***The Rongolian Star Quiz is acknowledged by esteemed philosophers of the School of Socrates, Men of Letters and Captains of Industry to be the most ridiculous and mind numbing quiz on the entire planet!!!***

November’s Rongolian Star Quiz prize schedule for ten correct answers:

1^st Prize     1 billion air points on any Congo Air flight to the Dallas Book Depository!

2^nd Prize     A mounted framed original photograph of the sole surviving Congo Air DC3!

3^rd Prize      Souvenir cap recovered from the wreckage of ill fated Congo Air Flight 101 from Brassierville to Istanbul shot down over Dealey Plaza!

Question 1.

Who really shot JFK?

1. A glassy troll?
2. The Salvation Army’s best sniper?
3. Roger Rabbitt?
4. The Dalai Lama?

Question 2.

Professor Bogor Yakkalov, Master of Antiquities from Moscow University, recently discovered the Holy Grail utilised to share the wine at The Last Supper in a dumpster behind the Dallas Book Depository. On the base is the inscription “    קילרוי היה כאן     ” Meticulously translated from Mosaic Hebrew this inscription reads :
A. “Kilroy was here!”
B. “ Made in China!”
C. “Vote Republican!”
D. “Other end up!”

Question 3.

Which famous quote was voted best of the 20^th century?

1. “I smoked but I didn’t inhale and neither did Monica!” – Bill Clinton!
2. “Ok chaps I’m going out for a short while, I may not be back!” – Jimmy Hoffa!
3. “Are you fucking blind? It was way over the service line, arsehole!!” John Superbrat McEnroe!
4. “We’re more popular than the Lee Harvey Oswald!” The Teletubbies!

Question 4.

Your lying sluttish Sunday school teacher is found by Mormon missionaries in her herb garden completely stoned out of her brains!  Do you:

A. Anonymously donate your unpaid taxes to the elders of the Jewish Synagogue?
B. Double check your mother in laws fingerprints are indelibly etched on your wife’s pet rock, before you try to flush it down the loo, then ring Police 911?
C. Pray for her sassy soul?
D. Pause for a moment’s reflective silence, down a gassy skol and enjoy the biggest fart of your entire life?

Question 5.

You accidentally parachute from Congo Air Flight 762 into Beirut Lebanon during Ramadan and a Hizbollah uprising! Do you disguise yourself as:

A. The American Flag?
B. A bottle of Jack Daniels?
C. The second coming of a pork sausage?
D. Uncle Sam?

Question 6.

You incredibly win $27 million in Lotto’s Powerball!!! Do you:

1. Donate all your winnings to the Free Cuba Society, then head to a Dallas strip club to watch an arsey moll?
2. Wisely employ your divine windfall to drink the Republic of Ireland under the altar?
3. Invest heavily in the Dealey Plaza Poncy Scheme?
4. Head to the Trentham yearling sales to purchase a classy foal?

Question 7.

The All Blacks are beaten by the Dallas Cowboys 53-0!!! Are you absolutely:

A. Elated?
B. Deflated?
C. Fellated?
D. Chelated?

Question 8.

You have just gallantly and unselfishly aided a hot young Dominican nun to lose her virginity on the grassy knoll! Do you celebrate your virility by:

A: Rushing down to the nearest 9-11 to purchase a packet of strawberry flavoured Fourex?
B. Rushing down to the nearest liquor store to purchase a six pack of Holy Communion?
C. Getting your second wind and immediately head to the Dealey Plaza underpass where you swear you spotted a Lassie doll?
D. Realising that your manly conquest was in reality a crassy goal and head to the nearest Irish bar to enjoy a pint o’ Guinness?

Question 9.

You are leaving New Zealand to visit your alcoholic uncle O’Shamus O’O’ Toole in County Cork! What do you purchase for him at Duty Free?

1. A couple of tins of jellied Tuatara?
2. A homespun Kokako smoking jacket?
3. A stuffed and rear mounted albino Giant Spotted Kiwi?
4. A large collectible Mercedes Benz chassis pole?

Question 10.

“Knock  …. knock….. knock!!!

Who’s there man?

J. Edgar Hoover man!

J. Edgar Hoover?

Yeah man!

No J. Edgar Hoover’s not here man!”

Is this conversation extremely :

A. Secretive?
B. Original?
C. Silly?
D. Erotic?

Nota Bene !

Absolutely no correspondence whatsoever will be entertained regarding the professional credentials of the Editor, reporting staff, SuperMoo the Karamea Wonder Dog and all the other ruff rolph associated with disseminating the trivial nonsense printed under strict copyright of The Rongolian Star and its associated business interests!

The release of all highly classified information contained within this quiz has received prior approval of the Dallas County Mayor’s office and the Warren Commission!!! Arf arf!!!

Signed U.S. Army Lieutenant Brassy Col.

1963

No. 1 on the Texas hit parade!!!

“I shot the President!” by Weird Al Yankovich (unfortunately later bastardised by Eric Clapton!!!)