The Rongolian Star Hits 50 K Milestone

Posted on November 5, 2012 by LivinginPeaceProject

The Rongolian Star – International Publishing Giant

 By Raving Reporter DJ Pukekoski
 

When the International Hall of Fame (accidentally housed at Rongo!) finally receives enough bribes to award the Nobel Prize for “The Most Exceptional Contribution to Publishing Ever!!” The Rongolian Star will unrivalled and unequalled receive this suspicious award!

The Rongolian Embassy: Home of the Rongolian Star

A gargantuan cosmopolitan audience of 50,000 hyped gullible litterati and pseudo wannabe intellectuals have gazed in unadulterated crazed admiration at the literary brilliance of the MENSA life peers employed by The Rongolian Star as journalists, writers, authors, investigative sleuths, comedians and raconteurs!! Shamefully enhanced by subtle mammarian imagery, the spectacular photography of inspired genii and suitably embellished by poignant and significant works of art yet to be discovered outside Karamea, The Ronglian Star is daily; avariciously visually and mentally engorged in over 112 countries worlds wide!!!

A Raving Rongolian Star Reporter

Gratitude for the incredibly hard work required to receive this Nobel Prize will be to the credit of the incredibly complex myriad of  Rongolian Star IT support staff, hi tech computer boffins, caffeine induced critiques, Rongolian Star publishing team, editors, sub editors, DJ Crap, Rongo Trojan Super Soldier The Big Man, DJ Pukeko and most importantly of all Rongo Icon SuperMoo The Karamea Wonder Dog!

Super Moo the Karamea Wonder Dog

All Hail Ceaser’s Salad!!!!

P.S. Incredibly and pathetically there has only been one view from Guadeloupe in the entire publishing history of  The Rongolian Star! Ok, so there are no computers and no internet access in Guadeloupe, Government Thought Police cruelly control the populace and Guadeloupe President IRA Dick Tator is dyslexic and his mother in law is expecting his child!! So fucking what??? There is nothing more important to the education of all Guadeloopians to read, digest and cogitate on the excessive ramblings and nonsense contained within The Rongolian Star!!

Guadeloupe President IRA Dick Tator and his Mother-in-Law

Approved for publication By Order in Council and Rongolian El Presidente for Life:

Senor Palo Murrio!!!!   Arf arf!

Rongolian El Presidente for Life: Senor Palo Murrio

Posted in Advertising, Art, Business, Economics, Education, Environment, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, New Zealand, Peace, Permaculture, Photography, Politics, Religion, Satire, Social Commentary, SuperMoo the KarameaWonderDog, Travel, Uncategorized, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Farewell Emmanuelle

Posted on November 2, 2012 by LivinginPeaceProject

Off the Top of my Head

By Paul Murray
 

Eulogy to Sylvia Kristel

The radiant light finally left the incredible eyes of 70s starlet Sylvia Kristel, who was known best for her starring role in the French soft-porn series “Emmanuelle.”

An enthusiastic smoker of unfiltered cigarettes since her early teens and, later in life, experimented with smoking through orifices other than her mouth (see “Emmanuelle” 1974 the first film in the Emmanuelle series), Kristel succumbed to throat and lung cancer and died on October 17, 2012.

She approached cocaine similarly and developed quite an expensive habit that led her to make some rather poor business decisions, including the sale of her interest in the film “Private Lessons,” which went on to gross $26 million in the United States alone.

Kristel loved cocaine like she loved smoking and shagging and once said, cocaine is like a “super-vitamin, a very fashionable substance, without danger, but expensive, far more exciting than drowning in alcohol – a fuel necessary to stay in the swing.”

No one has ever quite matched her exquisite talent at looking fantastic half naked on rattan furniture.

Posted in Art, Erotica, Fashion, Historical, Movie Review, Obituary, Photography, Social Commentary, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #17

Posted on October 30, 2012 by LivinginPeaceProject

The  Karamea Ministry of Red Tape

A New Zealand Government Department authorised by a covertly fictitious and rhetorically ambiguous Act of Parliament and compounded by a tacitly implied Royal Approval to receive Official Complaints.
 

Office Manager:    Red Scarlett

Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints Officer:     Comrade Joseph Stalin

 

Office Receptionist:     Barak O’Banana

Barak O’Banana

Office Executioner:    Gitt Romney

Gitt Romney

Office Rats:     Jaws, Pete Piranha, Cannibal Joe, Mack the Knife

Cannibal Joe

Mack the Knife

Tea Lady:     Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom

Karamea Ministry of  Red Tape Office, Market Cross, Karamea

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape


Staff Training Conference 8.30 a.m. Monday November 5th

Red Scarlett:  Staff!!! Attention!!! In the interests of staff training we need to re-educate everyone in Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Protocols and Procedures!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Yawning!!!!

Red Scarlett:  Joe! Wake up! This is very important!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Da! Still yawning!!!!

Red Scarlett:    “Protocol 7. No person making an Official Complaint who exceeds one hundred years of age is to be executed without verbal permission from one or more living great grandparents!”

 

Barak O’Banana:     Fairly restrictive legislation eh what!

 

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Indeed we needing be innovative, flexible and imaginative to overcome such harsh regulatory obstructioning!

Red Scarlett:  “Protocol 11. Any person of English heritage is subject to summary execution upon the placement of any Official Complaint no matter how trivial!”

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom: Whinging bloody Poms!!

Red Scarlett:  Indeed! Priority 1.

Red Scarlett:   “Protocol 15. Methodology of execution! In order of staff merit points!

  1. Pistol shot in the left cornea – 100 points!
  2. Decapitation by Karamea Ministry of Red Tape office
    guillotine – 175 points!
  3. Eaten alive by ferocious office rats – 250 points!
  4. Genital electrocution by 500,000 volt Taser –400 points!
  5. Consumption of Special Coffee – 500 points!

Comrade Joseph Stalin: What if Official Complaining is blinding in left eye, has such  big head that won’t fitting neatly and snugly into our office guillotine, is so repulsing our office rats needing psychological counselling after good snacking, has no balls, and allerging to coffee!

Red Scarlett:     Mmmmmm! Point taken Joe!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   What if the Official Complaining is also over one hundred years of age and we can’t finding a living great grandparent to give verballing?

Red Scarlett:   Yes indeed Comrade! An interesting hypothetical scenario!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:    What if a really hot young English rose walking into Karamea Ministry of Red Tape toplessing to make Official Complaining?

Red Scarlett:     What if I castrate you with my toenail clippers?!?

Comrade Joseph Stalin:     What if I just shutting up?!?

Red Scarlett:   Right troops! Listen up! The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape is way behind in its monthly body count quota! Today is Massacre Monday!!!!

 Comrade Joseph Stalin:    Alrighting!!!!

Gitt Romney:     Baaaaa!!!  Yo!!!

Barak O’Banana:   Out….a….sight!!!

Office Rats:    Gobble gobble gobble!!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Cup of tea???

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Offices 9 a.m.

Johnathon Winespur:    Ah hello…….

 

KABOOM!!!

Red Scarlett:  Excuse me young lady!!! What about following Official Protocols and Procedures?? We need to establish whether any visitor to the offices of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape is actually going to file an Official Complaint, then we need to extort a suitably outrageous fee, then the prescribed methodology of execution needs to be determined by throwing a dart at our office Horror Scope!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:    Pardon me sir, but his overt body language told me that he had an English father, was about to make a frivolous Official Complaint, that he was a penniless bankrupt and I don’t need to throw a dart at a silly Horror Scope to take away the pure undefiled joy of watching his right cornea implode into his cranial cavity!!!!

Red Scarlett:  Ai Caramba!!! The Official Manual says “ Left cornea!!!!!”

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom :    Oops!!!!

Red Scarlett:  Now look here comes another potential Official Complainant. This time I want you to exercise some diplomacy, tact and discretion!!!

Michael Ridiculous:    Ah….

Kaboom!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:    Yowser!!!!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Bolshoe Krasny Kapusta!!!  Nice shooting Millie!

 

Red Scarlett:   Please!!!! Dear God!!!!

Kaboom!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:     He was still twitching!!!

Red Scarlett:   Give me that bloody pistol!!!You are the bloody tea lady!! You’re not bloody authorised to execute bloody Official Complainants!!!!

 

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:    Boo hoo hoo!

Red Scarlett:  What the bloody heck are you crying about??

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:  You shouted at me!! You’ve hurt my feelings!!!

Red Scarlett:     Ring a bloody doctor!!  I need to have bloody nervous breakdown!!!!

Albert GrossBurger:   Goot morning!  I vish to make ze Official Complaint!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:    Do you having any one of English parents??

Albert Grossburger:     Nein!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:     RATS!!!!

Jaws, Pete Piranha, Cannibal Joe, Mack the Knife:   GOBBLE Aaagghh!!  Aaagghh!!! Aaagghhh!!GOBBLE GOBBLE Aaaaaaghh…….

Jaws

Pete Piranha

Beep Beep  

Gitt Romney:   Baaaa!!!Yes Boss!

Red Scarlett:    Red Alert!!  I need you to dispose of two bodies, twenty seven teeth and one bloated over gorged rat! Pronto!

Beep Beep

Red Scarlett:   Yes!!!

Barak O’Banana:   Constable Paddy Locks of the Karamea Police is at the front counter on official business!!!

Red Scarlett:   Good morning Constable! Look we are rather busy could you please come back next year!!

Constable Paddy Locks:  This will only take a minute!!

 

Red Scarlett:  Gulp!! Do I need a lawyer??

Constable Paddy Locks:  No of course not. Now look here this is a New Zealand Police Official Missing Persons Report. Can you please circulate this amongst your staff and see if they know anything about these persons whereabouts!

Red Scarlett:   Whew!!  I mean of course….my pleasure…I mean…my duty!!

Constable Paddy Locks:  Top o’ t’ morning to ya!

Red Scarlett:  Ok Men, Rats, Millie! Please peruse this Police Missing Persons Report at your leisure preferably outside office hours and see if you can positively identify anyone in these photos!

Comrade Joseph Stalin: Wondering what happened to poor suckers!!

 

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Oh such an extraordinary number of missing persons for a town like Karamea with a population of only 650!

Barak O’Banana:   Perhaps we should send out the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape “Search and Destroy Squad” to hunt them down!

Red Scarlett:  Ok ok!! Cut the humour!! These people are all previous visitors to the offices of the  Karamea Ministry of Red Tape to make an Official Complaint!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Look at that one! What shifty eyes!!

Barak O’Banana:   Yes and such a high forehead!!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Having really hairy nostrils!!!!

Red Scarlett:  Very funny!!  That is Constable Paddy Locks’ Official Police ID photo on his letterhead!!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:  Him having English mother!! Aaaggghhh!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   He drinks coffee!!!Aaagghhh!!!

Barak O’Banana:   He’s got no testicles!!  Aaaagghhhhh!!!!

Gitt Romney:  Baaaa!!!  His head would fit nicely into our office guillotine!

 

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Constable Locks’ a one eyed Cantabrian!!Aaaghh!

Red Scarlett:   Millie did you put too much sugar in everyone’s tea this morning??

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Most certainly not!! I found a small bottle of sugar substitute in the bottom drawer of your office desk!!!

Red Scarlett:   Noooooo!!! That ..is..ah..um…my. my..medication!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:  Strange! The bottle said “To be taken nasally!!!

Red Scarlett:   Ah … um.. yes.. for my..my… sinuses!!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Yo!!!! Whoa!!!!

Barak O’Banana:      Yeah like crazy!!!!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:     Yowzering!!!!

Gitt Romney:    Baaaaaa!!!! Hey wow!  Look!  The Karamea Area School pogo stick team cheerleaders!!!

Red Scarlett:    Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa!!!

Red Scarlett: Nooooooo!!! You silly bitch!!! Where did you get that machine gun from!! Stop shooting!!!!

Aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Yeee…haah!!!!!!!

Ring Ring

Red Scarlett:  Fuck Off!!!!

Constable Paddy Locks:  Begging your pardon Miss Scarlett!!!!

 

Red Scarlett:    Lock me up and throw away the bloody key!!!

Constable Paddy Locks: Ah to be sure!! I am proud to inform you that the Vienna Boys’ Choirrr are singing tonight in the Karamea Rrreturned Services lounge!

Red Scarlett:   So fucking what?????

 

Constable Paddy Locks:   As part of their Overseas Experience I am sending them along the road to visit the offices of the  Karamea Ministry of Red Tape!!!

 

Red Scarlett:    Nooooooo!!!!  Aaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Constable Paddy Locks:   Wow!!!!!  B minor in C flat!!

Bertram Worthington Esquire:   Excuse me!!!!

Red Scarlett: Yes sir!!

Bertram Worthington Esquire:   I am Bertram Worthington Esquire the New Zealand Government Departmental Inspector and I am here to make serious inquiry into the auspices of this office!!!!

Red Scarlett:   Ha ha! Oh bother!

Comrade Joseph  Stalin:     Shall I shooting him Boss?

Bertram Worthington Esquire:    I beg your pardon young man!!

Red Scarlett:    An in house joke!! Ha ha ha! Please step into my office!!

Bertram Worthington:    I can find no official acknowledgment of the existence of this New Zealand Government Department anywhere in my Official Catalogue!!!

Red Scarlett:  Er.. well.. I.. can.. explain!!!

Bertram Worthington Esquire:    Good!!  I have all day!!!

Red Scarlett:   Do sit down and have a special coffee!!!

Bertram Worthington Esquire:  Thank you very much!!! S..l..u..r..p!!!!

Red Scarlett:  Sugar????

Bertram Worthington Esquire:  Why all the bullet holes in your office desk??

Red Scarlett:  You wouldn’t believe it …. but……

Bertram Worthington Esquire:  Why does this coffee taste so………..

Beep Beep

Barak O’Banana:   Trouble at Mill Boss???

Red Scarlett:  Mmm! Mr Bertram Worthington Esquire seems to be taking a rather long nap! Do you think you could feed him to the office guard dogs???

Barak O’Banana:   Did you check his pockets for Whittakers Extra Cacao Chocolate????

Red Scarlett:     Scrumch! Scrumch! Yes indeed!!!  Found some flavoured chewing gum too!  Durex Mentos!

Posted in Art, Economics, Education, Erotica, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Karamea, New Zealand, Photography, Politics, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, Weird, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Obama vs Romney: Shit’s Gettin’ REAL!

Posted on October 21, 2012 by LivinginPeaceProject

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Economics, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Money, Parody, Politics, Religion, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, United States, Weird | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

World Famous Rongo Heaphy & Pot-Luck Feasts

Posted on October 6, 2012 by LivinginPeaceProject

Off the Top of my Head:

By Paul Murray
 

One of the main objectives of the LivinginPeace Project is to provide all our people and our guests with meals made from freshly harvested, locally grown, organic, healthy, nutritious and delicious food grown on our permaculture farm.

LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm (Circa 2009)

LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm: Preparing Spring Garden Beds

We currently offer the Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast at Rongo, which is very popular with trampers or mountain bikers finishing the Heaphy Track, many of who have been eating dehydrated, desiccated, just-add-water “meals” for several days and are hungry for wholesome, fresh, green vegetables, succulent meats and luxurious desserts…so we provide a banquet of such food…the best feed in town for only $25 per person!

Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast: Wholesome, Fresh, Locally Grown, Organic, Healthy, Nutritious and Delicious food from the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

By growing the food to feed our guests, we make a significant reduction in the amount of energy required to provide meals to people visiting Karamea…we reduce the food transport miles, improve the freshness and taste of the meals, reduce the production cost of the food and vastly improve the quality of the repast as the food is fresher, organic, enzymatically charged, nutrient rich and healthy.

Making Compost on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

We are able to offer such top quality meals for such a low price as we grow the food ourselves, which dramatically reduces the cost of putting meals on the table in front of hungry people. The primary producer also gets paid as he can deliver his produce straight to the market, without wholesalers and retail merchants clipping the ticket on the way from farm to consumer, who in turn, pays less for quality produce.

The return to the growers is also much better without middle-men adding to the cost of the end product…and we are able to value-add the farm produce by turning it into meals instead of selling it to a wholesale market. Take, for example, a pumpkin. If we sell the pumpkin to the wholesaler, you might get $5. However, if we take that pumpkin and turn it into 10 bowls of pumpkin soup and sell it for $5 per bowl, the return on the pumpkin is $50 instead of $5 and we can provide an excellent meal for a reasonable price and a good service to pour guests in the process…wins all round.

Mi-Chan Happy LivinginPeace Project Master Chef

For the chef, it is also a win as the food is fresher and of top quality…any chef will tell you, if you start with top quality food, their job is easier. The challenge for our chefs is to take the food we have available and turn it into top-quality meals. The LivinginPeace Project aims to produce meals with a no-waste model, so we prepare enough meals to provide for the number of guests we have staying with us. We know how many people we are going to feed on any given day, we know how much food to harvest and any food scraps, or leftover food is immediately composted and eventually goes back into the gardens to improve the soil fertility and produce more vegetables, fruit, fresh herbs, eggs and meat.

Garden Potatoes and Fresh Rosemary from the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Karamea has a superb climate for growing a wide range of fruit and vegetables outdoors all year-round. The region is blessed with plentiful sunshine, plenty of rain and rich, deep fertile alluvial soil. The climate is mild, we rarely get as frost and can grow bananas, fejoas, tamarillos and  here as well as cooler climate fruits like blueberries and apples.

Winter Produce from the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Happy Customers with Full Stomachs

Pot-Luck dinners are slightly different in that we ask everyone staying with us as guests to make their signature dish…we always crank up the competition among the different nationalities of guests by saying things like, “Well, I really love Italian food, but  think Greek food is even better.” Or, “Japanese food is amazing, but I love Korean food much more.” Such statements ensure the best quality dishes from around the world as everyone is quite proud of their national cuisine…except English people, who are culturally conditioned to eat over-cooked, nutritionally bereft, grey dishes made from boiling the Christ out of anything.

Rongo Pot-Luck Dinners are started in the morning by putting the sign out by the kitchen…and starting the agitation about who has the best international cuisine.

Pot-Luck at Rongo Tonight…Get Your Cooking ON!

At Rongo, we have a pot-luch dinner at least once a week…Rongo is world famous for such dinners and they are VERY popular with the wwoofers and guest alike.

Royal Wedding Theme Pot-Luck Dinner ay Rongo

Rongo Pot-Luck Dinners are Particularly Popular with the Ladies

Karamea is also very fortunate to have an excellent butcher in Karamea. Karaka SmallGoods produce a fantastic array of gourmet sausages, salamis, bacon, hamburgers and all cuts of meat. We purchase locally made produce from Karaka and use it to make meals for our customers. We also purchase locally grown organic food from other Karamea farmers, which helps the local economy.

“Moo” dreaming about fresh locally grown organic lamb

Karamea Gothic: A Bit of Humour on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Harvesting Potatoes on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Tending the Potatoes on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Sheepwork on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast at Rongo: http://www.rongobackpackers.com

French Wwoofer MiMi with a Future Lamb Roast

Locally Made Rongo Burgers

Japanese Cuisine from Locally Caught Fish

Pizza Made From Karamea Karaka Salami

Tonight: TROUT!

Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast: Great food for Young and Old

Winter Brassicas in the Greenhouse on the LivinginPeace project Permaculture Farm

Raw Food Scraps go into the Worm Farm on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Come and Join us for a Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast or a Rongo Pot-Luck Dinner

But…Don’t Eat Too Much!

Posted in Advertising, Agriculture, Art, Business, Economics, Education, Environment, Heaphy Track, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, Money, Moo, MTB, New Zealand, Peace, Permaculture, Photography, Social Commentary, SuperMoo the KarameaWonderDog, Tramping, Travel, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Interesting Facts……

Posted on October 5, 2012 by LivinginPeaceProject

If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth.

If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth.

To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers

Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by ‘Bayer.’

Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!

 

People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport…

Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.

 

Astronauts can’t belch – there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.

Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash.

The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was fashion to shave them off!

Because of the speed at which Earth moves around the Sun, it is impossible for a solar eclipse to last more than 7 minutes and 58 seconds.

 

The night of January 20 is “Saint Agnes’s Eve,” which is regarded as a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband.

Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros…

It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

Gold is the only metal that doesn’t rust, even if it’s buried in the ground for thousands of years.

Rustproofed Ferrari

Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end.

 

If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.

Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco-related diseases.

Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.

Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.

The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.

 

Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent.

Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn’t smoke unless it’s heated above 450F.

The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.

Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean.

The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.

Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density.

The University of Alaska spans four time zones.

 

The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.

In ancient Greece , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.

Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

 

A comet’s tail always points away from the sun.

The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.

Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.

The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.

If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.

When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.

In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.

Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.

Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.

The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year

The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.

Due to earth’s gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.

 

Mickey Mouse is known as “Topolino” in Italy.

Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.

Everything weighs one percent less at the equator.

For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off.

The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.

Posted in Education, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, Photography, Social Commentary, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Rongolian Star Quiz # 2 Special Interest Subject: KimDotCom

Posted on October 3, 2012 by LivinginPeaceProject

On the 20th of January 2012, Kim Dotcom aka Kim Schmitz aka Kimble aka Kim Tim Jim Vestor had his Coatsville, Auckland, New Zealand mansion raided by the United States Keystone Cops elite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle squad of aSSaSSins, thugs, rogues and vagabonds for alleged copyright piracy!  Ooh Arrrr!

Mister Dotcom understandably suffered a great deal of stress from this violent and aggressive Home Invasion and despite medical intervention and heavy medication subsequently shed an inordinate amount of weight!

The DotCom Mansion

 

 

 

 

Question 1:

How much weight did Kim Dotcom lose?

  1. Two sic! hic! six packs of Monteith’s Bush Lager and a large pepperoni pizza with extra anchovy sauce!
  2. One partially eaten medium rare rhinoceros regurgitated on his front lawn?
  3. Barffff!!!
  4. Despite becoming instantaneously bulimic and anorexic and then consequently suffering from an insanely miniscule loss of appetite, Kim incredibly gained a barrister with bottomless pockets, the Pope’s fired butler and an incredibly outrageous bill for lawn repair from Mr. Green! ( bloody greedy Jews!!!)

Question 2:

Is Mona, Mister Dotcom’s wife, her real name or is he living with a fake and an impostor?

  1. She is an FBI clone! Kim’s real wife accidentally went down the kitchen waste disposal unit during a violent argument over who would guard the breakfast leftovers!
  2. Real name Barbie is a sex slave. Usual attire frosted whipped cream with strawberry topping! Ole!
  3. Mona is really a spit roasted sheep in wolf’s clothing! Arf arf!
  4. Mona really is her real name!

Mona DotCom

Question 6:

If Kim Dotcom has one extremely oversize failing, what is it?

  1. He doesn’t realise he is actually a rather fat porker with early onset diabetic menopause!
  2. He has an extremely strange Christian name!
  3. The Second Coming of Billy Bunter’s daily aerobic classes are responsible for a series of oversized deadly earthquakes in the South Island of New Zealand!
  4. Kim is more likely to be a big girl’s name!

Question 10:

Given the remarkable similarity that Timothy Hawley aka DJ Echo on Radio Karamea 107.5 FM has to Comrade Dotcom, is he the next likely candidate for a Osama Bin Laden style capture by specially trained U.S. Navy Seals , execution and burial at sea? Arf arf!!

DJ Echo aka Tim Hawley aka Kim DotCom outside his Karamea mansion…could this be the next FBI raid target?

  1. Yes!!! The sooner the better!
  2. Yawn!!!
  3. No! Why would the Uncle Sam want to execute a brain dead DJ that only plays Bollywood punk rock?
  4. Yes please!

Question 5:

Finally if you were the New Zealand Director of the Government Communications Service Bureau, what would you have done differently?

  1. Covertly intercepted Kim Dotcom’s laundry!
  2. Employed Saatchi and Saatchi to organise a smear campaign against him on Face Book!
  3. Invited Kim to GCSB HQ for a pot luck morning tea, brainwashed him with scantily clad bimbos dressed up as McDonald’s Whopperburgers and then interrogated him unmercilessly!
  4. Had him secretly run over by a Red Cross Ambulance cleverly disguised as a Special Forces Hummer during his upstairs morning shower and successfully made it look like an Act of God!

Question 7 in no particular order!

Is New Zealand rapidly heading towards becoming a Totalitarian State that   Lenin, Stalin and Trotsky would be proud to call “Home Sweet Home”?

  1. Yes!
  2. Yes!
  3. Yes!
  4. All of the above!

Question 22:

Would El Senor Dotcom make a convincing Prime Minister of New Zealand?

  1. No! Too honest, too endearing, too clever!!
  2. Yes! Too honest, too endearing, too clever!!
  3. Can pigs really fly?
  4. Yesno!

Question 1 again!

What is Kim Dotcom’s favourite quote?

  1. “Big boys just want to have lunch, so just eat it!”
  2. “Quadruple supersize it!”
  3. “ Men will still say this was my finest lunch hour!”
  4. “ Please Sir! Can I have some more?”

First prize to the first correct e-mail entry received at rongo@actrix.co.nz

First Prize: The only signature known to exist of SuperMoo The Karamea Wonder Dog given to an admiring fan after his famous Karamea Bridge dive!

Second Prize: to the second correct entry received at rongo@actrix.co.nz

Unfortunately due to an oversized snowballing global recession there will be no second prize. No correspondence will be entered into regarding this situation!!

Third Prize: to the third correct e-mail entry received at rongo@actrix.co.nz

Third Prize: A gargantuan supersized humungous free breath of fresh air to be consumed in a location of your own choice and at such a time deemed suitable by The Rongolian Star Judges: DJ Crap and DJ Pukeko!

Judge DJ Pukeko

Judge DJ Crap

First Prize Recipient Kim Kardashian (Same girly name as Kim DotCom) Apparently LOVES MegaUpload

Third Prize Recipient Steve Wozniak (co-founder of Apple Computers) is Congratulated by Kim DotCom for his correct answer being, “The case against Kim Dotcom is a mess.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Business, Economics, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, Money, Moo, Music, New Zealand, Parody, Photography, Politics, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, United States, Weird, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Weird, Wacky and Wonderful Halloween Costumes

Posted on September 30, 2012 by LivinginPeaceProject

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bloody Halloween Costume I Ever Seen funny picture

Smurfs Halloween

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Art, Fashion, Funny, Halloween, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Parody, Photography, Religion, Satire, Social Commentary, United States, Weird | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hooray for Country Girls!

Posted on September 28, 2012 by LivinginPeaceProject

bull riders country girls 18 Merica in a nutshell: bull riders & country girls (33 photos)

bull riders country girls 28 Merica in a nutshell: bull riders & country girls (33 photos)

bull riders country girls 21 Merica in a nutshell: bull riders & country girls (33 photos)

bull riders country girls 9 Merica in a nutshell: bull riders & country girls (33 photos)

bull riders country girls 7 Merica in a nutshell: bull riders & country girls (33 photos)

bull riders country girls 8 Merica in a nutshell: bull riders & country girls (33 photos)

a bull riders country girls 5 Merica in a nutshell: bull riders & country girls (33 photos)

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Posted in Art, Environment, Fashion, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Photography, Social Commentary, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Product Review: VEET Hair Removal Cream for Men

Posted on September 25, 2012 by LivinginPeaceProject

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian, I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit of a treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types…Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night, but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me.

The relief was fantastic, but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen, which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good.”

Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect!

Posted in Advertising, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Marriage, Product review, Social Commentary, Weird | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments