If in Doubt…Nude Out!

Naturist plans nude bike ride

By Zoe Hunter

The Tauranga naturist who won his appeal against a conviction of offensive behaviour for running naked through Oropi Bike Park last year is planning a second nude bike ride through Papamoa.

Andrew Pointon, a naturist for more than 20 years, is planning a second attempt at World Nude Bike Day on March 9 next year.

Naturist Andrew Pointon is organising a nude bike ride in March 2013.
Photo: Bruce Barnard

Despite relatively low attendance last year, the 47-year-old is hoping to double the numbers of nude bikers for the event from Omanu Beach to Harrisons Cut in Papamoa to promote the message – ‘riding bare for clean air.’

“We are not burning oil, we are burning fat,” says Andrew.

Andrew caused quite a stir in March when he organised the nude bike ride coincidently running the same day as a surf lifesaving event.

“That’s how the nude rugby started off and look how big it is now. You start off with a little, that’s how the world naked bike ride in Nelson started off.

“You have got to start somewhere and just work on it and get the message out. I am hoping to double the numbers for next year and hopefully the year after.”

In December Andrew was found guilty of one charge of offensive behaviour in Tauranga District Court.

The charge related to an incident in August when Andrew was running through a forest naked with just his sneakers on. He was spotted by a woman walking her dog who found the act so offensive she laid a complaint with police.

Three days later Andrew was arrested.

Andrew went on to appeal his conviction, which was thrown out in June. On Friday, Justice Paul Heath upheld a second appeal in the High Court at Tauranga.

“It proves that the police don’t get the message. The police didn’t get the message then. Hopefully they have got the message now again that these are just stupid arrests. They’re wasting people’s time they’re wasting peoples’ money,” says Andrew.

“The lady who saw me running naked saw me I didn’t see her. I didn’t see her until I got to court.”

He says some people are offended at the sight of ‘genetalia.’

“When people see genitalia they think of other connotations that are linked to it and they don’t really step back and say it’s just mere nakedness.

“There’s no connotations to it there’s nothing sexual about it there’s nothing perverted about it and that’s the way just being naked is, just feeling good in your own body.”

Andrew says he and Free Beaches New Zealand – a society that protects the rights of naturists – spent about $10,000 on court costs during his appeals.

Andrews lawyer Michael Bott says the recent case upholding the appeal proves New Zealand is becoming more tolerant towards naturism.

“It had a chilling effect on the freedom of expression. It’s a decision which brings some balance back into the debate and shows that we are becoming an increasingly tolerant society of diverse ranges of the people that make our society so interesting to live in.

“He (Andrew) went out of his way in essence to use the public space in the way he wanted but taking into account the rights and needs of other. So he was sympathetic.”

Sauce: sunlive.co.nz
 
Posted in Environment, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Mountain Biking, MTB, New Zealand, Satire, Social Commentary | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Bit of Humour: Amusing E-mail Exchange with Transport Client

Subject: Transport from Karamea-Westport 27 January
 
Hi
 
I am looking for transport from Karamea to Westport on Sunday 27th of January 2012- we are a party of 2 who will have been staying at Rongo Backpackers after having finished the Heaphy (I actually called Rongo this morning about the transport options). I am unable to change my schedule to get the regular bus Saturday or Monday.
 
Are you able to offer this service? We are needing to be at the airport for a 1:15pm flight to wellington.
 
Cheers- and hope you are having a great day.
 
Charlotte Steel.
 
 
Charlotte Steel | Strategic Business Development Adviser

Wellington, NEW ZEALAND

 
 
 
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Subject: Re Transport from Karamea-Westport 27 January
 
 
Hi Charlotte,
 
Thank you for your e-mail. We can get you to the airport on Sunday. It is a shame the Karamea Express doesn’t operate on Sunday. That is because there is no back load on Sunday…the Karamea Express carries freight and post back to Karamea, which pays for the return trip.
 
We can get you to Westport in time to meet your plane. The fare is $200
 
If that is OK, please transfer the money into the account listed below and I’ll book passage to Westport for you on Sunday January 27, 2013.
 
Have a great time on the Heaphy and we’ll see you in the New Year. If you have any questions, or require more information, please e-mail or call me any time,
 
Regards from Sunny Karamea,
 
Paul Murray.
 
 Karamea Connections Logo RGB
Karamea Connections
(Movement of the People) 
Transport in the Karamea Region
www.karameaconnections.co.nz
 
###################################################################  
 
Subject: Re Re Transport from Karamea-Westport 27 January
Hi Paul
 
Yes I understand the reasons why the bus doesn’t run on a Sunday- it just would have been useful if the woman at Rongo had communicated this to me over a week ago when I phoned her and asked about the bus service, the cost and gave her the dates of my planned travel prior to booking my accommodation at Rongo followed quickly with my flights from either end, and the track itself- had I learned at this point that the bus did not run on a Sunday I could have altered my trip (I am showing a Frenchman around the country and he really is travelling on the smell of an oily rag so things must be cheap).
 
I see from your logo that you are an affiliate company; maybe you could pass on a message to ensure that travellers are aware no bus goes on a Sunday and they too can alter their trip if required- I suspect a lot of people such as myself will find it easier to ring local accommodation companies to find such information in the first instance as internet information is difficult to locate.
 
Is it possible to negotiate payment dates with you for 1 fortnight from Thursday? I note that you have not given me a date by which the money is required.
 
Cheers, and have a great day.
 
Charlotte
 
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Subject: Re Re Re Transport from Karamea-Westport 27 January
 
 
Hi Charlotte,
 
Thank you for your e-mail. I agree that the Karamea Express service that connects Karamea and Westport is hard to find…the company doesn’t have a Web site. We, however, have numerous Web sites and work very hard to get the information out to people like yourself planning to walk the Heaphy Track. Rongo is staffed by volunteers and, despite my best efforts to keep them informed of every possible contingency, situations sometimes arise that I have not foreseen, such as providing the bus schedule for a rival business….you’re right, I should have thought of this and it is remiss of me not to have done so. I will go without dinner tonight to punish myself for my stupidity.
 
It is possible that whoever answered your call was not fully aware of your travel intentions or fiscal restraints, sometimes it is difficult to fully comprehend the needs of potential customers over the phone without a full complement of information…again I apologise for the misunderstanding and promise to endeavour to rectify the problem immediately.
 
In the meantime, should you like to find more information about the Heaphy Track, Karamea, or bus transport options, please have a look at the Web sites and information listed below as I must attend to the myriad other tasks on my schedule today. Thank you for your advice on how to run my business, are you by any chance thinking of changing your vocation, as I could definitely use some help as I am clearly not doing a very good job and concede that I may be totally unsuitable for the position. If you’d like to take over, I would be interested in discussing the subject further. I see you are a strategic business development adviser…it would appear that we desperately require your services and would like to further discuss ways in which we may streamline our business and the way in which we provide information to our customers. You no doubt have a wealth of business experience and acumen and I eagerly await your imminent arrival so that I might glean some of your wisdom.
 
I also fully appreciate the sentiments of your budget-travelling French friend, the cost of travel, like the cost of running a business in possibly the most remote region of New Zealand, is challenging. The price I quoted for a return trip for two people to Westport on Sunday is the best I can do as it is a four-hour round trip of 200 kilometres, for which I must pay a driver, purchase fuel at 260 c per litre, cover the vehicle maintenance, passenger service licence, passenger endorsement for our driver’s licence, certificate of fitness for the vehicle, advertising, Web site maintenance, DOC concession to pick people up from the Heaphy…etc, etc…all of this means that I cannot offer the service for any less, and the fare just barely covers our costs. So if you’d rather not travel to Westport on our service, I suggest that you make alternative arrangements. However, to the best of my knowledge, our service is the best available.
 
Sorry I couldn’t be more helpful,
 
You also have a great day,
 
Regards from Sunny Karamea,
 
Paul.
 Karamea Connections Logo RGB
Karamea Connections
(Movement of the People) 
Transport in the Karamea Region
www.karameaconnections.co.nz
 
PS: There is a lot of great stuff to see and do in Karamea, and every 4th night at Rongo is FREE, so why don’t you stay with us for four nights, check out all wonder of Karamea and then travel on to Westport on the regularly scheduled service?
 
PPS: I did a quick search on the Internet and found a quite comprehensive list of services available for the Heaphy Track. I used a service called “Google” perhaps you’ve heard of it? It is quite useful for finding information and I would recommend you give it a try as it may alleviate future frustration: http://www.Google.com I have attached the search results below for your convenience.  
 
Heaphy Track: www.heaphytrack.com
 
 
 
 
 
From NelsonTrek Express
 
Nelson to Brown car park: $60 pp (min 4 people)
Nelson to Kohaihai: $105 pp (min 4 people) Nelson to Karamea: $100 pp (min 4 people) Phone: 0800 128 735 or (03) 540 2042 Email: info@trekexpress.co.nz
 
The Heaphy Bus
Scheduled service from 16 Nov 2011 Wednesday: Nelson/Brown car park/Nelson Sunday: Nelson/Kohaihai/Nelson
Round trip on scheduled days: $110 pp
All other days $165 pp round trip
Phone: 0800 128 735 or (03) 540 2042 Email: info@theheaphybus.co.nz
 
Maxicab Shuttles
Nelson to Brown car park: $235 (1-4 people) Nelson to Kohaihai: $390 (1-4 people) Vehicle relocations: Brown car park to Kohaihai from $150
Phone: 03 525 7365 or 027 423 7428 Email: service@maxicabshuttles.com
 
Nelson Lakes Shuttles
On demand transport service to either end of the Heaphy Track. Bookings preferred but very flexible.
Nelson to Brown car park: $55 pp (min $220) Nelson to Kohaihai: $95 pp (min $380) Nelson to Heaphy Track return: $110 pp (min 6 people)
Phone: (03) 521 1900 or 021 490 095 Email: info@nelsonlakesshuttles.co.nz
 
Abel Tasman & Golden Bay Coachlines
Service until 18 April 2012
Nelson to Brown car park
• Departs 6.45am, arrives Takaka 9.00
am, arrives Brown car park 10.15 am Cost: $55 pp
Phone: (03) 548 0285
Email: info@abeltasmantravel.co.nz
 
Biketrack
4WD vehicle with 15 x bike trailer
Nelson to Brown Hut: $60 pp (min 4 people) Nelson to Kohaihai: $105 pp (min 4 people) Phone: 0800 128 735 or 03 540 2042 Email: info@biketrack.co.nz
 
From Motueka
 
Trek Express
Motueka to Brown car park: $50 pp (min 4 people)
Motueka to Kohaihai: $105 pp (min 4 people) Vehicle re-location: Mapua to Kohaihai: $250 Phone: 0800 128 735 or (03) 540 2042 Email: info@trekexpress.co.nz
 
Abel Tasman & Golden Bay Coachlines
Service until 18 April 2012.
Motueka to Brown car park:
• Departs 8.00am, arrives Takaka 9.00am
arrives Brown River car park 10.15am
Cost: $45 pp
Phone: (03) 548 0285
Email: info@abeltasmantravel.co.nz
 
Tasman Taxis
24 hour service. Price for up to 8 people Motueka to Brown River car park: min $295 Phone: (03) 528 1031
Email: errol@slingshot.co.nz
This information is correct at November 2011. The listing order
is by advertiser from a relevant DOC recreation publication, and then others follow. The Department of Conservation takes no liability for alterations. Check with local operators before proceeding. DOCDM-845793
From Takaka
 
Somerset Trampers Transport
Takaka to Brown car park: $90 for vehicle. Phone: (03) 524 8624
Email: info@backpackerscollingwood.co.nz
 
Heaphy Track Help
Vehicle relocations only, Brown car park to Kohaihai: $290 plus fuel costs.
Phone: (03) 525 9576 – Derry Kingston Email: info@heaphytrackhelp.co.nz
 
Golden Bay Coachlines
Daily service until 18 April 2012 Takaka – Brown car park $33 pp
• Departs 9.15am, arrives 10.10am On demand service to Brown car park, minimum charge applies.
Phone: (03): 525 8352
Email: info@gbcoachlines.co.nz
From Collingwood
Somerset Trampers Transport
Collingwood to Brown car park: $65 for vehicle, booking recommended.
Phone: (03) 524 8624
Email: info@backpackerscollingwood.co.nz
From Brown car park
 
Somerset Trampers Transport
Brown car park to Collingwood: $65 for vehicle.
Brown car park to Takaka: $90 for vehicle. Phone: (03) 524 8624
Email: info@backpackerscollingwood.co.nz
 
Trek Express
Brown car park to Nelson: $60 pp (min 4 people)
Phone: 0800 128 735 or (03) 540 2042 Email: info@trekexpress.co.nz
 
The Heaphy Bus
Scheduled service from 16 November 2011 Each Wednesday Nelson to Brown car park and return. Round trip from $110 pp.
Brown car park to Takaka: $35 pp
Phone: 0800 128 735 or (03) 540 2042 Email: info@theheaphybus.co.nz
 
Maxicab Shuttles
To Takaka $110; to Motueka $190; to Nelson $235
Relocations: Brown car park to Kohaihai from $150 per vehicle
Phone: 03 525 7365 or 027 423 7428 Email: service@maxicabshuttles.com
 
Nelson Lakes Shuttles
Brown car park to Nelson: $55 pp (minimum cost $220)
Phone: (03) 521 1900 or 021 490 095 Email: info@nelsonlakesshuttles.co.nz
 
Heaphy Track Help
Vehicle relocations only, Brown car park to Kohaihai: $290 plus fuel costs.
Phone: (03) 525 9576 – Derry Kingston Email: info@heaphytrackhelp.co.nz
 
Abel Tasman & Golden Bay Coachlines
Service until 18 April 2012
Brown car park to Nelson
• Departs 10.30am, arrives 2.30pm $55 pp Phone: (03) 548 0285
Email: info@abeltasmantravel.co.nz
 
Biketrack
4WD vehicle with 15 x bike trailer. Brown car park to Nelson: $60 pp (min 4 people)
Phone: 0800 128 735 or 03 540 2042 Email: info@biketrack.co.nz
From Kohaihai
 
Trek Express
On demand transport, discounts for large groups.
Kohaihai to Nelson: $105 pp (min 4 people) Karamea to Nelson: $100 pp (min 4 people) Kohaihai to Westport: $45 pp
Phone: 0800 128 735 or (03) 540 2042 Email: info@trekexpress.co.nz
Heaphy Track transport – page 2
 
The Heaphy Bus
Scheduled service from 20 Nov 2011 Sunday, Nelson to Kohaihai return. Round trip $110 pp
Kohaihai to Nelson: $95 ppKohaihai to Westport: $45 pp
Phone: 0800 128 735 or (03) 540 2042 Email: info@theheaphybus.co.nz
Nelson Lakes Shuttles
Kohaihai to Nelson: $95 pp (min $380) Phone: (03) 521 1900 or 021 490 095 Email: info@nelsonlakesshuttles.co.nz
Heaphy Track Help
Vehicle relocations only, Kohaihai to Brown car park from $200 plus fuel costs (conditions apply).
Phone: (03) 525 9576 – Derry Kingston Email: info@heaphytrackhelp.co.nz
Biketrack4WD transport with 15 x bike trailer Kohaihai to Nelson: $105 pp (min 4 people) Kohaihai to Westport: $50 pp (min 4 people) Phone: 0800 128 735 or 03 540 2042 Email:info@biketrack.co.nz
Karamea ConnectionsPeople and bike transport to Karamea anytime. $15 pp (min $40) ($12 pp for guests of Rongo’s and Karamea Farm Baches) Phone: (03) 782 6838
Email: rongo@actrix.co.nz www.karameaconnections.co.nz
From Karamea
Karamea Connections
Transport by arrangement Phone: 03-7826-838
Email: rongo@actrix.co.nz
Karamea Connections
Transport by arrangement Phone: (03) 782 6838
Email: rongo@actrix.co.nz
By air
Helicopter Charter Karamea
Karamea to Brown car park $675 (3 people) Bike transport available
Phone: (03) 782 6111
Email: julie@karameahelicharter.co.nz
Remote AdventuresNelson to Brown car park (airstrip near Brown car park): $185 pp
Karamea to Brown River: $185 pp
Nelson to Karamea: $185 pp
Karamea to Takaka: $170 pp
Karamea to Motueka: $185 pp
Packages are available from Taranaki, Wanganui and Kapiti Coast to the airstrip near Brown car park; return from Karamea. Phone: 0800 150 338 or (03) 525 6167 Email:flyaway@remoteadventures.co.nz
Golden Bay Air
Flights between Karamea and Takaka: From $155 pp
Car relocation Brown car park to Takaka Airport: $40 per vehicleShuttles Takaka Airport to Brown car park from $30 pp
Return flight/shuttle packages from Wellington.Phone: 0800 588 885
Email: info@goldenbayair.co.nz
Sounds Air
Karamea – Nelson $200 pp (min 2) Karamea – Motueka $230 pp (min 2) Heaphy Track transport package available Phone: 0800 359 464 or (03) 547 8175 Email:nelson@soundsair.com
Heaphy Track transport – page 3
 
Abel Tasman Air
 
Nelson to Karamea: $285 pp (2 people)Karamea to Motueka: $225 pp (2 people) Karamea to Takaka: $285 pp (2 people) Phone: 0800 304 560 or (03) 528 8290 Email: info@abeltasmanair.co.nzTrack end telephonesAt Brown Hut there is a telephone for free local calls.At Kohaihai Shelter there is a telephone for free calls to Karamea and Westport.
Heaphy Track transport – page 4 
 
Also the Heaphy Track brochure has helpful information…please pick one up from any DOC office or i-Site anywhere in New Zealand.
 
I hope this information has been helpful and I again apologise for not providing it sooner, or fully training my staff to elicit all information necessary for you to make a rapid and informed decision prior to booking you travel schedule.
 
I look forward to meeting you in the New Year. Have a fantastic Christmas,
 
Regards from Sunny Karamea,
 
Paul.
 Karamea Connections Logo RGB
Karamea Connections
(Movement of the People) 
Transport in the Karamea Region
www.karameaconnections.co.nz
 
 

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Subject: Re Re Re Re Transport from Karamea-Westport 27 January
 
Hi Paul
 
Thank heaps for your reply- if only the Wellington DOC officer I had spoken to had been so helpful and not told me the best way to understand transport options in the area was to speak with ‘anybody in the region- because they will know’… note to self- don’t trust DOC next time.
 
I also want to thank you for the kind business offer. I feel uncomfortable taking up this offer without you knowing something extremely important… I have a cat. His name is Jethro, like Jethro Tull. He in fact joined my household after the feline tribute band (of the same name) separated due to internal conflicts. His meowy rendition of aqua lung is pretty impressive- I can’t wait for him to show you. I know he misses his friends though (Achmed Meow-ie and Purrcilla Queen of the Desert don’t quite cut the mustard compared to those outrageous rockers he used to sit and smoke doobies with.) I really enjoy his company, I am sure you will to.
 
On sunny days he curls up in the sun anywhere he can, and don’t you worry about those native birds- he is not a particularly good hunter- but I commend him for trying all the time (he has several participation certificates under his belt now- they keep his spirits up.) However- if you remain concerned I can put a bell on his leather studded collar (he is such a tough guy) to give all those Weka fair warning. Also, if you have cats, he is pretty good at making new friends- I will get references from Achmed and Purrcilla to prove it. It takes 2 to tango though- so your cats would have to be up for new friends for this whole situation to work out. Here he is:
 
He is trying to get in with the rasta crowd and turn that fluff into dreds- look out Karamea!
Jethro and I often talk about the reasons why his band broke up- he has taught me a lot about conflict resolution but he still has a lot to teach me. His latest pearl of wisdom is that sometimes my writing comes across too formal, like I am a bit grumpy when I am actually not. Maybe this rant about my cat will show otherwise.
It seems like we got off to a rough start Paul- now that you have met Jethro maybe we can bond when I am in the area in January.
 
Really looking forward to meeting you (and your cats if you have any so I can let Jethro know who his new mates are.)
Also- when would you like that money? Assuming you are willing to have me.
 
Cheers,
 
Charlotte
 
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Subject: Re Re Re Re Re Transport from Karamea-Westport 27 January
 
Hi Charlotte, or can I call you Steely?
Thank you for your considered response to my lengthy e-missive. I find it wise to thoroughly distrust any bureaucratic agency…DOC being a particularly severe one, should be regarded as utterly mendacious…had I known you’d tangled with the antichrist, I would have been more helpful in the first instance.
Thanks also for the lovely picture of your pussy. Jethro looks like a very contented feline and they say cats resemble their owners…another misleading comparison. You and your pussy are most welcome at Rongo…our policy is that well-behaved pussies of responsible owners are most welcome. I should mention that smoking “doobies” is currently contrary to New Zealand law and we don’t advocate the activity as we endeavour to operate our business within the confines of the legal system…and while I agree this is tiresome and not necessarily much fun, I’m sure as my tentative strategic business development adviser, you would appreciate and support the policy…If you could pass on that information to Jethro, I would be most grateful.
I’m a dog guy myself, my best friend “Moo” loves pussies, particularly looking at them intently and chasing them…and they say dogs resemble their owners…Pffffftttt!
Here is a photo of Moo.
 
Anyway, I must go…my daughter needs my attention…you are you and Jethro are most welcome at Rongo and I accept that you may have written your initial e-mail in the heat of passionate frustration. I look forward to meeting you when you complete the Heaphy and we’ll do our level best to ensure you are comfortable, content and deliver you safely to Westport the following day.
Should you have any further questions, or require more information…after perusing the Web sites, visiting the DOC offices and i-Sites, I would be most happy to assist.
Regards from Sunny Karamea,
Paul.
 Karamea Connections Logo RGB
Karamea Connections
(Movement of the People) 
Transport in the Karamea Region
www.karameaconnections.co.nz
 
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Subject: Re Re Re Re Re Re Transport from Karamea-Westport 27 January
 
 
Hi Paul
 
You can most definitely call me Steely- unless you catch me on one of my gansta rap days in which case most people call me Char-dizzle. Thanks for your warm welcome to myself and Jethro. Or this initial scoping visits I might leave him at home but bring a Frenchie instead; aforementioned Frenchie assures me he is not a terrorist but we will know to be suspicious if he starts lurking in your garden wearing a wetsuit and a beret, at which point we can beat him with the baguette that he will be strategically hiding behind his back and can then be the saviours of the nation… and maybe even make heaps of money from publishing a joint and witty memoir of the event… I might be getting ahead of myself here.
 
As much as I love constructing nonsensical emails I will keep this one short (which invariably means medium length for anybody else) for both of our benefits, but mainly my employment status- although if my trial period of 2 days with you goes according to plan I will have another job so it doesn’t really matter.
 
Is it possible for me to pay you the money for transport (and I can settle the room at Rongo if you would like at the same time) on Thursday the 6th of December (payday)? Let me know if this is all good at some point, and if not I am sure I can sort something out before then.
 
I must say Moo looks like a pretty spectacular dog- a little bit cheeky with a pretty entertaining sense of humour (perhaps like his owner?)
 
I am really looking forward to visiting the area even for a short while- I would have loved it to have been longer since I hear good things but international flights got in the way.
 
Cheers and enjoy your day- see you in January
 
Charlotte
 
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Subject: Confirmation for Ms Charlotte Steel and Nameless French Friend for Transport from Kohaihai to Karamea on January 26, 2013, Accommodation at Rongo on January 26, 2013 and Transport Karamea-Westport on January 27, 2013
 
 
Hi Char-Dizzle,
Now that we have all that sorted out…I would be delighted if you could transfer the $pondoolie for your transport and accommodation.
So it’s $15 p.p. from the Heaphy Track to Rongo=$30
One night in the Twin Room at Rongo at $35 p.p. on Jan 26, 2013=$70
Transport from Karamea to Westport on Sunday Jan. 27, 2013=$$200
Total: $300
If you could transfer the money into the account listed below, we’ll be all go.
Thanks for your amusing and frank e-mail banter, we’ve all found it most amusing and we look forward to meeting you and the Frenchman in the flesh in the New Year.
Should you possibly have any additional questions, or require more information, please e-mail or call me any time…my home phone number is 03-7826-767. Please call me directly so we don’t encounter similar snarls in communication in the future…the buck stops with me!
Have a fantabulous time on the Heaphy, a pleasant Yuletide and we’ll see you on Australia Day, 2013.
Peace,
Paul.
PS: When you reach the Kohaihai Shelter, please use the freephone to call 7826767 or 7826838 to let us know you have arrived and our driver Brian will soon be there to collect you and deliver you to a hot shower, a cold beer, a hearty meal and a comfortable bed.
 Karamea Connections Logo RGB
Karamea Connections
(Movement of the People) 
Transport in the Karamea Region
www.karameaconnections.co.nz
 
Karamea Farm Baches/Rongo Backpackers & Gallery Cancellation Policy:
If you are unable to honour your reservation at either Karamea Farm Baches or Rongo Backpackers & Gallery, please e-mail or call to let us know so that we can offer the accommodation to another traveller.
48 hours––No Charge (full refund of deposit)
24 Hours––50% of agreed accommodation fee less deposit required)
Same Day––100% (full payment of agreed accommodation fee less deposit required)
**If arriving after 7:00 p.m. please ring to let us know you approximate arrival time**
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Subject: Re Confirmation for Ms Charlotte Steel and Nameless French Friend for Transport from Kohaihai to Karamea on January 26, 2013, Accommodation at Rongo on January 26, 2013 and Transport Karamea-Westport on January 27, 2013

Awesome Paul- just one amendment- we were hoping to stay 2 nights (yes, that’s right- you get the pleasure of ME for 2 nights should you take up the offer). Our schedule is:
25th January- finish Heaphy, stay at Rongo
26th Jan stay at Rongo
27th Jan Wellies bound (flight leaves at 1:15 from Westport I think)
If for any reason your double rooms are booked for the 25th (I see how this minor detail got lost in that wordy yet entertaining banter) all good, we have a tent- or are happy with whatever fits in.
I will t/fer $370 into your bank account on the 6th of December unless I hear back with a change (I am shite with numbers so this is very possible)
No worries re banter, I am a great fan too.
Have a wonderful day.
Charlotte
PS: Frenchie= Leo.
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Subject: Confirmation for Ms Charlotte Steel and Leo from France for Transport from Kohaihai to Karamea on January 25, 2013, Accommodation at Rongo on January 25 and 26, 2013 and Transport Karamea-Westport on January 27, 2013

Roger that C-D…all sorted…thanks for clarifying and I look forward to meeting you in the New Year.

 I have booked a Double Room for you and Leo at Rongo on January 25 and 26, 2013, a pick up from the Heaphy on Jan. 25 and transport on to Westport on Jan 27 as requested.
Regards from Sunny Karamea,
P-Daddy.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Subject: Payment for accom and travel
 
Hi Paul,
 
Its charlotte aka char dizzle, or steely… whatever you like the sound of the best.Just a quick note, i have had a fecked up week and have just got back from aucks (forced to go there, not by choice – another reason being your strategic business development advisor would be great, i doubtbyou would make me go to aucks).
 
Travel was disrupted by tornado and i cant access work this weekend to get your bank info. I will put the moolah in your account monday if thats all good, sorry for this.
 
Also, here is my favourite cat cartoon thingy. I also realised i did not email back to say your daughter is adorable.
 
Have a great weekendCharlotte
 
 
cat-cats-kitten-kitty-pic-picture-funny-lolcat-cute-fun-lovely-photo-images-seymor-watermelon
 
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Subject: Re: Payment for accom and travel
 
 

Hi Steely “Char Dizzle” Charlotte,

You poor thing…you sound exhausted…being forced to go to Auckland, battling tornadoes…I empathise with your melancholy and general malaise. Stressing out over paying me is the last thing I would wish to subject you to. It would seem you have a rather sadistic employer…any boss who would force a staffer to go to Auckland, in my opinion, lacks the leadership qualities requisite with a management position and I feel you should immediately challenge him/her for the position. I suggest you front up at the office on Monday and say,”Right…enough of this nonsense, I am obviously better qualified and experienced to manage this business than you ever were, or ever will be you sick bastard, so I suggest you either resign, make yourself voluntarily redundant, take a serious look at yourself and reconsider your career at this company as your future is about to end pal.” “As of now, I will assume your position as head of the company and your first task will be to go to Auckland and spend the day bumping off self-inflated, unsmiling, vain tossers and sitting in traffic jams…and go make me a sandwich and a cuppa tea before you leave.”

It would also seem that a holiday would be an excellent idea…so, as you have already made such plans, I suggest you remove any concern you may have about paying me from your troubled mind…I’m a man of means and the piffling amount of $pondoolie in question is no concern to me whatsoever.

However, as my prospective business development adviser, I would find it unusual if you were not keen to ensure customers remunerate my venture for services provided in advance so that the provision of said services can proceed without interruption. Monday will be fine.

I trust you’ll have a pleasant weekend and arrive at your office on Monday morning with a clear head, a rejuvenated spirit, without a trace of Auckland taint, mentally and physically prepared for the confrontation with your employer that must happen…it’s you or him/her CD…time to step up girl…the future is yours and your Boss isn’t a part of that picture from where I sit.

Hypey Crassmas and a Hippy New Year,

Regards from Sunny Karamea,

P-Daddy. 

P-Daddy II
 
PS: Thanks also for the cat-toon…very good…here is a link to story about my dog…I received yesterday a phone call from the Buller District Council’s Compliance & Emergency Team Leader, who’s name is (I kid you not) Atila…to inform me that my six-year battle to clear my dog’s name is over and that I won…little David dropped a giant…there is a GOD! 
Super Moo the Karamea Wonder Dog: https://therongolianstar.com/2012/09/09/super-moo-the-karamea-wonder-dog/ 
PPS: I also shared our e-mail exchange with the world…I removed reference to your company…hope you don’t mind…It was just too funny to keep private! (You are particularly hilarious!)  
A Bit of Humour: Amusing E-mail Exchange with Transport Client: https://therongolianstar.com/2012/11/30/a-bit-of-humour-e-mail-exchange-with-amusing-transport-client/
 I’ve been putting The Rongolian Star (http://therongolianstar.com) together now for a couple of years…it’s what I do on rainy days. Check it out on your next rainy day when you need a giggle…there is some serious content, but much of it is light-hearted, somewhat risque, satire and parody and not meant to be taken at all seriously…it is as the banner suggests: Raw, Unbridled Nonsense from the Edge of the Earth 
 
….And…You’re Welcome!
LiP Logo
 
 
LivingInPeace Project
Posted in Business, Department of Conservation, DOC, Economics, Funny, Heaphy Track, Hilarious, Hippy, Humor, Humour, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, Money, Moo, New Zealand, Satire, Social Commentary, SuperMoo the KarameaWonderDog, Tramping, Travel, Weird, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DIY: How to Build a Hobbit House

Hobbit Family Build £3,000 Home with Rubbish

By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
 

 

Fed up with huge mortgage payments, Simon Dale decided to take matters into his own hands – literally.

Armed with only a chisel, a chainsaw and a hammer, the 32-year-old moved his family to a hillside in Wales and started digging.

The result is a wooden eco-home – constructed in four months and costing  just £3,000 – which would look perfectly at ease alongside the Hobbit houses in The Lord Of The Rings.

Finished article: Simon Dale's family home, made with his bare hands Finished article: Simon Dale’s family home which he built in four months for a cost of £3,000

The moon rises on the house which is roofed with grass and nestles in its woodland surroundingsNestled: The moon rises on the house which is roofed with grass and blends in to its woodland surroundings

Home from home: In just four months the house was ready Cosy home: The house is heated by a wood burner and a solar panel provides power

Mr Dale, who has no experience in carpentry or architecture, created his sustainable family home using scrap wood for floors, materials scavenged from skips and by diverting water from a nearby spring.

And while he was doing the building work, his wife Jasmine Saville and their two toddler children camped in the nearby countryside.

He said: ‘Being your own have-a-go architect is a lot of fun and allows you to create and enjoy something which is part of yourself and the land rather than, at worst, a mass-produced box designed for maximum profit and the convenience of the construction industry.

‘Building from natural materials does away with producers’ profits and the cocktail of carcinogenic poisons that fill most modern buildings.’

Cosy: Inside the finished house, with windows and floors as well as a staircase Sustainable: Simon Dale, who had no experience as a carpenter or architect when he started the project, used lime plaster and wood from the surrounding area

Woodland view: The house is fully sustainable Woodland view: Mr Dale put the timber frame up first, then the roof, so his family could be sheltered while he carried out the rest of the work.
Hobbit house: The finished article sits in the Welsh hillside and is almost hidden from viewHobbit house: The finished article sits in the Welsh hillside and is almost hidden from viewThe family struck lucky searching for a site for their dream project. In return for looking after the area, the owner of the woods gave them their plot for free.After digging into the hillside, Mr Dale – with the help of his father-in-law, a builder – first constructed the building’s timber frame.The roof, which came next, has a layer of straw bales for insulation and is covered  with sheets of plastic to make it waterproof.

Finally it is covered with a layer of earth, which ensures the house blends perfectly into its surroundings.

Finished article: Simon Dale, with wife Jasmine Saville, outside their home, just four months after starting workWoodland home: Simon Dale, with wife Jasmine Saville and their two children outside their home, just four months after starting work

Once the outer shell was complete, the family made an interior wall from straw bales stacked on dry-stone walling and staked together with hazel sticks.

Once the walls were up a sub-floor made from pallets was laid, with floorboards put down on top.

Miss Saville, writing on her husband’s website, said: ‘Some past experience, lots of reading and self-belief gave  us the courage of our conviction that we wanted to build our own home in natural surroundings.

‘For us, one choice led to another and each time we  took the plunge events conspired to assist us in our mission. There were times of stress and exhaustion, but  definitely no regrets and plenty of satisfaction.’

Window on the woods: The cosy sitting room looks out through the conservatory to the surrounding woodlandWindow on the woods: The cosy sitting room looks out through the conservatory to the surrounding woodland
From scratch: Simon Dale building his 'hobbit house'From scratch: Simon Dale building his ‘hobbit house’
Foundations: The house taking shape after putting palletes on top of straw bales ready for floor boards
From rubble: The beginning of the house...

Before and after:  View from the unfinished window (left) and piles of stones on the house site

Foundations: The house taking shape after putting palletes on top of straw bales ready for floor boardsFoundations: The house takes shape with palettes laid as a sub floor, ready for floor boards
Helping hand: Simon Dale's son helps out gathering woodHelping hand: Simon Dale’s son helps out gathering wood
Family task: Simon Dale moved his family to Wales and started building Family task: Simon Dale moved his family to Wales and started building

As well as being made from sustainable material the Hobbit house, as it is dubbed by locals, has lime plaster on its walls instead of cement, a compost toilet, a fridge cooled by air from beneath the foundations and solar panels for power.

Mr Dale said: ‘This sort of  life is about living in harmony with both the natural world and ourselves, doing things simply and using appropriate levels of technology.’

Since building his house, Mr Dale is following the design to construct the first home in the Lammas Village, Wales’s first eco-development.

For more information on building low impact homes, visit www.simondale.net

Plans: Drawings for the hobbit housePlans: Drawings for the hobbit house
Insulation: Straw, membrane and earth make up the walls Insulation: Straw, membrane and earth make up the walls
Posted in Art, Economics, Education, Environment, Money, Permaculture, Photography, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, Weird | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Japanese TV Crew Visits LivinginPeace Project in Karamea

A TV crew from Tokyo Broadcasting System came to Karamea at the top of the West Coast of the South Island of New Zealand to film the daily lives of Japanese expat Sanae Murray and her family for a programme titled “Sekkai no Hatte no Nihon jin” (Japanese at the Ends of the World).

Sanae and Diva Murray at the Rongo Hat Party

Paul and Diva Murray and “Ba Bear”

“Sekkai no Hatte no Nihon jin” is one of the most popular TBS programmes and the show will reach a potential viewer audience of 30 million people across Japan.

The crew were in Karamea for five days and were particularly interested in the challenges faced by Sanae and her family and why she chose to leave the comfort, safety, convenience and security of her previous life in Tokyo and move to perhaps the most remote town on mainland New Zealand.

Director Daisuke Jyosawa and his crew set up at various locations around the Karamea and Sanae, her husband Paul and daughter Diva showed comedian “Mr Chin” their venture the LivinginPeace Project as well as their home, farm and accommodation businesses Rongo Backpackers & Gallery and Karamea Farm Baches as well as taking them to some of the best scenic locations in the Karamea region.

Daisuke Jyosawa “Sekkai no Hatte no Nihonjin” Director

Mr Chin comedian and reporter for “Sekkai no Hatte no Nihonjin”

The Heaphy Track, Oparara Basin, Honeycomb Caves, Karamea Estuary, Oparara Arch Mount Stormy, Karamea Gorge and Karamea Beach will all be featured on the programme as well as the lives of Sanae and her family.

Camerman Koichiro Miyagawa films Scott’s Beach from the Lookout on the Heaphy Track

Camerman Koichiro Miyagawa and Sound Technician Takashi Sasaki Capture the Sights and Sounds of the Oparara Basin

Honeycomb Cave Guide Bill Jackson (right) Shows Sanae Murray and the TV Crew the Glow Worms in the Honeycomb Caves

Checking out the Stalactites in the Honeycomb Caves

Coordinator and Translator Kenichi Ogiyama on a Swingbridge in the Enchanted Forest of the Oparara Basin

Comedian Mr Chin Hams up the Bridge Crossing

While in Karamea the crew were able to catch fish, shear sheep, harvest vegetables from the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm, fly over the Kahurangi National Park in a helicopter, do a radio show on Karamea Radio 107.5 FM, enjoy many great feasts, harvest bamboo shoots, go to the Saturday Market, take in a live music event at the Karamea Village Hotel, have a haircut at the police station, interview Karamea locals and generally have an excellent time in one of the very special places in New Zealand.

Mistuyo Numata (Sanae’s sister) (right) and Sanae and Diva Murray show the film crew how to harvest bamboo shoots

The Japanese TV crew wishes to thank all the people involved and the generosity of the fine people of Karamea for making the filming smooth and successful…thanks also to the climate Gods for five days of exceptionally beautiful weather.

The show will air in Japan on January 7, 2013 and will then be available for online viewing on the Internet.

Rongo Guests and Staff (the Rongolians) enjoy the Wrap Party BBQ Dinner

That’s a WRAP!! (Very tired Rongolians and TV crew pose for one last shot)

Posted in Agriculture, Art, Business, Department of Conservation, DOC, Environment, Funny, Heaphy Track, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Japan, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, New Zealand, Oparara, Permaculture, Photography, Social Commentary, Travel, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Intrepid Travels of Rongolian JJ McV and her DIY Dirndl

Garret looked fetching in his tux, and Jamie was nothing short of stunning in her gown.  The entire evening was full of people dressed in there best, offering their best wishes to the happy couple.  How perfect to be set against the gorgeous backdrop of Alaska’s snow covered Chugach Mountains.

Posted in Fashion, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Photography, Travel, United States | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Unspoilt Natural Beauty?

Off the Top of my Head

By Paul Murray
 

Is anyone responsible for the blatantly misleading bollocks written by real-estate agents? In an industry famous for being frugal with the truth and generous with the commission on sales, it would seem wise to monitor the activities of agents to ensure their penchant for deception and avarice does not become rampant.

For example…the advertisement for a property on the North Island of New Zealand has the copywriter gushing with inaccuracies, spurious claims and equivocal postulations.

The banner trumpets the property’s merits as being “Unspoilt Natural Beauty.” It is apparently a “stunning eco-wonderland,” includes “exquisite native bush,” is an “unspoilt piece of stunning New Zealand landscape” and offers the unsuspecting buyer a chance to purchase a “slice of natural wonderland” and a piece of “historic eco-wonderland.

This all sounds most wonderful, but the image attached to this piece of ridiculous nonsense rather belies its magnificence. Instead of the suggested picture-perfect pristine  realty, we see a landscape devoid of all but a fraction of the suggested “natural beauty” and “exquisite native bush” suggested in the copy…the property has been bare cleared, all the natural bio-diversity that would have existed there less than 100 years ago has been removed and replaced with a pasture monoculture.

The text goes on the indicate that the property is “currently used as a grazing block for the fattening of heifers and steers, the property is well set up with fencing and facilities allowing for all types of grazing and fattening,” and that “current owners have undertaken an extensive fertilizer programme as well as planting of natives and shelter trees.”

This would seem contrary to the earlier claims of property being an eco-paradise with unspoilt natural beauty and exquisite native bush.” In reality, this property is nothing like it is poetically described…in fact, it is quite the opposite, the property has has been utilised as a commercial farm…it is devoid of nature, spoilt, has no bush whatsoever, it has been subjected to a regime of artificial fertiliser and chemicals…the copy is entirely misleading in this regard and it is up to the prospective buyer to determine the real state of the block from the supplied images.

Any serious publication would not permit such blatant fabrication of the truth to be published, so who is watching the real-estate copywriters? The Real Estate Institute of New Zealand? REINZ will look after you…Yeah Right! Could the senior partners of Bayleys also be senior members of REINZ? The pyromaniacs are also the firemen.

This property is in a lovely location, the setting is beautiful, but it is NOT anything like a natural, unspoilt eco-wonderland…and is shouldn’t be written up as such…to do so is deceptive, fallacious, duplicitous and should be illegal.

UNSPOILT NATURAL BEAUTY

Travel south-west from Hamilton skirting the foothills of beautiful Mt Pirongia and you will arrive at the stunning eco-wonderland that is Kawhia Harbour. Steeped in ancient history, this magical area of unspoiled natural beauty offers a plethora of leisure activities and is flanked by some of the North Island’s most beautiful farmland. The stunning 109.55 hectares offered for sale here is a shining example of the untapped potential this area offers. Currently used as a grazing block for the fattening of heifers and steers, the property is well set up with fencing and facilities allowing for all types of grazing and fattening. However, it is the lifestyle opportunities this superb piece of land offers which are possibly the most exciting aspect. With a gently rolling north west-facing contour down to the harbour’s edge there are a multitude of stunning building sites on which to create your dream retreat. The harbour itself offers brilliant fishing as well as swimming, windsurfing and kayaking right on your doorstep with approximately 3.5 kilometres of waterfront boundary. Spend a day horse trekking or four wheel motor biking or meander through exquisite native bushand make the only set of footprints you will see on deserted beach walks. Dig your own hot pool on the beach at Te Puia and finish the day with a soak as you watch the magnificent sunsets enjoyed here. Additional local attractions include Gannet Island, the old flour mills plus easy trips to Marokopa, Te Waitere and Aotea Harbour.
This property is located approximately 55 kilometres to Te Awamutu, 46 kilometres to Otorohanga, 78 kilometres to Hamilton and 198 kilometres to Auckland.
Just over 3 kilometres from the property entrance is the Oparau general store offering conveniences from home made pies, a good sized flat white or latte, licensed premises, the possibility of your next Lotto win to petrol and postal services.
The coastal settlement of Kawhia is about 13 kilometres away. Kawhia is steeped in New Zealand history from the time of the arrival of the great waka Tainui over 750 years ago and the arrival of the Europeans just over 150 years ago.
As a farming proposition, the property is well fenced into 42 paddocks, with two bores and troughs to all paddocks. Farm infrastructure includes a two stand wool shed with storage/utility shed, lockable storage shed, cattle and sheep yards with loadout plus a 1/2 round hay barn. The current owners have undertaken an extensive fertilizer programmeas well as planting of natives and shelter trees.
With superb views rolling away in all directions, this unspoilt piece of stunning New Zealand landscape will not remain secret forever. If you dream of owning your own slice of natural wonderland either to create your ideal haven from a busy life or perhaps to share with visitors from near or far, then this could be the property you have been searching for. Continue to farm as generations have done, land bank for the future or pluck this rare jewel and make it shine, developing its exquisite beauty into something to be shared and enjoyed. This historic eco-wonderland is the spiritual and ancestral home of the Maori tribe, Tainui and the final resting place of the great Tainui Canoe; will it become your spiritual home and retreat also?
Nope, no native bush here…
Nope, can’t see the “unspoilt natural beauty” here…there is, however, a few pine trees and some coastal erosion.
Posted in Advertising, Agriculture, Business, Environment, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Money, New Zealand, Parody, Permaculture, Photography, Social Commentary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Tremendous Tom Waits

 

 

Tom Waits

 
Tom Waits
 
Background information
Birth name Thomas Alan Waits
Born December 7, 1949 (age 62)
Pomona, California,United States
Genres Rockexperimental
Occupations Singer-songwriter, musician, actor, composer
Instruments Vocalspianoguitar
Years active 1972–present
Labels Asylum RecordsIsland RecordsANTI-
Website Official website

Thomas Alan “Tom” Waits (born December 7, 1949) is an American singer-songwriter, composer, and actor. Waits has a distinctive voice, described by critic Daniel Durchholz as sounding “like it was soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in the smokehouse for a few months, and then taken outside and run over with a car.” With this trademark growl, his incorporation of pre-rock music styles such as bluesjazz, and vaudeville, and experimental tendencies verging on industrial music, Waits has built up a distinctive musical persona. He has worked as a composer for movies and musical plays and has acted in supporting roles in films including Paradise Alley and Bram Stoker’s Dracula; he also starred in the 1986 film Down by Law. He was nominated for an Academy Award for his soundtrack work on One from the Heart.

Lyrically, Waits’ songs frequently present atmospheric portrayals of grotesque, often seedy characters and places—although he has also shown a penchant for more conventional ballads. He has a cult following and has influenced subsequent songwriters despite having little radio or music video support. His songs are best-known through cover versions by more commercial artists: “Jersey Girl,” performed by Bruce Springsteen, “Ol’ ’55,” performed by the Eagles, and “Downtown Train,” performed by Rod Stewart. Although Waits’ albums have met with mixed commercial success in his native United States, they have occasionally achieved gold album sales status in other countries. He has been nominated for a number of major music awards and has wonGrammy Awards for two albums, Bone Machine and Mule Variations. In 2011, Waits was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Waits lives in Sonoma County, California with his wife, Kathleen Brennan, and three children.

Waits was born at Park Avenue Hospital in Pomona, California, the son of Alma Fern (née Johnson) McMurray and Jesse Frank Waits, both schoolteachers. His father was of Scots-Irish descent and his mother was of Norwegian ancestry. After Waits’ parents divorced in 1960, he lived with his mother in Whittier, and then moved to National City, in San Diego County, near the Mexico–United States border. Waits, who taught himself how to play the piano on a neighbor’s instrument, often took trips to Mexico with his father, who taught Spanish; he would later say that he found his love of music during these trips through a Mexican ballad that was “probably a Ranchera, you know, on the car radio with my dad.”

Origins and musical beginnings

By 1965, while attending Hilltop High School within the Sweetwater Union High School DistrictChula Vista, Waits was playing in an R&B/soul band called The Systems and had begun his first job at Napoleone Pizza House in National City (about which he would later sing on “I Can’t Wait to Get Off Work (And See My Baby on Montgomery Avenue)” from Small Change and “The Ghosts of Saturday Night (After Hours at Napoleone’s Pizza House)” on The Heart of Saturday Night). He later admitted that he was not a fan of the 1960s music scene, stating, “I wasn’t thrilled by Blue Cheer, so I found an alternative, even if it was Bing Crosby.” Five years later, he was working as a doorman at the Heritage nightclub in San Diego—where artists of every genre performed—when he did his first paid gig for $6. A fan of Bob DylanLord BuckleyJack KerouacLouis ArmstrongHowlin’ Wolf, and Charles Bukowski, Waits began developing his own idiosyncratic musical style.

After serving with the United States Coast Guard, he took his newly formed act to Monday nights at The Troubadour in Los Angeles, where musicians would line up all day for the opportunity to perform on stage that night. In 1971, Waits moved to the Echo Park neighborhood of L.A. (at the time, also home to musicians Glenn Frey of theEaglesJ. D. SoutherJackson Browne, and Frank Zappa) and signed with Herb Cohen at the age of 21. From August to December 1971, Waits made a series of demo recordings for Cohen’s Bizarre/Straight label, including many songs for which he would later become known. These early tracks were released twenty years later on The Early Years, Volume One and Volume Two.

1970s

Waits signed to Asylum Records in 1972, and after numerous abortive recording sessions, his first record—the jazzyfolk-tinged Closing Time—was released in 1973. The album, which was produced and arranged by former Lovin’ Spoonful member Jerry Yester, received positive reviews, but Waits did not gain widespread attention until a number of the album’s tracks were covered by more prominent artists. Later in 1973, Tim Buckley released the album Sefronia, which contained a cover version of Waits’ song “Martha” from Closing Time, the first-ever cover of a Tom Waits song by a known artist. This cover later appeared in the 1995 compilation Step Right Up: The Songs of Tom Waits. The album’s opening track, “Ol’ ’55,” was recorded by the Eagles in 1974 for their On the Border album.

He began touring and opening for such artists as Charlie RichMartha and the Vandellas, and Frank Zappa. Waits received increasing critical acclaim and gathered a loyal cult following with his subsequent albums. The Heart of Saturday Night (1974), featuring the song “(Looking for) The Heart of Saturday Night”, revealed Waits’s roots as a nightclub performer, with half-spoken and half-crooned ballads often accompanied by a jazz backup band. Waits described the album as:

…a comprehensive study of a number of aspects of this search for the center of Saturday night, which Jack Kerouac relentlessly chased from one end of this country to the other, and I’ve attempted to scoop up a few diamonds of this magic that I see.

In 1975, Waits moved to the Tropicana Motel on Santa Monica Boulevard and released the double album Nighthawks at the Diner, recorded in a studio with a small audience in order to capture the ambience of a live show. The record exemplifies this phase of his career, including the lengthy spoken interludes between songs that punctuated his live act. That year, he also contributed backing vocals to Bonnie Raitt‘s “Your Sweet and Shiny Eyes”, from her album Home Plate.

By this time, Waits was drinking heavily, and life on the road was starting to take its toll. Waits, looking back at the period, has said,

I was sick through that whole period […] It was starting to wear on me, all the touring. I’d been traveling quite a bit, living in hotels, eating bad food, drinking a lot — too much. There’s a lifestyle that’s there before you arrive and you’re introduced to it. It’s unavoidable.

In reaction to these hardships, Waits recorded Small Change (1976), which finds him in a much more cynical and pessimistic mood, lyrically, with many songs such as “The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me) (An Evening with Pete King)” and “Bad Liver and a Broken Heart (In Lowell)”. With the album, Waits asserted that he “tried to resolve a few things as far as this cocktail lounge, maudlin, crying-in-your-beer image that I have. There ain’t nothin’ funny about a drunk […] I was really starting to believe that there was something amusing and wonderfully American about being a drunk. I ended up telling myself to cut that shit out.” The album, which also included long-time fan favorite “Tom Traubert’s Blues (Four Sheets to the Wind in Copenhagen)”, featured jazz drummer Shelly Manne and was, like his previous albums, heavily influenced by jazz.

Small Change, which was accompanied by the double A-side single “Step Right Up”/”The Piano Has Been Drinking,” was a critical and commercial success and far outsold any of Waits’s previous albums. With it, Waits broke onto Billboard’s Top 100 Albums chart for the first time in his career (a feat Waits would not repeat until 1999 with the release of Mule Variations). This resulted in a much higher public profile, which brought with it interviews and articles in TimeNewsweek, and Vogue. Waits put together a regular touring band, The Nocturnal Emissions, which featured Frank Vicari on tenor saxophone, Fitzgerald Jenkins on bass guitar, and Chip White on drums and vibraphone. Tom Waits and the Nocturnal Emissions toured the United States and Europe extensively from October 1976 until May 1977, including a performance of “The Piano Has Been Drinking” on cult BBC2 television music show the Old Grey Whistle Test in May 1976.

Foreign Affairs (1977) was musically in a similar vein to Small Change, but showed further artistic refinement and exploration into jazz and blues styles. Particularly noteworthy is the long cinematic spoken-word piece, “Potter’s Field”, set to an orchestral score. The album also features Bette Midler singing a duet with Waits on “I Never Talk to Strangers.” The album Blue Valentine (1978) displayed Waits’s biggest musical departure to date, with much more focus on electric guitar and keyboards than on previous albums and hardly any strings (with the exception of album-opener “Somewhere” — a cover of Leonard Bernstein’s song from West Side Story — and “Kentucky Avenue”) for a darker, more blues-oriented sound. The song “Blue Valentines” was also unique for Waits in that it featured a desolate arrangement of solo electric guitar played by Ray Crawford, accompanied by Waits’ vocal. Around this time, Waits had a relationship with Rickie Lee Jones (who appears on the sleeve art of theBlue Valentine album). In 1978, Waits also appeared in his first film role, in Paradise Alley as Mumbles the pianist, and contributed the original compositions “(Meet Me in) Paradise Alley” and “Annie’s Back in Town” to the film’s soundtrack.

Heartattack and Vine, Waits’s last studio album for Asylum, was released in 1980, featuring a developing sound that included both ballads (“Jersey Girl“) and rougher-edgedrhythm and blues. The same year, he began a long working relationship with Francis Ford Coppola, who asked Waits to provide music for his film One from the Heart. For Coppola’s film, Waits originally wanted to work with Bette Midler; she was unavailable due to prior engagements, however. Waits ended up working with singer/songwriterCrystal Gayle as his vocal foil for the album.

1980s

In August 1980, Waits married Kathleen Brennan, a screenwriter, whom he had met while working on the set of the Francis Ford Coppola movie One from the Heart. Brennan is regularly credited as co-author of many songs in his later albums, and Waits often cites her as a major influence on his work. She introduced him to the music of Captain Beefheart. Despite having shared a manager with Beefheart in the 1970s, Waits says, “I became more acquainted with him when I got married.” Waits would later describe his relationship with Brennan as a paradigm shift in his musical development. After leaving Asylum, the label released the first Tom Waits “Best of” album in 1981, a collection called Bounced Checks, notable for including an alternate, stripped down version of “Jersey Girl” and the otherwise unreleased “Mr. Henry”, as well as an alternate master of “Whistlin’ Past the Graveyard” and a live performance of “The Piano Has Been Drinking”. During this period, Waits appeared in a series of minor movie roles, including a cameo role in Wolfen (1981) as an inebriated piano player, and his song “Jitterbug Boy” also appeared on the movie’s soundtrack. One from the Heartreceived its official theatrical release in 1982, with Waits appearing in a cameo as a trumpet player as well as receiving an Oscar nomination for Original Song Score (eventually losing out to Victor Victoria, by Henry Mancini and Leslie Bricusse). This marked the first in a series of collaborations between Waits and Coppola, with Waits appearing in cameos in Coppola’s movies The Outsiders (1983), Rumble Fish (1983), and The Cotton Club (1984), and a major role in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Waits also contributed two songs to the documentary Streetwise (1984), “Rat’s Theme” and “Take Care of All My Children”.

After leaving Asylum for Island Records, Waits released Swordfishtrombones in 1983, a record that marked a sharp turn in his musical direction. While Waits had before played either piano or guitar, he now gravitated towards less common instruments, saying, “Your hands are like dogs, going to the same places they’ve been. You have to be careful when playing is no longer in the mind but in the fingers, going to happy places. You have to break them of their habits or you don’t explore; you only play what is confident and pleasing. I’m learning to break those habits by playing instruments I know absolutely nothing about, like a bassoon or a waterphone.” Swordfishtrombonesalso introduced instruments such as bagpipes (“Town with No Cheer”) and marimba (“Shore Leave”) to Waits’ repertoire, as well as pump organspercussion (sometimes reminiscent of the music of Harry Partch), horn sections (often featuring Ralph Carney playing in the style of brass bands or soul music), experimental guitar, and obsolete instruments (many of Waits’ albums have featured a damaged, unpredictable Chamberlin, and more recent albums have included the little-used Stroh violin).

His songwriting shifted as well, moving away from the traditional piano-and-strings ballad sound of his 1970s output towards a number of styles largely ignored in pop music, including primal blues, cabaret stylings, rumbas, theatrical approaches in the style of Kurt Weilltango music, early country music and European folk music as well as theTin Pan Alley-era songs that influenced his early output. He also recorded a spoken word piece, “Frank’s Wild Years”, influenced by Ken Nordine‘s “word jazz” records of the 1950s. Apart from Captain Beefheart and some of Dr. John‘s early output, there was little precedent in popular music.

Waits’s new emphasis on experimenting with various styles and instrumentation continued on 1985’s Rain Dogs, a sprawling, 19-song collection which received glowing reviews (the album was ranked #21 on Rolling Stones list of the 100 greatest albums of the 1980s. In 2003, the album was ranked number 397 on Rolling Stone magazine’s list of the 500 greatest albums of all time.) Contributions from guitarists Marc RibotRobert Quine, and Keith Richards accompanied Waits’ move away from piano-based songs, in juxtaposition with an increased emphasis on instruments such as marimbaaccordiondouble basstrombone, and banjo. The album also spawned the 12″ single “Downtown Train/Tango Till They’re Sore/Jockey Full of Bourbon”, with Jean Baptiste Mondino filming a promotional music video for “Downtown Train” (which would later become a hit for Rod Stewart), featuring a cameo from boxing legend Jake LaMotta. The album peaked at #188 on Billboard‘s Top 200 albums chart; however, its reputation has come to far outshine low initial sales.

Franks Wild Years, a musical play by Waits and Brennan, was staged as an Off-Broadway musical in 1986, directed by Gary Sinise, in a successful run at Chicago’s famed Steppenwolf Theater. Waits himself played the lead role. Waits developed his acting career with several supporting roles and a lead role in Jim Jarmusch‘s Down by Law in 1986, which also featured two of Waits’s songs from Rain Dogs in the soundtrack. In the same year, Waits also contributed vocals to the song “Harlem Shuffle” onThe Rolling Stones‘ album Dirty Work.

In 1987, he released Franks Wild Years (subtitled “Un Operachi Romantico in Two Acts”), which included studio versions from Waits’ play of the same name. Rolling Stonesummed up the album’s myriad styles this way: “Everything from sleazy strip-show blues to cheesy waltzes to supercilious lounge lizardry is given spare, jarring arrangements using various combinations of squawking horns, bashed drums, plucked banjo, snaky double bass, carnival organ and jaunty accordion.” Waits also continued to further his acting career with a supporting role as Rudy the Kraut in Ironweed (an adaptation of William Kennedy‘s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel) alongside Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep, in which Waits performed the song “Big Rock Candy Mountain“, as well as a part in Robert Frank‘s Candy Mountain, in which Waits also performed “Once More Before I Go.” In 1988, Waits performed in Big Time, a surreal concert movie and soundtrack which he cowrote with his wife.

In 1989, Waits appeared in his final theatrical stage role to date, appearing as Curly in Thomas Babe‘s Demon Wine, alongside Bill PullmanPhilip Baker HallCarol Kane, and Bud Cort. The play opened at the Los Angeles Theater Center in February 1989 to mixed reviews, although Waits’ performance was singled out by a number of critics, including John C. Mahoney, who described it as “mesmerizing.” Waits finished the decade with appearances in three movies: as the voice of a radio DJ in Jim Jarmusch‘s Mystery Train; as Kenny the Hitman in Robert Dornhelm’s Cold Feet; and the lead role of Punch & Judy man Silva in Bearskin: An Urban Fairytale. His only musical output of the year consisted of contributing his cover of Phil Phillips‘ “Sea of Love” to the soundtrack of the Al Pacino movie of the same name and contributing vocals to The Replacements song “Date to Church”, which appeared as a B-side to their single “I’ll Be You“.

1990s

The Black Rider: The Casting of the Magic Bullets—a theatrical collaboration of Waits, director Robert Wilson, and writer William S. Burroughs—premiered at Hamburg‘s Thalia Theatre on March 31, 1990. The project was based on a German folktale called Der Freischütz, with Wilson responsible for the design and direction, Burroughs for writing the book, and Waits for music and lyrics, which were heavily influenced by the works of Bertolt Brecht and Kurt Weill. In the same year, Waits contributed a cover of Cole Porter‘s “It’s All Right with Me” to Red Hot + Blue, the first in the series of compilation albums from the Red Hot Organization — one of the first major AIDS benefits in the music business—which sold over a million copies worldwide. Jim Jarmusch directed a promotional music video for the song. Waits also collaborated with photographer Sylvia Plachy in the same year; her book Sylvia Plachy’s Unguided Tour includes a short Waits record to accompany the photographs and text.

The following year, Waits was extremely busy working on movie soundtracks, acting, and contributing to a number of music projects by other artists. First, Waits appeared on the Primus album Sailing the Seas of Cheese as the voice of “Tommy the Cat“, which exposed him to a new audience in alternative rock. This was the first of several collaborations between Waits and the group; Frontman Les Claypool would appear on several subsequent Waits releases. The same year saw Waits provide spoken word contributions to Devout Catalyst, an album by one of Waits’ greatest influences, Ken Nordine, on the songs “A Thousand Bing Bangs” and “The Movie.” Waits also contributed vocals to a duet with singer Bob Forrest on the song “Adios Lounge” on the Thelonious Monster album Beautiful Mess. He also contributed vocals to two songs (“Little Man” and “I’m Not Your Fool Anymore”) on jazz tenor saxophonist Teddy Edwards‘ album Mississippi Lad. Edwards was extremely complimentary of Waits’ contributions, saying:

Tom Waits is the one who got me my contract with PolyGram. He’s wonderful, he’s America’s best lyricist since Johnny Mercer. He came down to the studio on the Mississippi Lad album, that’s the first one I did for PolyGram, and he sang two of my songs, wouldn’t accept any money, just trying to give me the best boost that he could.

The only collection of exclusively Waits-performed material of 1991 appeared when Waits composed and conducted the almost exclusively instrumental music for Jim Jarmusch’s 1991 film Night on Earth, which was released as an album the following year. In July 1991, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins released the album Black Music for White People, which features covers of two Waits compositions: “Heartattack & Vine” (which later that year was used in a European Levi’s advertisement without Waits’ permission, resulting in a lawsuit) and “Ice Cream Man”. Waits continued to appear in movie acting roles, the most significant of which was his uncredited cameo as a disabled veteran in Terry Gilliam‘s The Fisher King. He also appeared alongside Kevin BaconJohn Malkovich, and Jamie Lee Curtis in Steve Rash‘s Queens Logic, and opposite Tom Berenger and Kathy Bates in Hector Babenco‘s film At Play in the Fields of the Lord, adapted from Peter Matthiessen‘s 1965 novel.

Bone Machine, Waits’s first studio album in five years, was released in 1992. The stark record featured a great deal of percussion and guitar (with little piano or sax), marking another change in Waits’ sound. Critic Steve Huey calls it “perhaps Tom Waits’s most cohesive album… a morbid, sinister nightmare, one that applied the quirks of his experimental ’80s classics to stunningly evocative—and often harrowing—effect… Waits’ most affecting and powerful recording, even if it isn’t his most accessible.” Bone Machine was awarded a Grammy in the Best Alternative Album category. On December 19, 1992 Alice, Waits’s second theatrical project with Robert Wilson, premiered at the Thalia Theatre in Hamburg. Paul Schmidt adapted the text from the works of Lewis Carroll (Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass, in particular), with songs by Waits and Kathleen Brennan presented as intersections with the text rather than as expansions of the story, as would be the case in conventional musical theater. These songs would be recorded by Waits as a studio album 10 years later on Alice. 1992 also saw Waits featuring in Francis Ford Coppola‘s film Bram Stoker’s Dracula, as the possessed lunatic Renfield.

In 1993, he released The Black Rider, which contained studio versions of the songs that Waits had written for the musical of the same name three years previously, with the exceptions of “Chase the Clouds Away” and “In the Morning”, which appeared in the theatrical production but not on the studio album. William S. Burroughs also guests on vocals on “‘Tain’t No Sin”. In the same year, Waits lent his vocals to Gavin Bryars‘ 75-minute reworking of his 1971 classical music piece Jesus’ Blood Never Failed Me Yet; appeared in Robert Altman‘s film version of Raymond Carver‘s stories Short Cuts and Jim Jarmusch‘s Coffee and Cigarettes: Somewhere in California, a short black-and-white movie with Iggy Pop; and his third child, Sullivan, was born. In 1997, Waits and Brennan wrote and performed the music for Bunny the animated short film by 20th Century Fox‘s Blue Sky Studios, which was awarded Best Animated Short Film by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

In 1995, Holly Cole released Temptation, a tribute album consisting entirely of Waits covers.

Another Waits cover was released in 1996, as Meat Loaf covered Martha for his concept album Welcome to the Neighborhood.

In 1998, after Island Records released the compilation Beautiful Maladies: The Island Years, Waits left the label for Epitaph, whose president, Andy Kaulkin, said the label was “…blown away that Tom would even consider us. We are huge fans.” Waits himself was full of praise for the label, saying “Epitaph is rare for being owned and operated by musicians. They have good taste and a load of enthusiasm, plus they’re nice people. And they gave me a brand-new Cadillac, of course.”

Waits’s first album on his new label, Mule Variations, was issued in 1999. Billboard described the album as musically melding “backwoods blues, skewed gospel, and unruly art stomp into a sublime piece of junkyard sound sculpture.” The album was Waits’ first release to feature a turntablist. The album won a Grammy in 2000; as an indicator of how difficult it is to classify Waits’s music, he was nominated simultaneously for Best Contemporary Folk Album (which he won) and Best Male Rock Vocal Performance (for the song “Hold On”), both different from the genre for which he won his previous Grammy. The album was also his highest-charting album in the U.S. to date, reaching #30.

The same year, Waits made a foray into producing music for other artists, teaming up with his old friend Chuck E. Weiss to coproduce (with his wife, Kathleen Brennan)Extremely Cool, as well as appearing on the record as a guest vocalist and guitarist. He also contributed a cover of Skip Spence‘s “Books of Moses” to More Oar: A Tribute to the Skip Spence Album, a collection of covers of the singer’s songs on Birdman Records.[26] The same year, Waits appeared in the comedy Mystery Men.

2000s

John Hammond‘s Wicked Grin, a collection of Waits cover songs, was released in 2001. Waits appears on most songs, playing guitar, piano, and/or offering backing vocals. The album also includes the traditional hymn “I Know I’ve Been Changed,” performed as a duet by Hammond and Waits.

Tori Amos included a cover of the song “Time,” from Rain Dogs on her 2001 album Strange Little Girls.

Tom Waits in Prague in 2008

In 2002, Waits simultaneously released two albums, Alice and Blood Money. Both collections had been written almost 10 years previously and were based on theatrical collaborations with Robert Wilson; the former a musical play about Lewis Carroll, and the latter an interpretation of Georg Büchner‘s play fragment Woyzeck. Both albums revisit the tango, Tin Pan Alley, and spoken-word influences of Swordfishtrombones, while the lyrics are both profoundly cynical and melancholic, exemplified by “Misery is the River of the World” and “Everything Goes to Hell.” “Diamond in Your Mind”, which Waits wrote for Wilson’s Woyzeck, did not appear on Blood Money; however, it did emerge on Solomon Burke‘s album Don’t Give Up on Me of the same year. While Waits has played the song live a number of times, an official version would not be released until 2007. The same year, Waits contributed a version of “The Return of Jackie and Judy” by The Ramones to the compilation album We’re a Happy Family: A Tribute to Ramones, which was released in 2003 on Columbia Records. That same year, Waits was also a judge for the 2nd annual Independent Music Awards to support independent artists’ careers. Waits was also a judge for the 10th annual Independent Music Awards.

Waits released Real Gone, his first nontheatrical studio album since Mule Variations, in 2004. It is Waits’s only album to date to feature absolutely no piano on any of its tracks. Waits beatboxes on the opening track, “Top of the Hill”, and most of the album’s songs begin with Waits’s “vocal percussion” improvisations. It is also more rock-oriented, with less blues influence than he has previously demonstrated. The same year, Waits contributed backing vocals to the track “Go Tell It on the Mountain” on theGrammy Award (Best Traditional Gospel Album)-winning album of the same name by The Blind Boys of Alabama. He also contributed a version of Daniel Johnston‘s “King Kong” to the tribute album The Late Great Daniel Johnston: Discovered Covered, released on Gammon Records.

At this time, Waits made a return to acting after a five-year break, marked at first by the re-release of his 1993 Jim Jarmusch-directed short Coffee and Cigarettes: Somewhere in California, costarring Iggy Pop, compiled in Coffee and Cigarettes. In 2005, Waits appeared in the Tony Scott film Domino as a soothsayer. In the same year, Waits appeared as himself in Roberto Benigni‘s romantic comedy La Tigre e la Neve, set in occupied Baghdad during the Iraq War. In the movie, Waits appears in a dream scene as himself, singing the ballad “You Can Never Hold Back Spring” and accompanying himself at the piano.

A 54-song three-disc box set of rarities, unreleased tracks, and brand-new compositions called Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards was released in November 2006. The three discs are subdivided relating to their content: “Brawlers” features Waits’s more upbeat rock and blues songs; “Bawlers”, his ballads and love songs; and “Bastards”, songs that fit in neither category, including a number of spoken-word tracks. A video for the song “Lie to Me” was produced as a promotion for the collection. Orphans also continues Waits’s newfound interest in politics with “Road to Peace”, a song about the Israeli–Palestinian conflict. The album is also notable for containing a number ofcovers of songs by other artists, including The Ramones (“The Return of Jackie and Judy” and “Danny Says”), Daniel Johnston (“King Kong”), Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brecht(“What Keeps Mankind Alive”), and Leadbelly (“Ain’t Goin’ Down to the Well” and “Goodnight Irene”), as well as renditions of works by poets and authors admired by Waits, such as Charles Bukowski and Jack Kerouac and a previously released duet with Mark Linkous of Sparklehorse entitled “Dog Door”. Waits’ albums Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards and Alice are both included in metacritic.com‘s list of the “Top 200: Best-Reviewed Albums” since 2000 at #10 and #20, respectively (as of November 2009). The same years, Waits appeared on Sparklehorse‘s album Dreamt for Light Years in the Belly of a Mountain, playing piano on the track “Morning Hollow.”

Five different versions of Waits’s song “Way Down in the Hole” have been used as the opening theme songs for the HBO television show The Wire. Waits’s own version, from Frank’s Wild Years, was used for season two. The other versions used for the series were performed by, in season order, The Blind Boys of AlabamaThe Neville Brothers, “DoMaJe” and Steve Earle.

Waits made a number of high-profile television and concert appearances between 2006 and 2010. In November 2006, Waits appeared on The Daily Show and performed “The Day After Tomorrow.” This was significant for his having been only the third performing guest on the show, the first being Tenacious D and the second The White Stripes. On May 4, 2007, Waits performed “Lucinda” and “Ain’t Goin’ Down to the Well” from Orphans on the last show of a week Late Night with Conan O’Brien spent in San Francisco. There was a short interview after the last performance. Waits also played in the Bridge School Benefit on October 27–28, 2007 with Kronos Quartet.

On July 10, 2007, Waits released the download-only digital single “Diamond In Your Mind”. The version of the song was recorded with Kronos Quartet, with Greg Cohen,Philip Glass, and The Dalai Lama at the benefit concert “Healing The Divide: A Concert for Peace and Reconciliation” at Avery Fisher Hall, recorded on September 21, 2003.

Waits’s song “Trampled Rose” (from Real Gone) appeared on the critically acclaimed album Raising Sand, a collaboration between Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. Waits also provided guest vocals on the song “Pray” by fellow ANTI- artists The Book of Knots on their album Traineater.

He played the role of Kneller in the film Wristcutters: A Love Story, which opened in November 2007.

On January 22, 2008, Waits made a rare live appearance in Los Angeles, performing at a benefit for Bet Tzedek Legal Services—The House of Justice, a nonprofit poverty law center.

On May 7, 2008, Waits announced the Glitter and Doom Tour starting in June 2008, touring cities in the southern United States and subsequently announced a series of dates in the UK, Ireland and mainland Europe. Waits was awarded the key to the city of El Paso, Texas during a concert on June 20, 2008. In his generally positive review of the opening show of the tour, The Wall Street Journal critic Jim Fusilli described Waits’ music thus:

The 58-year-old Mr. Waits … has composed a body of work that’s at least comparable to any songwriter’s in pop today. A keen, sensitive and sympathetic chronicler of the adrift and downtrodden, Mr. Waits creates three-dimensional characters who, even in their confusion and despair, are capable of insight and startling points of view. Their stories are accompanied by music that’s unlike any other in pop history.

On May 20, 2008, Scarlett Johansson‘s debut album, entitled Anywhere I Lay My Head, featured covers of ten Tom Waits songs. Waits made an appearance on the albumThe Spirit of Apollo by alternative hip hop project N.A.S.A., on the track “Spacious Thoughts.”

Waits wrote the following introduction for the Tompkins Square compilation People Take Warning – Murder Ballads & Disaster Songs, 1913–1938:

In the late 1920’s and early 1930’s, the Depression gripped the Nation. It was a time when songs were tools for living. A whole community would turn out to mourn the loss of a member and to sow their songs like seeds. This collection is a wild garden grown from those seeds.

In late 2009, Terry Gilliam‘s film The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus was released, with Waits in the role of Mr. Nick. Production began in December 2007 in London. Star Heath Ledger‘s death in January 2008 cast doubt on the film’s future, but the production was salvaged with the addition of new actors playing his character in scenes he did not complete.

2010s

Waits played the role of “The Engineer” in the film The Book of Eli, opposite Denzel Washington, which opened in January 2010.

He is working on a new stage musical with director and long-time collaborator Robert Wilson and playwright Martin McDonagh.

In early 2011, Tom Waits completed a set of 23 poems entitled Seeds on Hard Ground, which were inspired by Michael O’Brien’s portraits of the homeless in his upcoming book, Hard Ground, which will include the poems alongside the portraits. In anticipation of the book release, Waits and Anti- printed limited edition chapbooks of the poems to raise money for Redwood Empire Food Bank, a homeless referral and family support service in Sonoma County, California. As of January 26, 2011, four editions, each limited to a thousand copies costing $24.99US each, sold out, raising $90,000 for the food bank.

It was announced on February 9, 2011 that Waits was to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame by Neil Young. The ceremony was held at the Waldorf-Astoria on Monday, March 14, 2011, at 8:30pm EST. Waits accepted the award with his customary humor, stating, “They say I have no hits and that I’m difficult to work with… like it’s a bad thing.”

On February 24, 2011, it was announced via Waits’ official website that he has begun work on his next studio album.

Waits said through his website that on August 23 he would “set the record straight” in regards to rumors of a new release.  On August 23, the title of the new album was revealed to be Bad as Me, and a new single, also titled “Bad as Me,” started being offered via Amazon.com and other sites. The album was released on October 24.

Waits appears on the songs “Fadin’ Moon” and “Ghost to a Ghost” on Hank Williams III‘s 2011 album Ghost to a Ghost/Gutter Town.

Lawsuits

Waits has steadfastly refused to allow the use of his songs in commercials and has joked about other artists who do (commenting “If Michael Jackson wants to work forPepsi, why doesn’t he just get himself a suit and an office in their headquarters and be done with it?”). He has filed several lawsuits against advertisers who used his material without permission. He has been quoted as saying, “Apparently, the highest compliment our culture grants artists nowadays is to be in an ad — ideally, naked and purring on the hood of a new car”, he said in a statement, referring to the Mercury Cougar. “I have adamantly and repeatedly refused this dubious honor.”

Waits filed his first lawsuit in 1988 against Frito-Lay. The company had approached Waits to use one of his songs in an advertisement, which Waits declined. Frito-Lay hired a Waits soundalike to sing a jingle similar to the song “Step Right Up” from the album Small Change’, which is a song Waits has called “an indictment of advertising“. Waits won the lawsuit, becoming one of the first artists to successfully sue a company for using an impersonator without permission. The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals affirmed an award of $2.375 million in his favor (Waits v. Frito-Lay, 978 F. 2d 1093 (9th Cir. 1992)).

In 1993, Levi’s used Screamin’ Jay Hawkins‘ version of Waits’ “Heartattack and Vine” in a commercial. Waits sued, and Levi’s agreed to cease all use of the song and offered a full page apology in Billboard.

Waits found himself in a situation similar to his earlier one with Frito Lay in 2000 when Audi approached him, asking to use “Innocent When You Dream” (from Franks Wild Years) for a commercial broadcast in Spain. Waits declined, but the commercial ultimately featured music very similar to that song. Waits undertook legal action, and a Spanish court recognized that there had been a violation of Waits’s moral rights in addition to the infringement of copyright. The production company, Tandem Campany Guasch, was ordered to pay compensation to Waits through his Spanish publisher. Waits was later quoted as jokingly saying the company got the name of the song wrong, thinking it was called “Innocent When You Scheme.”

In 2005, Waits sued Adam Opel AG, claiming that, after having failed to sign him to sing in their Scandinavian commercials, they had hired a sound-alike singer. In 2007, the suit was settled, and Waits gave the sum to charity.

Waits has also filed a lawsuit unrelated to music. He was arrested in 1977 outside Duke’s Tropicana Coffee Shop in Los Angeles. Waits and a friend were trying to stop some men from bullying other patrons. The men were plainclothes officers, and Waits and his friend were arrested and charged with disturbing the peace. The jury found Waits not guilty; he took the police department to court and was awarded $7,500 compensation.

From Wikipedia and http://www.tomwaits.com
 

Closing Time 1973
The Heart of Saturday Night 1974


Nighthawks at the Diner 1975


Small Change 1976


Foreign Affairs 1977


Blue Valentine 1978


Heartattack and Vine 1980


One From The Heart Soundtrack 1982


Swordfishtrombones 1983


Rain Dogs 1985


Franks Wild Years 1987


Night on Earth Soundtrack 1992


Bone Machine 1992


The Black Rider 1993


Mule Variations 1999


Blood Money 2002


Alice 2002


Real Gone 2004


Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers, and Bastards 2004 Disc 1 Disc 2 Disc 3

 
Bad as Me 2011
 
Discography from http://grimeyretarded.blogspot.co.nz
Posted in Art, Blues, Historical, Music, Photography, Product review, Social Commentary, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

31 One-Liners

Groucho Marx in 1933

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx (1890-1977)


Peter Kay, Queen's Diamond Jubilee BBC Concert

“My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”
Peter Kay (2 July 1973-)


Just like that: the magic of Tommy Cooper is lost on the younger generation - My cultural lexicon is showing its age

“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
Tommy Cooper (1921-1984)


Film director Woody Allen talks about his new film From Rome with Love.

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.”
Woody Allen (1 December 1935-)


Billy Connolly in 2003

“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.”
Billy Connolly (24 November 1942-)


W.C. Fields as Mr Micawber (right)

“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
W.C Fields (1880-1946)


Tony Hancock in 1963

“This radio lark’s a wonderful hobby, y’know. I’ve got friends all over the world, all over the world… none in this country, but friends all over the world.”
Tony Hancock (1924-1968)


Les Dawson

“My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.”
Les Dawson (1931-1993)


Spike Milligan in the days of The Goons, with Peter Sellers (right)

“Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.”
Spike Milligan (1918-2002)


Dorothy Parker

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)


Gore Vidal

“Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.”
Gore Vidal (1925-2012)


Bob Newhart on the Tonight Show in 1969

“I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down.'”
Bob Newhart ( September 5, 1929-)


Comedian Jimmy Carr is one of thousands of wealthy Britons paying as little as one per cent income tax using an offshore scheme, it has been claimed.

“I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was “Shout For Help.'”
Jimmy Carr (15 September 1972)


Ken Dodd

“I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.”
Ken Dodd (8 November 1927-)


Noel Coward smiles aboard the Queen Elizabeth ocean liner as he arrives in New York City in this 1947 photo

“Never trust a man with short legs… his brain’s too near his bottom.”
Noel Coward (1899-1973)


Oscar Wilde

“The English country gentleman galloping after a fox is the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.”
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)


Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise

“I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.”
Eric Morecambe (1926-1984)


Mark Twain

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
Mark Twain (1835-1910)


Bob Hope in the 1947 film 'My Favourite Brunette'

“I remember my staff asking me when I was going to retire. I said when I could no longer hear the sound of laughter. He said: ‘That never stopped you before.'”
Bob Hope (1903-2003)


Joan Rivers

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
Joan Rivers (June 8, 1933-)


Bill Cosby at the Jackie Robinson Foundation annual Awards Dinner in 2009

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
Bill Cosby (July 12, 1937-)


Mae West in the 1936 film 'Klondike Annie'

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”
Mae West (1893-1980)


Terry Jones

“He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!”
Terry Jones (1 February 1942-)


Jay Leno

“Politics is just show business for ugly people.”
Jay Leno (April 28, 1950-)


Kenneth Williams

“Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!”
Kenneth Williams (1926-1988)


Weary indifference: Jack Dee's latest tour.

“The film industry is like Anne Robinson – always on the lookout for a new face.”
Jack Dee (24 September 1961-)


Jerry Seinfeld performing in July 2012

“I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.”
Jerry Seinfeld (April 29, 1954-)


Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devil's Dictionary

“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”
Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devil’s Dictionary (1842-1913)


Homer Simpson

“Trying is the first step towards failure.”
“I like my beer COLD, my women HOT and my homosexuals FLAMING.”
Homer Simpson (1987-)


Laurel and Hardy in Hog Wild in 1930

“Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into.”
Oliver Hardy (1892-1957) to Stan Laurel (1890-1965)

From: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/culturepicturegalleries/9594011/30-great-one-liners.html?frame=2363267
Posted in Art, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, Photography, Politics, Religion, Social Commentary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Rongolian Star Hits 50 K Milestone

The Rongolian Star – International Publishing Giant

 By Raving Reporter DJ Pukekoski
 

When the International Hall of Fame (accidentally housed at Rongo!) finally receives enough bribes to award the Nobel Prize for “The Most Exceptional Contribution to Publishing Ever!!” The Rongolian Star will unrivalled and unequalled receive this suspicious award!

The Rongolian Embassy: Home of the Rongolian Star

A gargantuan cosmopolitan audience of 50,000 hyped gullible litterati and pseudo wannabe intellectuals have gazed in unadulterated crazed admiration at the literary brilliance of the MENSA life peers employed by The Rongolian Star as journalists, writers, authors, investigative sleuths, comedians and raconteurs!! Shamefully enhanced by subtle mammarian imagery, the spectacular photography of inspired genii and suitably embellished by poignant and significant works of art yet to be discovered outside Karamea, The Ronglian Star is daily; avariciously visually and mentally engorged in over 112 countries worlds wide!!!

A Raving Rongolian Star Reporter

Gratitude for the incredibly hard work required to receive this Nobel Prize will be to the credit of the incredibly complex myriad of  Rongolian Star IT support staff, hi tech computer boffins, caffeine induced critiques, Rongolian Star publishing team, editors, sub editors, DJ Crap, Rongo Trojan Super Soldier The Big Man, DJ Pukeko and most importantly of all Rongo Icon SuperMoo The Karamea Wonder Dog!

Super Moo the Karamea Wonder Dog

All Hail Ceaser’s Salad!!!!

P.S. Incredibly and pathetically there has only been one view from Guadeloupe in the entire publishing history of  The Rongolian Star! Ok, so there are no computers and no internet access in Guadeloupe, Government Thought Police cruelly control the populace and Guadeloupe President IRA Dick Tator is dyslexic and his mother in law is expecting his child!! So fucking what??? There is nothing more important to the education of all Guadeloopians to read, digest and cogitate on the excessive ramblings and nonsense contained within The Rongolian Star!!

Guadeloupe President IRA Dick Tator and his Mother-in-Law

Approved for publication By Order in Council and Rongolian El Presidente for Life:

Senor Palo Murrio!!!!   Arf arf!

Rongolian El Presidente for Life: Senor Palo Murrio

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Farewell Emmanuelle

Off the Top of my Head

By Paul Murray
 

Eulogy to Sylvia Kristel

The radiant light finally left the incredible eyes of 70s starlet Sylvia Kristel, who was known best for her starring role in the French soft-porn series “Emmanuelle.”

An enthusiastic smoker of unfiltered cigarettes since her early teens and, later in life, experimented with smoking through orifices other than her mouth (see “Emmanuelle” 1974 the first film in the Emmanuelle series), Kristel succumbed to throat and lung cancer and died on October 17, 2012.

She approached cocaine similarly and developed quite an expensive habit that led her to make some rather poor business decisions, including the sale of her interest in the film “Private Lessons,” which went on to gross $26 million in the United States alone.

Kristel loved cocaine like she loved smoking and shagging and once said, cocaine is like a “super-vitamin, a very fashionable substance, without danger, but expensive, far more exciting than drowning in alcohol – a fuel necessary to stay in the swing.”

No one has ever quite matched her exquisite talent at looking fantastic half naked on rattan furniture.

Posted in Art, Erotica, Fashion, Historical, Movie Review, Obituary, Photography, Social Commentary, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments