Red Scarlett

Office Manager:    Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints Office: Rubik Khan

Rubik Khan

Ruby Monda

Secretary: Ruby Monday

Bob

Office Mongoose: Bob!

Receptionist/Tea Bimbette/Cleaner /Accounts:    Mrs Doyle

Mrs Doyle

The Offices of The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape: 

Market Cross, July 4th! Public Counter

The Offices of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape: Front Counter

Dan Quayle:       Hi there! I am here to make a complaint about…..

Dan Quail

Rubik Khan:        An official complaint Mr. Vice President???

Daniel Quayle:    Yes indeeedy!!

Rubik Khan:       Red Scarlett, the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office Manager is the only staff member authorised to process official complaints from VIP’s.

The Manager’s Office

Red Scarlett:      Yawn!! Boring!! Mondays are so tedious!!

Red Scarlett and some bearded dude…

Rubik Khan: The Vice President of America, Mister Daniel Quayle is at the front counter!

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Front Counter

Red Scarlett:    Yawn!! We are greatly honoured to have the Vice President of America attend the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape. (Yeah right Tui!)

Dan Quayle:    Your hospitality impresses me. God Bless America!

Dan Quayle

Red Scarlett:   Yawn!! I hereby authorise myself to grant an intellectual behemoth such as yourself the Freedom of Karamea!

Dan Quayle:   Why thank ye!   Say is that security camera providing a live feed on satellite TV?

Red Scarlett:      Yawn!! Well ..   n…..n….ah..yes of course! Smile!!

Daniel Quayle:     I just want to tell the good people of America….

Rubik Khan:     Why? Are the bad people of America blind and deaf??

Rubik Khan…somewhere in the 23rd Century Galactic….

Daniel:    No! Just stupid and illiterate.

Dan the MAN

Red Scarlett:     Touche!  Mr. Vice President Sir!

Bright Red Scarlett Blushing

Dan: This moment of truth was brought to you by my campaign sponsor Twinkies Cereal.

Call   1 800 747 737 now and receive your free Twinky Bear!!

Red Scarlett:   Mr. Quail, please describe to me the machinations of your complaint!

Mr. Vice President Sir:    I don’t know how to spell your New Zealand Zezpree!

KABOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rubik Khan:    Ohmigod! Mr. Quayle! I think you’re bleeding!

Red Scarlett:   Yawn!! Um.. get… ah .. um…  an aspirin!

Rubik Khan:    You just mortally wounded Dan!

Red Scarlett:     I’m having a bad-hair day alright! Now get me an aspirin!

Royal Red Scarlett

Daniel Quayle:     I   n..e.e.d ..a…..d…da…d..oc..to..r!!

Office  Mongoose:      Fart!

Bob

Beep Beep  

Ruby Monday:   Yes Boss!

Ruby Monday

Red Scarlett:    Is there any whisky left over from last night’s Kangaroo Court.

Ruby Monday:   Just enough for Holy Communion after the rugger test on Saturday!

Red Scarlett:    Say! What blood type are you?

Ruby Monday:    Type AA. Why?

Red Scarlett:    I’m feeling rather faint!

Daniel Quayle VP USA:       I…….y……aahh…..

Frail Dan Quayle

Rubik Khan:      Z…..e…..s…..p…..r…..i……

Daniel Q:       I  …k..n.ew…. th.a..t!!

Secret Service Agent Malone:    Red Scarlett???

Red Scarlett:      Que?

Secret Service Agent Malone:    Do you realise the extremely serious consequences for executing the Vice President of the United States of America??

Red Scarlett:    Loss of my air points??

Secret Service Agent Malone:   I arrest you in the Name of The Law!

Secret Service Agent Malone

Red Scarlett:   I am The Law in the offices of The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape. This man is a wanted terrorist on The Red Tape Top 100!

Red Scarlett

Secret Service Agent Malone:   Really?  I’m sorry I didn’t know!

Secret Service Agent Phelps:   Are we in trouble??

Red Scarlett: Let me consult the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Manual. Um..ah..Here we go Regulation  747/45.   “To whit..blah blah blah… Vice President USA…blah blah blah…. Zespri…blah blah blah.. ..bullet lodged in right cranial vacuum… blah… blah….dying confession… blah.. blah ..blah…

Rubik Khan:   Blah!!

Red Scarlett:    I beg your pardon!

Rubik Khan:    You missed a blah between cranial vacuum and dying confession!

Red Scarlett:    True! We must follow strict procedure!!

Secret Service Agent Phelps:    Do we need a lawyer??

Secret Service Agent Phelps

Red Scarlett:   We need to take this dying man’s last confession.

Rubik Khan:    I’ll go and get Father Murphy!

Red Scarlett   (whisper)… (Pat Murphy’s not a real father!!)

Rubik Khan:   (whisper)….( yes he is, he’s got two sons and three daughters and his wife Rosa can make us some raspberry scones)

Father  .  I.. mean..ah … Pat Murphy:      Well noooo! Aaagh!  Confess young man and receive…..

Father Murphy

Red Scarlett:      (whisper)…..(Absolution!!)

Patrick Murphy’s Law:     (whisper)…..( What the feck is that??)

Red Scarlett:      (whisper)…( Didn’t you see The Exorcist??)

Father Murphy:      Confess my son and receive Abso  Lution!!!

Daniel Quayle:     I…   s.h..o..t    JFK from the glassy troll!!

Mrs. Doyle:     Mr. Vice President Sir???

Daniel:     U..hhh …a..hhhh!

Mrs Doyle:     Would you like a cup of tea!

Daniel Quayle, very soon to be ex Vice President of The United States of America:    Aaaaghhh!

Mrs Doyle:      Go on noo. Have a cup of tea!!

Daniel Quayle:      No…one….ever…..

Rubik Khan:      Silence!! This could be a revelation that could send Wall Street into free fall!

Father Murphy:      Go on my son!

Daniel Quayle:     No…one…. ever…..taught ..me….how….to…..inhale!!!

Mrs Doyle:      Sugar, Mr. Quayle??

Daniel Quayle:       P….o…t…..a…….t…….o?…..e?…..s????

Jesus Christ:     Shalom

Jesus Christ!!

Secret Service Agent Malone:    Scram you long haired hippy freak. There is important American  Vice Presidential business going on here!!

Secret Service Agent Malone

Jesus Christ:    I am the way and the truth!

Jesus Christ

Red Scarlett:     Jesus! I read in the Bible that you raised Lazarus from the dead! Can you lay your healing hands on Mr. Quayle?

Jesus Christ:      Your brother still breathes!!

KABOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus Christ:     Bitch!!  You shot me in the foot!

Red Scarlett:      Oops!!

Rubik Khan:    Wow!  On your knees!  A divine miracle from heaven!!  Look at Mr. Quayle!!  Hes…he’s..ah……dead!!

Red Scarlett:     Jesus! Cometh the hour cometh the man!

Jesus Christ:      Get lost! Why would I bring an idiot back from the dead!!

Mrs Doyle:       Mr. Christ?? Would you like a cup of tea???

Mrs Doyle