of Red Tape, Parody, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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