A New Zealand Government Department authorised by a rhetorically ambiguous and a covertly fictitious Act of Parliament and compounded by a tacitly implied Royal Approval to receive Official Complaints.
Office Manager: Red Scarlett
Senior Complaints Officer: Rubik Rogernomics
Office Receptionist: Petite L’Amour
Tea Procurator: Eileen McTavish
Office Ananconda: Sweetie Pie
Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office, Market Cross Wednesday 0900.01 am
Palo Murrio (El Presidente for Life of the Republic of Rongolia): Hola senorita!
Petite L’Amour: Bonjour monsieur!
Palo Murrio: Si momma! I making a complaint!
Petite L’Amour: Oui monsieur!! Un official complaint?
Palo Murrio: Si! .. Si! .. Si!
Petite L’Amour: C’est oui! Non?
Palo Murrio: Non? Non!! Si!
Petite L’Amour: S’il vous plait! Tell me zis complaint!!
Palo Murrio: Ai caramba! A thiefa, he a steal my a two wheeler from a Rongo!
Petite L’Amour: Sacre bleu! A thief steal your Zimmer frame! Mais non!!!
Palo Murrio: Santa Maria!!! Non senorita! My a silver bike a stolen from under the eyes of a the team at a Rongo Backpackers!!! Thrown on the church a roofa!
Rubik Rogernomics : Greetings sir! I am Rubik Rogernomics Senior Complaints Officer for the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape. I will personally record your official complaint.
Palo Murrio: What about a cute a babe with ze come to bed eyes!!!
Rubik Rogernomics: Mademoiselle Petite is busy feeding bullets into my Colt .45!
Palo Murrio: You got a forty five year old a horse!! Must be your a wife! A ha ha!!
Palo Murrio: Mademoiselle Petite, can you also please put a silencer on my weapon!
Petite L’Amour: Ah monsieur! You make zis girl blush!
Rubik Rogernomics: Mmmm! Let me consult the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Manual. Mmmm Official Complaint 28/56 “ Rongo team bike pinched, violated and discarded on Karamea Church roof.” Thirty two billion pesos! Cash!
Palo Murrio: Ai caramba bamba! Thirty two billion a pesos! At a today’s exchange rate, that is a one dollar a fifty cents! You think I a made of a money!!!
Red Scarlett: (…..psssssssstt!….)
Rubik Rogernomics: (whisper.. One in the goolies, then a head shot to finish him off??)
Red Scarlett: ( whisper……No!!! We can’t execute the El Presidente of Rongoolia!)
Rubik Rogernomics: (whisper… Karamea Ministry of Red Tape 1st Amendment. No complainant to leave the office alive!!! No exceptions!!!)
Red Scarlett: (whisper…. Definitely no!!! President Palo is the honorary patron of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Drinking Team!!!)
Palo Murrio: Ole!! What a you a whispering about senors???
Rubik Rogernomics: Don’t you need to get a breath of fresh air outside for a minute??
Palo Murrio: Non! I need a smoka!!
Rubik Rogernomics: We have to execute someone or we we will miss out out on our monthly target bonus!!
Red Scarlettt: Mmmmm! Ok take my car and drive up to the Wangapeka Valley Retirement Village and conduct a random drive by!!
Rubik Rogernomics: But…but… your mother in law is the only resident!!
Red Scarlett: The old dragon is past her use by date!! Kapow!!
Rubik Rogernomics: How callous! Don’t you have any emotional feelings??
Red Scarlett: Of course I do! Ha ha haaaaaaa!
Palo Murrio: Hey!! What about a my a official complaint??? How can I pay the a fee??
Red Scarlett: You need to sign our Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Finance Agreement. I will read out the fine print for you!!
Palo Murrio: Si!
Red Scarlett: Blah… blah… blah…..Catch 22…blah..blah…blah….daily compounding interest…blah…blah…blah…penalty clause…blah…blah…blah….seize all your assets including Supermoo The Karamea Wonder Dog….blah…blah…blah….imprisonment b and d, torture….blah blah…blah!!!
Palo Murrio: A boo a hoo! Not a Supermoo!! Non!!!
Red Scarlett: Sign here!!!
Palo Murrio: Hoo a boo!!! Okae! Okae!! I a sign but you a cruel a lady!!
Office Ananconda Sweetie Pie: Arf Arf!
Red Scarlett: Red Scarlett, Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office Manager speaking!!!
Rubik Rogernomics: (….rumble….rumble…rumble…)
Red Scarlett: Beaudy!!!!! Did she suffer???
Rubik Rogernomics: (…rumble….rumble….rumble….)
Red Scarlett: No!! Bitch!!
Eileen McTavish: Cup of tea???
Red Scarlett: Oh ta, I will, white with one thanks.