Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #12

 A New Zealand Government Department Authorised by a Deliberately Ambiguous and Subtly Rhetorically Act of Parliament Compounded by a Tacitly Implied Royal Approval to Receive Official Complaints.

Office Manager:      Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints Officer:     Yahtzee Fu Manchu

Honorary Tea Dictator:      Meoww Say Bong

Office Receptionist:     Soupy Modelll

Office Brontosaurus:     Mac the Strife

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Market Cross 2.00 p.m. Fliday June 20th

Yahtzee Fu Manchu:   Ah honolable missee! Please enter the Slagacious Temple of Buloclatic Indeslision!

Julia Gillard  P.M.:    Thank you oh Worthy Oriental Gentleman! May the Wisdom of Confucius guide your power of discernment this auspicious day!

Yahtzee Fu Manchu:     What you confusciased and susplicious about?

Julia Gillard  Pre M. T.:    Aiiya!!   Are you a boat person??

Yahtzee Fu Manchu:     No klicking anyone!!!

Julia Gillard:     Ai caramba! Do… you… understand….  English…??

Yahtzee Fu Manchu:      Nobloody understanding slillee English people!!

Fu manchu to the nipples

Julia Gillard:      Aaaaggghhhh!!  I wish to make a complaint!

Soupy Modelll:     Hi!

Julia Gillard:     Young lady I am Julia Gillard the Prime Minister of Australia. I would like to make a serious complaint!!

Soupy Modelll:     Oh!

Julia Gillard:        Can you take my complaint???

Soupy Modelll:         No!

Julia Gillard:         Are all Kiwis stupid?????

Soupy Modelll:        Aachoooo!

Julia Gillard:       Bitch!!!  You sneezed all over my new pink Barbie hand bag!!

Soupy Modelll:      Aaaachoooo!

Julia Gillard:       I want to make a     %@*^$%#%#@    complaint!!!!!

Red Scarlett:    Excuse me Mistress Gillard, I am Red Scarlett the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office Manager and YOU are obliged to anoint our office swear box with silver!!

Julia Gillard:       Fuck  Off!!! I wish to make a complaint!!

Red Scarlett:      An official complaint Sheila??!!

Julia Gillard Australian M.P. for  Lalor:     Bloody Oath!!!

Red Scarlett:      Yawn!  Your official complaint Mrs Prime Minister Sir!!

Julia Gillard:      Why was Australia’s greatest race horse, Phar Lap born in New Zealand! It’s sacrilegious!!

Red Scarlett:     Both Phar Lap and Joh Bjelke Petersen, Australia’s Greatest ever politician were born in New Zealand!

Julia Gillard:      I am Australia’s Greatest Politician ever!!!

Red Scarlett:      A great politician is always remembered at their last trumpet call with reverence and respect!!

Julia Gillard:        But my government is so corrupt, reverence and respect don’t even make it onto our petty cash agenda!! How can I receive such greatness!!

Red Scarlett:        You need to become a martyr for a spiritually noble cause involving humanistic altruism!!

Julia Gillard:        Aaaagghhhhhhhhhhhh!! I’m coming out in a rash!!

Red Scarlett:       Can you think of a high minded cause so great that people would still remember you when you are compost!!

Julia Gillard:       Well I always recycle my official limo parking tickets for rollies!!

Red Scarlett:       Mmmm!!  Let me consult the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office Manual!!

Julia Gillard:        Wow! What an enormous compendium!!

Red Scarlett:       Indeed here we go!! Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Section U81GG…blah..blah..blah… Ocker P.M. martyred this arvo.. blah..blah..blah..  altruistic.. blah..blah..blah…samaritan…  oi oi oi…blah…blah..blah!!!

Julia Gillard:         Aaaaghhh!!!!I need to have been born a saint!

Red Scarlett:      You need to champion the cause of displaced persons afloat on eskis, rubber inner tubes, mah jong boards and pieces of straw!!

Julia Gillard:        BOAT PEOPLE!!!   NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Red Scarlett:        Martyrdom comes at a cost! Mistress Prime Minster!!! You must adopt one of these unfortunates. Housetrain, clothe, feed and educate at Bingo the next immigrant washed ashore at Bondi!@!

Julia Gillard   :    F…u….c…k…!!! I’m not adopting a f…u…c..k…i…n…g Kiwi!!

Red Scarlett:      The road to heaven is also paved with good intent Juju!

Julia Gillard:     The next floater could be a bloody bludging bloody Maori!!

Red Scarlett:       Martyrdom is accompanied by a feast day and any new strain of xenophobillosis being named after a suitably martyred politician!!


Julia Gillard:        Cripes you drive a hard bargain!! Although, Saint Cobba sounds real brillo!

Red Scarlett:        Are you mentally tough enough to be a martyr!!

Julia Gillard:      Fucking Oath!!! You know I could do with a new scratching post for my pet Dingo VeggieBurger!!

Red Scarlett:        Mmm!! The Maori race have a tradition of honour and mana!!

Julia Gillard:       Right action plan then!!  Rangonui Ragoo can have one Sabbath morning off every decade, I’ll pay him two and six once every Saturnalian eclipse. He’ll need to be deloused for lice and fleas so Veggie Burger doesn’t catch some horrible Kiwi lurgy. I’ll need 24 hour armed guards on my beer cellar. Yeah and I better tell Yuros at the local fish and chip to start opening for breakfast and morning tea!

Red Scarlett:     The cost of martyrdom appears to be extremely painful Mrs. Prime Minister Sir!!

Julia Gillard:       Strewth!!!

Red Scarlett:    Let me consult the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office Manual..  Mmmm here we go…Section IC UBA 38C blah…blah…blah… Ocker P.M. martyred this arvo…blah..blah…blah…champion of self propelled floaters.. blah ..blah..blah… few schooners at the RSL afterwards.. blah…blah…blah. One dollar and eighty five cents including GST!!!

Julia Gillard:      Bloody Bonza!!  Matryrdom for the price of a meat pie!!!

Red Scarlett:     Actually the cost of a plumbum parabellum corneal incision!!!

Julia Gillard just about be martyred Prime Minister of 20 million give or take dogs, wops, spics, dagos, greasers, Bongas and Bludging Bloody Kiwis:   Oi wotcha cobba!!  They didn’t teach us big gumboot wheelbarrow words at the Uni of Woolomoloo!!!


Red Scarlett:      A lead slug in the right cornea you Ozzie omgomathon!!

Julia Gillard:      A…a…a…g…h…h…!!!


Red Scarlett:      Crap!!  Now the cost is $3.70!!! The price of a chilled bottle of meths!!!

Meoww Say Bong:     Missee no sligning indlemnity aglainst ploselocution!!!

Red Scarlett:      Thank the Lord!! Her right hand is still twitching!!  Quick get a pen!!

Yahtzee Fu Manchu:       Lookeee!!  Tooth  Hurteee!!!

Red Scarlett:      Mmmm!! You’re right it’s time for afternoon tea!

Office Brontosaurus Mac the Strife:       Fart!

“This is the BBC World Service! The Prime Minister of Australia, The Right Honourable Julia Gillard Member of Parliament, was martyred this very day in the small New Zealand town of Karamea! Her Royal Higness Queen Elizabeth II ….blah..blah…blah.. the Pope…blah…blah…blah…. other world wide dignitaries including King Wasibogo of Eastern Wooga Wooga Land.. blah…blah…blah… Elik Klapton.. blah…blah…blah….!”

Red Scarlett:      Yawn!! Hip hip!!

Yahtzee Fu Manchu:        Hlay!!!!


About LivinginPeaceProject

Paul Murray is the founder of the LivinginPeace Project. www.livinginpeace.com Paul originally from Australia, but have been living in New Zealand for 14 years. Before that he was in Japan for a decade working as a journalist. He met his wife Sanae in Japan and they married in 2008.
This entry was posted in Business, Economics, Humor, Humour, Karamea, Parody, Photography, Politics, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, West Coast and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #12

  1. gerar toye says:

    always good to have a laugh

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