Karamea Ministry of Red Tape # 18

A New Zealand Government Department authorised by a covertly suspicious and deliberately ambiguous Act of Parliament and compounded by a tacitly implied Royal Approval to receive official complaints.

Office Manager:      Red Scarlett


Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints Officer:       Madagascar Mirage

Madagascar Mirage

Office Receptionist:     Sizzle Voluptuous

Sizzle Voluptuous

Tea Lady:         Marjoram Eucalyptus

Marjoram Eucalyptus

Office Wombat:     Gangamania


Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office, Market Cross 9 a.m.


Zorcon Kalaska:      Excuse me…..

Sizzle Voluptuous:          Sorry the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape is closed for the Melbourne Cup.

Zorcon Kalaska:       But but the Melbourne Cup isn’t until the first Tuesday in November!

Madagascar Mirage:       Are you questioning this young brunette bimbo’s intelligence? Come back tomorrow!!

Zorcon Kalaska:      What are the business hours for the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape??

Madagscar Mirage:        9 am to 5 pm no exceptions!

Zorcon Kalaska:         I have a platinum card with a $50,000 credit limit, can’t I offer you a bribe to accept my complaint now!

Madagscar Mirage:          The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape does not accept bribes but we do allow anonymous generous donations of large amounts of cash in small unmarked bills.

Zorcon Kalaska:           Name your price!

Madagscar Mirage:            Fees are by negotiation!

Zorcon Kalaska:              Look in my briefcase $20,000 in $100 notes.

Madagscar Mirage:              I will have to consult my superior officer Red Scarlett.

Red Scarlett:               Mmmm $100 notes. Wait until I get my gloves on. Don’t want to leave my fingerprints on the loot… I mean commission!

Madagscar Mirage:             The Karamea  Ministry of Red Tape is now officially open for business!


Red Scarlett:                          I will be in my office ringing my travel agent!

Zorcon Kalaska:                Holidaying somewhere?

Red Scarlett:                              Hawaii!! Surf’s up!


Madagscar Mirage:              Please state the nature of your complaint!

Zorcon Kalaska:               I want to make a complaint about bureaucratic corruption.

Madagscar Mirage:              An official complaint squire?

Zorcon Kalaska:              Yes indeed!!!

Madagscar Mirage:                The exact nature of your complaint?

Zorcon Kalaska :              The hypocrisy of Government Departmental officials taking bribes, stealing from the public fund, employing thieves, vagabonds and pickpockets and not paying tax on their ill gotten gains!!


Madagscar Mirage:               Atrocious!!! You’ve come to the right administrative office to make such a complaint!

Zorcon Kalaska:              No!!! My wallet, my watch gone! Stolen!

Madagscar Mirage:               What about your lucky cloverleaf cufflinks?

Zorcon Kalaska:               Wow, you must be psychic!! Disappeared!!!

Madagscar Mirage:                And your Schaeffer limited edition gold plated ball point pen?

Zorcon Kalaska:                Incredible! No longer in my jacket!!!

Madagscar Mirage:                Mmmm! Not your lucky day!!!

Zorcon Kalaska:                The Karamea Triangle!  Will you record my complaint???

Madagscar Mirage:                Yes indeed corruption is to be frowned upon!!!

Zorcon Kalaska:                Do I get a receipt for my money?

Madagscar Mirage:                 Official Karamea Ministry of Red tape policy does not allow for receipts but you do qualify for a Hi-5!

Zorcon Kalaska:                 Where do I sign?

Madagscar Mirage:                  Here where I marked X!



Red Scarlett:                He’s still alive!! Zorcon I thought you were a crack shot!

Zorcon Kalaska:                  Argle…argle….

Marjoram Eucalyptus:                Cup of tea???????


Zorcon Kalaska:                 Argle..argle..


Red Scarlett:                 You shot off his left nostril!!!


Madagscar Mirage:                Hey come back!! He’s getting away! Prick!

Sizzle Volutpuous:                Boo hoo!! I wanted his eyeballs for my poor old blind grandmother!

Zorcon Kalaska:               Never mind let me give you cuddle!


Sizzle Voluptuous:                 That wasn’t a cuddle that was a groper!

Red Scarlett:                 Look sharp here comes Sergeant Paddy Locks!!!


Sergeant Paddy Locks:               Top of the morning to you. I heard a gunshot and saw a fellow in the street bleeding.

Red Scarlett:                 Mmmmm! This watch would look perfect on your arm!

Sergeant Paddy Locks:                Ta!

Madagscar Mirage:                Gold plated lucky cloverleaf cuff links??

Sergeant Paddy Locks:               My lucky day!!! Now about that shooting!!!

Red Scarlett:              The Melbourne Cup is on today. Can’t this wait until next year?

Sergeant Paddy Locks:              Well I suppose!


Red Scarlett:             Excellent!!

Sergeant Paddy Locks:             Begorrrrah!!!  My new watch, it’s disappeared!

Gangamania:             Arf arf!!

About LivinginPeaceProject

Paul Murray is the founder of the LivinginPeace Project. www.livinginpeace.com Paul originally from Australia, but have been living in New Zealand for 14 years. Before that he was in Japan for a decade working as a journalist. He met his wife Sanae in Japan and they married in 2008.
This entry was posted in Art, Business, Economics, Education, Erotica, Fashion, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, Karamea Radio, Media, Money, New Zealand, Parody, Photography, Politics, Religion, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, Weird and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Karamea Ministry of Red Tape # 18

  1. Argonaut says:

    I cannot believe such outrageous scandal would dare impugn the integrity of Karamea’s finest!!!

    The staff of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape are always on the give not the take!!!!!

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