Go the Mullet!

Picture of Mel Gibson mullet

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Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #16

A New Zealand Government Department authorised by a rhetorically ambiguous and a covertly fictitious Act of Parliament and compounded by a tacitly implied Royal Approval to receive Official Complaints.

Office Manager:     Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints Officer:    Rubik Rogernomics

 

Office Receptionist:    Petite L’Amour

Petite L’Amour

Tea Procurator:    Eileen McTavish

Office Ananconda:    Sweetie Pie

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office, Market Cross  Wednesday   0900.01 am

Palo Murrio (El Presidente for Life of the Republic of Rongolia):   Hola senorita!

Petite L’Amour:    Bonjour monsieur!

Palo Murrio:   Si momma! I making a complaint!

Petite L’Amour:    Oui monsieur!!  Un official complaint?

Palo Murrio:   Si! .. Si! .. Si!

Petite L’Amour:    C’est oui! Non?

Palo Murrio:    Non?  Non!!   Si!

Petite L’Amour:    S’il vous plait! Tell me zis complaint!!

Palo Murrio:    Ai caramba! A thiefa, he a steal my a two wheeler from a Rongo!

Petite L’Amour:   Sacre bleu! A thief steal your Zimmer frame! Mais non!!!

Palo Murrio:   Santa Maria!!!    Non senorita!  My a silver bike a stolen from under the eyes of a the team at a Rongo Backpackers!!! Thrown on the church a roofa!

Rubik Rogernomics :   Greetings sir! I am Rubik Rogernomics Senior Complaints Officer for the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape. I will personally record your official complaint.

 

Palo Murrio:  What about a cute a babe with ze come to bed eyes!!!

Rubik Rogernomics:    Mademoiselle Petite is busy feeding bullets into my Colt .45!

 

Palo Murrio:  You got a forty five year old a horse!!  Must be your a wife! A ha ha!!

Palo Murrio:   Mademoiselle Petite, can you also please put a silencer on my weapon!

Petite L’Amour:  Ah monsieur! You make zis girl blush!

Rubik Rogernomics:   Mmmm! Let me consult the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Manual. Mmmm Official Complaint 28/56 “ Rongo team bike pinched, violated and discarded on Karamea Church roof.” Thirty two billion pesos! Cash!

Palo Murrio:  Ai caramba bamba! Thirty two billion a pesos! At a today’s exchange rate, that is a one dollar a fifty cents! You think I  a made of a money!!!

Red Scarlett:    (…..psssssssstt!….)

Rubik Rogernomics:    (whisper..  One in the goolies, then a head shot to finish him off??)

 

Red Scarlett:    ( whisper……No!!! We can’t execute the El Presidente of Rongoolia!)

Rubik Rogernomics:   (whisper… Karamea Ministry of Red Tape 1st Amendment. No complainant to leave the office alive!!! No exceptions!!!)

Red Scarlett:    (whisper….  Definitely no!!! President Palo is the honorary patron of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Drinking Team!!!)

scarlet Scarlett Johansson: the most beautiful of the planet

Palo Murrio:   Ole!! What a you a whispering about senors???

Rubik Rogernomics:    Don’t you need to get a breath of fresh air outside for a minute??

Palo Murrio:    Non! I need a smoka!!

Rubik Rogernomics:     We have to execute someone or we we will miss out out on our monthly target bonus!!

 

Red Scarlettt:   Mmmmm! Ok take my car and drive up to the Wangapeka Valley Retirement Village and conduct a random drive by!!

Rubik Rogernomics:  But…but… your mother in law is the only resident!!

Red Scarlett:    The old dragon is past her use by date!! Kapow!!

Rubik Rogernomics:  How callous! Don’t you have any emotional feelings??

 

Red Scarlett:    Of course I do!   Ha ha haaaaaaa!

 

Palo Murrio:    Hey!! What about a my a official complaint??? How can I pay the a fee??

Red Scarlett:    You need to sign our Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Finance Agreement. I will read out the fine print for you!!

Palo Murrio:    Si!

Red Scarlett:   Blah… blah… blah…..Catch 22…blah..blah…blah….daily compounding interest…blah…blah…blah…penalty clause…blah…blah…blah….seize all your assets including Supermoo The Karamea Wonder Dog….blah…blah…blah….imprisonment b and d, torture….blah blah…blah!!!

Palo Murrio:  A boo a hoo! Not a Supermoo!! Non!!!

Red Scarlett:  Sign here!!!

Palo Murrio:    Hoo a boo!!! Okae! Okae!! I a sign but you a cruel a lady!!

Office Ananconda Sweetie Pie:   Arf Arf!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ring Ring!!

Red Scarlett:    Red Scarlett,  Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Office Manager speaking!!!

 

Rubik Rogernomics:   (….rumble….rumble…rumble…)

Red Scarlett:    Beaudy!!!!! Did she suffer???

Rubik Rogernomics:    (…rumble….rumble….rumble….)

Red Scarlett:    No!!   Bitch!!

 

Eileen McTavish:   Cup of tea???

Red Scarlett:    Oh ta, I will, white with one thanks.

Posted in Art, Business, Fashion, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, New Zealand, Parody, Photography, Politics, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Fantastic Photos by Bill Brandt

Nudes by Bill Brandt 2

Nudes by Bill Brandt 5

Nudes by Bill Brandt 4

Bill Brandt

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Bill Brandt
Born 2 May 1904
HamburgGerman Empire
Died 20 December 1983 (aged 79)
London, UK
Nationality British
Occupation Photographer

Hermann Wilhelm Brandt, known as Bill Brandt (2 May 1904 – 20 December 1983), was a British photographer and photojournalist. Although born in Germany, Brandt moved to England, where he became known for his high-contrast images of British society, his distorted nudes and landscapes, and is widely considered to be one of the most important British photographers of the 20th century.

Born in HamburgGermany, son of a British father and German mother, Brandt grew up during World War I, during which his father, who had lived in Germany since the age of five, was interned for six months by the Germans as a British citizen. Brandt later disowned his German heritage and would claim he was born in South London. Shortly after the war, he contracted tuberculosis and spent much of his youth in a sanatorium in Davos, Switzerland. He traveled to Vienna to undertake a course of treatment for tuberculosis by psychoanalysis. He was in any case pronounced cured and was taken under the wing of socialite Eugenie Schwarzwald. When Ezra Pound visited the Schwarzwald residence, Brandt made his portrait. In appreciation, Pound allegedly offered Brandt an introduction to Man Ray, in whose Paris studio Brandt would assist in 1930.

In 1933 Brandt moved to London and began documenting all levels of British society. This kind of documentary was uncommon at that time. Brandt published two books showcasing this work, The English at Home (1936) and A Night in London (1938). He was a regular contributor to magazines such as LilliputPicture Post, and Harper’s Bazaar. He documented the Underground bomb shelters of London during The Blitz in 1940, commissioned by the Ministry of Information.[4]

During World War II, Brandt focused every kind of subject – as can be seen in his “Camera in London” (1948) but excelled in portraiture and landscape. To mark the arrival of peace in 1945 he began a celebrated series of nudes. His major books from the post-war period are Literary Britain (1951), and Perspective of Nudes (1961), followed by a compilation of the best of all areas of his work, Shadow of Light (1966). Brandt became Britain’s most influential and internationally admired photographer of the 20th century. Many of his works have important social commentary but also poetic resonance. His landscapes and nudes are dynamic, intense and powerful, often using wide-angle lenses and distortion.[4]

Brandt died in London in 1983.

Bill Brandt

Posted in Art, Education, Historical, Photography | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Fantastic Photos by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

 

 

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

 

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Revenge by Ellen von Unwerth

Ellen von Unwerth

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Ellen von Unwerth, Paris 2003

Ellen von Unwerth (born 1954 in FrankfurtGermany) is a photographer and director, specializing in erotic femininity. She worked as a fashion model for ten years herself before moving behind the camera, and now makes fashion, editorial, and advertising photographs.

Ellen von Unwerth found fame when she first photographed Claudia Schiffer. Her work has been published in top magazines like VogueVanity FairInterviewThe FaceArenaTwillL’Uomo Vogue and I-D, and she has published several books of photography. She won first prize at the International Festival of Fashion Photography in 1991.

Von Unwerth did promotional photography for Duran Duran from 1994–1997 and did some photography for their 1990 album Liberty and 1997 album Medazzaland. Her work has been seen on other album covers, such as Bananarama‘sPop Life (1991), Cathy Dennis‘ Am I the Kinda Girl? (1996), Janet Jackson‘s The Velvet Rope (1997), British R&B group All Saints‘ Saints & Sinners (2000), singer-songwriter Dido‘s Life for Rent (2003), Britney Spears‘ comeback album Blackout (2007), Christina Aguilera‘s 2006 album Back To Basics and her 2008 greatest hits album Keeps Gettin’ Better: A Decade of Hits and R&B singer Rihanna‘s Rated R and Talk That Talk.

Von Unwerth has also directed short films for fashion designers, and music videos for several pop musicians. She has directed many commercials and web films for top brands like RevlonCliniqueEquinox and others, many featuring celebrities.

Posted in Art, Erotica, Fashion, Historical, Photography, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Even More Awesome Hippies!!

The Colourful Hippy

Lynhthy

Posted in Art, Environment, Fashion, Funny, Hilarious, Hippies, Hippy, Historical, Humor, Humour, Music, Photography, Politics, Religion, Satire, Social Commentary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

NZ Kids Dress Dead Possums for Charity

By Kerry McQueeney 
 

Dressed in wedding gowns and bikinis – their eyes fixed, jaws stiffened and bodies frozen in time – you might be forgiven for thinking you had stumbled on to a taxidermist fancy dress convention.

However, these furry corpses formed part of a display at a school in New Zealand which held a bizarre best-dressed dead possum competition as part of a fundraising day.

Children let their imaginations run wild when they dressed the dead animals in all their finery for the contest at Uruti School on New Zealand’s North Island.

Prettiest possum? Not content with dressing this one in pink and elaborate jewels, one participant obviously thought it needed one more detail - a pair of stick-on eyes
He could have been a contender: Some might say rigour mortis has helped this entrant strike a boxing pose in the ring
A fine art: This possum has been given the Van Gogh makeover

He could have been a contender: Some might say rigor mortis has helped this entrant strike a pose in the boxing ring. Meanwhile, death imitates art with this entry

Bad taste: One possum appeared to be dressed as a patient, while another showed off an elaborate hat, wig and claws that are sprayed purple

One dressed as a boxer had its torso skinned, and one might wonder whether rigor mortis could have helped the animal keep its fighting pose in the ring.

Others were fitted out in baby grows while another worked the Van Gogh look, dressed as a painter complete with smock and easel.

Another was dressed head to toe in pink and elaborate jewels. But the entrant clearly thought something was missing – so they added a pair of stick-on eyes plastered over the animal’s real peepers.

The gruesome exhibition is a far cry from the traditional school fundraising efforts of jumble sales and cake baking.

The school has been criticised for encouraging children to dress up dead animals for the day, which also featured a wild pig hunt.

It has sparked horror with animal welfare groups but teachers defended the contest as ‘lots of fun’ which helped raise more than £4,000 for the school.

Principal Pauline Sutton told the Taranaki Daily News: ‘There was an amazing crowd and it was lots of fun. Animals aren’t the only species who are dressed up after they die. We do it to humans too.’

Easy rider: Sat on a child's trike, a hat, spectacles and leisurewear finish the outfit of this participant

However, the event was labelled unacceptable and tasteless by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

Spokeswoman, Jackie Poles-Smith told the Independent: ‘Animals deserve respect, whether they’re wild, domestic or pets. We encourage empathy [for] all animals, even when they’re dead, and it’s a shame that a school is encouraging its children to do this.’

The possum is an introduced species in New Zealand that wreaks havoc with the native wildlife. This includes threatening the kiwi bird which, along with the fern frond, is a national symbol of the country.

While brush-tailed possums are protected in their native Australia, the species is a pest in New Zealand. Hunting and killing them has become something of a national sport.

Wedding belle: This little girl looks proud as she clutches a dead possum wearing a bridal gown
Life's a beach: This entry shows a possum posing in a bikini... with a bottle of sun screen close at hand
It is unclear what sort of look this entrant was going for

Life’s a beach: This entry, left, shows a possum posing in a bikini with a bottle of sun screen close at hand while, right, it is unclear precisely what kind of look this entrant was going for with a black dress, pink wig, stick-on eyes… and painted pink claws

Hanging out: Two possums were fitted out in baby grows. The school defended the creepy contest as 'good fun'
From: http://www.dailymail.co.uk
 

Playing Possum….

Kiwi taxidermist Gets Creative with  Roadkill 

By DAILY MAIL REPORTER

During the day, Andrew Lancaster is a mild-mannered marina caretaker, a British ex-pat living happily in New Zealand. It’s only when he begins to think about his hobby that things start getting weird.

That’s because, in his spare time, the 57-year-old likes to dismember and reassemble the bodies of dead animals to create nightmarish chimera-like creatures.It sounds gruesome, and it is, but self-trained taxidermist Mr Lancaster seems unperturbed by the notion that people may think he’s funny in the head.
Bare-faced cheek: Andrew Lancaster has brazenly put a plastic doll's face on a possum's body, completing the freakish artwork with a forked tongue flicking from the doll's mouth
Duck a l'wrong: What starts off as a rabbit ends up as a duck in another of Lancaster's oddball creations. Surprisingly, he has a devoted following and sells many of his works online
Hellish vision: This winged creature, with fangs and horns, is the sort of thing that you would expect to find among Satan's minions... rather than in a suburban back garden in New Zealand
Pigs really can fly: The sty's no longer the limit for this porker, thanks to a pair of bird wings
Indeed, he is proud of many of his creations, which include: a possum with a doll’s face and a forked tongue; a rabbit with the head of a duck; a goldfish with the head of a blackbird; and a possum with wings and devil horns.Naturally, his art has some reaching for their wallets, and other reaching for sick bags.The taxidermist told New Zealand website Stuff: ‘Some people call me sick and some think it’s pretty good.’

Taxidermist extraordinaire: Mr Lancaster says of his work: 'Some people call me sick and some think it¿s pretty good'

Taxidermist extraordinaire: Andrew Lancaster 
He said he had been dabbling in strange hybrid creations for the past two years, having taken up taxidermy after moving from England to New Zealand 14 years ago.He said: ‘I saw heaps of dead things on the side of the road and I thought it was a waste. When I’m driving along the road and see something I pull up and go back for it. There are probably a few people wondering what I’m doing.’Not just a few.

Mr Lancaster insists that all the animals he re-arranges are already dead when he gets his hands on them, and that he would never intentionally kill an animal for his art.

For example, the goldfish used in a piece with a blackbird’s head literally jumped out of the pond in Mr Lancaster’s garden and promptly presented itself as raw material – according to Mr Lancaster.

Taxidermy is not for everyone, and Mr Lancaster is pretty matter-of-fact when it comes to his methods of preparation. He says he leaves the carcasses on top of his boiler to dry, and then places them in the freezer ‘under the ice cream and vegetables’.

He makes his own body moulds – the inside structure that gives the lifeless bodies their shape – out of straw, cotton and wire.

He said: ‘You make an incision from the bottom of the chest, down between the legs and you have to literally just turn it inside out… then when you put it back together it goes the other way.

‘You have to get it right to look like the body that came out. I guess it’s just like putting a rag doll together.’

Perhaps unsurprisingly, his wife doesn’t allow him to hang on to his creations. A little more surprisingly, however, he has managed to sell his works online and his Facebook site Andrew Lancaster Taxidermy Creations has 241 members.

Flying fish: The head of a blackbird has been stuck on the body of a goldfish. If it's all too much to take in, concentrate instead on the pretty rainbow in the background
Oh dear! An earless possum gets the Lancaster treatment, this time getting a couple of vampire's fangs and the body of a chicken. Understandably, Mrs Lancaster doesn't like having the artworks around the house
Not best pleased: This possum appears a little annoyed about having a magpie's wings attached to its body. Mr Lancaster says his hybrids are 'like putting a rag doll together'

From: http://www.dailymail.co.uk
 
Posted in Art, Environment, Fashion, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, New Zealand, Parody, Photography, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, Weird | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Busy Day for Mormon Mitt

Best Political Cartoons Of Mitt Romney

Another Funny Ampmitt Romney On The Pooramp Type Cartoon

wtf, funny, funny pictures, politics, republican, mittens, hilarious, 18 Hilarious Photos of Mitt Romney with a Tiny Face

Mitt Romney Campaign Slogan Revealed

Mitt Romney You Havent Even Started Yet And You Have Already Sold Out

Posted in Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, LivinginPeace Project, Parody, Politics, Religion, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, United States, Weird | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Super Moo the Karamea Wonder Dog

By Paul Murray
 
 

The Buller District Council classified “Moo” as a “dangerous dog” after an alleged incident that occurred in 2006 when he was about a year old.

Paul in 2004

Moo in 2004 Age 1 Principle Interest: Stick Chasing

I had to go to Greymouth and he really wanted to come with me, but I was unable to take him, so I tied him up in front of my house with a bone and a bowl of water and arranged for a friend (Brian) to come by and collect him after I had gone.

Between the time I left and Brian arriving, a local woman walked by and saw Moo looking a bit down in the mouth and approached him. Every dog manual in the world states that you should never approach lone dog on a chain, but that aside, she apparently tired to pat him and he allegedly nipped her on the leg resulting in a bruise on her inner thigh…there were no teeth marks and the skin was not broken, so it was hardly a viscous attack, if indeed it happened at all. It’s also likely that Moo felt threatened, and that he was protecting his bone and his territory…and my property.

Dangerous Dog on the Loose…QUICK…Call the Council!

I now know that the woman in question has a reputation for being somewhat economical with the truth and was later convicted of theft and fraud for stealing money from her employer. If indeed Moo did nip the woman, it is unfortunate, but I’m not convinced it even happened and I should have counter-charged her for trespass…However, I chose to face the music, man up and take responsibility for my actions and my dog and face the consequences…BIG mistake.

As a result of the alleged “attack” I was branded by the Council as am “irresponsible dog owner” and Moo as a “dangerous dog.” Of course I contested the ruling and I was invited to a “hearing” at the Biller District Council in Westport, which meant I had to travel to Westport in my own time and expense to attend the hearing.

On arrival, I met with the Senior Dog Control Officer and was shown to a small backroom where I met two Councillors. The first, who’s name was (I kid you not) John Lennon, who was a real estate agent and the other, Margaret Montgomery, owns a holiday park.

Moo and Friends 2007

It was evident from the get go that whatever I said, whatever evidence I submitted in Moo’s defence, any counter argument, reasoning or plea was not going to change the Council ruling, so it was in fact a total farce and the “hearing” was a further waste of my time and money and an entirely pointless exercise. Out of frustration and maddened by the absurd allegations and the obstinacy of the Councillors, I said, “OK, John, you’re a real-estate agent and Margaret, you own a holiday park, what qualifications do either of you have to determine the nature of a dog?” “Surely I am equally as qualified as either of you, especially as I am familiar with the dog…neither of you have even seen him!”

Mee’n’Moo 2007

That got me to the next level, it was like a computer game, I had got past stage 1 and I now got to meet a guy called Terry Archer, who has a title something like “Senior Compliance Officer,” or something like that. Terry agreed that the two esteemed Councillors lacked the requisite qualifications to assess the character of a dog, but the bad news for me was that once the Council had made a ruling and that it had been upheld at a hearing, there was no further recourse, meaning that the Council’s ruling was the last word and I there was no other legal avenue open to me, I couldn’t take it to court as the Council had the jurisdiction to make a final ruling on the matter and the court would not hear the case.

I had to accept the ruling, which had all sorts of additional ramifications, such as Moo was now classified as a “dangerous dog” and I an “irresponsible dog owner,” his dog registration fees now incurred a 150% surcharge, he was required to be castrated, micro-chipped, restrained at all times, walked only on a lead and when muzzled.

Moo is not a Pitt-bull terrier, a Mastiff, a Rottweiler or a Mountain Lion…he’s a Border Collie! He likes chasing balls, retrieving sticks, working the sheep, lot of exercise, activity, mental challenge and having his tummy scratched…he is a spirited, intelligent, friendly, funny and loyal friend to myself and many people from around the world. He is an icon at Rongo Backpackers, as is trained to lead people on walks around the Karamea Estuary…he even has his own FaceBook Page (https://www.facebook.com/supermoo.thekarameawonderdog), which wasn’t started by me, it was made by one of his many friends and he now has 370 FaceBook followers…I ask you dear reader, if this dog was in any way dangerous, do you really think this would be the case?

Dangerous Dog on the Loose…QUICK…Call the Council!

The latest harassment from the Buller District Council is a $300 fine for Moo being walked off lead and unmuzzled…I consider it my civic duty to refuse to pay this fine and to defend my dog yet again against this repressive and patently ludicrous ruling…stupid laws should be broken, please write a few words in support of Moo, so that I might take it to the Council and finally get some closure on this madness…By the Way, Moo is now eight years old (which is 56 in human years), he’s more interested in sleeping in the sun and chewing his bone than attacking anything…he is not dangerous, he’s not a threat to anyone or anything…many of you reading this will know Moo…please take a few moments to write in support of his freedom…I refuse to restrain and muzzle my old loyal friend, I instead want to give him a peaceful end to his happy life to thank him for all the joy he has given us…please tell the Buller District Council what time it is…COMMON SENSE TIME!

Gallery of Photos of Moo NOT being Dangerous (I have thousands more and not one of them shows Moo being aggressive or threatening in any way)

FREE MOO!!

 

 

 

Moo is a LivinginPeace Project treasured icon, he has helped our business and given our many customers a great time when they were staying with us…please add your comments below in support of Moo and let the Buller District Council know in no uncertain terms that enough is enough….FREE SuperMOO!!

Posted in Buller District Council, Business, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, Moo, New Zealand, Permaculture, Photography, Politics, Social Commentary, SuperMoo the KarameaWonderDog, Travel, Uncategorized, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 130 Comments

The Mirror Tarn: ArtofNature Photography by Paul Murray

When Up is Down: Paul Murray

The Mirror Tarn is one of my favourite places. The tarn (small mountain lake) is surrounded by dense beech forest that protect the surface of the water from even the slightest breeze. The tarn is very deep and the water is stained a dark tea hue from the tannins released from the beech-tree leaves and appears jet black. The surface of the tarn forms a perfect mirror of the sky and makes for some very interesting photographic opportunities. 

The first image was shown in an exhibition I did in Tokyo many years ago and was very popular with the Japanese. The subsequent images are taken with a 300 zoom across the tarn to where the forest meets the water. I love the imagery and the enhanced abstract nature of the photographs when they are rotated…each angle gives the photos new interpretation. 

The Mirror Tarn is in the Oparara Basin in Karamea on the West Coast of the South Island of New Zealand

Posted in Art, Department of Conservation, DOC, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, New Zealand, Oparara, Photography, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Booker James: Maharajah of the Bayou

File:James Booker.jpg

Booker James

By Greg Johnson

New Orleans. The city’s name just brings to mind music. Jazz and R&B are almost synonymous with its history. And, so are piano players. From the 19th Century classical composer,Louis Morreau Gottschalk, Storyville sporting house players, Tony Jackson and Jelly Roll Morton, R&B greats Fats Domino, Allen Toussaint and Huey Smith, bluesier artists Champion Jack Dupree and Professor Longhair, to modern masters such as Harry Connick Jr. and Dr John, they have always held the center of attention.  But, of them all, perhaps no one individual led a more eccentric or erratic life than James Booker. Haunted by mental health disorders and heavy drug addiction, the promising career of perhaps the Crescent City’s most talented pianist came to an all too sad and early end.

James Carroll Booker III was born in New Orleans on December 17, 1939. His father was a one-time dancer from Bryan, Texas, who decided to change his life’s work by becoming a Baptist minister and relocating to New Orleans.  His mother had been raised in Mississippi and she was a member of the Baptist church Gospel choir. With such a strong religious influence, it is not surprising that as a child, James‘ desire was to become a priest when he grew older.

James-Booker-770

While still an infant, James and his sister Betty Jean were sent to live with their aunt in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi.  It was noted at a very early age that J. C. (as his family knew him) had musical skills. By the age of six, he was already playing the piano, learning classical music, as well as the styles of pianists ArchibaldProfessor Longhair and family friend, Tuts Washington. At the age of 10, he asked his mother for a trumpet.  Instead, she purchased a saxophone for him.  This did not upset young J.C. as he was still able to teach himself musical scales on the instrument.

That same year, James was struck by a speeding ambulance and dragged for nearly 30 feet.  His leg was broken in eight places.  As a result he would forever walk with a limp.  But, even worse, he was given morphine for the pain.  This was an early introduction to drugs, which would play a hard role throughout his life.

Booker’s father died in 1953 and he was returned to New Orleans along with his sister to live with their mother. Enrolled at Xavier Preparatory School, he was classmates with Allen Toussaint and Art Neville.  He was a very intelligent student, especially in math, Spanish and music classes.  And, while still in school, he put together his first band, Booker Boy and the Rhythmaires, which also included Neville.

During this same time, his sister Betty Jean was performing as a Gospel singer on radio station WMRY every Sunday afternoon. James began to frequent the studio while his sister was on the air.  Soon the station managers discovered that he could play the piano and James became a regular performer himself on a Jazz and Blues show which aired on Saturdays. He was quite impressive, often performing complicated numbers by composers such as Bach and Rachmaninoff.  Eventually, the entire Booker Boy and the Rhythmaires became the featured artists on the show.

The broadcasts also caught the attention of Imperial Records‘ renowned producer, Dave Bartholomew. He invited the band to audition and shortly afterwards they recorded the single, “Doing The Hambone.” Booker at 14 was the youngest artist ever to record for the label. The single did not sell very well, but Bartholomew saw promise in the young pianist.  In particular with his ability to play in the styles of many of the popular artists of the time.  One of Imperial’s biggest stars was Fats Domino, who was in demand for live appearances constantly.Bartholomew decided to put Booker in the studio to record the piano tracks for Fats Domino, so when he returned home, all the hit-maker would need to do was to lay down the vocal parts.

Booker’s talents were also noticed by Paul GaytenChess Records‘ A&R man and a performer himself.  He decided to try his luck with James and scheduled a session for Booker and Art Neville. They were to be billed as Arthur and Booker, but Neville was unable to make the date and was replaced by Arthur Booker (no relation to James). The single “Heavenly Angel” was released, but much like “Hambone“, it did not catch on either.

Over the next few years, James took on work with many of the popular bands of the day. Unlike Fats Domino’s constant life on the road, Huey “Piano” Smith did not like to travel at all.  Again, because of James‘ gift for sounding like other performers, he went on tour throughout the South making appearances as Huey Smith.  It was a win-win situation for both of them and sometimes he even performed local gigs when Smith accidentally double-booked himself. James also did several tours with people like Earl King, Shirley & Lee and Joe Tex.

Through Joe Tex, Booker was introduced to producer, Johnny Vincent, who signed him to a three-year contract with Ace Records. But, the partnership did not last long. Booker had recorded “Teenage Rock” and “Open The Door” for Ace, but still did not receive much fanfare. A third number was recorded and Booker discovered Vincent dubbing it with Joe Tex’svocals over his own. That was enough for him and he dissolved their contract based on the grounds that he was under-aged and could not legally sign it for himself.  Disenchanted with the recording industry, Booker left New Orleans and enrolled in Baton Rouge’s Southern University in 1960.

 

But, involvement with heavy drugs began to take its toll on Booker during this period also. So he returned to performing in order to make money to supply his habit. Traveling to Houston, he began working for Don Robey at the Duke/Peacock label. He recorded an organ-driven instrumental single tided, “Gonzo,” named for a character in the film “The Pusher.”  The single hit the charts on November 13, 1960, and remained there for 11 weeks, peaking at number 43.  Unfortunately, it would be the only time in his career where he would chart as a solo performer.

Throughout the 1960s, James Booker would work with a number of reputed artists on tour and in the studio. Among these were Little Richard, Bobby Bland, Junior Parker, Lloyd Price, Wilson Pickett and B.B. King. He traveled to New York, where he recorded for Atlantic Records with Jerry Wexler, on albums by King Curtis and Aretha Franklin (who includedBooker’s own composition, “So Swell When You’re Well“). Wexler also spent time recording James as a solo artist, but these tracks have never been released.

During the late 1960s, Booker also worked with his life-long friend, Mac Rebennack, known better as Dr. John. The two had known each other since the 1950s, often working together in Cosimo Matassa’s New Orleans studios with Dave BartholomewBooker’s stage presence started becoming more eccentric also, wearing wigs, capes, eye patches and even a glass eye for his missing left orb.  The story behind his lost eye varies, depending on who tells it.  Some say it was drug-related, but Dr. John claims in his autobiography that Booker lost the eye after pulling a scam on some record producers they’d written arrangements for. Booker had somehow conned the producers into paying for their services three times and was pushing his luck with a fourth attempt.  The producers caught on though and had Booker beaten up so badly that he lost the eye. Booker was said to comment afterward, “If I lost the other eye, too, then I might be able to play as well as Ray Charles or Art Tatum.

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Booker was always a handful for Dr. John.  He consistently upstaged the other performers in the band and was quite open with his homosexuality, often hitting on those assigned to share his room or to bringing men to the room who he picked up on the road, much to the horror of his roommates.  Drugs also took their toll on his dependency to make shows.  Finally, Dr. Johnhad enough and released Booker, giving him two-weeks pay.  Dr. John claims that once he left the band, James went to Joe Tex, Fats Domino and Marvin Gaye each and agreed to take a role in their respective bands. He was given two-weeks advance pay from each, only to run off back to New Orleans.

There his life took a drastic change. Outside of the city’s famed Dew Drop InnBooker was arrested for possession of heroin and was sentenced to serve two years at Angola Prison. While an inmate, he worked in the prison’s library and also developed a musical program within the system. His efforts paid off and he was granted parole after only serving six months. When he returned to New Orleans, he found that the music scene had hit a slump and was not very prosperous. Seeking work, he violated his parole by leaving the state.

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Booker returned to New York, where he worked as session musician and recorded with people such as Ringo Starr, Maria Muldaur and the Doobie BrothersJerry Wexler also recordedBooker’s vocals for the soundtrack of “Pretty Baby” on the Jelly Roll Morton song, “Winin’ Boy Blues.” After spending two years in New York, he moved around the country settling in locations such as Dovington, Pennsylvania (near Philadelphia), Cincinnati and Los Angeles. While in L.A., he did sessions with both Charles Brown and T-Bone Walker.  In 1973, he recorded sides in L.A. with a group of fellow New Orleans musicians who had relocated to the city.  That session would be released 24 years later, 14 years following his death, as the “Lost Paramount Tapes.”

Eventually, the charges for his parole violation were lifted and Booker returned to New Orleans in 1975.  He appeared at that year’s Jazz and Heritage Festival where he drew the attention of record scouts. Booker was suddenly regarded as the talented musician that he was. He began tutoring a young politician’s son by the name of Harry Connick, Jr., whom Booker saw a resemblance to himself as a child prodigy.  He recorded the album “Junco Partner” for the Island label in 1976 and it received praise from many critics with its fine showing of Booker’sdexterity, performing music ranging from Chopin to Earl King, alongside his own material (something that came quite easily for Booker, as he often combined classical and modern music in his stage act, as well, often within the same song).

 

This also led to Booker’s traveling to Europe for the first time to appear in several festivals. His performance at the Boogie Woogie and Ragtime Piano Contest in Zurich, Switzerland was recorded in 1976 and released as “New Orleans Piano Wizard: Live!”  The recording was a triumph for Booker, honored with the Grand Prix de Disque de Jazz award as best live album in 1977.  He followed that up with more European shows the next year, including the illustrious Montreux International Jazz Festival.

 

But, when Booker returned home, he was a changed man.   He no longer adorned the extravagant capes or eye patches and his mental condition was beginning to fail. He often checked himself into the mental ward at New Orleans’ Charity Hospital. By the 1980s, his shows were becoming more and more erratic. Though he was now a featured performer at the Maple Leaf Bar, working with the astounding team of Johnny Vidacovich on drums, bass player John Singleton and saxophonist Alvin “Red” Tyler, the shows did not always come across. When they did, Booker was arguably the best the city had ever seen (captured magnificently on the posthumous releases, “Resurrection Of The Bayou Maharajah” and “Spiders On The Keys“).  But, too often, he would refuse to play, or would walk off-stage mid-set and occasionally even vomited onto his own piano keys.  The crowds began to disappear.

Rounder Records decided to record Booker in 1982.  The sessions almost seemed doomed before anything even took place. A week prior to the session dates, Booker collapsed in a seizure and was admitted to Charity Hospital. His condition seemed to worsen and he was transferred to Southern Baptist Hospital where it was determined that his liver had suffered irreparable damage after years of alcohol and drug abuse. Miraculously, he recovered in time to make the recording dates. But, the first day he refused to play, the second he appeared unable to; and, on the third, he returned in spirits as if he had never been sick in his life and laid down more than enough tracks for the album that would become “Classified.”  Two days later,Booker disappeared, only to be found several days later jailed for disturbing the peace.

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Booker tried to take on a more acceptable life-style. He took a job with City Hall as a clerk typing and filing in 1983.  But, he soon began drinking again despite his liver ailment and lost the job. He still had his Maple Leaf gigs, but he began missing them altogether. The last show he performed there was on October 31, 1983, with only five patrons in attendance. For the next show on November 7th, he didn’t show up at all.

On November 8, 1983James Booker took a deadly dose of low-grade cocaine and passed out.  He was driven to Charity Hospital and left in the emergency waiting room in a wheelchair where he sat undiscovered for probably half an hour. When he was checked on, he was already dead, having suffered heart and lung failure. He was only 43 years old.

New Orleans is known for its elaborate funeral processions.  Especially when it comes to its beloved musicians. The funeral for James Carroll Booker III was sparsely attended with very little floral arrangements. He was laid to rest in a family plot at Providence Memorial Park in nearby Metarie, Louisiana.  A sad farewell for a musician now honored as one of New Orleans’ true piano geniuses, regarded perhaps only second to Professor Longhair.

(Article Courtesy of February, 2002 BluesNotes)
 
 

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