Karamea Ministry of Red Tape # 21

A New Zealand Government Department authorised by a covertly suspicious and deliberately rhetorical Act of Parliament and compounded by a tacitly implied Royal Approval to receive Official Complaints.

Office Manager: Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints Officer:     Andrea Bjornstrand


Office Receptionist: Miss Sweden

Junior Office Bimbo: Miss Venezuela


Tea Trollop: Mimi La Chocolat


Office Sheep: Baa Baa


Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office

Market Cross, Karamea

Monday May 6th 1030hrs!!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    Welcome to the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape good sir!

Sir Richardhead:    Aaa aaa greetings humble wench!!!


Andrea Bjornstrand:    Pardon me but you appear a little out of breath!

Sir Richardhead:    Indeed I got completely yogenberrried on Saturday prior to a jousing fest!!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    It may be an optical illusion but you appear to have no head between your shoulders!


Sir Richardhead:    Sir Roberto the Magnificent decapitated my good self in a sword fight!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    And you have been running around like a headless chook since???


Sir Richardhead:    On the contrary generous breasted maid!!  Went to matins at chapel on Sunday morn!!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    Was the congregation surprised???

Sir Richardhead:    No they were of the opinion that I am the second coming of John the Baptist!! Still had a dreadful hangover!!


Andrea Bjornstrand:    Mmmm!! Perhaps you should join Alcoholics Anonymous and make a vow to quit drinking while you are a head!!!

Sir Richardhead:    Sacrilege!!!


Andrea Bjornstrand:    So you got legless and and headless in short order!!!

Sir Richardhead:    A foul imposter in the interests of equanimity then decided to shove my head up my rectum!!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    Ouch!!!

Sir Richardhead:    Indeed!!! I did not know that I had such appalling haemorrhoids!!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    Mmm!! Sounds like you should consult a doctor!!!

Miss Sweden:     Excuse me but I could not help noticing that your cockpit is wide open and you appear to have been completely castrated!!

Sir Richardhead:    Sir Galahad!!!  The recalcitrant!!!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    Another jousting foe!!!


Sir Richardhead:    No!!! My bank manager!!!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    So you here to make a complaint???

Sir Richardhead:    Perchance regarding what???

Andrea Bjornstrand:    The weather today cause for complaint???

Sir Richardhead:    Yes why not???


Andrea Bjornstrand:    An official complaint???


Sir Richardhead:    Yes of course!!!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    Mmmm!!! Let me consult the Office Manual. Here we go!! Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Complaint 911 “ Completely headless knight wishes to record extremely serious complaint regarding Karamea’s weather!!!!” The exact nature of your complaint???

Sir Richardhead:    Well aaaaghh aaaghhh???

Andrea Bjornstrand:    That dark shaped ominous cloud up there??? The one shaped like the Grim Reaper!!!

Sir Richardhead:    Yes by gad!!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    How would you describe yon cloud??? Provocative???

Sir Richardhead:    No!!!


Andrea Bjornstrand:    Seductive????

Sir Richardhead:    Yes!!! By gad yes!!!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    Excellent!!!! Let me find an official complaint form!!!

Sir Richardhead:    Fee my good mistress???

Andrea Bjornstrand:    One thousand gold crowns including Imperial War Tax!!!

Sir Richardhead:    Can I record a debt on the strength of my knightly honour and valour??


Andrea Bjornstrand:    Normal departmental policy is small denomination unmarked bills with no sequential serial numbers???

Sir Richardhead:    Do I get an official  receipt???

Andrea Bjornstrand:    Are you serious????


Sir Richardhead:    Aaaaghhh!!! I’m getting a phantom migraine!!!

Andrea Bjornstrand:    I’ll get Miss Venezuela our junior office bimbo to give you a full medical!!!


Sir Richardhead:    Is she a trained nurse????

Andrea Bjornstrand:    Of  course she is an expert and experienced body the rapist!!!

Miss Venezuela:    You look awful!!!


Sir Richardhead:    But I feel great!!!


Miss Venezuela:    Mmmm!!! Let me consult my nursing manual!!! Mmmm 7a Look good, feel good..no… 7b Look awful… feel awful…no…  ah… here we go ….  7e Look awful …feel great… you… you’re ..a.. vagina!!!

Sir Richardhead    :    Can I get a second opinion????

Richard Branson Celebrates Virgin Airlines Inaugural Flight To Vegas

Baa Baa:    Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Mimi La Chocolat!!!:    Great shot boss!!! Right through the right ventricle , dissected the aorta and neatly severed his spinal column!!! A new departmental record!!!

MiMi 3

Sir Richardhead:    Excuse me!!!!


Red Scarlett:     I beg your pardon but you are supposed to be dead!!!!

Sir Richardhead:    Many apologies but I didn’t realise!!!! Aaaaaghh……………


Red Scarlett:    Pull yourself together my good man, a valiant knight dies like a hero!!!!

Sir Richardhead:    Aaaa aaaaaa………….

Richard Branson Celebrates Virgin Airlines Inaugural Flight To Vegas

Red Scarlett:    Any last requests???

Sir Richardhead:    ..a… a…a….

Mimi La Chocolat:     A cup of tea????


article-2188828-148EDDDE000005DC-864_634x392 Branson-and-model-Maddy-For_460

tumblr_m0fgs7vIUM1r5xwvf Virgin Chairman Branson carries a cheerleader during a ceremony to mark the delivery of the first Boeing 777-300ER for his new airline V Australia, in Seattle

tumblr_m081ifzcxv1r5xwvf tumblr_ma1tke83gm1r5xwvf

About LivinginPeaceProject

Paul Murray is the founder of the LivinginPeace Project. www.livinginpeace.com Paul originally from Australia, but have been living in New Zealand for 14 years. Before that he was in Japan for a decade working as a journalist. He met his wife Sanae in Japan and they married in 2008.
This entry was posted in Art, Business, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Karamea, New Zealand, Parody, Photography, Politics, Satire, Sex, Social Commentary, Weird and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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