A New Zealand Government Department authorised by a covertly suspicious and deliberately rhetorical Act of Parliament and compounded by a tacit Royal Approval to receive Official Complaints!

Office Manager:           Red Scarlettt

Senior Complaints Officer:   John Foitzpartytrick II

John Foitzpartytrick II

Office Receptionist:     Queen Elizabeth III

Office Bimbo:       Mother Theresa IV

Mother Theresa IV

Office Filing Clerk:     Pelvis V

Pelvis V

Office Bookmaker:    Pope Shamus O’Toole VI

Pope Shamus O’Toole VI

Tea Lady:        Dianna Spencer VII

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Offices, Market Cross, Karamea

1030 hrs, Monday April 1^st, 2014

Goliath:               Hello???

Queen Elizabeth III:           Hello????

Goliath:          Down here!!!

Queen Elizabeth III               Oh my goodness…a homunculus!

Goliath:           I am a vertically challenged individual wot is desirous of applying for the vacant position of Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Barman!

Queen Elizabeth III:           Ha! My pet Corgi Roger is vertically challenged!!              You my son are a leprechaun!

Mother Theresa:      Aaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!! A goblin!!!!

Pope Shamus O’Toole:      Holy crap!!! Satan Lucifer Beelzebub!!!

Goliath:      Father!! It’s me your long lost bastard son!

Pope Shamus O’Toole:    Mutter O’Mary!! A lying leprechaun!!!

Pelvis:     Hey shorty, don’t you step on my blue suede shoes!

Red Scarlett:     What is all the commotion out here? I am in serious conference with the Ministry Senior Tax Inspector, the Minister of Finance and Doc Holliday!!

Office of Red Scarlett, Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office Manager

Doc Holliday:        Read em and weep pardners!!! Five aces!!!!!!!!!!!

Minister of Finance:      You bloody cheat!!!!!!!!!

Tax Inspector:     Yeah!! All those aces are hearts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Minister of Finance:      Indeed! I also have an ace of hearts!!!

Doc Holliday:             Yeah, but do you have a six gun this big???

Queen Elizabeth III:       Wow!!!!!!!!!!

Mother Theresa:        Thank you Lord!!!!!!!!

Queen Elizabeth III:          Pon my word young knave! You deserve to be knighted!!!!

Red Scarlett:      Zip it Doc! I am attending to serious Karamea Ministry of Red Tape business out here!

Reception – Karamea Ministry of Red Tape 

Red Scarlett:      Oh my what a cute little boy! Hello!

Goliath :     I am 34 years of age and I am here to ap..pply for…..

Red Scarlett:  Haaaa! What is your name then???

Goliath:            Goliath!!!

Red Scarlett:            Goliath!! You’re kidding! Oh I can’t breathe for laughing!! Ha ha ha!

JFK:               Pity you’re not bald too! I know a bloody great joke !

Goliath :                         I can mix any drink you can name??

Queen Elizabeth:                             I’ll have a Martini, Henry!

Goliath:                           Voila Madame!

Queen Elizabeth:                        Burp! Jesus, I’ll have another, make it a double!!

Pelvis:                        Bourbon and coke dude!!!         Slurp!!!!!!!!!  Snort!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pope Shamus O’Toole:                   In t’name of t’father I’ll be having a Guinness!

Goliath:                   There you are your worship!

Pope Shamus O’Toole              Titn’t tooch t’sides! Better have                                                                                         anuther! Hic! And make it a double!!

Red Scarlett:          You’re hired! You are also hereby designated to be Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Executioner!

Goliath:             Do I need a weapon???

Red Scarlett:               Ha ha ha! HA HA HA!!!!!! What a comedian!!! Yes, here!!

Goliath:               Wow a colt 45!!!!

Madeleine:           Pardonnez moi???

Red Scarlett:          Yes!!

Madeleine:        I wish to make ze complaint!!

Red Scarlett:     An official complaint??

Madeleine:    Mais oui!!

Red Scarlett:    Goliath!!!!!!!!

(Radio Karamea 107.5 FM        “   …Kenny Rogers!!   “Jack Ruby!!! Please don’t take your gun to town!!!!!!!)

Goliath:    I can’t pull the trigger for laughing!! She’s so fat and so ugly!! Ha ha!

Madeleine:    I am circumferentially and visually challenged, but I believe Jesus                             loves me!

Goliath:                 Noooo!!!! Ha ha ha! A rotund attractively challenged Jesus freak!!! Ha ah ha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pelvis:              I’ll kill her, give me the gun!!!!!! Ha ha noooo ha ha!!!!!! Stop                             looking at me like that!!! Ha ah ha!

Mother Theresa :      Give me the gun you gutless hound dog! Am I the only with any balls round here!! Handes Hoch Fraulein!!!!

Madeleine:      No please don’t kill me I’ve got an appointment at Jenny Craig’s in                                half an hour!!!

Goliath:          It’s your lucky day!

KABOOM!!!!

Doc Holliday!:              Great shot!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Red Scarlett:             Congratulations! Let’s celebrate! Call out for a                                                   Pizza!!!!!!!!

Pelvis:                                   Extra anchovies!!!!!!!!!!!!

Queen Elizabeth:          Look in her handbag! Whittakers Peppermint Extra Cacao Chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goliath:              Mmmmmmmmmm! Yum!!!

Mother Theresa:            Cup of tea????