Busy Day for Barack

Baroque Obama

Red-Carpet Obama

Doggy Doo Obama

Willy Wonka Obama

In The VIP Obama

Barack “Billboard” Obama

Incredible Hulk Obama

Body Surfing Barack

Clark Kent Obama

His Royal Majesty King Obama I

Neo Obama

Jesus Obama

Avatar Obama

Slammin’ Obama

Die-Hard Obama

Hippy Obama

General Custer Obama

Patriot Obama

Joker Obama

Frobama

SuperHero ObamaMan

Barack Obonga

SuperFly Obama

Alfred E. Obama

Obama bin Laden

Leprechaun Obama

Wing-Nut Obama

Frozone Obama

Barack ObamaMan

Comrade Barack Obamaskivich

Gay Pride Parade Obama

Marlboro Man Obama

Spock Obama

Master Card Obama

Medicine Man Obama

Stained Glass Obama

ObamaMan II

Buff Barack

Underpants Obama

Pope Obama

KimBab Obama

Gene Simmons KISS Obama

Enlightened Obama by Alex Grey

 

Posted in Humor, Humour, Parody, Politics, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #5

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape

A New Zealand Government Department authorised by Statute and Royal Decree to receive Official Complaints

Office Manager:      Red Scarlett

Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints  Officer:     Medium Rare

Medium Rare

Secretary:      Rouge Rhubrabra

Rouge Rhubrabra

Market Cross:   Karamea Minstry of Red Tape Office 9.07 am

Rouge Rhubrabra:     Greetings Sir! May I be of assistance to you.

Franken Steinway:    Yes I understand that I can make a complaint here!

Rouge Rhubrabra:      Indeed! Would you like to make an official complaint? Our Official Complaints Officer Medium Rare will attend to you!

Franken Steinway

Franken Steinway:   Well I actually don’t have a complaint. I am bored and I thought it would be rather exciting to file a fictitious complaint.

Medium Rare:    Please step over here and spin the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Complaints Wheel of Whinge!

Wheel of Whinge

Franken Steinway:    Yowser!

Whrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Plinka, plinka,plinka, plink!!!

Medium Rare:      Congratulations sir! You have really scored big time!

Franken Steinway:     Wow!

Medium Rare:     Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Complaint 227/4. The Karamea Phantom stole your wife’s crotchless  pink panties from your bosses clothesline!

Franken Steinway:    Butt … butt … butt … I don’t have  a wife!

The Karamea Phantom

Missing Crotchless Pink Panties

Medium Rare:   You sicko ! Then those panties must have been yours!!

Franken Steinway:     Ah!  Can I spin again please?

Medium Rare:     Well ok but I am filing a special report about this!

Franken Steinway:     Phew!

Whrrrrrrrrr ……plinka …………plinka …………..plink

Franken Steinway:     What have I scored this time!

Medium Rare:       The Jackpot!!!!!!

Franken Steinway:    Do I have the right of refusal?

Medium Rare:    No need! This one is a bonanza!!!

Franken Steinway:     Hit me!

Medium Rare:     Karamea Minstry of Red Tape Official Complaint 61/3. You bought a tin of black and white striped paint from the Karamea Hardware Store and there were three white stripes missing!!

Karamea Hardware Store

Franken Steinway:   Boring!!!

Medium Rare:      There were three white stripes missing, you were overcharged twenty cents and there was no squiggly animal at the bottom of the paint tin.

Franken Steinway:    What sort of squiggly animal?

Franken Steinway:    You have a choice between a five legged spotted budgie, a rare Brazilian amphibious gold fish or a white chocaholic rhinoceros.

Franken Steinway:   Ok I’ll go for the rhinoceros!!

White Chocaholic Rhinoceros

Medium Rare:   Wise man! The prescribed fee is $1500 and for a small bribe the World Wildlife Fund will not be informed of your brutality and total disregard for an endangered species.

Franken Steinway:     I’ve changed my mind. I’ll go for the five legged budgie instead.

Medium Rare:    You cretin! That species is now extinct thanks to you!!!

Extinct Five-legged Budgie (with three missing legs)

Franken Steinway:     Amphibious five legged goldfish???

Very Rare Nonexistent Amphibious Five-legged Goldfish

Medium Rare:   Doesn’t exist!!!!! Ha ha ha!

Franken Steinway:  My head hurts where is the exit?

Red Scarlett:     How do you do sir!  I am Red Scarlett  the Karamea Minstry of Red Tape Manager. Did I hear you say exit?

Franken Steinway:  Well um ….   ah  yes   My um head hurts!!!. I need an aspirin.

Red Scarlett:   Exit!   Not possible I’m afraid to say.  No one making an official complaint ever leaves this office alive!

Franken Steinway:   No!   Wait!  I’ve got a pet um ….    ah…..

Red Scarlett:    Pet what??

Franken Steinway:   A pet um?? Persea Americana!!  She’ll miss me!

Persea Americana

Red Scarlett:     Ha! That is the scientific name for an avocado. Now fortunately you have a choice. Do you want to end up as a meat pie, or as an horse d’hoof at the Last Resort Friday sling shot shootem up all you can eat smorgasbord!!

Franken Steinway:    Meat Pie????

Red Scarlett:     Meat pie!!  Wise choice my good man! Now do you want to be garnished with rosemary or mint! Now consider carefully, this an exciting once in a life time decision!!!

Franken Steinway:    You are on bad drugs!!!

Red Scarlett:    Au contraire!! I am an aficionado of Whittakers Extra Cacao Caramel chocolate which helps to define my sense of concise equanimity and sagacious deliberation.

Whittakers Extra Cacao Caramel

Franken Steinway:    I want to see a lawyer!!!

Attorney at Law Avarice Greedy Bastard from the Firm Ambo Lance and Chaser

Red Scarlett:  Your lucky day! I am authorised by Government Statute to take your last will and testament. Karamea Ministry of Red Tape  Form 911 please Rouge!

Franken Steinway:   Aaaaaaaghhhhhhhh!!!!!

Red Scarlett:    Don’t fret! We have an exhilarating choice of testamentary colour schemes too! Deadly nightshade or ghostly pale!

Franken Steinway:  Wow! Look at the time! I just remembered. I have an appointment with my speleologist at 3 pm!!

Red Scarlett:   Ok!  Do you promise to return to the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape office immediately after your appointment!!

Franken Steinway:   I…ah  … promise!!!

Red Scarlett:   Cross your heart and hope to die!!

Franken Steinway:  Ah.. well .. of… course!!

KABOOM!!!!!

Rouge Rhubarbara:     Good shooting boss!! My old granny once told me never to trust a used vacuum cleaner salesman, especially one that drives a Skoda!!!

Medium Rare:    Anyone for a meat pie?

Mrs Lovett’s Special Meat Pies…the Taste of Home

Posted in Art, Bureaucracy, Funny, Humor, Humour, Karamea Ministry of Red Tape, Parody, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The LivinginPeace Project

LivingInPeace Project, Karamea, New Zealand

Commercial Farm ProjectsDemonstration SitesEducation Centres — by Craig Gallagher May 20, 2011

 

I recently travelled back home to NZ and visited The LivinginPeace project in Karamea which is situated at the northern end of the West Coast Road of the South Island. The LivinginPeace Project began in 2004 and aims to incorporate the elements of travel, art, education and permaculture into a sustainable business.

 

Karamea is like a little geographical island paradise in the Kahurangi National Park. The climate is warm year-round and the region is blessed with fertile soils, plentiful rainfall and lots of sunshine. Almost any crop can be grown there, including bananas.

Founder, Paul Murray, studied permaculture with Bill Mollison and Geoff Lawton at Melbourne University in 2009 and has since been working on developing a 7-acre permaculture demonstration farm as part of the Permaculture Master Plan. He sees permaculture as a positive way to provide a quality life for his family and wants to make the permaculture farm a feature of his business in the hope that guests at his accommodation facilities (Paul owns a backpackers and baches) will be able to experience permaculture first-hand and learn about sustainable food production during their stay. “I conduct daily tours of the farm and answer people’s questions in the hope that they will develop an interest in permaculture while they are here,” he said. “Every year, we have over 50 different nationalities coming to stay with us and I see this as an excellent opportunity to spread the word about permaculture.”

The LivinginPeace Project is certified carbon neutral and the project undergoes an annual audit by Carbon South, a Christchurch-based carbon assessor. Environmental and energy efficiency considerations are the focus of every business decision and the ultimate objective of the permaculture farm is to be able to produce sufficient food to feed all LivinginPeace Project volunteers and also to have a restaurant to feed guests with food that has been grown on the farm. Murray believes that a significant carbon saving can be made by doing so. “Karamea is possibly the most remote town in the South Island of New Zealand, so if we invite people to visit Karamea and then import all the food to feed them while they’re here it would be very inefficient, so a significant carbon gain can be made by producing all the food we need for our guests help to maintain the carbon-neutral status of the business and also enable us to provide them with locally grown, freshly picked, nutritious, enzymatically rich, healthy food,” he said.

The LivinginPeace Project is run entirely by volunteers and has been a Wwoofing host for seven years. “Wwoofers are travellers and I am very grateful for the wonderful people who have come to help develop and manage the project,” Murray said. “We strike a mutually beneficial arrangement with our Wwoofers, we ask that they help develop the farm and run the businesses and in return, we offer a great place to stay, all the facilities and services we have for our guests and the opportunity to learn about permaculture.”

Travellers are able to defray the cost of their adventure in return for their labour, whilst staying in one of the loveliest places in New Zealand and exploring the Kahurangi National Park, Oparara Basin and the Heaphy Track — one of New Zealand’s “Great Walks.”

Art is another facet of the LivinginPeace Project and there is an annual artist-in-residency programme whereby artists are invited to spend several months in the summer and offered free accommodation so that they can live and work on their art in a region renowned for its natural beauty. In the past, resident artists conduct art workshops, drawing classes and held exhibitions as part of their residency and art is a very important feature of the LivinginPeace Project. The permaculture farm is designed with aesthetic considerations with artworks incorporated into a creative design and is a pleasant place for visitors to experience and enjoy.

In 2011, the LivinginPeace Project launched the “Permaculturalist-in-Residency Programme” whereby an experienced permaculturalist is invited to stay and work with the Wwoofers on the farm as an instructor. This enables Wwoofers to learn more about permaculture and its practical applications and also enables permaculture instructors to gain valuable experience in supervising and assisting the learning process of novice permaculturalists. The programme has proved very beneficial for both students and teachers and the permaculture farm development has also benefited from the input of experienced permaculture practitioners matched with the enthusiasm and energy of the Wwoofers.

The first Permaculture Design Course will be offered in Karamea from August 7-20, 2011. This course will be conducted by myself, Tim Barker, Justin Sharman Selvidge and Paul Murray. (For more information on the PDC, please go here.)

Together with the theory of permaculture, the LivinginPeace Project PDC will also focus on the practical application of permaculture including workshops and demonstrations, along with excursions to other permaculture projects in the region and visits to natural forest systems.

The LivinginPeace Project has an 80-acre (31-ha) forest block as Zone 5 and it acts as a carbon sink to offset the carbon emissions produced in the service of the business, including partial responsibility for the carbon emissions of visitors to the project, most of whom come from the Northern Hemisphere. The forest is tremendously diverse and provides an excellent example of a balanced natural system for people to observe and experience.

The LivinginPeace Project is a progressive and innovative business that seeks to positively incorporate permaculture into the business model to improve the efficiency and minimise the environmental impact of the venture.

For more information on the LivinginPeace Project, please visit: www.livinginpeace.comor contact Paul Murray:

  • rongo (at) actrix.co.nz
  • 0064 (0)3 7826-767
Posted in Business, Efficiency, Environment, Environmentally Responsible Business, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, New Zealand, Permaculture, Rongo, South Island, Sustainability, Travel, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

“Thoughts from Within” by Woody Harrelson

THOUGHTS FROM WITHIN

By Woody Harrelson

I sometimes feel like an alien creature
for which there is no earthly explanation
Sure I have human form
walking erect and opposing digits,
but my mind is upside down.
I feel like a run-on sentence
in a punctuation crazy world.
and I see the world around me
like a mad collective dream.

An endless stream of people
move like ants from the freeway
cell phones, pc’s, and digital displays
“In Money We Trust,”
we’ll find happiness
the prevailing attitude;
like a genetically modified irradiated Big Mac
is somehow symbolic of food.

Morality is legislated
prisons over-populated
religion is incorporated
the profit-motive has permeated all activity
we pay our government to let us park on the street
And war is the biggest money-maker of all
we all know missile envy only comes from being small.

Politicians and prostitutes
are comfortable together
I wonder if they talk about the strange change in the weather.
This government was founded by, of, and for the people
but everybody feels it
like a giant open sore
they don’t represent us anymore
And blaming the President for the country’s woes
is like yelling at a puppet
for the way it sings
Who’s the man behind the curtain pulling the strings?

A billion people sitting watching their TV
in the room that they call living
but as for me
I see living as loving
and since there is no loving room
I sit on the grass under a tree
dreaming of the way things used to be
Pre-Industrial Revolution
which of course is before the rivers and oceans, and skies were polluted

before Parkinson’s, and mad cows
and all the convoluted cacophony of bad ideas
like skyscrapers, and tree paper, and earth rapers
like Monsanto and Dupont had their way
as they continue to today.

This was Pre-us
back when the buffalo roamed
and the Indian’s home
was the forest, and God was nature
and heaven was here and now
Can you imagine clean water, food, and air
living in community with animals and people who care?

Do you dare to feel responsible for every dollar you lay down
are you going to make the rich man richer
or are you going to stand your ground
You say you want a revolution
a communal evolution
to be a part of the solution
maybe I’ll be seeing you around

Posted in Art, Economics, Education, Environment, LivinginPeace Project, Money, Peace, Permaculture, Politics, Religion, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, United States | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Rongolian Lonely Hearts Club:

Robert “Garfunkel” Davids aka the LOVE GOD

Hey Hot Ladies…looking for some good lovin’?

Look no further, Robert “Garfunkel” Davids is ready willing and able to cater to your every need…I’m a 40-something virgin with a LOT of lost time to make up for…I’m locked and loaded and ready to explode. Call now 7826XXX and ask for the “Love God”…If I’m not at home, please leave a message with Mum and I’ll call you right back…be sure to leave your name, number, bra size and a brief description of your desires and I will prepare my package for you. Married women need not apply as my ideology is very much in line with the 10 Commandments…and I shall not covet my neighbour’s wife…but my neighbour’s wife’s daughters are most welcome…wait no longer Ladies…call now for complete satisfaction and the realisation of every fantasy, desire and sexual fancy…tea and hot scones my speciality.

***Disclaimer: The Rongolian Lonely Hearts Club is a comedic parody, any resemblance to real persons living or dead is unintentional and purely coincidental.***
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Birds & Bees with Jack Black

Jack Black Attack

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Things Aren't Always What They Seem....

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The Rongolian Star Issue No. 14 January 2012

The Rongolian Star

Issue No. 14 January 2012
Published by Royal Decree since 1878
Rongo Backpackers, Waverley Street,
Karamea, Buller, South Island, New Zealand
Telephone    00 64 3 7826 667
Internet  www.rongobackpackers.com
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Busy Day for the Great Leader

Rainbow Clone Kim

Poster-Boy Kim

DJ Kim

Comedian Kim

Pokemon Rocket Monster Kim

Photo-Crasher Kim

Great Leader Groupies

Great Pimper Kim

World Cup Soccer Team Coach Kim

Team America Evil Dictator Kim

Chilling at Home Kim

Guiding Star of the 21st Century, Brilliant Leader, Commander-in-Chief, Guiding Sun Ray, Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love, Party Center, Ever-Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander, and Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have Kim

Hawaiian Holiday Kim

Bomb-Thought Kim

Dr Strange Love Kim

Gun-Crazed Loner Kim (Armed and VERY Dangerous!)

RapTzar Kim

Leprechaun Kim

Ventriloquist Kim

Kim Jong Elvis

Aerobics Instructor Kim

Fat Boy Slim Kim

Kim Jong Angel

Great Leader and Friends

Kim Jong Pimp

Kim Kicks Bucket

Pyongyang Planking Kim

Weather Man Kim

DJ Great Leader Dropping at Club Jong Il

LiL Kim Jong IL

Kim Jive Il

Great Dead Leader: Nation Mourns Kim Jong Il in Blizzard

 

 

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Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #4

A New Zealand Government Department authorised by Parliamentary Statute and Royal Decree to receive Official Complaints!
 

Office Manager:   Red Scarlett

Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints Officer:   Pierre Moustache

Pierre Moustache

Office Secretary:   Peach Melba

Peach Melba

Bad Debts Collection:    Chopper!

Chopper!

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office – Market Cross  9 a.m. Friday morning!

Yuppette Jafa

Yuppette Jafa:  ….I..ve … just… run …  all the way from Karamea Airport and I wish to  make a complaint!

Pierre Moustache:   Yo kia ora ! An Official Complaint sis?

Yuppette Jafa:   Offal???

Pierre Moustache:   Official!!!

Yuppette Jafa:   Fish oil???

Pierre Moustache:    Official??

Yuppette  Jafa:    Oh!!  Yes!!  I wanted to powder my nose and there was nowhere at the airport!
Boo hoo!!

Pierre:   Yeah sis! You  can powder ya nose out there in our Official El Frisco Boodwa!!
Ten bucks cash eh!!!

Yuppette  Jafa:  Wow…that is a rather vicious looking Doberman out there!

Chopper!

Pierre:   That’s Chopper our Office Enforcer. Don’t worry  cuzette he only chews on
Aucklanders eh! Real fussy eater!!

Yuppette Jafa:   Oh…but I am an Aucklander!

Pierre  Moustache:   Right lady! Raise your right hand and repeat after me! “I solemnly swear to uphold the organic values of the Kingdom of Rongolia and agree as a newly ordained citizen of such republic to abide by its Orwellian laws and rather strange customs!!

Yuppette Jafa:    Blah blah blah!!

Pierre Moustahce:   Choice!!!   You are now an official citizen of Rongolia and safe from the jaws of Chopper! BYE!

Yuppette Jafa:    Bye???

Pierre:   Um… ah… by..by … the .. way.. that is a..ah…rather tasty dress you are wearing today madmoselle!

Yuppette Jafa:     Merci monsieur!!

Chopper:     Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!  (Chomp… chomp…)

Yuppette:    aaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!……..

Red Scarlett:   Chopper is rather hungry today!! Who was that!!

Pierre:   Yo Bro…an anorexic Jaffette with bad breath!!!

Red Scarlett:   Yowser!!!  Look at Chopper!  He’s starting to foam at the mouth!!!

Pierre:    Hey man, that tart from Jafaville must have had rabies eh!!

Red Scarlett:  Quick call the vet!

Pierre Moustache:   No point cuz! Chopper ate him yesterday while I was taking him for
walkies!!

Red Scarlett:  Wait I’ll look in the office manual to see what we should do! Here we go
Karamea Ministry of Red Tape incident 24/2. “Office Mutt contracts an affliction of the Rhaboviridae family of viruses after consuming Jafa guacamole!”

Pierre:    ..and???

Red Scarlett:   Quote “ Pierre must immediately stick his left hand down Choppers throat and make him regurgitate offending snackette!!  Unquote!

Pierre:    Bull dust man… you just wrote that down in the manual just now Bro!

Red Scarlett:    Are you questioning my integrity and authority??

Pierre  Moustache:   Whoa…. am I allowed to?

Red Scarlett:   Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Staff Direction 5!! “Junior staff must
never and I repeat never question my integrity or authority or your share of office
bribes and free booze will be forfeited to the Saint Scarlett Benevolent Fund!!”

Pierre Moustcahe:    Yeah! Stink man! Here Chopper! Good boy….

Chopper:    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!  R…A…L….P….H    !!!

Pierre Moustache:   Yow!!!   Aaaagghhhh…..

Red Scarlett:   Pierre!  Really!!  Pull yourself together man!

Beep  beep!

Peach Melba

Peach Melba:  Yes Boss!!

Red Scarlett:  Yes! A cup of tea and two sugars please!

Pierre:     Gurgle!!!!   aaaaghhh!!!!…..

Red Scarlett:   Ah..  yes and a doggie bag for Chopper!!

Peach Melba:    Chocolate biscuits???

Red Scarlett:    Certainly not!!  Chopper ‘s on a strict protein diet!

Baron Von RichToffee:    Ya!! Excuse me. I am here to pick up ze Yuppette! I have to fly my Fokker back to Auckland in about 20 minutes!!

Red Scarlett:   I beg your pudding!!  No cussing is allowed on Karamea Ministry of Red Tape premises!!

Baron Von Rich Toffee:    Fokker Tri Plane!!

Baron Von Rich Toffee:

Red Scarlett:   Mile high ménage à trois!  Outrageous!!!

Baron Von Rich Toffee:   Vere is ze Yuppette fraulein???

Red Scarlett:  Sit down old boy!! Bad news I’m afraid!!

Baron Von Rich Toffee:   Vot is wrong??

Red Scarlett:   You are a foreign national trespassing without customs clearance on Official Karamea of Ministry of Red Tape property!  You are under arrest.   Chopper here will guard you while I have morning tea!

Chopper!:    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

Baron Von Rich Toffee:   Nein!!  Schwein Hundt!!!!!

Chopper!:     S…l….u….r…p  !!!           W……O…….L……….F!!!!!!!!!!!!

Red Scarlett:     Chopper!!!!   How rude!  Do you ever say grace????

Chopper!:       Burp!!!

Posted in Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Karamea Ministry of Red Tape, Parody, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment