A New Zealand Government Department authorised by a rhetorically ambiguous and a covertly fictitious Act of Parliament and compounded by a tacitly implied Royal Approval to receive Official Complaints.

Office Manager:     Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints Officer:    Rubik Rogernomics

Office Receptionist:    Petite L’Amour

Petite L’Amour

Tea Procurator:    Eileen McTavish

Office Ananconda:    Sweetie Pie

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office, Market Cross  Wednesday   0900.01 am

Palo Murrio (El Presidente for Life of the Republic of Rongolia):   Hola senorita!

Petite L’Amour:    Bonjour monsieur!

Palo Murrio:   Si momma! I making a complaint!

Petite L’Amour:    Oui monsieur!!  Un official complaint?

Palo Murrio:   Si! .. Si! .. Si!

Petite L’Amour:    C’est oui! Non?

Palo Murrio:    Non?  Non!!   Si!

Petite L’Amour:    S’il vous plait! Tell me zis complaint!!

Palo Murrio:    Ai caramba! A thiefa, he a steal my a two wheeler from a Rongo!

Petite L’Amour:   Sacre bleu! A thief steal your Zimmer frame! Mais non!!!

Palo Murrio:   Santa Maria!!!    Non senorita!  My a silver bike a stolen from under the eyes of a the team at a Rongo Backpackers!!! Thrown on the church a roofa!

Rubik Rogernomics :   Greetings sir! I am Rubik Rogernomics Senior Complaints Officer for the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape. I will personally record your official complaint.

Palo Murrio:  What about a cute a babe with ze come to bed eyes!!!

Rubik Rogernomics:    Mademoiselle Petite is busy feeding bullets into my Colt .45!

Palo Murrio:  You got a forty five year old a horse!!  Must be your a wife! A ha ha!!

Palo Murrio:   Mademoiselle Petite, can you also please put a silencer on my weapon!

Petite L’Amour:  Ah monsieur! You make zis girl blush!

Rubik Rogernomics:   Mmmm! Let me consult the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Manual. Mmmm Official Complaint 28/56 “ Rongo team bike pinched, violated and discarded on Karamea Church roof.” Thirty two billion pesos! Cash!

Palo Murrio:  Ai caramba bamba! Thirty two billion a pesos! At a today’s exchange rate, that is a one dollar a fifty cents! You think I  a made of a money!!!

Red Scarlett:    (…..psssssssstt!….)

Rubik Rogernomics:    (whisper..  One in the goolies, then a head shot to finish him off??)

Red Scarlett:    ( whisper……No!!! We can’t execute the El Presidente of Rongoolia!)

Rubik Rogernomics:   (whisper… Karamea Ministry of Red Tape 1^st Amendment. No complainant to leave the office alive!!! No exceptions!!!)

Red Scarlett:    (whisper….  Definitely no!!! President Palo is the honorary patron of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Drinking Team!!!)

Palo Murrio:   Ole!! What a you a whispering about senors???

Rubik Rogernomics:    Don’t you need to get a breath of fresh air outside for a minute??

Palo Murrio:    Non! I need a smoka!!

Rubik Rogernomics:     We have to execute someone or we we will miss out out on our monthly target bonus!!

Red Scarlettt:   Mmmmm! Ok take my car and drive up to the Wangapeka Valley Retirement Village and conduct a random drive by!!

Rubik Rogernomics:  But…but… your mother in law is the only resident!!

Red Scarlett:    The old dragon is past her use by date!! Kapow!!

Rubik Rogernomics:  How callous! Don’t you have any emotional feelings??

Red Scarlett:    Of course I do!   Ha ha haaaaaaa!

Palo Murrio:    Hey!! What about a my a official complaint??? How can I pay the a fee??

Red Scarlett:    You need to sign our Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Finance Agreement. I will read out the fine print for you!!

Palo Murrio:    Si!

Red Scarlett:   Blah… blah… blah…..Catch 22…blah..blah…blah….daily compounding interest…blah…blah…blah…penalty clause…blah…blah…blah….seize all your assets including Supermoo The Karamea Wonder Dog….blah…blah…blah….imprisonment b and d, torture….blah blah…blah!!!

Palo Murrio:  A boo a hoo! Not a Supermoo!! Non!!!

Red Scarlett:  Sign here!!!

Palo Murrio:    Hoo a boo!!! Okae! Okae!! I a sign but you a cruel a lady!!

Office Ananconda Sweetie Pie:   Arf Arf!

Ring Ring!!

Red Scarlett:    Red Scarlett,  Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office Manager speaking!!!

Rubik Rogernomics:   (….rumble….rumble…rumble…)

Red Scarlett:    Beaudy!!!!! Did she suffer???

Rubik Rogernomics:    (…rumble….rumble….rumble….)

Red Scarlett:    No!!   Bitch!!

Eileen McTavish:   Cup of tea???

Red Scarlett:    Oh ta, I will, white with one thanks.