A New Zealand Government Department authorised by a deliberately rhetorically and covertly suspicious Act of Parliament and compounded by a tacit Royal Approval to receive Official Complaints!
By Raving Reporter Товарищ Самсон Казаков
Office Manager: Red Scarlett

Director of Intelligence: Hanoi Doris
Senior Complaints Manager: Sheikov El Judas

Office Receptionist: Victoria Cross
Tea Hostess: Yowserkova Hot Momma III
Office Sheep in Wolf’s Clothing: Supermoo the Karamea Wonder Dog!

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Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Offices Market Cross, Karamea Monday September 9th 9 a.m.

Red Scarlett : Attention : Look here comes our first customer for the day!

Silvio Paparazzi: Bongiorno!
Victoria Cross: Welcome to the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape sir!

Silvio Paparazzi: Grazi!

Victoria Cross: You are desirous of making a complaint pertinent to a matter of public indignity sir?

Silvio Paparazzi: Si!

Victoria Cross: An official complaint sir?
Silvio Paparazzi: Si!
Victoria Cross : The nature and content of your complaint sir?

Silvio Paparazzi: Scuzi?

Victoria Cross: Your official *%$@*!!@! complaint !

Silvio Paparazzi: Pardona?
KABOOM!!!!!!!!!

Yowserkova Hot Momma III: Wow! Italian men really do have spaghetti for brains!
Red Scarlett: Achtung!!! No official complaint, no fee, no execution!!!

Victoria Cross: Oopskov!!!
Red Scarlett: I will handle the next complainant and demonstrate the correct protocols required to take an official complaint and extort the requisite outrageously exorbitant fee!
Yowserkova Hot Momma III: Cup of tea???
Red Scarlett: Before we have morning tea, please get a vacuum cleaner and clean up Mr. Pizzeria from the office carpet!

Vroooooom …..slurp!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Radio Karamea 107.5 FM!

Breaking News with DJ Sausage!

“ The Karamea Four Square has just been robbed of all remaining stocks of Whittaker’s Chocolate Dark Extra Cacao. The young robbers armed with badminton racquets and all wearing Daniel Quayle clown masks fled on a stolen caterpillar digger and were last seen running into the Karamea School Library! Police Swat Team Leader Sergeant John McLean stated “ Karamea School will be cordoned off after this morning’s Story Time reading of Winnie the Poohkov!”
Asked by Radio Karamea “ Pourquoi???”
Sgt McLean’s official reply “ Pourquoi pas???”
Karamea Weather with DJ Fukyoushima
Karamea weather!

Stratified cloud at various altitudes will drift slowly away from the horizon by late morning!!!
Rain progressing from spasmodic to intermittent to persistent to torrential to influential to apolitical … blah…blah…blah….
Remember!!! Slipper, Slopper, Slapper!
“God save our gracious queen.blah.blah.blah.”
Karamea Minstry of Red Tape 4 p.m.

Ned: Yeah gidday!

Red Scarlett: Welcome to the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape this beautifully fine Monday!
Ned: Bonza sheila! Fancy a shag?

Red Scarlett: I have subconciously transcended the notional concept of physical lust and seek intellectual Nirvana in the ethereal realms of meditative contemplation!!!
Ned: Christ!!! You’re a bloody virgin!!!!

Red Scarlett: Do you wish to file a complaint my good gentleman?
Ned: Yeah! Some bushranger nicked me digger from outside the supermarket this morning!
Red Scarlett: Have you visited the Karamea Police sir?
Ned: Are you joking me babe?!?!

Red Scarlett: Many apologies! Let me find an official complaint form!
Ned: Got a light Sheila?

Red Scarlett: No smoking on official New Zealand government premises!
Ned: Can I chew gum?

