Karamea Ministry of Red Tape
A New Zealand Government Department authorised by Statute and Royal Decree to receive Official Complaints
Office Manager: Red Scarlett
Senior Complaints Officer: Medium Rare
Secretary: Rouge Rhubrabra
Market Cross: Karamea Minstry of Red Tape Office 9.07 am
Rouge Rhubrabra: Greetings Sir! May I be of assistance to you.
Franken Steinway: Yes I understand that I can make a complaint here!
Rouge Rhubrabra: Indeed! Would you like to make an official complaint? Our Official Complaints Officer Medium Rare will attend to you!
Franken Steinway: Well I actually don’t have a complaint. I am bored and I thought it would be rather exciting to file a fictitious complaint.
Medium Rare: Please step over here and spin the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Complaints Wheel of Whinge!
Franken Steinway: Yowser!
Whrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Plinka, plinka,plinka, plink!!!
Medium Rare: Congratulations sir! You have really scored big time!
Franken Steinway: Wow!
Medium Rare: Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Complaint 227/4. The Karamea Phantom stole your wife’s crotchless pink panties from your bosses clothesline!
Franken Steinway: Butt … butt … butt … I don’t have a wife!
Medium Rare: You sicko ! Then those panties must have been yours!!
Franken Steinway: Ah! Can I spin again please?
Medium Rare: Well ok but I am filing a special report about this!
Franken Steinway: Phew!
Whrrrrrrrrr ……plinka …………plinka …………..plink
Franken Steinway: What have I scored this time!
Medium Rare: The Jackpot!!!!!!
Franken Steinway: Do I have the right of refusal?
Medium Rare: No need! This one is a bonanza!!!
Franken Steinway: Hit me!
Medium Rare: Karamea Minstry of Red Tape Official Complaint 61/3. You bought a tin of black and white striped paint from the Karamea Hardware Store and there were three white stripes missing!!
Franken Steinway: Boring!!!
Medium Rare: There were three white stripes missing, you were overcharged twenty cents and there was no squiggly animal at the bottom of the paint tin.
Franken Steinway: What sort of squiggly animal?
Franken Steinway: You have a choice between a five legged spotted budgie, a rare Brazilian amphibious gold fish or a white chocaholic rhinoceros.
Franken Steinway: Ok I’ll go for the rhinoceros!!
Medium Rare: Wise man! The prescribed fee is $1500 and for a small bribe the World Wildlife Fund will not be informed of your brutality and total disregard for an endangered species.
Franken Steinway: I’ve changed my mind. I’ll go for the five legged budgie instead.
Medium Rare: You cretin! That species is now extinct thanks to you!!!
Franken Steinway: Amphibious five legged goldfish???
Medium Rare: Doesn’t exist!!!!! Ha ha ha!
Franken Steinway: My head hurts where is the exit?
Red Scarlett: How do you do sir! I am Red Scarlett the Karamea Minstry of Red Tape Manager. Did I hear you say exit?
Franken Steinway: Well um …. ah yes My um head hurts!!!. I need an aspirin.
Red Scarlett: Exit! Not possible I’m afraid to say. No one making an official complaint ever leaves this office alive!
Franken Steinway: No! Wait! I’ve got a pet um …. ah…..
Red Scarlett: Pet what??
Franken Steinway: A pet um?? Persea Americana!! She’ll miss me!
Red Scarlett: Ha! That is the scientific name for an avocado. Now fortunately you have a choice. Do you want to end up as a meat pie, or as an horse d’hoof at the Last Resort Friday sling shot shootem up all you can eat smorgasbord!!
Franken Steinway: Meat Pie????
Red Scarlett: Meat pie!! Wise choice my good man! Now do you want to be garnished with rosemary or mint! Now consider carefully, this an exciting once in a life time decision!!!
Franken Steinway: You are on bad drugs!!!
Red Scarlett: Au contraire!! I am an aficionado of Whittakers Extra Cacao Caramel chocolate which helps to define my sense of concise equanimity and sagacious deliberation.
Franken Steinway: I want to see a lawyer!!!
Red Scarlett: Your lucky day! I am authorised by Government Statute to take your last will and testament. Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Form 911 please Rouge!
Franken Steinway: Aaaaaaaghhhhhhhh!!!!!
Red Scarlett: Don’t fret! We have an exhilarating choice of testamentary colour schemes too! Deadly nightshade or ghostly pale!
Franken Steinway: Wow! Look at the time! I just remembered. I have an appointment with my speleologist at 3 pm!!
Red Scarlett: Ok! Do you promise to return to the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape office immediately after your appointment!!
Franken Steinway: I…ah … promise!!!
Red Scarlett: Cross your heart and hope to die!!
Franken Steinway: Ah.. well .. of… course!!
Rouge Rhubarbara: Good shooting boss!! My old granny once told me never to trust a used vacuum cleaner salesman, especially one that drives a Skoda!!!
Medium Rare: Anyone for a meat pie?