Office Manager: Red Scarlett
Senior Complaints Office: Rubik Khan
Secretary: Ruby Monday
Office Mongoose: Bob!
Receptionist/Tea Bimbette/Cleaner /Accounts: Mrs Doyle
The Offices of The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape:
Market Cross, July 4th! Public Counter
Dan Quayle: Hi there! I am here to make a complaint about…..
Rubik Khan: An official complaint Mr. Vice President???
Daniel Quayle: Yes indeeedy!!
Rubik Khan: Red Scarlett, the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office Manager is the only staff member authorised to process official complaints from VIP’s.
The Manager’s Office
Red Scarlett: Yawn!! Boring!! Mondays are so tedious!!
Rubik Khan: The Vice President of America, Mister Daniel Quayle is at the front counter!
Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Front Counter
Red Scarlett: Yawn!! We are greatly honoured to have the Vice President of America attend the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape. (Yeah right Tui!)
Dan Quayle: Your hospitality impresses me. God Bless America!
Red Scarlett: Yawn!! I hereby authorise myself to grant an intellectual behemoth such as yourself the Freedom of Karamea!
Dan Quayle: Why thank ye! Say is that security camera providing a live feed on satellite TV?
Red Scarlett: Yawn!! Well .. n…..n….ah..yes of course! Smile!!
Daniel Quayle: I just want to tell the good people of America….
Rubik Khan: Why? Are the bad people of America blind and deaf??
Daniel: No! Just stupid and illiterate.
Red Scarlett: Touche! Mr. Vice President Sir!
Dan: This moment of truth was brought to you by my campaign sponsor Twinkies Cereal.
Call 1 800 747 737 now and receive your free Twinky Bear!!
Red Scarlett: Mr. Quail, please describe to me the machinations of your complaint!
Mr. Vice President Sir: I don’t know how to spell your New Zealand Zezpree!
Rubik Khan: Ohmigod! Mr. Quayle! I think you’re bleeding!
Red Scarlett: Yawn!! Um.. get… ah .. um… an aspirin!
Rubik Khan: You just mortally wounded Dan!
Red Scarlett: I’m having a bad-hair day alright! Now get me an aspirin!
Daniel Quayle: I n..e.e.d ..a…..d…da…d..oc..to..r!!
Office Mongoose: Fart!
Ruby Monday: Yes Boss!
Red Scarlett: Is there any whisky left over from last night’s Kangaroo Court.
Ruby Monday: Just enough for Holy Communion after the rugger test on Saturday!
Red Scarlett: Say! What blood type are you?
Ruby Monday: Type AA. Why?
Red Scarlett: I’m feeling rather faint!
Daniel Quayle VP USA: I…….y……aahh…..
Rubik Khan: Z…..e…..s…..p…..r…..i……
Daniel Q: I …k..n.ew…. th.a..t!!
Secret Service Agent Malone: Red Scarlett???
Red Scarlett: Que?
Secret Service Agent Malone: Do you realise the extremely serious consequences for executing the Vice President of the United States of America??
Red Scarlett: Loss of my air points??
Secret Service Agent Malone: I arrest you in the Name of The Law!
Red Scarlett: I am The Law in the offices of The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape. This man is a wanted terrorist on The Red Tape Top 100!
Secret Service Agent Malone: Really? I’m sorry I didn’t know!
Secret Service Agent Phelps: Are we in trouble??
Red Scarlett: Let me consult the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Manual. Um..ah..Here we go Regulation 747/45. “To whit..blah blah blah… Vice President USA…blah blah blah…. Zespri…blah blah blah.. ..bullet lodged in right cranial vacuum… blah… blah….dying confession… blah.. blah ..blah…
Rubik Khan: Blah!!
Red Scarlett: I beg your pardon!
Rubik Khan: You missed a blah between cranial vacuum and dying confession!
Red Scarlett: True! We must follow strict procedure!!
Secret Service Agent Phelps: Do we need a lawyer??
Red Scarlett: We need to take this dying man’s last confession.
Rubik Khan: I’ll go and get Father Murphy!
Red Scarlett (whisper)… (Pat Murphy’s not a real father!!)
Rubik Khan: (whisper)….( yes he is, he’s got two sons and three daughters and his wife Rosa can make us some raspberry scones)
Father . I.. mean..ah … Pat Murphy: Well noooo! Aaagh! Confess young man and receive…..
Red Scarlett: (whisper)…..(Absolution!!)
Patrick Murphy’s Law: (whisper)…..( What the feck is that??)
Red Scarlett: (whisper)…( Didn’t you see The Exorcist??)
Father Murphy: Confess my son and receive Abso Lution!!!
Daniel Quayle: I… s.h..o..t JFK from the glassy troll!!
Mrs. Doyle: Mr. Vice President Sir???
Daniel: U..hhh …a..hhhh!
Mrs Doyle: Would you like a cup of tea!
Daniel Quayle, very soon to be ex Vice President of The United States of America: Aaaaghhh!
Mrs Doyle: Go on noo. Have a cup of tea!!
Daniel Quayle: No…one….ever…..
Rubik Khan: Silence!! This could be a revelation that could send Wall Street into free fall!
Father Murphy: Go on my son!
Daniel Quayle: No…one…. ever…..taught ..me….how….to…..inhale!!!
Mrs Doyle: Sugar, Mr. Quayle??
Daniel Quayle: P….o…t…..a…….t…….o?…..e?…..s????
Jesus Christ: Shalom
Secret Service Agent Malone: Scram you long haired hippy freak. There is important American Vice Presidential business going on here!!
Jesus Christ: I am the way and the truth!
Red Scarlett: Jesus! I read in the Bible that you raised Lazarus from the dead! Can you lay your healing hands on Mr. Quayle?
Jesus Christ: Your brother still breathes!!
Jesus Christ: Bitch!! You shot me in the foot!
Red Scarlett: Oops!!
Rubik Khan: Wow! On your knees! A divine miracle from heaven!! Look at Mr. Quayle!! Hes…he’s..ah……dead!!
Red Scarlett: Jesus! Cometh the hour cometh the man!
Jesus Christ: Get lost! Why would I bring an idiot back from the dead!!
Mrs Doyle: Mr. Christ?? Would you like a cup of tea???