Red Scarlett: Of course!
Ned: Scruncha….scruncha…scruncha……

Red Scarlett: Here we go! Karamea Ministry of Red Tape official complaint form
111/9………..”Aussie yobbo has his digger pinched outisde the Karamea Four Square by three young hoodlums armed with badminton racquets and all wearing Daniel Quayle clown masks!!!”
Ned: That’s yobbo with two b’s!

Red Scarlett: The fee for your official complaint can be paid for with crocodile skin, Whittakers Chocolate Extra Cacao Macadamia or Coober Pedy opals!
Ned: Strewth!! Haven’t shot a croc in anger since last Melboune Cup Day, my chocolate stays in me swag and me missu shot thru with the family jewels!

Red Scarlett: What authentic collateral do you have then?
Ned: Just me FJ Holden parked there over the road outside the RSA!

Red Scarlett: Wow!@!!!!!
Sheikov El Judas: Schnell Vagon !!!!!

Victoria Cross: Incredoible!!!!!
Super Moo: Arf arf!!!!

Sheikov El Judas: Ve cannot possibly accept such a priceless objet d’art as collateral but now zat you have established your financial credentials, ze Karamea Ministry of Red Tape is prepared to extend you unlimited credit, interest free, tax free and with no legal obligation to make any repayment whatsoever for ze rest of your natural life! Sign here kamerad !
Ned: E….d…..w..a..r..d…..K…e…l..l..y! What’s the catch?

Sheikov El Judas : You are obligated to take the entire staff of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape on a crutch cruise up the main street! Pronto!!
Ned : All aboard!!!!!

Vrrooom…..vrroooom………
Hanoi Doris: Alrighty!!!!!

Red Scarlett: Yowser!!!
Sheikov El Judas: Shtein Lager!!!!!!!!!

Supermoo: Arf arf!!!!!!!!!!

VROOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Radio Karamea 107.5 FM

“ Don’t you ever let a chance go by…………………..”
Karamea Ministry of Red Tape
Staff Intelligence Briefing
Staff Cafe 1630hrs!
Hanoi Doris: Does anyone have the answer to 3 across in this mornings Rongolian Star cryptic crossword? Naughty but nice, leaning towards Moscow!

Victoria Cross: Bitch???
Red Scarlett: Hokey Pokey???
Hanoi Doris: Five letters!!!
Sheikov El Judas: Porky????
Yowserkova Hot Momma III: Fukov!!!!
Red Scarlett: Can we have this week’s classified intelligence and covert operations report?
Hanoi Doris: The Government Communication Services Bureau are close to cracking our internet scam to fleece Nigerian play school children!!!!

Sheikov El Judas: Shize strasse!!!!!
Red Scarlett: Covert operations????

Hanoi Doris: The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape has today, employed two street kids to act as lookouts in case of any unexpected visit by the FUZZ! Their code names are Grasshopper and Jelloo!
Jelloo: Pleased to be working for such honourable institution!

Grasshopper: Can we be paid in roubles????

Red Scarlett: Attention!!!
Grasshopper: What for? Are we going to get a medal???

Hanoi Doris: Your job is to to be on combat alert at all times!! One wolf whistle for Jehovah’s Witnesses, two for the Filth, three for the Serious Fraud Unit and four for my mother in law!!!

Red Scarlett : Any questions????
Jelloo: What does radioactive mean????

Red Scarlett: Why do you ask???

Jelloo: I found this silver canister floating in the Karamea River this morning!!!!

Hanoi Doris: sTRonTiuM….. nInE….. Tea!!!

Red Scarlett: EVACUATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaghhhhh!! Aaaggghhhhh!! Aaaaaggghh!!
Jelloo: Oi!! Don’t eat all the gingernuts!!!!!!!!

Grasshopper: Munch…munch…Richard Head!!!! I said write STRONTIUM 90!!!!!!!!!

“Radio Karamea 107.5 FM!
“Just eat it…………………..”
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Tokyo X: Orwellian Photographs of Modern Japan

Book Review by Paul MurrayIn 1984, veteran Tokyo-based photographer Shunji Ohkura was channel surfing and came across a television documentary discussing George Orwell’s novel “1984.”The programme was debating whether the modern world was a manifestation of Orwell’s prophetic 1949 masterpiece about the supposed utopian society of “Oceania.”
Ohkura had read the book and remembered it as a “scientific novel of the remote future.” However, after watching the programme and considering the points raised in the debate, he began to look at Tokyo in a different light and decided to “hit the streets” in an attempt to prove the hypothesis that Orwell’s vision had been realised.
The result was “Tokyo X,”a haunting collection of urban scenes taken principally in Tokyo, but also in other parts of Japan. The book captures the starkness and brutal modernity of life in the metropolitan sprawl that is contemporary urban Japan.
Most of Ohkura’s photos concentrate on what Orwell termed the “Outer Party,” or middle class, and the “proles,” or proletariat. Shots of the “Inner Party,” or bureaucratic elite, would have completed the study and added more conviction to his claim that modern Japan is the realisation of Orwell’s futuristic revelation. Such photographs would also have been the most difficult to obtain given the secrecy surrounding the upper echelons of Japanese society.
Ohkura firmly states in the book’s appendix that “in the consecrated space at the very summit of the hierarchy of this world, there exists a god-like, demon-like ruler whose power is so vast that is envelopes the entire planet and transcends all human understanding and religion.” Many of his photographs have subtle, sometimes blatant, references to money, religion, sex, fashion, youth and the all-pervading cultural invasion of the United States into Japanese society
Ohkura seems to suggest that U.S. icons are the modern-day equivalent of the posters of “Big Brother”––the infallible head of Oceania––that were displayed on every street corner to constantly remind people who was in control.
Statue of Liberty replicas, fast-food signs, advertising boards, commercial icons, clothing styles, flags and other cultural memorabilia provide constant reminders to the people of Tokyo that their own omnipresent Big Brother is watching. This sense of paranoia is heightened by the inclusion of security cameras in many of the shots––wherever you go, whatever you do, Big Brother sees all…there is no escape.
One shot shows two languid, melancholy men travelling up an outdoor escalator in Ginza under the watch of a surveillance camera and beneath a sign for Kofuku (“happiness”) Bank, a financial institution that is now insolvent and which conceivably caused a great deal of unhappiness to its depositors.
This photograph highlights the ease at which people are deceived into believing that their lives are better than they actually are and the futility they feel in the face of big business. Orwell describes this as “newspeak,” the language of Oceania as “doublethink,” or people’s belief that their lives are improving, while also knowing it not to be true. People simply accept what they are told––what Orwell calls a “vast system of mental cheating.”
The Japanese concept of “shoganai” that something “can’t be helped,” is also encapsulated in this photograph. The two men, who are dressed in conservative, dark business attire, appear to be shouldering a great burden as they make their was wearily to the office, like Winston Smith, the principal character in “1984.” The sign screams happiness, but the photograph echoes grim reality and despair, while the camera continues its tireless watch.
Homeless people often feature as a means of highlighting the broad financial gap between social castes. A wizen, bearded waif shuffling past a Luis Vuitton window display in Ginza shows the disparity between Tokyo’s social classes, as do other more subtle photographic references to wealth, age, status and educational contrasts.
This book is not for paranoid conspiracy theorists or the psychologically depressed, as observation of Ohkura’s photographs will do nothing to allay their fears. “Tokyo X” is a wake-up call for everyone in Japan: Where is this society going? Who is in control? What can be done to improve lives? And is there any escape from the regimented, electronic, natureless world into which people have allowed themselves to be drawn?
Orwell sounded a warning 65 years ago that to have an orderly society people must submit to a centre of power, a tyrant head of a government bureaucracy, with the cost of doing so being the loss of personal freedom. Ohkura has provided us with a powerful visual message that we are already there.
War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength.

Tokyo X by Shunji Ohkura: Published by Kodansha InternationalRate this: