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The LivinginPeace Project
The Rongolian Star Issue 12: November, 2011
Issue No. 12 November 2011
Published by Royal Decree since 1878
Rongo Backpackers, Waverley Street,
Karamea, Buller, South Island, New Zealand
Telephone 00 64 3 7826 667
E-mail rongo@actrix.co.nz
Internet www.rongobackpackers.com
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Aussie Cameraman’s Show Highlights Art of Nature
(From The Rongolian Star Archives)
Saturday, July 6, 2002
By ANGELA JEFFS
Journalist Paul Murray was slightly thrown when his photographic teacher told him to forget using a macro lens. “He said the best photographers technically were Japanese, so I might as well give up before I started.”

Paul Murray, hailing from the rustic environs of South Australia's Kangaroo island, is exhibiting his view of nature in Tokyo's Omotesando area this month.
Yet Paul puts every doubting Thomas to flight this month, exhibiting remarkable photographs in the Las Chicas restaurant complex in Tokyo’s Omotesando.There was also the matter of his build — tall and gangling with (it has to be said) enormous hands and feet. Hardly easy to get down close to the earth to shoot the tiniest flower, or lean in close and still to record a quivering raindrop on a leaf.
It’s a long way from Australia’s Kangaroo Island, where he grew upon a sheep and cattle farm.
When Paul was 8 his father remarried. “I was already fiercely independent. Now I became fiercely rebellious.” At age 14 he was packed off to boarding school in Adelaide — a huge shock, he says,”but it made me.” When he left, he had no idea what to do except “have an interesting life.”
Well, he certainly did that!
He became a jackaroo, an Australian cowboy, working in different parts of the country. “I was tough as hell. But it was romantic, too. Pure. Three hours from the nearest town, yet never boring — and never lonely until I lived in a city.” The only recreation? Nurses, in for rodeos. “Bless their little Mother Teresa hearts!”
Moving from heaven to hell, he became a sheet metal apprentice in a factory. Seeing through the ruse (as a form of slavery) he went back to the land, as overseer on world’s largest sheep farm — 1,600,000 hectares and 70,000 sheep — aged just 19. “Acknowledging my agrarian blood, I then went off to study agricultural science, majoring in horticulture.”
When he graduated, Australia was in recession and the only jobs in chemical companies (“forget that”) or selling insurance (“which I proved scarily good at!”).
Next stop, marrying a multimillionaire’s daughter. Moving to Melbourne, he became a partner in an insurance company. “I began living up to other peoples’ expectations.”
Waking one day to find himself unhappy (“my wife was well into her own career”) he decided to go back to farming. Buying into a tropical fruit company to export custard apples to Hong Kong and Singapore seemed a great idea. Until a freak hailstorm wiped out the whole crop. “I lost everything, including my wife.”
With life at its lower ebb, he came to Japan on a working vacation to lick his wounds. “I liked the idea of treading water for a while.” One year turned into 18 months. “I was teaching at a high school for dropouts — kids with mental problems, bosozoku, girls who’d been hostesses, some of whom saw English as a way to escape Japan.”
The pivotal experience came at a dinner party in Shibuya. Guests, all successful in their chosen fields, were talking about a psychic in America who had changed their lives. “I was totally skeptical, yet for some reason decided to shut up and listen.” Later he made an appointment to talk to “Garry” by phone in Georgia. “I’d been told to prepare 10 questions,” Paul recalls. “Yet the first thing ‘Garry’ said to me was, ‘Paul, you would have been a much more creative person if your mother hadn’t died when you were 2.’ It blew me away. Then he asked me why I’d stopped playing piano. Now he had my full attention.”
Later Paul asked if he should buy some Fuji Bank stock. Good idea, he was told. Three weeks later Fuji merged with two other banks.
After speaking with the psychic, Paul realized that in every job he had ever done, there was a point when he leveled out, then lost interest. “It really made me think.”
Deciding to try journalism, he enrolled in an MA program through distance learning, taking exams at the Australian Embassy.
As a journalist, he says: “In writing, you can always do better. There’s no plateau. As I find it easier to express myself, I realize that satisfaction for me lies in creative pursuits.”
Volunteering with an NGO in Thailand, he began photographing faces, and was surprised — despite knowing little of a camera’s mechanics — by just how good some were.
In Europe, he focused on architecture. But then he began to be fascinated by patterns and designs in nature.
“The turning point was a butterfly on a sunflower. The inside of the flower reminded me of Spirograph patterns drawn as a kid.” This is when he bought a macro lens. “I’m not into photographing wildlife. I leave the Japanese to that. My motivation is in nature’s design, construction, the ‘art’ in it.”
The pattern on a bird’s wing reminds him of a flock of sparrows in flight. In a stretch of vegetation, he sees circles — the cyclical nature of life. “At my first exhibition in Ichikawa in March, people thought my images sexy.” He sold over 100 prints. One man bought five to get his wife in the mood to get pregnant. She is now expecting.
“Art of Nature — Contemplative Observation,” will exhibit some 30 photographs, plus a slide show. “I’m not interested in people saying, ‘Oh what lovely flowers.’ I want them to look in depth. We’re too complaisant.
“The government — the Liberal Democratic Party-led regime — has one criteria in assessing nature: its value as a car park. But nature’s value is intangible. I’d like to help people regain this appreciation.”
In August he leaves for New Zealand, where he has bought 32 hectares of natural forest bordering a national park, with 400 meters of river frontage. His goal, he says, is to make a living from his camera, to continue to remind people of the true beauty of nature. “I have to make it more interesting than Disneyland in order to help save it.”
For further information about the exhibition, telephone: (0468) 75-1149; E-mail warrigulbartlett@yahoo.com; or check: http://www.geocities.com/warrigulbartlett/artofnature
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Meaty Christmas Everyone!!
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Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #3
A New Zealand Government Department Authorised by Statute and Royal Decree to Receive Official Complaints.
Office Manager: Red Scarlett
Senior Complaints Officer: Jed Hooligan
Secretary: Cinnamon Voluptuous
Office Duck: Quacker
Friday 9 am Office of Karamea Ministry of Red Tape
THUMP!!! (Power fist thunder strike on front counter)
Jed Hooligan: Oh wow! You startled me!!
TITAN MCGURK!: Yeah. I wanna make a bloody complaint. My name is McGurk! Titan McGurk!
Jed Hooligan: An official complaint squire?
TITAN MCGURK: My Oath! An Official Bloody Complaint!
THUMP!!! (floor trembles, secretary’s bra strap miraculously snaps!)
Cinnamon Voluptuous: Can someone give me a hand?
Quackers: Quaaaaack!!!!
Jed Hooligan: Can you please tell me about your complaint!
TITAN MCGURK: Yeah! I couldn’t get served a drink at The Last Resort!
Jed Hooligan: Pourquoi??
WHACK!!!!
Jed hooligan: Aaaghh my shnose!!!
TITAN MCGURK: Don’t get incontinental with me sport!!!!
Red Scarlett: Excuse me sir. I am Red Scarlett the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office Manager. Perhaps I can help you!
Titan McGurk: Put it there mate!
VIKING/VISIGOTH POWER HANDSHAKE!
Red Scarlett: Nnngggg!! Ah… now.. ah…tell me about your complaint!
TITAN MCGURK: I work at the Stockton Mine and The Last Resort Bar Manager said “We don’t serve Miners!”
Red Scarlett: How old are you Mr. McGurkha?
TITAN MCGURK: MCGURK!!!!!! You Bloody Nong!!!
Red Scarlett: You are the rudest Miner I have ever met!!!
TITAN MCGURK!!!: I don’t work down the bloody mine!!! I am in Public Bloody Relations!!!
Red Scarlett: Admirably suited to such a position! And how old are you young man!
Titan McGurk: I am sixteen years old but I could pass for 17!
Red Scarlett: I think the Bra.. I mean Bar Manager meant Minors not Miners!
TITAN MCGURK: You will minus your left ear in a minute if you don’t take my complaint!
Red Scarlett: Ok You need to fill out this Karamea Ministry of Red Tape complaint form!
Titan McGurk: How much will it cost to make an official complaint!
Red Scarlett: Now let me look in the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Manual!
Mmmm! “Refused service of alcoholic beverage at House of Ill Repute namely The Last Resort trading as Karamea Resort Limited now in Receivership!!! Complaint 614/2
TITAN MCGURK!!! Who said Alcoholic! I wanted a glass of Albanian Yak Milk!!
Red Scarlett: Got it!! Complaint 614/2-25!! Mmm! Wait a minute! Did you want Southern or Northern Albanian yak milk?
Titan McGurk: Southern!
Red Scarlett: Homogenised?
Titan McGurk: YO!
Red Scarlett: Full cream or low-fat??
Titan McGurk: Full cream
Red Scarlett: Fresh or curdled??
TITAN MCGURK: Curdled!
Red Scarlett: Mmmm! Complicated!! According to Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries legislation, it is illegal to import, sell, display, bathe in, order or drink Southern Albanian homogenised full cream curdled yak’s milk! You have incited a felony! I must call Sergeant Paddy Locks of the Karamea Police, The maximum penalty for this offence is left testicle castration!!
Titan McGurk: No!!! How do I escape from this!
Red Scarlett: There is a prescribed fee that will guarantee our silence!
TITAN MCGURK: Ok! How much?
Red Scarlett: We will take your girlfriend Zaboodla as a deposit for starters!
TITAN MCGURK: Ha you bloody mug! It’s a deal! She is a really cheap boring date! She only eats bubble gum, she can only speak text language and she is a virgin!! Yeah and she’ll need another brain transplant after the last episode of Sponge Bob Square Pants this arvo!!
Red Scarlett: A virgin! Excellent! She can work here as our Ethics Manager!
Jed Hooligan: (Whisper) But we don’t have any ethics! That is why we are so successful!
Red Scarlett: (Whisper) ETHICS Eelleagal Trickeree Haynus Imbezzlemint Chicanerous Subtarfuge!!
Jed Hooligan: What a maestro!!
Red Scarlett: Do you still wish to pursue your Official Complaint Mr. McGurk?
TITAN MCGURK: NO! BLOODY NO!
Red Scarlett: There is a prescribed cancellation fee! Mmmm! Twenty two thousand five hundred dollars!
Titan McGurk: Aaagghhh!!
Red Scarlett: I can give you a twenty percent discount if you agree to kick back the GST to our office social fund!
TITAN McGURK! : I’m caught between a sandwich and a hard place so ok!
Red Scarlett: Now have a special coffee and sign here!
TITAN McGURK: Life Insurance Transferral Form?? S L > U > R > P!!!
X T.i.t.a.n M.c.G.u.r.k X
Jed Hooligan: Congratulations! You young sir are the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape’s 1000th customer and your prize is a free ride in our office Intergalactic Cosmostron!
TITAN McGURK: It looks like a giant microwave and there is crusty pumpkin all over the walls!
SLAM!!!!
Red Scarlett: Quick Jed thirty minutes medium high!!!
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! DING!!!
Jed Hooligan: Right open the door and we will put him in the back of the office pick up truck. There is a smorgasbord at The Last Resort today for lunch!! The chef will swap us a strawberry pavlova for fricasseed Titan!
TITAN McGURK: Yeehah! What a ride dudes! Hey my acne is cured and wow what a suntan!
Red Scarlett: Ai caramba! Umm can you hold onto this electrode for me for a couple of seconds!!
TITAN McGURK!: Ok but what …ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzztttttttttttttttttttTT!!!!!!
Jed Hooligan: I set the transformer for 10,000 volts!!
Red Scarlett: Wow look at the smoke coming out of his ears!!
Jed Hoolgan: Yowser!! His shoes are melting and his hair has gone all curly!!
TITAN McGURK!: Whoaa!!! My tinnitus is gone and I just saw a vision of Jesus!!
Red Scarlett : Incredible ! Daniel in the Old Testament! Mesach, Shadrach and Abnego!!! Right Plan B!
Jed Hooligan: That was Plan B!
TITAN McGurk: I am going to church to repent!!
Red Scarlett: We will take you there in the office limo!!
TITAN McGURK!: That’s a D8 bulldozer!!
Jed Hooligan: The crank handle is up front Titan! Can you give it a rev up?
TITAN McGurk: I can’t see the crank ha…
S.. Q.. U.. I .. S.. H!!!!
TITAN McGURK: Ouch!!!
Sergeant Paddy Locks: Stick em up Titan! You are under arrest for impersonating a pancake!!
TITAN MCGURK: Never!
Kaboom!!! Kaboom!!!
TITAN MCGURK: Aaachoo!!!
Quackers: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
S..C..R..U..N..C..H!!! in the goolies!!!
TITAN McGURK!!!: Aaaagghhh…..
Sergeant Paddy Locks: Yikes! He;s dead!! Right Quacker! I am booking you Murder 1!
Quackers: Raaaaahhh!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
Sergeant Paddy Locks: Get that crazy homicidal duck away from me!
Quackers: Raaaaaaaaaallfffffffffffffff!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sergeant Paddy Locks: Plea bargain? Sure!!
Quackers: Woooollllllllffff!!!
Sergeant Paddy Locks: Twenty four hours in the slammer with immediate release for good behaviour? Ok!
Quackers: Purrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
Jed Hooligan: Yowser! Look!!! Titan has turned to dust!!
Sergeant Paddy Locks: Wow!! I need a raspberry fizzy drink!
Jed Hooligan: I need a cuddle from Cinnamon!
Red Scarlett: I need a Bloody Mary!
Cinnamon Voluptuous: I need a real man!!
Quackers: Ole ole ole!
Posted in Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Karamea, Karamea Ministry of Red Tape, Parody, Satire
Tagged Art, Bureaucracy, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Karamea Ministry of Red Tape, Parody, Satire
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Another Really Busy Day for Jesus
Posted in Humor, Humour
Tagged Busy Day, Busy Day for Jesus, Christianity, Funny, God, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Jesus, Jesus Christ, Parody, Religion, Satire
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Christmas Gala in Rongolia
On Christmas morning here in the Democratic Freedom of Rongolia, we lightly tickle our guestomers awake with some peaceful chamber music…then an Indian head massage, pedicure, facial, Jacuzzi and steam bath followed by a three-course breakfast, more chamber music (from our resident live orchestra of course)…
Then it’s into the helicopter and off to an exotic picnic local on a mountain overlooking the Kahurangi National Park, we then prepare a game lunch of wild venison, blue duck, kiwi and swan for our honoured guests on camp fires while they sip French champagne from crystal flutes as our wwoofers act as punkawallas fanning the guests with nikau fronds to discourage the sand flies…
Then it’s Cuban cigars, port wine and coffee around the camp fire as Santa parachutes into the gathering Ho, Ho, Hoing and distributing gold Rolexes and Dior earrings to our delighted guests…then the piece de resistance…Santa rips off his red outfit to reveal his true identity…it’s Elton John!
A grand piano is wheeled out from behind a scarlet flowering rata and he launches into Crocodile Rock as the guests, wwoofers, staff, locals and the fabulous Rongo dancers groove to the setting sun, flushed with the joy of Christmas and glowing with the inner contentment from good food and booze and spend the evening dancing and singing along with Elton on the piano…all this for only $2.50 per guest…$2 for BBH members.
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The Rongolian Star Issue 11: October, 2011
The Rongolian Star Issue 10: September, 2011
The Rongolian Star
Issue No. 11: October 2011
Published by Royal Decree since 1878
Rongo, 130 Waverley Street,
Karamea, Buller, South Island, New Zealand
Telephone 00 64 3 7826 667
E-mail rongo@actrix.co.nz
Web: www.rongobackpackers.com
Karamea Yeah, Yeah!!
Posted in Art, Environment, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Japan, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, Music, New Zealand, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized, West Coast
Tagged Hiro, Hiro Shimizu, karamea, Karamea Yeah Yeah, Music, Music Video, New Zealand, Rongo, Rongo Backpackers & Gallery, South Island, West Coast
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Rongo TV: There’s So Much to Do in Sunny Karamea
Posted in Advertising, Art, Buller District Council, Business, Department of Conservation, DOC, Environment, Heaphy Track, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, Mountain Biking, MTB, New Zealand, Oparara, Photography, Product review, Social Commentary, SuperMoo the KarameaWonderDog, Tramping, Travel, Uncategorized, West Coast
Tagged 4th Night Free, Art, Holiday, karamea, LivinginPeace Project, New Zealand, Permaculture, Rongo, Rongo Backpackers & Gallery, South Island, Travel Education, West Coast, Wwoof
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Another Madly Busy Day for Jesus
Posted in Art, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Jesus, Parody, Religion, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, Weird
Tagged Busy Day, Christ, Christianity, Church, Jesus, Jesus Christ, Religion
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News Flash: New Rongolian Arrives on 1/11/11
Huge Win on Melbourne Cup Day!
Off the Top of My Head
By Paul Murray
I’m overjoyed to report that our first child “Buster” Murray was born on 1/11/11 at 2:44 a.m. in Nelson Hospital…I can also report that, other than the end result, there is absolutely NOTHING beautiful about childbirth…it’s more like a mixture of serious drug withdrawal and an exorcism…brutal pain, gnashing and grinding of teeth, blood, mucus, sweat…plenty of shouting, screaming, tears, involuntary twitching, praying, begging for mercy, hot flushes, cold shivers, uncontrollable shaking, a procession of uniformed officials performing rituals, probing orifices, inserting catheters, needles, tubes, and drips, swabbing and mopping as anxious relatives look on…Labour must be a construct of the devil…but my wife’s purgatorial suffering has produced a little angel…in her eyes we see the future…overwhelming tides of love flow from me when I see her smile…never have I seen such perfection…I can’t wait for you to meet her! I told her about The Rongolian Star and she burped, vomited and crapped herself!
…I should add that the replay of “The Exorcist” we experienced finished more like “Alien 1” as my wife eventually had a cesarian section (after 12 hours of demon banishing) and Diva emerged from my wife’s midsection looking not unlike the bloody, goo-covered extraterrestrial that popped out of Sigourney Weaver!
Anyway, we have a daughter…It has come to pass that she was born on the same day my father David died 28 years ago, so we chose a name from the letters of his name…Diva is also Latin for Goddess, and she can really wail…Grace is how we hope she’ll comport herself throughout her life…Enna is Japanese for lots of laughter.
If you’re interested in astrology…28 years is the time for theplanet Saturn to return to the same position in relation to Earth…Diva arrived in the same planetary alignment as when my father departed…One could argue that there is a 1 in 365 chance, but I like to think my Old Man has some sway in these matters!
Welcome to the world Diva Grace Enna Murray…nickname “Buster.”
Diva Grace Enna “Buster” Murray
Mother and Daughter doing very well…Father managing….
A few weeks before the birth, a Canadian friend rang and walked
me through the delivery procedure as he’s had two children and far more
experienced in these matters than I. He highly recommended huffing on the
nitrous oxide, which is freely provided to labouring mothers to help take
the edge off the pain. I took this exceptional advice with me to the
hospital and managed to action it on the day.
The N2O is delivered with oxygen and goes through a mixer at about 50/50
before being delivered to the agonised mother to be via a flexible plastic
hose with a mouthpiece attached. She sucks on the mouthpiece and the gas
flows. The mixer makes a rattling noise, like small stones in a bottle, to
indicate the gas is being delivered. It worked a treat for Sanae, whom I
thought was going to snuff it…the gas calmed her and she took to it much
like “Buster” is now taking to her breasts, but that is another story for
another day. Her contractions were coming around every 90 seconds, once
the pain maxed out, she stopped huffing, which is where I came in.
I first changed the mixer to 100% NOX and then had it jangling like Tito
Puente’s maracas! Half a dozen good hits on pure N2O certainly got the
brain going…distant things became quite close, everything went liquid
silver like mercury…angels were flapping about…that sort of thing…just
then, our midwife/GP returned to the room and seemed to
realise I wasn’t quite as she’d left me…in fact, she seemed quite
clinically interested in observing the effects of nitrous oxide on
pre-natal fathers…or perhaps that was a paranoiac symptom of the
NOX…I’ll never really know, anyway, she seemed to expect me to have
helped myself to the gas and didn’t seem at all bothered…she in fact
appeared rather amused. She then informed us that “Buster” would be born
on Melbourne Cup Day 1/11/11…and all I could think to say in response
was to repeat the childhood tongue twister…”One One was a racehorse, Two
Two was one too, 22 won one race, 11, won one too,” which, on reflection,
wasn’t bad under the circumstances!
In other news, Sanae appears to have developed a third breast. Apparently,
humans have a line of mammary glands running down their torso…rather
like sows. In Sanae’s case, the one under her right arm has activated and
is engorged with milk…so my wife is not only gorgeous, she now has three
tits! (I feel the cosmic worm is turning and our recent spell of bad luck
is about to change!) Diva’s arrival will change a whole lot of
things…all of them for the better.
Buster’s also something of a scatologist…I was holding her last night with my forearm under her bum and she released an explosive turd that had now where to go but up…she had shit all up her back and in her hair…her racy new white jumpsuit is a less fashionable shade of brown now…Sanae was less than impressed at the 3:00 a.m. malarkey, but took it all in her motherly stride and quietly changed her clobber, mopped her hair and back and reattached her for more ammunition…will she never learn?
Last week, I was changing her in the night and just as I had the old nappy off, she simultaneously sneezed and let fly with a fresh batch of baby poo that fired out under considerable pressure just clipping my left flank and leaving the wall behind me looking like the beginning of a Jackson Pollack…an abstract yellow streak up the wall that required some explanation to the less than impressed landlord…my claims that my child was merely expressing her creative talent and that I wouldn’t charge her for the artwork failed to convince her to refund our bond…some people just have no appreciation for modern abstract.
The other incident occurred halfway home when we stopped for lunch at the Riverside Cafe in Murchison. We woke Diva and proudly strolled into the restaurant among the customers carrying our new baby. We stopped by a couple who were enthusiastically hoeing into their lunch. They looked up at the waking Diva who proceeded to rip of a VERY loud and rather moist sounding fart tableside…the patrons visibly paled, their respective appetites evaporated as the stench wafted over their table and they seemed to concurrently decide that it was time to start dieting…must have been something wrong with the food!
She’s also learning about rugby…Sanae’s nipples were red raw and bleeding from the hammering they’ve taken in keeping the juice up to the growing bundle of joy. The midwife showed us a new breast-feeding hold she termed the “Rugby Hold.” The new hold positions the baby under the arm as you’d carry a rugby ball on the run. My role is to pass the baby and, in keeping with the rugby theme, have developed a kind of scrum ritual where by I say, “Crouch, touch, pause….engage.” She has become used to the routine, much as Pavlov’s dogs learned to salivate in the expectation of food…on the command of “crouch” her little mouth puckers up, on “touch” her eyes widen with anticipation, with “pause” her head starts to shake and the on “engage” I place her ready mouth on Sanae’s willing nipple and she commences enthusiastic suckling…hilarious! (With Sanae’s permission, I might film the ritual and send it to you…Sanae is getting quite used to getting her norks out in front of all and sundry, so why not share the joy on YouTube?)
“Murphy” Sanae and “Buster” Murray
“Buster” and Paul Murray
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