The Rongolian Star Quiz No. 3

Question 1

Who was without question Australia’s greatest cricketing batsman?

Clue : He was known as “The Don”

a. Don Corleone

 

b. Don Juan

c. Don Trump

 

d. Don Duck

Question 2

Kim Dotcom was German champion of which athletic sport in 2010?

a. Pole dancing

b. Irish sky diving
c. Hacky sacky


d. Twister

Question 3

You are out fishing on your new cruiser when your vituperous mother in law accidentally trips over your quickly extended right foot and falls overboard. She is unfortunately, immediately chomped by a great white shark. Do you:

 

a. Pour your self the best tasting beer of your entire life?

 

b. Wish you had been wearing your 3-D contact lenses?
c. Quickly clip on your snazziest shark lure and frantically cast into the burley?
d. Throw the wife in to save her?

 

 

Question 4

 

Who is Australia’s greatest sporting hero of all time?

a. Hayden Haitana

b. John Hopoate


c. Phar Lap


d.Trevor Chappell

Clue : Born and bred in New Zealand, deported to Australia and was heavily involved in the racing industry.

Question 5

A flaming asteroid half the size of your mother in laws jaw bone is travelling at Mach 23 towards Karamea. ETA about 5 minutes!!!! Do you:

a. Run to pub?

 

b. Run from pub in a moment of blind panic when you realise it is your shout?

c. Run back to pub when you realise you were drinking alone?


d. You are a confirmed teetotaller so you pour yourself a large schooner of tea, shaken not stirred, what the heck make it a double, a slice of lemon, couple of ice cubes, put in your char one of those silly cocktail umbrellas, splash of dry ginger ale and scull!!! Burp!! Didn’t touch the sides and so you…KABOOM!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Education, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, Karamea, New Zealand, Parody, Satire, Social Commentary, Sport, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What if Wordsmiths had SmartPhones and Tweeted….

Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes

(From the DimWit Diary: http://thedimwitdiary.com)
 

Suppose a young man with a wild imagination and too much time on his hands went to a greasy spoon diner one evening at 3 AM.   Suppose the same young man grew tired of all the belligerent drunks and lot lizards that usually frequent a greasy spoon diner late at night, so he began to surf the interwebs on his smart phone to occupy his time until his gyro omelette and rye toast were ready to be served.

Suppose that while killing time surfing the interwebs, the young man came across some famous quotes and later stumbled upon the humorous website, Damn You Autocorrect.  Now suppose the imaginative young man with too much time on his hands got to thinking:

“What if all the famous authors, poets, artists, philosophers, and great leaders of history had to use a smart phone to type their inspiring quotes?  Would their quotes sound any less smart?  Would they be any less inspiring?  What would the quotes read like if these great historical figures had to put down their pen and paper, and use the same means of communication that we use today – texting, tweeting, emailing, and other forms of social media?  What if the famous quotes were subject to autocorrect?”

Suppose the young man’s thoughts were to materialize.  I suppose you would get something like this.  Ten famous quotes given the autocorrect treatment.

001 Dalai Lama

003 Helen Keller

002 William Shakespeare

004 Mark Twain

008 William Shakespeare 2

007 Eleanor Roosevelt

005 Thomas Jefferson

009 Oscar Wilde

006 Mother Theresa

010 Martin Luther King Jr

My God.   What have we done.  Modern devices and social media are destroying our love shaft.  Our language!  Destroying r language!

What are some of your favorite famous quotes?  Leave them in the comments section below (140 characters or less, JK).  I’m a big fan of paying homage to the greats and I would love to hear them if you wouldn’t mind sharing.  Much obliged.

Posted in Art, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Media, Quotes, Social Commentary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Globalisation: A Practical Definition

What is  Globalisation?

Example:
Princess Diana’s death

An
English princess

with an
Egyptian boyfriend

crashes
in a French tunnel,

riding in a

German
car

with a
Dutch engine,

driven
by a Belgian

who was
drunk

on
Scottish whisky,

followed closely by

Italian Paparazzi,

on
Japanese motorcycles,

treated
by an American doctor,

using

Brazilian medicines.

This blog is by

  an Australian living in

New Zealand

using

American
Bill Gates’ technology,

and
you’re probably reading
this on your computer,

that
uses Taiwanese chips,

and

Korean monitor, assembled

by

Bangladeshi workers

in a Singapore plant,

transported by Indian truck drivers…..



Posted in Art, Australia, Banking, Business, Economics, Education, Environment, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Japan, Media, Money, New Zealand, Parody, Photography, Satire, Social Commentary, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Martha Stewart Talks Gardening with Tom Waits

STEWART: Tom, it’s a delight to visit you in your garden. Let’s have a look at your—wait, what’s that sound?

WAITS: My old mutt Sullivan. Other week he drank some funny creek water downstream of the hydrofrack. Been breathin’ like a box bellows ever since. Don’t pay him no mind.

STEWART: Oh, the poor thing. Now, let’s have a look at your sunflowers. They’ve … not done well.

WAITS: Sunflowers don’t grow right in this sun. At least mine didn’t—came up and fell down, like a dray mule with rickets.

STEWART: And all your hydrangeas are dead.

WAITS: I’m the killer, Martha, but you’re the one who’s done time.

STEWART: Oh, but I put that time to such good use, Tom! Making comfy shawls and a gorgeous Nativity crèche with just the materials I had at hand! It’s a lot like the wonderful music you make with your junkyard instruments.

WAITS: Did your cell have one of those floor drains? Peeing against perforated metal is its own kinda music.

STEWART: [ignoring him]: Now, Tom, you need to put in some trellises here. Your sweet peas are getting away from you.

WAITS: Shoot, Martha, my sweet pea got away from me in ’68. At the bowling lanes on the borderline where Chula Vista becomes National City. [Mournfully] She was only 16 and smelled of damp crinoline and cheeseburger fumes.

 From Vanity Fair: www.vanityfair.com
Posted in Agriculture, Art, Education, Environment, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Media, Social Commentary, United States | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

ANZAC Day 2013

2013 ANZAC Message from N.Z. Governor General Sir Jerry Mateparae

Sir-Jerry-Mateparae_cool-kiwi-single-hero

N.Z. Governor General Sir Jerry Mateparae

On the 25th of April we mark ANZAC Day. As the first light breaks, we remember a pivotal day in our nation’s history when New Zealanders landed at Gallipoli in 1915 as part of the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps. The Anzacs showed courage, comradeship and compassion and distinguished themselves as soldiers.

We remember our close comrades, the Australians. Sharing ANZAC Dy means we look across the Tasman in a spirit of mateship and shares sacrifice, just as our soldiers did almost a century ago. And we remember also the Turks, our respected enemy.Next year will see the start of centenary commemorations to mark the First World War. While we may re-evaluate the meaning of the war for us today, we will always remember the men and women who have served New Zealand.

As we gather at our commemorative events and hear the Last Post played, we recall those who made the supreme sacrifice and recommit ourselves to the solemn pledge to never forget their service and to always remember them.

ANZAC Day: Oath of Remembrance

They shall grow not old, 
As we that are left grow old, 
Age shall not weary them, 
Nor the years condemn. 
At the going down of the sun, 
And in the morning 
We will remember them.
 

 

Lest We Forget

Taps!

Day is done, gone the sun
From the lakes, from the hills, from the sky
All is well, safely rest
God is nigh.
Fading light dims the sight
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright
From afar, drawing near
Falls the night.
Thanks and praise for our days
Neath the sun, neath the stars, neath the sky
As we go, this we know
God is nigh.

In Flanders Fields

By Lieutenant Colonel John McRae MD (1872-1918) Canadian Army 

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow 
Between the crosses row on row, 
That mark our place; and in the sky 
The larks, still bravely singing, fly 
Scarce heard amid the guns below. 

We are the Dead. Short days ago 
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, 
Loved and were loved, and now we lie 
In Flanders fields. 

Take up our quarrel with the foe: 
To you from failing hands we throw 
The torch; be yours to hold it high. 
If ye break faith with us who die 
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow 
In Flanders fields. 

 

Army recruits from all over Australia (including my grandfather Charles Alan Ralph Murray (17)) assemble in Albany Western Australia to board ships bound for the warfront in the Middle East and Northern Africa.

Two-Up: ANZAC Day Tradition

Two-up is a traditional Australian gambling game, involving a designated ‘Spinner’ throwing two or three coins into the air. Players gamble on whether the coins will fall with both (obverse) heads up, both (reverse) tails up, or with one coin a head, and one a tail (known as ‘Odds’). It is traditionally played on ANZAC Day in pubs and clubs throughout Australia, in part to mark a shared experience with Diggers through the ages.

 

History Making: Swans & Saints Clash in Wellington 

1st Ever AFL Premiership Points Game Played Outside Australia

On April 25 2013, the St Kilda Football Club will become the first AFL Club to play for AFL Premiership points outside of Australia when it takes on the Sydney Swans.

In a history making agreement between St Kilda FC, the AFL and Wellington City Council, the Saints will play in New Zealand on ANZAC Day in 2013, as part of a longer term commitment to play further home matches in Wellington.

St Kilda FC, a foundation Club of the AFL, will celebrate its 140th anniversary in 2013 and this ground breaking game demonstrates the Saints commitment to being at the forefront of developing the sport internationally.

AFL is a fast paced, high scoring contact sport requiring a large amount of skill, which will certainly appeal to all New Zealanders.

Anzac Day, April 25th 2013

ANZAC Day is historically and culturally significant to both countries and it seems appropriate to hold the first ever AFL match in New Zealand on this day.

The game will be played at Wellington’s world-class Westpac Stadium at 7.40PM local time and will be broadcast live into Australia against the Sydney Swans at 7.40PM Australian eastern standard time.

Australians and New Zealanders share a passion for sport and have a healthy Trans-Tasman rivalry, particularly when it comes to rugby union, rugby league and cricket.

Introduction to AFL

AFL is a fast paced, high scoring contact sport requiring a blend of speed, power, strength and skill, which will certainly appeal toall New Zealanders. It is the most watched sport on Australian television with its popularity extending to people from all walks of life and ages.

While it’s popularity in Australia is immense – it can be a difficult game to explain to those new to it, far better to show you!

Posted in Australia, Education, Historical, LivinginPeace Project, New Zealand, Obituary, Peace, Social Commentary, War | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to build a bath tub worm bin

A great how to guide on building a worm farm in an old bath tub

PermaVerde's avatarpermaverde

Be sure to read my post about Composting with Worms. With a little extra time and effort, you can build this bin basically for free if you have all the proper resources.

12 EASY Steps to Building a Bathtub Worm Farm!

Preparation: 24 hours for sealants to dry properly
Building: 2 hours
Cost: $44.99
Skill Level: Moderately Easy

Tools you will need:

I am a hand tool sort of guy. There is nothing like putting your own energy into any job that you need to get done. If you would prefer to use a skill saw, go right ahead!

The cable saw uses friction to cut through the the PVC like butter. I prefer the cable saw, but you can use the PVC pipe cutter instead.

A flat bar can make the job really easy when trying to remove nails from salvaged wood.

Materials you will need:

I called…

View original post 1,356 more words

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Sex & Humour Sells: Satire and Innuendo in Advertising

 

2. Sexy Camera: Soap

Sexy Camera is new hidden camera show. (Italy)

3. Volvo: We’re Just As Excited As You

 

4. Burn: Are You Bad Enough?

hint: kcuL

hint: skooB

hint: kcuD (Switzerland)

5. Hunkemöller Lingerie Store: String Seat Cover

String seat covers where distributed on bicycles in Amsterdam to communicate a sale period at Hunkemöller lingerie store.  (Holland)

6. Capriccio. Ladies Hairdresser

 

7. Playboy: The Hot Ana Paula

(Brazil)

8. Breast Cancer Awareness Mouse Pad

English translation: “Frequent massaging breasts enables you detect breast cancer before it strikes”. (China)

9. Axe. Turns Nice Girls Naughty

These stickers were placed in the main discotheque’s bathrooms in Montevideo. (Uruguay)

10. Superette: Short shorts at Superette

DDB Auckland ads were placed on the virgin thighs that are exposed in this latest trend, by putting indented plates across the inner city and fashion district bus stops, mall seats and park benches, so that when people sat down the message was imprinted on their thighs. This meant that as well as having branded seats, a veritable army of free media was created for Superette, with thousands of imprints being created and lasting up to an hour. Plus, by the nature of where the ads were placed, only the hippest young cats were seen advocating the brand. (New Zealand)

11.Lubricant Advertisement

 

12. Chantelle Push-Up

(Belgium)

13. New Stuff for Gays

(Germany)

14. Veet Bikini Kit

“This summer put stubble trouble behind you.” (England)

15. The Sooner You Advertise Here, the Better

Interbest and Y&R Amsterdam used an overweight male stripper to build awareness of their billboard visibility. The start of a series – the guy keeps stripping until an advertiser buys the space to save everyone. (Holland)

16. Are You Obsessed With the Right Things?

A lot of women are probably more obsessed with a pimple, bad hair or their butt than they are concerned about breast cancer. In order to raise breast cancer awareness, Breast Cancer Foundation in Singapore creatively used body art to ask women if they were “obsessed with the right things?” (Singapore)

17. Durex Performa. Last Longer

(New Zealand)

18. Erotic Cinema Festival in Barcelona

 

19. Victoria’s Secret

Reveal secret. (Uniter States)

20. Use a Condom

(Sweden)

21. HIV & AIDS Awareness Advertisement

 

22. Jobsintown.de: The Ass-Kisser Project

“There are better ways to make career.” (Germany)

23. Lovemachine Condoms

“Give longer. Take longer.” (Germany)

24. Szexplaza.com: Pyjama

 

25. Gillette: Fur Fur Away Towels

Only 12% of women like men with body hair and 71,6 % of men prefer a shaved bikini zone. Gillette wanted to bring the topic of body shaving to the attention of men and women. The idea is the world’s first bath towel with holes in areas where you would usually find body hair. Results and Effectiveness: Thousands of bath towels were stolen at the start of the summer season. (Germany)

26. Absolut Vodka

 

27 TMF Travel: Push-Up Posters

TMF Travel organises party trips for 16-24 years olds to top party destinations around Europe. To get some extra attention for their latest promotion, they created a unique wild poster campaign: one normal poster of a guy is surrounded by five close-ups of bikinis… in Push-up style. (Belgium)

28. Repromed: Don’t Waste Your Sperm

Jamshop has created a cheeky DM piece to complement their existing national print and online campaign in an effort to recruit sperm donors for Repromed, Australia’s leading infertility clinic. Unsuspecting potential candidates received the popular men’s magazine FHM, only to discover that some pages appeared stuck together. Blokes were lured into pulling the sticky pages apart, revealing a full page pic of an attractive lingerie model and a message. An interactive website linking back to Repromed challenged the men to see if they had the “goods” to become an eligible sperm donor. (Australia)

29. Ismet Dural Circumciser: Tear off phone-number

Ismet Dural is a circumsicer who owns a clinic. (Turkey)

Ziegler

Woolstudio: Dominatrix
Woolstudio

Wonderbra: Cook
Wonderbra

White night: Chocolate condoms
White Night

Viva TV: Jenn
Viva TV

Titus: Second Job
Titus

Termix Club: Team photo
Termix Club

Target maternity bras: Cranes
Target Maternity Bras

The Swiss Federal Office of Public Health: Aids awareness, Hockey
Swiss Federal Office

Suraksha Mudra: Jeans
Suraksha Mudra

Sundek beachwear: Girl
Sundek

Suede: Killer
Suede

Sisley: Transparent Clothes
Sisley

Sisley Nothing
Sisley Nothing

Plate-Forme Prévention SIDA: Car
Sida

Semos: Lessons
Semos

Prockey Pen: Bikini Black
Prockey Pen

Playboy: Peta
Playboy

Playboy: Hot teacher
Playboy Hot

Meltin’ Pot jeans: Bed
Meltin Pot 2

Meltin’Pot: 001 Step to an exciting job
Meltin Pot

Matchbox: Blonde girl
Matchbox

Mambo: 0%
Mambo

Lynx deodorant: Baja
Lynx

Luciano Carvari: Flora Amore
Luciano Carvari

Lorgan’s The Retro Store: Dining room
Lorgan

London Fog: Gisele Bündchen
London Fog

Lego: Sex
Lego

Lebenslust Lümmeltüten/Beate Uhse: Sitting
Lebenslust

K-Lynn Lingerie: Bra
K Lynn Lingerie

jbs mens underwear: Nurse
jbs Mens Underwear

Ipanema Gisele Bundchen Sandals: Tattoo
Ipanema

Imedeen Tan Optimizer: Bra
Imedeen

Fowin: Eggplant
Fowin

Ferrino Sleeping Bags: Butterfly
Ferrino

Equinox Fitness: Nuns
Equinox Fitness

E45: Arms
E45

Downy: Naturally soft
Downy

Dim Paris Lingerie: Dim girls
Dim

DDB: Calendar
DDB

Club Cola: Sunshine Asses
Club Cola

Ché Magazine: Playgirl
Che Magazine

Bynolyt Binoculars: Eskimo
Bynolyt Binoculars

Bozzano Foot Deodorant: Escape
Bozzano

Masterfoods Bounty Chocolate: Ball
Bounty

PETA: Boss Models
Boss Models

Blush Lingerie: Stimulation
Blush Lingerie

Billy Boy: Strawberry
Billy Boy

Axe: Shaved
Axe2

Axe Shower Gel: Milk shake
Axe

ARPA: Panther
Arpa

Aquafresh Whitening Toothpaste: Sun
Aqua Fresh

Aniela: Bra
Aniela

Vitasnella: Hanger
Vitasnella

Parafernalia: Fireman
Prafernalia

Pepsi Raw: In the raw
Pepsi

Old Khaki Clothing: Four
Khaki

Hans Wagner Butcher’s Shop: Supermarket
Hans Wagner

Condomshop.ch: Fire brigade
Condomshop

Layconsa highlighter: Topless
Layconsa

Deleye: Guy
Deleye

Luxembourg Government: Human Trading
Luxembourg Government

Levis Red Tab Jeans: Hanging
Levis Red Tab Jeans

L’effet pei: Girl
Leffet Pei

Hansaplast Long Pleasure Condoms: Blonde
Hansaplast

Fayreform Lingerie: Work Your Curves
Fayreform Lingerie

Adanac Glass: Invisible showers
Adanac Glass

Fresh Life Snack Pack: Egg
Fresh Life Snack Pack

Pantene: Blond
Pantene

Posted in Advertising, Art, Business, Economics, Erotica, Fashion, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, Media, Money, New Zealand, Photography, Product review, Sex, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, Weird | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

50 Tips for Better Photography

By  
 
 
1. Understand aperture

The most fundamental element any photographer should understand is aperture. The aperture is the physical opening within your lens that allows light through to the sensor (or film in an older camera). The wider the aperture opening, the more light can pass through, and vice versa.The size of the opening, which is regulated by a series of fins encroaching from the edge of the lens barrel, is measured in so-called f-stops, written f/2.8, f/5.9 and so on, with smaller numbers denoting wider apertures. If you find this inverse relationship tricky to remember, imagine instead that it relates not to the size of the hole but the amount of each fin encroaching into the opening.

A narrow opening is regulated by a large amount of each fin encroaching into the barrel, and so has a high f-stop number, such as f/16, f/18 and so on. A wide opening is characterised by a small number, such as f/3.2, with only a small amount of each fin obscuring the light.

Picture the size of the fins, visible here inside this lens, when trying to understand the concept of f-stops.

2. Aperture measurements
Lenses almost always have their maximum aperture setting engraved or stamped on one end of the barrel. On a zoom lens you’ll see two measurements, often stated as f/3.5-f/5.9 or similar.

Rather than being opposite ends of a single scale these describe the maximum aperture at the wide angle and telephoto (maximum zoom) lens positions respectively. Always buy a lens with the smallest number you can afford in each position.

3. Avoid using aperture to compensate for poor lighting
Changing the aperture has a dramatic effect on the amount of light coming into the camera, as we have already said. You’ll notice this is the case when shooting landscapes with a narrower aperture (higher numbered f-stop) as your camera will often want to take a longer exposure — so much so that you may have to use a tripod to avoid motion blur.

You should avoid using the aperture scale to compensate for unfavourable lighting, however, as it also changes the amount of the image that remains in focus, as we’ll explain below.

The image on the left was taken with a wide aperture and so has a shallow depth of field; the image on the right was taken with a narrow aperture and so has a long depth of field.

4. Use a wide aperture for portraits
Anyone with a cat knows that when they’re hunting or playing their irises contract to enlarge the size of their pupils. This has the same effect as widening the aperture in a camera lens: it makes the subject they are focusing on very sharp while causing everything behind and in front of it to blur. We call this a shallow depth of field. This is perfect for portrait photography, as it draws forward your model within the scene, making them the central focus while the background falls away. Choose f/1.8 or similar wherever possible.

This image of a chicken was taken with a wide aperture to keep the subject in focus while blurring the background.

5. Use a narrow aperture for landscapes
For landscapes, on the other hand, you want to have everything from close-at-hand foliage to a distant mountain in focus. This is achieved by selecting a narrow aperture. If possible stray towards f/22, or whatever the tightest setting your camera allows.

This image of a Moroccan campfire is taken with a narrow aperture to maximise the depth of field.

6. ‘f/8 and be there’
Static models and immobile landscapes are easy to shoot as you can predict with a great deal of certainty which aperture setting you need to get the best out of either. Reportage and street photography, weddings, Christenings and so on are less predictable as your subjects will be moving in relation to the frame. In these circumstances, adopt the pro photographer’s adage, “f/8 and be there”.

Set your aperture to f/8 for a practical, manageable balance of fairly fast shutter speeds and broad depths of field, allowing you to spend more time thinking about composition within the frame than you do about optical algebra. When shooting indoors without a flash, and depending on the lighting conditions, you may need to increase your camera’s sensitivity setting at this aperture, but be careful not to push it so high that you introduce grain into your images, unless you are chasing that specific effect.

Filters and lenses

7. What does the ø symbol on my lens mean?
After the focal and aperture ranges, the other measurement you’ll see on most dSLR lenses is preceded by ø and describes the diameter of the screw mount on the front of lens barrel. Check this number each time you head out to buy a filter or hood as you can’t guarantee that it will be the same for each lens in your collection, even if they are all designed to be used on the same camera.

Check the diameter of your lens when heading out to buy a new filter.

8. If you only buy one filter…
…make it a circular polariser. This is the perfect beginner’s filter, and one that will have the biggest effect on your day to day photography, giving holiday skies a vibrant blue tone and accentuating the contrast between the sky and passing clouds to afford your images greater texture. Although you can add blue to your images in Photoshop or a similar post-production editing tool, the effect is never as believable when done that way as it is when shot using a lens.

Invest in an inexpensive circular polariser to improve the blue of skies in your images.

9. Don’t confine it to skies
Polarising filters also cut through glare and reflection. Use it to shoot through windows and water.

We used a polarising filter when shooting this frame to cut through reflections on the surface of the water.

10. Look for lenses where the zoom control doesn’t change the filter orientation
Rotating a circular polarising filter changes the strength of the polarising effect, making skies deeper or lighter, and changing the amount of reflection they cancel out. If you plan on using such a filter then wherever possible buy lenses where turning the zoom control doesn’t simultaneously rotate the end of the lens, and with it the filter, as this will change the effect. If you have no choice, set your zoom first and adjust the effect afterwards, being careful not to throw the lens out of focus in the process.

11. Don’t forget about white balance
When using a filter set your the white balance on your camera to the appropriate conditions, rather than auto, to stop the camera compensating for the filter in front of the lens.

Make sure you set your white balance manually when using a filter.

12. Don’t rush out to buy a skylight filter
Putting a clear filter on the front of your lens to protect its surface sounds like a great idea. After all, your lens was an expensive investment. The end of your lens is stronger than you might think, however, and easy to clean if you don’t let the dirt build up. Dispensing with a skylight filter will not only save you money, but also avoid the chance of introducing light problems due to increased reflections or the slight reduction in the level of illumination reaching the sensor.

13. Cheat’s macro mode (add-on filters)
Dedicated macro lenses are expensive, but you can quickly and easily improve your existing lens’ macro credentials by using screw-on magnifiers. They’re not a perfect solution as they decrease the level of light coming into the lens, but for occasional work they are very effective, easily sourced and cheap. We bought ours, below, first-hand from eBay, where you should expect to bid around £15 for a set of four screw-on filters.

If you can’t afford a dedicated macro mode, you can achieve the same result using an inexpensive set of add-on magnifiers.

14. Avoid stacking up too many filters
It’s tempting to add multiple filters to the end of each lens to achieve different results, but bear in mind that although they may look perfectly clear to you, each one reduces the amount of light passing through by a small amount. For the best results, use the smallest number of filters possible.

15. Choose a manual lens over a powered one
Some compact interchangeable lens cameras come with a choice of powered or manual zoom. The former is a great lazy option, allowing you to press a button to get the framing you’re after, but the latter is often cheaper and almost always quicker to use as it moves at whatever speed you turn it, without being hobbled by the speed of an internal motor. You can also often make finer and more predictable changes when zooming manually than you can with a powered zoom rocker.

16. Shoot slowly, zoom quickly… At the same time
If you’re shooting a static display, add some interest by turning the zoom control while shooting with a fairly slow shutter speed (you can only do this with a manual zoom, as a powered lens will be locked off when shooting). This works particularly well when shooting cars and other forms of transport as it gives them a sense of motion.

Give static subjects added dynamism and excitement by changing the zoom while using a slow shutter speed.

17. Try a prime lens for more creativity
Shooting with a fixed focal length — a prime lens — will make you think more carefully about how you want to frame a subject to tell a particular story. It will often also get you a cleaner, sharper result.

18. What do the measurements on my lens mean?
Lenses are measured in terms of their focal length, which broadly describes the effect they have on incoming light and the way it is focused on the sensor. A short focal length, such as 24mm, doesn’t have a very high level of magnification, so will focus a broad vista on the sensor. A long focal length, such as 240mm, has a high level of magnification, like a telescope, and so will fill the sensor with just the central part of the view.

This lens has a fairly long telephoto with the zoom topping out at 300mm.

19. Understand your lens’ true dimensions
Unless you’ve paid for a high-end dSLR, or a professional camera such as the Leica M9, your pocket snapper’s sensor will almost certainly be smaller than a frame of 35mm film, the standard point of reference against which all focal lengths are measured.

The 35mm in a frame’s name actually relates to the space between the top and the bottom of the film strip, which as well as the frame itself also contains some border areas and the sprocket holes used to move the film through the camera. A 35mm frame is positioned lengthwise on this strip, with its shortest dimension — top to bottom — perpendicular to the film’s direction of motion. As such, neither the height nor the width of the frame measures 35mm, but instead 24x36mm.

To understand how the stated focal length on any lens will affect the shot captured by your camera, you need to factor in the multiplier effect, which converts the size of your sensor to the size of that 35mm piece of film. The multiplier is often between 1.5 and 1.7 but varies between manufacturers and models.

So, if you’re buying a lens for the Canon EOS 600D with its 22.3×14.9mm sensor you’d need to multiply the stated focal length of the lens by 1.6. This would make a 50mm lens, commonly used in portrait photography, act like an 80mm lens, thus increasing the effective zoom and narrowing the amount of the scene seen in each frame. On a Nikon D5100, which has a slightly larger sensor (23.6×15.6mm) you’d need to multiply the lens’ measurements by 1.5, in which case an equivalent 50mm lens would act as though it were a 75mm unit.

20. Save money by opting for a smaller sensor
This means you can, technically, save money by opting for a smaller sensor, as you’ll be able to buy less powerful lenses to achieve the kind of results you would otherwise only get with a longer, more expensive zoom.

21. Use zone focusing
Related to point 6 — f/8 and be there — if you have a lens with both f-stop and focal measurements on the barrel, understanding how they relate to each other can help you take great spontaneous photos with a high degree of confidence.

In the image below we’ve set our aperture to f/5.6, as indicated by the red line pointing to the 5.6 reading on the lower gauge. We’ve then set the range on the yellow gauge to around 1.2 metres by positioning this at the top of the same line. We can now use the green scale to understand how far away from the camera our subjects need to be if they are to be accurately focused.

By following the lines running from the two green entries for 5.6 on either side to their measurements on the yellow scale, we can see that so long as we’re more than 1m away from our subjects they will be in focus (the green 5.6 on the left is linked to around 1m on the yellow scale, while the green 5.6 on the right is linked to the infinity symbol, which is like a number 8 on its side). Anything closer than that will be blurred.

This gives us a great deal of freedom to snap whatever we want without making any further adjustments, so long as it’s no closer to us than 100cm. To create a more intimate effect, adjusting the distance ring so that 0.4 sat at the top of the red marker would mean that only those objects between around 36cm and 50cm would be kept in focus.

Use zone focusing to understand which parts of your image will be in focus at any particular aperture setting.

Lighting

22. Invest in a cheap pair of lights
If you’re doing any kind of indoor photography, invest in a cheap pair of lights. Buy at least a pair, complete with tripod stands and reflectors to direct the light. Opt for continuous light rather than flash units, as they’re cheaper, easy to use and great for beginners, as you don’t have to take test shots to see how the shadows fall during setup.

23. Understand colour temperature
Different colours and levels of light are measured using the Kelvin scale. For the best results, look for studio lights with a temperature of around 5,500K-6,000K to emulate bright daylight. Lights with a lower colour temperature often render a colour caste in your images that will have to be corrected in Photoshop or an alternative image editor.

This professional studio bulb maintains a constant colour temperature of 5500K, as specified on the furthest end.

24. Buy a light box — but don’t spend more than £20
Minimise shadows in your studio-lit work by investing in an inexpensive light box. Effectively a five-sided cube with gauze sides and top, you position your lights so that they shine through the sides of the box, diffusing the light and softening the shadows. Light boxes usually ship with a felted back cloth that can be attached using Velcro to create an infinite field of view by obscuring the seams of the box.

An inexpensive light box makes it easy to shoot with artificial light without casting strong shadows.

25. Make best use of available light with a sheet of paper
If you can’t afford studio lights, even out harsh contrasts when shooting with natural light by positioning a large sheet of paper or card to reflect the incoming light onto the unlit side of your subject. If shooting people, ask them to hold the card themselves outside of the framed shot. Alternatively, invest in a set of reflectors. You can pick up a new, multi-part set with white, silver and gold reflective surfaces for around £12 on eBay.

This shot would have benefitted from a reflective surface positioned to the left of the frame to illuminate the right-hand side of our subject’s face.

26. Don’t be dictated by the sun
Using automatic settings to shoot into the sun will throw your subject into silhouette as the camera dials down the exposure to compensate for the bright background. Shooting people with the sun in front of them, meanwhile, solves the silhouette problem but introduces another one: squinting. Solve this by keeping their back to the sun and forcing the flash to fire (switch from it ‘auto’ to ‘on’ or ‘forced’) to correct the exposure on your subjects’ faces without leaving them squinting.

27. Observe the rule of thirds
The most aesthetically pleasing images are those in which the subjects are aligned with the one-third power points in every frame. Position horizons one third up or down the height of the image, and people one third in from the left or right. Likewise, if you’re snapping a frame-filling head shot, position the eyes so they’re one third down from the top of the frame.

Some cameras give you the option of displaying an overlaid grid on the rear LCD to help you line up your subjects along these lines. If yours does, go one step further and put key elements on the points where the horizontal and vertical lines intersect.

Here we’ve added short red ticks to the top and the bottom of this frame to show how the man warming his drum is positioned one third of the way in from the right of the frame, and the flames of the fire are one third of the way in from the left.

28. Exposure and focus come first, framing second
Half-pressing the shutter release fixes the focus and exposure settings for the shot you’re about to take. Pressing it all the way captures the frame.

Use this to your advantage by metering for particular conditions by putting your subject on one of your camera’s focus positions and half pressing the shutter to lock its settings then, without releasing the button, recompose the framing to align your subjects on the one-third power positions. This way you’ll get perfect exposures every time, whatever the composition.

29. Use your free light meter
If you don’t have a light meter, use your camera’s auto mode to gauge the optimum settings, even if you don’t want an immaculately exposed result. Examine the shot’s settings and then switch to manual mode and replicate them before pushing individual elements — shutter speed, sensitivity, aperture and so on — to achieve the moody result you’re after.

Let your camera do the hard work: take a picture in auto mode and use its self-selected settings as the basis for your manually dialled variables next time around.

30. Get up early, stay out late
Photography is all about painting with light. Light is what gives your pictures contrast, shape and texture, and often the best light it that which appears at either end of the day when the sun is lower in the sky. At these times of day it casts longer, more extreme shadows, which in turn pick out small details, bumps and texture.

By shooting early in the morning and late in the afternoon, you’ll achieve far more interesting results than you would at high noon when you’ll spend more time controlling the light coming into your lens than you will manipulating your subjects to best exploit the shadows.

It’s a cliche, but this shot of Whitby Abbey wouldn’t be nearly as atmospheric if it weren’t taken at sundown.

31. Embrace the grey day
Don’t let an overcast day put you off heading out with your camera. The softer light you get on an overcast day is perfect for shooting plants, flowers and foliage as it dampens the contrasts we were championing in our previous step. This allows the camera to achieve a more balanced exposure and really bring out the colours in petals.

Overcast days present the perfect conditions for shooting flowers and foliage.

Cheat’s tips

32. Travel without a tripod: tip 1
Packing a tripod when you head off on holiday is a great way to extend the shooting day, allowing you to take some stunning night-time shots with streaking lights and illuminated landmarks. If you’re pushed for space, though, check out this trick. Balance your camera somewhere sturdy and safe, disable the flash and set a slow shutter speed or two seconds or more.

Now set your self timer, fire the shutter release and let go of your camera so that you won’t cause it to wobble. By the time the self timer countdown expires, any residual movement caused by your hand letting go should have evened out, so your camera will sit still and steady throughout the exposure for a crisp, sharp result.

We took this using the self timer and a long exposure. Avoid the temptation to squat in Rome’s rush hour traffic.

33. Travel without a tripod: tip 2
It’s not always possible to find a flat surface on which to perform the previous trick. Try and find a flat surface on some castle battlements and you’ll see what we mean. Combat this by packing a small beanbag in your camera bag.

Check out school sports and games categories on eBay to find 100g beanbags (a pack of four costs less than £5), which can be pressed into shape on uneven surfaces, with your camera snugly settled on top. It’s more stable and less likely to either fall over or wobble during the exposure.

Paris this time, and we’re once again employing the delayed shutter trick.

34. Travel without a tripod: tip 3
Professional tripods use quarter-inch screws to fix your camera in place. You can easily source a screw of the same size from a normal hardware store. To avoid travelling with a bulky tripod, drill a hole in a standard bottle top (the type you’d find capping a 500ml drinks bottle) and thread the screw through it, fixing it in place using strong glue.

Keep this in your camera bag as you travel, but don’t bother carrying the rest of the bottle, as these are easily sourced wherever you happen to end up. Fill an empty bottle with grit to give it some weight and screw your cap to the top. Instant tripod.

35. Banish long-arm self portraits
Self portraits are great for capturing holiday memories, but if you can’t find somewhere suitable to balance your camera while also framing the scene behind you, the only way you can take them is to hold your camera at arm’s length and press the shutter release. The results are rarely flattering.

Invest in a cheap monopod (search eBay for handheld monopod) and use this to hold your camera away from you while keeping your hands in a more natural position and the great scenery you want to stand in front of behind you. Use your camera’s self-timer to fire the shutter 2 or 10 seconds later.

Your author in Greece, without the aid of a monopod, where the arm and watch strap somewhat distract from the Acropolis.

36. Look at the eyes, not around the eyes, look at the eyes
Ever wondered why so many magazines have faces on the cover? It’s because we identify with such pictures, which in turn helps us identify with the magazine. Art editors know that our inclination is to connect with the eyes staring out of the cover, and the same is true of your portraits.

When shooting a person, if only one part of your image is in focus, make it the eyes. That’s the first place your audience will look. So long as they’re in focus, they’ll consider the whole image to be accurately shot, no matter how shallow your depth of field and how blurred the rest of the frame.

The eyes are in focus in this shot, so we read it as being accurately focused overall.

37. Use burst mode when shooting pets
Pets are unpredictable, so don’t wait for them to pose before shooting. The chances are you’ll miss the crucial moment.

Don’t wait until you’ve attracted their attention — start shooting while you’re trying to do it, as they don’t understand the concept of cameras and will move at the worst possible moment. Switch your camera to burst mode and start shooting while you’re trying to attract their attention towards the lens for a better chance of capturing something close to the picture you wanted.

Use burst mode when shooting animals and pets to increase your chances of capturing the shot you’re after.

38. Make use of scene modes
Your camera knows better than you do how to use its own settings to create special effects. Don’t be afraid to use its in-built scene modes for punchy monochrome or high-key effects. If possible, set your camera to save raw and JPEG images side by side so you also have a copy of the original unadulterated scene should you later change your mind.

39. How to shoot fireworks
Frequently the most impressive spectacle, fireworks are nonetheless tricky to shoot. For your best chance of capturing a display, set your sensitivity to ISO 100 and compensation to 0EV so that you don’t unnecessarily lighten the sky, which you want to keep as black as possible.

Mount your camera on a tripod and set your shutter speed to at least 8 seconds. Zoom out so that the fireworks just fill the frame, preferably without being cropped by the borders and be careful not to wobble the camera during the exposure or you’ll end up with blurred results. All being well, the result should be pin-sharp streaks of light falling to the ground.

We shot these fireworks using an 8-second exposure with the help of a tripod and timed shutter release.

40. How to shoot moving water
Short shutter speeds do a good job of capturing a waterfall and its surroundings, but you’ll achieve a far more attactive result by slowing things down. To do this without overexposing your image, start by switching out of auto and reducing your camera’s sensitivity to its lowest setting (usually around ISO 100 or ISO 80), then either use a neutral density (ND) filter or, if you don’t have one or can’t fit one to your camera, dial down the exposure compensation to its lowest level (usually -2EV, -3EV or -5EV).

Mount your camera on a tripod, half press the shutter release to fix the focus point and exposure and then press it all the way to take the picture, being careful not to shake the camera while it’s taking the shot. It’ll take some experimentation to get this right, so don’t be put off if you don’t get the perfect results first time around.

By taking this picture with a slower shutter we’ve softened the water both in the waterfall and passing in front of the lens.

41. Focus on the details
When a scene is simply too big to fit in your picture without it getting uncomfortably close to the edge of the frame, focus instead on one of the details that makes it unique. An abstract crop can often have greater impact and give a more original view of a tired, over-used view we’ve all seen before.

Zoomed and cropped: an unusual night-time view of the Louvre Pyramid, reflected in the pools that surround it.

42. You can’t shoot speed head-on
You can’t properly capture speeding subjects as they come towards or move away from you. If you’re shooting track events, position yourself side-on to the action so that it passes across your field of view rather than coming towards it. Shooting into a chicane works well on TV where we delight in seeing the cars snake around it in sequence, but fares poorly in static frames.

43. Focus on the action
If you really want to convey an impression of speed in your images, pan your lens in line with speeding cars, horses and runners and shoot with a fairly slow shutter speed — 1/125 second or below — to blur the background. Keeping the subject sharp in the frame while blurring the background gives a more effective impression of speed than static backgrounds and blurred subjects.

44. Reflect on things
Do rainy days and Sundays get you down? Don’t let them: embrace the photo opportunities afforded by the puddles. The rain is as much a part of the story of your holiday as the food you ate and the sights you saw. Use reflections wherever possible for a different take on otherwise well-known scenes.

Even ugly urban decay can sparkle with the help of a reflective puddle.

Smart shopping

45. Don’t believe the megapixel myth
We’re glad to see manufacturers are starting to see sense here, with many high-end cameras now sporting comparatively modest pixel counts. At the lower end, however, some manufacturers continue to cram 16 megapixels and more on tiny sensors that can’t cope with high levels of incoming light. Pay for quality, not quantity, remembering that as few as 10 megapixels is plenty for printing at A3 using online photo-printing services.

This squirrel was shot using the 10.1-megapixel Nikon 1 J1. Despite the conservative resolution, the quality is great and we’d be happy to print this as a poster to pin on the wall.

46. Flickr: your shopping assistant
Baffled by numbers and stats? If you can’t get your hands on a camera to try before you buy, at least have a look at the shots it produces. Flickr uses the metadata attached to every photo shot by a digital camera to catalogue them by manufacturer and model, allowing you to click through a representative sample of output in its enormous online archive. Find it atflickr.com/cameras.

47. Don’t be a memory cheapskate
Buy the fastest memory cards you can afford to minimise the time it takes for your camera to write each shot to the media, and how long you’ll have to wait before you can take the next shot. Wait too long and you’ll miss something.

Cards are ranked using a simple class system, where the class number is simply the number of megabytes the card can store per second. So, your camera will be able to write to a Class 4 card at up to 4MBps, and a Class 10 card at up to 10MBps. Faster cards are more expensive, so if you’re having trouble justifying to yourself the extra expense, compare them to the speed boost you get from upgrading the memory in your PC or Mac.

This Class 10 card is the fastest you can get, minimising the time you’ll have to wait between taking multiple sequential shots.

48. Size really is everything
Think carefully about how you want to balance the convenience of carrying fewer large cards with the security of travelling with a larger number of lower capacity ones. On the one hand you’ll spend less time swapping 16GB cards than 2GB media, but if you lose a single 16GB card, or it corrupts, you could lose all of the shots from your trip.

Splitting them across several cards, and locking full cards in your hotel safe so you’re only carrying around empty cards plus the one on your camera means you’ll be taking fewer risks with your digital memories.

Travelling with several smaller cards than one large card means you can lock your photos in a room safe while out and about.

49. Replace your cards every couple of years
Memory cards might not have any moving parts, but that doesn’t mean they don’t wear out. On the contrary they each have a finite life, and every time you write to, delete from or read the card you’re bringing it another step closer to the end of that life. If you don’t want to risk corrupting your pictures far from home, replace heavily used cards every couple of years.

And finally…

50. Break all the rules
Be truly original. Ignore the rule of thirds. Shoot at high noon. Shoots sports photos at slow shutter speeds for blurred results. Whatever you do, make your pictures stand out from the crowd and relish the results.

Notre Dame, obeying the rule of thirds, but otherwise not as we know it.
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The Power of Permaculture

“A person of courage today is a person of peace. Our only possible decision is to withhold all support for destructive systems and to cease to invest our lives in our own annihilation. Whether we continue without ethics and philosophy like abandoned or orphaned children, or whether we create opportunities to achieve maturity, balance, harmony, is the only real question that faces the present generation. This is the debate that must never stop!” 

––Bill Mollison

Quality over Quantity

The meek shall inherit the Earth…if it’s OK with everyone else…

Off the Top of my Head

By Paul Murray
 

We’re the lucky ones. Permaculturalists may not be draped in diamonds, holidaying in Monaco, driving the latest Bentley and drinking Cristal champagne with supermodels, but we have plenty or good food to eat, warm comfortable homes, clean fresh air and water, security and sufficiency to live life well.

scarlett_johansson-moet-chandon-bottle1

Collectively humans are interesting animals, we’re by our very nature competitive, we’re constantly looking for the bigger, better deal, we’re rampant resource plunderers and seem compelled to always want what we haven’t got…this leads us to be aggressive and into conflict and ultimately conflict with others who have what we want to gratify our avarice.

In the Western industrialised world, we are living comfortably from the labour of others less fortunate and have been doing so for some time. International fair trade agreements, globalisation, multi-national corporatisation means that we can enjoy the fruits of others sweat, pay them peanuts and live comfortably in our imported clothing, in front of our wide-screen TVs, while somewhere a team of less affluent people in a country far away are laboring in a factory churning out more products for us to mindlessly consume. The champagne guzzling Bentley drivers are only part of the problem, we are also living WAY beyond our means and it’s high time for a rethink.

Many of the world’s people lack even the most basic provisions for a simple life, but we’re doing just fine thanks Jack. Permaculturalists for the time being are part of this a fortunate minority, but we’re planning for a future without all the comforts we’ve complacently accepted to be forever and incorporated into our lives while still looking for more…well soon there’ll be no more, in fact it’s likely there is going to be a LOT less…and that is a good thing, for permaculturists can accept that less is more.

We might not consider ourselves extravagant, excessive, self-indulgent and rich, but to someone without all the comforts and luxuries we complacently take for granted, our lives are opulent and decadent.

Excess and opulence are very subjective measures…to someone without a house, a dry corner of a shed is a luxury, if you have no food, an apple is gold. Is the businessman in first class on an international flight on a commercial airline overindulgent compared with the corporate head in his own Learjet? Is he decadent compared with the owner of the airline who has mansions all over the world, his own island and is planning commercial flights to the moon? To the passenger cramped up the back in cattle class they all are, but to the peasant farmer watching the planes fly overhead decadence has no meaning for he will never experience flight in any form and sees only people in a parallel universe to his own reality.

Right now, a minority of the world’s people are driving it over a cliff…fiscal cliff, ecological cliff, technological cliff, call it what you like, but we’re already right on the edge and the brakes are out…we’re going over for sure and certain as it’s basic human nature to always want more, that’s how we got here and there’s no end in sight…we will destroy the Earth, of this I am certain…we’re already well on the way and the rapidity of the destruction is exponential…it’s all over folks, our nest is fouled…it’s good night nurse, thanks for playing…game over…but permaculturalists are waiting in the solar-powered ambulance at the bottom of the cliff ready to rebuild the broken corporate model and industrial infrastructure in line with natural systems.

Nature’s propensity for recovery is infinite…it never gives up, it overcomes, finds a way, is the solution to all problems…our behavior is of no consequence, when she’s had enough Mother Earth will just burp and we’re all gone…she’ll then set about recovering, it may take a few million years, but that’s but a moment in the billion year timeline of Gaia…the scale is immense.

People will destroy the world, but permaculturalists will have their day…as the end nears, our skills and talents will be highly sought after because basic necessities will have top value and everything else will be insignificant to the provision of nutritious food, clean water, fresh air and warm dry, comfortable housing…permaculturalists have a deep understanding of and empathy with nature…to be at one with nature is to be at peace…Power to the PEACEFUL…it’s in the post people…permaculturalists shall inherit the Earth, we shall breathe together and be part of nature rather than bending it to sate our avaricious tendencies.

I pledge to devote my life to the pursuit of peace through permaculture…I will fight for my right to do this and I enjoy being part of the rising tsunami of like-minded people who are dissatisfied with the status quo…less is more, quality over quantity, reduce, reuse, recycle, rethink everything and recover from the belief that more is better, let’s live simply so that others may simply live…let’s not be the biggest, let’s be the best and in the process, find peace for ourselves and for the good ship Earth and all who sail upon her.

woman_oak_lookingup

 
 
 
 
“We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. We are monkeys with money and guns.”

― Tom Waits

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 “What permaculturalists are doing is the most important activity that any group is doing on the planet. We don’t know what the details of a truly sustainable future are going to be like, but we need options, we need people experimenting in all kinds of ways and permaculturalists are one of the critical groups doing that.” 

––David Suzuki

 
 
 
 
“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” 

––Albert Einstein

The LivinginPeace Project: Art. Travel, Permaculture, Education: Sustainable Business

The LivinginPeace Project: www.livinginpeace.com

Paul Murray founded the LivinginPeace Project in 2003 after becoming disillusioned with the democratic process after the peace movement failed to prevent the unprovoked invasion of Iraq. Millions of people worldwide marched in support of a peaceful resolution and he believed that for the first time in history the peace movement would prevent a war. 

Out of that disappointment came and understanding that peace cannot exist without war, it’s part of the yin-yang duality of all things. Up has no meaning without down to define it and in the same way, peace cannot exist without war to confirm it. 

He learned that balance is important; there will always be people who devote their lives to the pursuit of war, so there also needs to be peaceful people working to maintain the balance. He decided to be on the peace side of the ledger and to work to balance the scales. 

The LivinginPeace Project combines the elements of Art, Travel, Permaculture and Education into a sustainable business. 

Art because it enables expression of beauty, creativity and perspective, Travel, because it’s the best form of self-education available, Permaculture, because it makes sense and Education to share such sensibilities. 

The LivinginPeace Project is based in Sunny Karamea at the top of the West Coast of the South Island of New Zealand and incorporates a backpackers hostel, a motel complex, a developing 7-acre permaculture farm, a radio station, a local transport service, an organic food and recycled clothing store, permaculture design courses and workshops, an artist-in-residency programme among other things…come on over to Aoteaora and see us sometime.

 LiP Logo

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LANZ Bulldog

 By Camcoh Kazakov
 

 In the 21st century motor vehicles and farm machinery are highly technical computerised machines. A flat battery does not allow these futuristic rocket ships on wheels to be clutch started, kick started or crank handle started.  Kaputski!!! A blown fuse can microwave all the inboard computer systems.

In sunny Karamea, Jack Simpson of Umere owns a veritable dinosaur. A 1938 LANZ Bulldog tractor. Built like a locomotive, the engine casing is solid cast iron evoking visions of German World War 1 tanks used during trench warfare.

Jack LANZ

Jack Simpson using the LANZ Bulldog for kiddie rides at the Karamea Music Festival in 2010

Jack LANZ II

…and don’t the kiddies LOVE it!

First manufactured in 1921 by Heinrich Lanz AG in Wurttemberg, Germany, the Lanz Bulldog was an inexpensive, simple and easily maintained vehicle due primarily to its simple power source : a single cylinder horizontal, two stroke, hot bulb engine,

Initially the engine was a 6.3 litre 12 horsepower unit, but as the Bulldog evolved the engine was increased to 10.3 litres and 55 horsepower. While hot bulb engines were crude they were easy to maintain and could burn a wide variety of low grade fuels, even waste oils. The Bulldog is similar to other European hot bulb tractors produced in a similar time frame, such as SF Vierzon in France, Landini in Italy and HSCS in Hungary. It is also similar to the Field Marshall produced in England except that the Field Marshall has  a diesel engine and not a hot bulb engine.

The Bulldog was also produced in France, Poland and Argentina.

In Australia the KL Bulldog was produced by Kelly and Lewis of Springvale, Victoria, Australia from 1948 to December 1952. Just over 860 were built, based on the 35 horse power model N Bulldog.

Listening to the slow methodical beat of the single cylinder piston at rotating at 600 rpm transports one back to a simpler time when the All Blacks were paid 2/-6 and a meat pie, smoko lasted all day and porridge was a luxury!

Posted in Agriculture, Business, Education, Historical, Humor, Humour, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, New Zealand, Photography, West Coast | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments