Asian zodiac animals by Tom Baker

Asian zodiac animals.

via Asian zodiac animals.

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Busy Day for Barbie

CSI Barbie

Gravid Barbie

Disgorging Barbie

Calendar Barbie

Cranking Barbie

Survivor Barbie

Spanking Barbie

Bulimic CowGirl Barbie

Death Row Barbie

Strip Search Barbie

Trailer Trash Barbie

ShowGirl Barbie

Indolent Barbie

Office Party Barbie

Gooooooo BaaaarBie!!

Compromised Barbie

Madame Barbie

RedNeck Barbie and HillBilly Ken

Mistress Barbie

Over It Barbie

Bunny Barbie

Exterminator Barbie

Burger-Flipping Barbie

Karma Sutra Barbie

Serial Killer Barbie

Serial Killer Barbie II

Scatologist Barbie

GangLand BarbieCrack Ho Barbie

In Serious Strife Barbie

Augmented Barbie

Barbie & Louise

BoHo Barbie

recruitment-dominatrix

Dominatrix Barbie

Life-Size Anatomically Correct Barbie

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The Rongolian Star Christmas Special

The Rongolian Star Christmas Special

The Rongolian Star

Issue No. 13 December 2011
Published by Royal Decree since 1878
Rongo Backpackers, Waverley Street,
Karamea, Buller, South Island, New Zealand
Telephone    00 64 3 7826 667
Internet  www.rongobackpackers.com
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A Particularly Busy Season for Jesus

Sci Fi Jesus

Shopped-Out Jesus (Retail-Overload Jesus)

Cold-War Jesus

SkateBoard Jesus

DJ Jesus Dropping at the Last Supper

Ameri-Can Jesus

Top-Gear Jesus

War & Peace Jesus (Yin-Yang Jesus)

Ostracised Jesus

Contemporary Gay-Man Jesus

Roger Cowboy Jesus

Thespian Jesus

NRMA Poster-Boy Jesus

Ascending Jesus

Junky Jesus

Occupy Wall Street Jesus

Creepy Jesus

Toasted Jesus

Darth Vader Jesus

Snorting Jesus

DJ Captain Jesus

Easter Egg Jesus

Worn Out B&W Jesus

Twinkle in a Mother's Eye Jesus

Spoilt Brat Jesus

Uncle Sam Jesus

Hipster Jesus

Pedicurist Jesus

Laughing Cavalier Jesus

Chocolate Jesus

Jesus and Jamie

Sand Castle Jesus

Never-Ending Story Jesus

J-Pain Jesus

Bling-Bling Jesus

Air Freshener Jesus

Constitution Lawyer Jesus

Pele Jesus

Deflated Limo Driver Jesus

Outlaw Jesus

Coast Guard Jesus

Commie Jesus

Jesus Sorting out Banking System

Nailed Jesus

King Jesus

Jesus Claude van Damme

DOH! Jesus

Manicure Jesus

Jesus Shaves

South Park Jesus

Occupy Wall Street Jesus II

Capricorn Jesus

Intolerant Jesus

Drinkin' Smokin' Jesus

Choreographer Jesus

Juiced-up, Armed and Dangerous Jesus

Marmite Jesus

Leper-Healing Jesus

Lazy Jesus

Che Guevera Jesus

WannaBe Jesuses

Zombie Jesus

Harry Potter Jesus

Harem Jesus

Mickey Mouse Jesus

Cheating Jesus

Zoidberg Jesus

Well-Endowed Jesus

Satan Jesus

 

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Ten Rongolian Star Christmas Present Suggestions

1: The Bureaucratic Machine: The Most Useless Gadget Ever Invented!

2: The Jesus Toaster: Give us this day our Daily Bread…

The Jesus Toaster

3: The Claytons Husband: The Man you have when you’re not having a Man…

The HandyMan

4: A Housewife’s Dream!

A Christmas Present that Really SUCKS

5: For the ShutterBug

Camera Lens Coffee Cup with Lid

6: The Disposable Toilet (Perfect for Displaced Cantabrians)

The Cardboard Crapper

7: The Seedy Stuntman

The Bungy Bird Feeder

8: For Cool Canines

Doggles

9: Handy Undies

HanderPants

10: For the Firearm Enthusiast

Self Gun Control (Gun Control Begins at Home)

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A Christmas Message from The Rongolian Star

The Economy Needs YOU!

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DC Commuters Dis Strad Virtuoso

In Washington DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, a man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

After about four minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About four minutes later, the violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

At six minutes, a young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

At ten minutes, a three-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent – without exception – forced their children to move on quickly.

At forty-five minutes: The musician played continuously. Only six people stopped and listened for a short while. About twenty gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

After one hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:

In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

If so, do we stop to appreciate it?

Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made…

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?”

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An Irish Friendship Wish for Christmas

 

"Irish Friendship Wish" by Jennifer Fefel Jahromi

May  there always  be work for your hands to do;

May your purse always hold  a coin or  two;

May the  sun always shine on your windowpane;

May a rainbow be  certain to  follow each  rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;

May God  fill your  heart with gladness to cheer  you,

and may  you be in  heaven a half hour before the devil  knows you’re  dead.

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St. Nicholas: Buried in Ireland

London, Dec 14 : Historians believe that the remains of St. Nicholas, the man who inspired Father Christmas, are buried at Jerpoint Abbey in County Kilkenny, Ireland.

The bishop was buried in the cathedral church in Myra, which became a pilgrimage site, but Irish historians claim that the early crusaders brought his remains back to Jerpoint Abbey.

“It is an amazing story and yet very few people in Ireland know about St Nicholas”s connection with this country. Every year now we get visitors to the site, but still not that many,” The Telegraph quoted Philip Lynch, an historian and chairman of Callan Heritage Society in Co Kilkenny, as saying.

“There is a great story about a notorious old miser. He never gave the children any Christmas presents, instead he delighted in bringing them to Jerpoint and showing them Father Christmas”s grave,” he added.

It has previously believed that St Nicholas’s remains were taken to Bari in southern Italy in the 11th century after Italian sailors looted his grave.

However, Lynch claims there is evidence to suggest that a French family who settled in Ireland shortly after 1169 were responsible for moving his remains.

He believes that the crusading family, called the de Frainets, exhumed the tomb after they were routed by their enemies, and brought the content to southern Italy, which was then Norman lands.

When they were subsequently forced out of Italy by the Genoese, the remains were entrusted to relatives in Nice, who moved them to family lands in Kilkenny for safe keeping.

Nicholas de Frainet built a dedicated Cistercian Abbey at Jerpoint where St Nicholas’s remains were then interred in 1200.

“St Nicholas Church is still standing and there is a slab on the ground which marks St Nicholas”s grave,” Lynch said. (ANI)

(Submitted by Karan Jakhad)
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To Friends of the Rongolian Star on National Friendship Week

Jock Fleming

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman’s sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

‘I want to repay you,’ said the nobleman. ‘You saved my son’s life.’

Elegantly dressed Scottish nobleman

‘No, I can’t accept payment for what I did,’ the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer’s own son came to the door of the family hovel.

‘Is that your son?’ the nobleman asked.

‘Yes,’ the farmer replied proudly.

‘I’ll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy, if the lad is anything like his father, he’ll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.’ And that he did.

Farmer Fleming’s son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary’s Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Penicillin as Invented by Sir Alexander Fleming

Years afterward, the same nobleman’s son who was saved from the bog was stricken with gonorrhea.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son’s name?

 

 

 

Sir Winston Churchill.

Winston Churchill

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.

Work like you don’t need the money.

Love like you’ve never been hurt.

Dance like nobody’s watching.

Sing like nobody’s listening..

Live like it’s Heaven on Earth.

And drink like Winston.

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The Rongolian Lonely Hearts Club:

A Special Message to All the Ladies from Garfunkel

Hey Ladies, Garfunkel here again…I’m SO ready for you to call. I’m looking for a special hard-lovin’ woman to share my passion for life, love and funkin’.

It’s been a good while since I have been with a lady…in fact it’s been 45 years…so I’ve some spunk bottled up inside me like you wouldn’t believe!

So give me a call and I’ll release my love all over you…7826XXX
(If I’m not home…please leave a message with Mum and I’ll call you straight back and invite you round for a cuppa tea to meet my parents, we’ll read some psalms, heal the sick, cure the lame and I might even show you my extensive collection of used tissues!)

PS: If I miss your call, be sure to leave your name, age, bra size, hair length and underpants colour so that I can call you back with a mental picture of you in mind.

***Disclaimer: The Rongolian Lonely Hearts Club is a comedic parody, any resemblance to real persons living or dead is unintentional and purely coincidental.***
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