The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #5

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape

A New Zealand Government Department authorised by Statute and Royal Decree to receive Official Complaints

Office Manager:      Red Scarlett

Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints  Officer:     Medium Rare

Medium Rare

Secretary:      Rouge Rhubrabra

Rouge Rhubrabra

Market Cross:   Karamea Minstry of Red Tape Office 9.07 am

Rouge Rhubrabra:     Greetings Sir! May I be of assistance to you.

Franken Steinway:    Yes I understand that I can make a complaint here!

Rouge Rhubrabra:      Indeed! Would you like to make an official complaint? Our Official Complaints Officer Medium Rare will attend to you!

Franken Steinway

Franken Steinway:   Well I actually don’t have a complaint. I am bored and I thought it would be rather exciting to file a fictitious complaint.

Medium Rare:    Please step over here and spin the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Complaints Wheel of Whinge!

Wheel of Whinge

Franken Steinway:    Yowser!

Whrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Plinka, plinka,plinka, plink!!!

Medium Rare:      Congratulations sir! You have really scored big time!

Franken Steinway:     Wow!

Medium Rare:     Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Complaint 227/4. The Karamea Phantom stole your wife’s crotchless  pink panties from your bosses clothesline!

Franken Steinway:    Butt … butt … butt … I don’t have  a wife!

The Karamea Phantom

Missing Crotchless Pink Panties

Medium Rare:   You sicko ! Then those panties must have been yours!!

Franken Steinway:     Ah!  Can I spin again please?

Medium Rare:     Well ok but I am filing a special report about this!

Franken Steinway:     Phew!

Whrrrrrrrrr ……plinka …………plinka …………..plink

Franken Steinway:     What have I scored this time!

Medium Rare:       The Jackpot!!!!!!

Franken Steinway:    Do I have the right of refusal?

Medium Rare:    No need! This one is a bonanza!!!

Franken Steinway:     Hit me!

Medium Rare:     Karamea Minstry of Red Tape Official Complaint 61/3. You bought a tin of black and white striped paint from the Karamea Hardware Store and there were three white stripes missing!!

Karamea Hardware Store

Franken Steinway:   Boring!!!

Medium Rare:      There were three white stripes missing, you were overcharged twenty cents and there was no squiggly animal at the bottom of the paint tin.

Franken Steinway:    What sort of squiggly animal?

Franken Steinway:    You have a choice between a five legged spotted budgie, a rare Brazilian amphibious gold fish or a white chocaholic rhinoceros.

Franken Steinway:   Ok I’ll go for the rhinoceros!!

White Chocaholic Rhinoceros

Medium Rare:   Wise man! The prescribed fee is $1500 and for a small bribe the World Wildlife Fund will not be informed of your brutality and total disregard for an endangered species.

Franken Steinway:     I’ve changed my mind. I’ll go for the five legged budgie instead.

Medium Rare:    You cretin! That species is now extinct thanks to you!!!

Extinct Five-legged Budgie (with three missing legs)

Franken Steinway:     Amphibious five legged goldfish???

Very Rare Nonexistent Amphibious Five-legged Goldfish

Medium Rare:   Doesn’t exist!!!!! Ha ha ha!

Franken Steinway:  My head hurts where is the exit?

Red Scarlett:     How do you do sir!  I am Red Scarlett  the Karamea Minstry of Red Tape Manager. Did I hear you say exit?

Franken Steinway:  Well um ….   ah  yes   My um head hurts!!!. I need an aspirin.

Red Scarlett:   Exit!   Not possible I’m afraid to say.  No one making an official complaint ever leaves this office alive!

Franken Steinway:   No!   Wait!  I’ve got a pet um ….    ah…..

Red Scarlett:    Pet what??

Franken Steinway:   A pet um?? Persea Americana!!  She’ll miss me!

Persea Americana

Red Scarlett:     Ha! That is the scientific name for an avocado. Now fortunately you have a choice. Do you want to end up as a meat pie, or as an horse d’hoof at the Last Resort Friday sling shot shootem up all you can eat smorgasbord!!

Franken Steinway:    Meat Pie????

Red Scarlett:     Meat pie!!  Wise choice my good man! Now do you want to be garnished with rosemary or mint! Now consider carefully, this an exciting once in a life time decision!!!

Franken Steinway:    You are on bad drugs!!!

Red Scarlett:    Au contraire!! I am an aficionado of Whittakers Extra Cacao Caramel chocolate which helps to define my sense of concise equanimity and sagacious deliberation.

Whittakers Extra Cacao Caramel

Franken Steinway:    I want to see a lawyer!!!

Attorney at Law Avarice Greedy Bastard from the Firm Ambo Lance and Chaser

Red Scarlett:  Your lucky day! I am authorised by Government Statute to take your last will and testament. Karamea Ministry of Red Tape  Form 911 please Rouge!

Franken Steinway:   Aaaaaaaghhhhhhhh!!!!!

Red Scarlett:    Don’t fret! We have an exhilarating choice of testamentary colour schemes too! Deadly nightshade or ghostly pale!

Franken Steinway:  Wow! Look at the time! I just remembered. I have an appointment with my speleologist at 3 pm!!

Red Scarlett:   Ok!  Do you promise to return to the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape office immediately after your appointment!!

Franken Steinway:   I…ah  … promise!!!

Red Scarlett:   Cross your heart and hope to die!!

Franken Steinway:  Ah.. well .. of… course!!


Rouge Rhubarbara:     Good shooting boss!! My old granny once told me never to trust a used vacuum cleaner salesman, especially one that drives a Skoda!!!

Medium Rare:    Anyone for a meat pie?

Mrs Lovett’s Special Meat Pies…the Taste of Home

About LivinginPeaceProject

Paul Murray is the founder of the LivinginPeace Project. Paul originally from Australia, but have been living in New Zealand for 14 years. Before that he was in Japan for a decade working as a journalist. He met his wife Sanae in Japan and they married in 2008.
This entry was posted in Art, Bureaucracy, Funny, Humor, Humour, Karamea Ministry of Red Tape, Parody, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #5

  1. Delila says:

    I really like what you guys are up too. Such clever work
    and exposure! Keep up the good works guys I’ve added you guys to my own blogroll.

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