Nelson Creek or the Bush

 (Absolutely Amazingly Tight Knit West Coast Community Part 2)
(As recounted by Master Yarner Dan Vos)

Punters at the Nelson Creek Pub

Jerry

Act 2 Scene 1. Ngakawau Tavern Public Bar Saturday April 15^th 2011

The appearance of small menacing fluffy white cloud drives all and sundry indoors!

Barman (Roger):  G’day mate what’il it be?

Jerry:    Yeah mate, a jug of Monteiths!

Roger:  ( Ngakawau Mayor and pub darts champ)   Crisps?

Jerry:     Yeah a bit fresh outside Mate!

Roger:  (2010 Ngakawau Texas Holdem Champ and winner of Mondays lunchtime bingo)  That’s $8 digger!

Jerry:    S.. l.. u..r..p… A..a  a..g ..h  ! B..u..r..p..!

Roger:  (1968 Lightning Ridge Primary School July spelling bee runner up)    F .. a.. r.. t…!

Laurie:   Good one Mate!

Jerry:   Cheers!!

Laurie:  Wotcha Cobba where are you from?

Jerry:   Yeah I’m Jerry from Nelson Creek Cobba and you?

Laurie:  Yeah I’m Laurie and I’m from Ngakawau but I was originally from Nelson Creek!!

Jerry:    Yeah well I knew a chap called Laurie who lived in Nelson Creek!

Laurie:   I lived in the old drover’s cottage with my parents and my brother Jerry.

Jerry:     Man what a coincidence I lived in that same cottage with my Mum and Dad and my brother??  Yeah he was called Laurie!!!  Strewth!!

Laurie:  Hey wouldn’t it be amazing if we were long lost brothers!!

Jerry:    Yeah mate! This is really exciting. I haven’t seen my brother Laurie since he left home 46 years ago when we were young  lads at school to get a job as an apprentice carpenter in Ngakawau.

Laurie:   I’m a carpenter!!

Jerry:   Bejabbers could it be?? Mum would have been so happy to know I found…..say what do you reckon Roger??

Roger:   Nah!!

Laurie:  Cheers Roger!  Worth a crack Nigel!

Jerry:    Wotcha Roger!! Still an amazing coincidence!! Yeah Roger’s right.  My brother Laurie was only about 5 foot tall and he was missing both of his front teeth.

Laurie:   I.. I…

Jerry:   And he didn’t wear glasses.

Laurie:   I.. I..

Jerry:    Yeah and he wasn’t bald and he didn’t have a beard!

Laurie:  I .. I ..

Jerry:  Yeah and he wore size 7 gumboots!!

Lauire: Bugger!!

Token Busty Blonde : Hi there big boy!

Jerry:  Fancy a shag love?

Token Busty Blonde with deep mouth watering cleavage: Got a Holden ute?

Roger:  (1965 2^nd and only other pupil ever enrolled at Lightning Ridge Primary School which mysteriously burned down after Roger was placed third in the junior school drinking horn for the second year running!!)  : Tell you what though! I lost my pet black Labrador when I was little kid and I’m still looking for him, he’s called Rhinocerossimus!

Jerry:   I saw a black lab in the Speight’s ad on TV last night!!

Laurie : Yeah the one where Barry Crump is rolling a smoke on the edge of a cliff and puts one behind each ear of his dog!

Roger:  (1967 Lightning Ridge Primary School Rugby Team Reserve Orange Boy): Nah!! Rhinocerossimus lost his left ear while we were hunting pigs!

Jerry:   Mate!! I saw a black lab with only one ear the other day in Granity walking down the main street!!!

Roger:  (1968 Lightning Ridge Primary School playground rubbish picker upper champ):   Nah!!   Couldn’t walk!! Rhinocerossimus didn’t have any legs after he got combine harvested by my Dad!

Laurie:  Rog!!   I saw a dog with no legs up a tree at Gary Smith’s farm in Wangapeka only last week!!  His barking gave me the willies!!!

Rog!!    :  Nah!!  Rhinocerossimus was scared of heights and couldn’t bark! Dad cut Rhino’s tongue out one Saturday night to win a bet!

Laurie:   Mate!! I found a dog just like that yesterday and I took him in as a companion for me old Mum! Man did he wag his tail when Mum patted him!!

Rog!!   Nah!!! Rhino had no tail!! Don’t ask me how please!!!

Jerry:   Guess what??  My mate Bob rescued a stray dog from the Westport Pound only last week. Fits Rhinocerossimus’ description perfectly!! Had “Rhinocerossimus” stylistically engraved on a silverl plate on a brown leather collar!!

Rog :      Nah!!  Rhinocerossimus couldn’t read nor write!! Also he was allergic to the colour brown!!

Laurie:  Rog!!  Man is it your lucky day!! I saw a black lab with no legs, no tail and one ear, that was scared of heights and answered to Rhinocerossimus last Sunday at the St. Pat’s church service in Hokitika. He was playing the church organ!!

Roger:    Nah!!  Rhino’s a Bhuddist!

Jerry:   Well I must be going Laurie.  Catch you around mate!

Laurie

Laurie:   Cheers brother!

Jerry:      I…. You…..  We….. ??

Laurie:   Nah!!!

Jerry:     Nah!!

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 A Busy Week for Jesus:

Texas Hold'em at Rongo with Jesus Tonight...High Stakes!

SuperMoo Reporting…

New Zealand’s Aviation Pioneers

Cometh the Hour Cometh the Man

The Heaphy Track was first conquered by Charles Heaphy, who traversed the mountain pass between Collingwood and Kohaihai in 1865. Charles Heaphy V.C.   Brief History:

Charles Heaphy

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Major Charles Heaphy VC (1820 – 3 August 1881) was a New Zealand explorer and a recipient of the Victoria Cross, the highest and most prestigious military award for gallantry in the face of the enemy that can be awarded to British and Commonwealth forces. Charles Heaphy was born in London, England the son of an artist. He was just seventeen-years-old when he was appointed as resident Artist and Surveyor to the first New Zealand Company expedition to New Zealand, sailing with William Wakefield on the Tory and arriving in what later became known as Wellington late in 1839. In 1841 he joined Arthur Wakefield on the expedition that led to the founding ofNelson. From here he took part in several expeditions to explore the north west corner of the South Island. In 1848 he was appointed gold fields commissioner at Coromandel. In 1859 he joined the Armed Constabulary as a volunteer. He was approximately 43-years-old, and a major in the Auckland Militia, New Zealand Military Forces, during the Invasion of the Waikatoof 1863-64 (one of the campaigns of the New Zealand Wars).

For his gallant conduct at the skirmish on the banks of the Mangapiko River, in New Zealand, on the llth of February, 1864, in assisting a wounded soldier of the 40th Regiment, who had fallen into a hollow among the thickest of the concealed Maories. Whilst doing so, he became the target for a volley at a few feet distant. Five balls pierced his clothes and cap, and he was wounded in three places. Although hurt, he continued to aid the wounded until the end of the day.Major Heaphy was at the time in charge of a party of soldiers of the 40th and 50th Regiments, under the orders of Lieutenant-Colonel Sir Henry Marshman Havelock, Bart., C.B., V.C., the Senior Officer on the spot, who had moved rapidly down to the place where the troops were-hotly engaged and pressed.^[1]

For this action he was awarded the Victoria Cross; the first colonial soldier to receive it. Von Tempsky wrote that “Heaphy has the (Victoria) Cross and I want it”, which may have caused the reckless action leading to his own death. In 1865 he was appointed Chief Surveyor for Auckland and in 1867 elected to the House of Representatives for Parnell, a suburb of Auckland. In 1878 he was appointed as a judge of the Native Land Court but retired two years later due to ill health. Charles Heaphy was an accomplished artist and his watercolours are an important record of many scenes in the early days of European settlement in New Zealand. However, his name is most known now through the Heaphy Track in the north west corner of the South Island. He and Thomas Brunner were probably the first Europeans to walk through this area of the South Island and although he never followed the route of the Heaphy Track, it is named in his honour. He died in Brisbane, Australia, in 1881 and is buried at Toowong Cemetery, Brisbane.

Rongo Backpackers & Gallery: Heaphy Track MTB Base Camp

(For ROCK HARD riders only…)

 

 

 

The New Millennium Explorer and pioneer rides a Hi-Tech space age mountain bike with all the naughty bits in the right places.

 Today’s Kiwi heroes aren’t climbing Mt. Everest – passé, running miles in sub 4 …yawn!!, splitting the atom…child’s play, inventing pavlova, the buzzy bee, who cares! cracking bad jokes about your wife’s mother in law…so she’s a slut.. .yeah??

No they are riding the Heaphy Track between weka fart and witching hour.  Eighty four kilometres of torturous, rugged, mountainous trail with voracious timber wolves lurking behind every fern bush, waiting, drooling, slobbering, salivating, for the wafting scent of Rongo guest who didn’t do their dishes and had their bikes secretly oiled by the Big Man with Extra Extra Virgin Olive oil. Did I say VIRGIN?? No, I said Extra Extra Virgin!! Ai Caramba!!  

Mountain biking the Heaphy Track is not for Mummy’s Boys, snot gobbling fairies from England’s finest public schools, Dizzy Dorises nor couch cabbages super glued to FaceBook. The trail is for Kiwi Weetbix Superheroes who can rip it up in 1 day!!  Rongo is currently on combat alert after hosting a wave of wannabe All Blacks who enjoyed an amazing Heaphy Track Conqueror’s Feast after climbing their personal mountain.  

True Story! Peter Taylor from Christchurch and his mate staggered into Rongo just after midnight. Looking absolutely knackered after completing the Track. Started at 8 am at the Brown Hut. Ran out of sunlight after being chased by a pack of timber wolves and having to climb a tree and wait for an unsuspecting biker to come along and become a proxy hors’d’heuve, and sure enough a couple of innocent tasty young school girls saved the day. Slurp!!

Peter Taylor: Modern-Day Heaphy Conqueror

Peter and his friend Alex hadn’t eaten in hours, polished off the remains of a Heaphy Track Conquerors Feast after the Rongo wwoofers who aren’t famed for their table manners had gorged themselves silly. Kaylee had a head start on all of us! I have never seen a big bowl of the Big Man’s parsley gobbled with such gusto!! Washed down with Watties 3 Star Tomato Sauce, a jug of Rongo’s finest (well actually a bottle of D.Y.C Vinegar, shaken not stirred of course!) and finished off with a raw carrot, two satisfied laddies headed off to the Karamea Farm Baches with their teddies for Morningtown Ride! Does Rongo look after its guests with life’s finest looxories?? Too Right!!  

Here is a serious question. When the going gets tough do you whinge, snivel, whine and cry for Mummy? When the carnivorous timber wolves baying for your blood howl by the silvery moon do you wet your nappies? When the Kohaihai Taniwha has got a sharpened kebab with your name on it do you shiver with fear?  When the Karamea 4-Square has run out of Dark Ghana 70% CACAO!! Do you finally get down on your knees and pray to Jesus?  

Well check in at Rongo and take refuge in our infamous hot soothing fire bath. Illuminated by the moon and the stars, garnished with the tasteful aroma and ambience of organic thyme, lie back and soak in the soup.  So the water is  a bit too hot, so there are sprigs of The Big Man’s parlsey and the peace garden herbs floating in the bowl, so you are shackled into the bath with chains and handcuffs, so it’s almost the woofers dinner time.  Schnell!!

Relax!! Listen to the melodious chords of Alistair Yankovic yodelling “Just eat It!” Oh wow!! listen to the tribal rhythms of the dinner drums of the secretive Goobleyouwamboozi tribe of Northern Borneo famed for their……….appetite.  Guess what mate?? It’s time to sing Hallelujah!!

Chow Down Dudes!! Hot broth is just about ready!!  Oi!! Stop screaming you will ruin everyone’s digestion!!

Heaphy Conqueror's Feast: World Famous in Rongolia

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Road Kill Café!

Weka Surprise!, Pukeko Nibbles!, Giant Spotted Kiwi Chowder! White Heron a la Barbecue! Taniwha Tortillas! Que? A drink monsieur? Mais Oui! Ey Laurent du champagne pour monsieur!!  Lemon and Paeroa !! Ha he will never know!! Mais oui monsieur!! C’est comme une jolie femme qui veut pour plus d’amour. Oui naturellement monsiuer, c’est magnifique, cela a du « Je ne sais qoui! » Une fois?? Plus meilleur que Le Brut et Charles Heidsieck!! Le vin de Karamea!! Cor blimey Kaylee these frogs will swallow anyfing!!  Pardonnez moi monsieur? Qu’est ce que je dis a la jeune fille de la champagne?? Eh bien j’ai dis que (strewth Kayee help me out, bloody nosy beggar!) Oh! Vois a cela!! A la monsieur!! Que’est ce que c’est?  (Kaylee, quick give him some pud and tell him to naff orf!) Rongo has guests flying in from the boardrooms of Tokyo, the trading floors of The City, the inner sanctums of the Kremlin, the dark mysterious jungles of Peru to dine a la carte at Rongo’s internationally famous Wild West Gourmet Soiree every Tuesday.

Rongo Road Kill Cafe

Rongo’s Restaurant motto “You kill it we chill it, you stab it we slab it, you look, we cook.” Visualise succulent slowly steamed Pukeko cooked in white wine and a herbal garnish just lightly falling off its bones and deliciously melting in your mouth accompanied by Comrade Duncan’s Rimu Beer! Yowser!

Such is the acclaim and popularity of Road Kill Café on Tuesday nights that Rongo has urgently embarked upon a breeding programme for Giant Spotted Kiwis. Such is their extreme rarity and obvious delicacy a bounty is being currently offered for the immediate purchase of three healthy breeding hens!! You know Rongo guests just never seem to be satisfied!! The Weka Surprise is really chewy! The White Heron Spare Ribs are half raw! The Giant Spotted Kiwi in this bowl is still squawking for crying out loud, can’t you shut it up! Laurent!! What is the birdbath doing on the table!! Smack!! You prefer the derriere?? Ok!! Talk about fussy!! Jafas from Dorkland, Canterbury’s grandsons of the first pioneers from the 1^stship, yeah yeah… look mate no one really cares.! Look mate! $100 a head, all the grog you can skull in 5 minutes, the Rongo Dancing Girls. What da ya mean? Where would this troupe be without the Big Man??

Rongo Dancing Girls

Hey shut up all right!! Do we ever get “That was delicious, compliments to the driver, I want to pay the bill in cash now, can you please entertain my daughter for me, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more!” No! We slave our guts out for the sheer enjoyment of watching you spoilt brats gobbling our largesse and all we get is lots of bitching!! So do the dishes you schwein!! Orright!! Arf, Arf! #################################################################

LivingInPeace Project: Karamea, New Zealand

By Craig Gallagher

I recently travelled back home to NZ and visited The LivinginPeace project in Karamea which is situated at the northern end of the West Coast Road of the South Island. The LivinginPeace Project began in 2004 and aims to incorporate the elements of travel, art, education and permaculture into a sustainable business. Karamea is like a little geographical island paradise in the Kahurangi National Park. The climate is warm year-round and the region is blessed with fertile soils, plentiful rainfall and lots of sunshine. Almost any crop can be grown there, including bananas.

Founder, Paul Murray, studied permaculture with Bill Mollison and Geoff Lawton at Melbourne University in 2009 and has since been working on developing a 7-acre permaculture demonstration farm as part of the Permaculture Master Plan. He sees permaculture as a positive way to provide a quality life for his family and wants to make the permaculture farm a feature of his business in the hope that guests at his accommodation facilities (Paul owns a backpackers and baches) will be able to experience permaculture first-hand and learn about sustainable food production during their stay. “I conduct daily tours of the farm and answer people’s questions in the hope that they will develop an interest in permaculture while they are here,” he said. “Every year, we have over 50 different nationalities coming to stay with us and I see this as an excellent opportunity to spread the word about permaculture.”

The LivinginPeace Project is certified carbon neutral and the project undergoes an annual audit by Carbon South, a Christchurch-based carbon assessor. Environmental and energy efficiency considerations are the focus of every business decision and the ultimate objective of the permaculture farm is to be able to produce sufficient food to feed all LivinginPeace Project volunteers and also to have a restaurant to feed guests with food that has been grown on the farm. Murray believes that a significant carbon saving can be made by doing so. “Karamea is possibly the most remote town in the South Island of New Zealand, so if we invite people to visit Karamea and then import all the food to feed them while they’re here it would be very inefficient, so a significant carbon gain can be made by producing all the food we need for our guests help to maintain the carbon-neutral status of the business and also enable us to provide them with locally grown, freshly picked, nutritious, enzymatically rich, healthy food,” he said.

The LivinginPeace Project is run entirely by volunteers and has been a Wwoofing host for seven years. “Wwoofers are travellers and I am very grateful for the wonderful people who have come to help develop and manage the project,” Murray said. “We strike a mutually beneficial arrangement with our Wwoofers, we ask that they help develop the farm and run the businesses and in return, we offer a great place to stay, all the facilities and services we have for our guests and the opportunity to learn about permaculture.”

Travellers are able to defray the cost of their adventure in return for their labour, whilst staying in one of the loveliest places in New Zealand and exploring the Kahurangi National Park, Oparara Basin and the Heaphy Track — one of New Zealand’s “Great Walks.” Art is another facet of the LivinginPeace Project and there is an annual artist-in-residency programme whereby artists are invited to spend several months in the summer and offered free accommodation so that they can live and work on their art in a region renowned for its natural beauty. In the past, resident artists conduct art workshops, drawing classes and held exhibitions as part of their residency and art is a very important feature of the LivinginPeace Project. The permaculture farm is designed with aesthetic considerations with artworks incorporated into a creative design and is a pleasant place for visitors to experience and enjoy.

In 2011, the LivinginPeace Project launched the “Permaculturalist-in-Residency Programme” whereby an experienced permaculturalist is invited to stay and work with the Wwoofers on the farm as an instructor. This enables Wwoofers to learn more about permaculture and its practical applications and also enables permaculture instructors to gain valuable experience in supervising and assisting the learning process of novice permaculturalists. The programme has proved very beneficial for both students and teachers and the permaculture farm development has also benefited from the input of experienced permaculture practitioners matched with the enthusiasm and energy of the Wwoofers.

The first Permaculture Design Course will be offered in Karamea from August 7-20, 2011. This course will be conducted by myself, Tim Barker, Justin Sharman Selvidge and Paul Murray. (For more information on the PDC, please go here.) Together with the theory of permaculture, the LivinginPeace Project PDC will also focus on the practical application of permaculture including workshops and demonstrations, along with excursions to other permaculture projects in the region and visits to natural forest systems.

The LivinginPeace Project has an 80-acre (31-ha) forest block as Zone 5 and it acts as a carbon sink to offset the carbon emissions produced in the service of the business, including partial responsibility for the carbon emissions of visitors to the project, most of whom come from the Northern Hemisphere. The forest is tremendously diverse and provides an excellent example of a balanced natural system for people to observe and experience. The LivinginPeace Project is a progressive and innovative business that seeks to positively incorporate permaculture into the business model to improve the efficiency and minimise the environmental impact of the venture. For more information on the LivinginPeace Project, please visit: www.livinginpeace.com or contact Paul Murray:

• rongo@actrix.co.nz
• 0064 (0)3 7826-767

By Paul Murray

Paul Murray Atop Mt Stormy in Karamea

Don’t be surprised if everyone waves to you as you pass by in Karamea…it’s that kind of place.

If you’re among the growing number of travellers who are looking to escape the usual tourist route for a subtler but more genuine Kiwi experience, you’ll be on the right track when you head for the Karamea region, at the top of the South Island’s West Coast. Enveloped by the Kahurangi National Park and sealed in by the Tasman Sea to the west, Karamea is a geographical island paradise with a wealth of natural beauty just 100 kilometres up the coast from Westport.

The road to Karamea is one of the most beautiful drives in the world and affords stunning views of the Tasman coast, river valleys, verdant forest and jagged mountain ranges. The journey takes you north from Westport, through the charming seaside villages of Granity and Hector and across the Mokihinui River before heading up into the densely forested mountains of the Kahurangi National Park, you’ll pass ancient tree giants, beneath majestic tree ferns and go high over the Karamea Bluff (stop your car, check out the view of the Tasman from the mountain top and listen to the symphony of birdsong) before dropping into the broad alluvial coastal plain at Little Wanganui. You’ll pass happily grazing dairy herds on lush green pasture, the expansive Otumahana Lagoon and over the mighty Karamea River before arriving in the beautiful hamlet of Karamea…getting there is just the beginning of your adventure.

Verdant Rainforest in the Oparara Basin

There’s a wealth of sightseeing opportunities on offer in the Karamea region. The Oparara Basin has a full day of activities, including cave tours through the Honeycomb caves where you can see a very well preserved skeleton of a giant moa, an underground river, a limestone cathedral lit by a myriad of glow worms, ancient limestone pillars and chandeliers and exit from a massive arched cavern straight into verdant rainforest. The road into the Oparara Basin from Karamea township winds through the beautiful native rainforest of the Kahurangi National Park. A new track opened in 2008 connecting the Oparara Basin Road to the Fenian Track to make a loop from two previously no exit tracks. The Oparara Valley Track follows the Oparara River taking in the Fenian Caves, historic gold-miner’s hut at Fenian Flat, huge ancient rimu trees at Sunshine Flat, the mirror tarn and Moria Gate arch and ends at the information boards in the Oparara Basin car park.

Moria Gate Arch: Oparara Basin

Along the many short walks in the Oparara Basin, you’ll pass through an enchanted wonderland of prehistoric moss-covered vegetation from mighty natives to tiny colourful mushrooms, lichens and flowers. The biggest limestone arch in the Southern Hemisphere is at the end of one track, a massive stone structure bridging a large river and forming a tunnel for more than 200 metres. The Moria Gate arch is smaller, but a highly spiritual place for quiet introspection and meditation in the bosom of nature…a visit to Moria Gate is a must. A little further on is the Mirror Tarn, a still pond about the size of a rugby pitch. Tall beech trees grow right to the edge of the water, sheltering the surface from any breeze. The leaves of the beech trees fall into the water and release their tannins, staining the fresh water a dark tea hue, which allows for a perfect mirror of the sky…to stand at the water’s edge and look down into the sky is an astounding pleasure. The tracks in the Oparara Basin are easily negotiated and allow people of all ages to experience amazing natural features that would otherwise have been hidden to all but the most extreme adventurer or hardened bushman.

West Coast MTB Association President Samson "Pedals" Elijah on the Heaphy Track

One of New Zealand’s nine great walks, the Heaphy Track, finishes (or starts, depending on which way you’re heading) at Karamea. The 82-kilometre, four-day tramp attracts visitors from all over the world every year. Many people choose to walk only to the first or second huts on the track instead of walking its entire length. The huts, Heaphy and Lewis, are Department of Conservation-maintained bush cabins with gas cooking facilities, open fires, bunks with mattresses, large camping grounds, toilets and running-water facilities. Live like a millionaire for as little as $30 a night, awake to a choice of view: pristine mountain scenery or the roaring Tasman Sea. DOC have opened the Heaphy Track to mountain biking from May 1 to September 30, 2011 for a three year trial, so this year, you’ll be able to ride to Karamea on the Heaphy Track.

Closer to town is the Karamea Gorge, a trout fisherman’s paradise. One of its features, the aptly named Big Rimu Tree, is a tree so large that when the region was logged about 60 years ago, the technology available at the time was insufficient to handle a tree of its size—It must be seen to be appreciated and to stand beside its mammoth trunk is a quite humbling experience.

Karamea Estuary

There is also fishing, surfing or bird watching at the Karamea River estuary. For those interested in the latter, black swans, egrets, ducks, pukeko, oystercatchers, herons, gulls and hundreds of other birds congregate at the estuary. Tuis, wood pigeons and bellbirds will wake you in the morning with their dawn chorus…and there is a vast stretch of sandy beach-–where you might stroll along all day without encountering a soul…except perhaps your own!

Most Karameans are Keen Golfers

If a round of golf is your thing, don’t forget to bring your clubs and try out the decent nine-hole course right next to the beach …with a little imagination, the Tasman’s roaring surf could easily be the crowd at St. Andrews!

DJ Smokin' Live on 107.5

On the drive back, tune in to the community radio station, which broadcasts 24/7 from a shed behind Rongo Backpackers. At 107.5 FM you’ll hear an eclectic mix of music, humour, debate and social commentary. The region’s past includes gold rushes, a flax boom and a huge timber industry. Karamea was once a thriving seaport and has weathered freak storms and earthquakes. Details of these and other historical happenings can be checked out at the local museum.

The Karamea region remains a peaceful natural enclave of forest, sea and sky…you’ll love what they haven’t done to the place!

For More Information on Karamea: Karamea Community Web site: http://karamea.org.nz/    

Mt Stormy 

“Moo” the KarameaWonderDog Royally Recognised for Mountaineering Feat

Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Please standby! Her Royal Majesty  Queen Elizabeth II is ready to make an auspicious announcement from Buckingham Palace.

Pheeleep : Auspicious Liz??

Queen Liz : Shhhhh Petal! Ahhem!! To all my loyal subjects Prince Pheeleep and I are pleased to announce that one of her Majesty’s loyal subjects Supermoo magnificently aided by his tenacious Sherpa Cockman has this very day conquered Mt. Stormy, Arapito, West Coast, South Island, New Zealand….”

Pheeleep : “ Oh! What O Liz!!!”

Queen Liz “ Quiet Buttercup!!! I haven’t finished yet!”

“And they approach the third jump The Tiger and Lord Melchford takes it dutifully in his stride followed by Sunderland Castle and…

Queen Liz : “ Pheeleep!!! Really!!! Turn that off!! I am live on air to the world!!”

Pheeleep “ But… but… it’s the fifth at Cheltenham and I’ve got a pony on Lady Godiva”

Queen Liz : “Ahem. Pardon me!”    Smack!!!

Pheeleep : “Ouch!! You bitch!!”

Queen Liz : “Where was I? Yes. Indeed, Woofus and Wodger the Woyal Corgis also offer their felicitations. Prince Pheeleep and I are also pleased to announce a knighthood and life peerage for Super Moo the Karamea Wonder Dog. Arf arf!

Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Wodger

Liz and Wodger the Woyal Corgie

SuperMoo

Sherpa CockMan: Training for the ascent of Mt Stormy

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Rongolian Kaleidoscope: Art at Rongo

http://www.shotakawahara.com

Vois a cela! Qu’est ce que c’est que ca? C’est un objet d’art de Shota au Kristin au Platt au Mademoiselle Chocolat!!! Des photographes de Paul, de Norma et Monsieur Le Coq!

Rongo is extremely privileged to have an art collection that Le Louvre would be proud of. Behold a  series of works by Dave Besseling that explore the artistic symmetry of planetary mandelas which display a silent holistic dichotomy of rhetorical rambunctious obfuscated egalitarianism and esoteric infinitesimalism interwoven with an organically inspired holographic spiritual solitude … what ..  time for my .. medication .. g.u.l.p..  “Zzztttttt!!!!” …..yeah mate bewdy, what ya reckon cobba? yeah bloody oath! giz anuva can of Foster’s sport! Jeez Bruce, the more I drink the better this art gets!! 

http://www.davebesseling.com

Yeah, well you got ya Norma Burrowes, ya bloody mates like Ponzi, Adrian, Platt, Le Marron?, strewth what did he have for breakfast?? Sheilas like Jill baby, Victoria, Mimi humba bumba!!!, Debbie van der Boom, good old team Sweden, hic!, Marie and Anna, Kate, Sarah, Medveyer, Priska, hic!  Julia, Lena, Katie, Mitsato, Daisy… Daisy from Columbia!! yeah mate lots of babes contributed, some hot mommas too Oowoooo!!!! 

http://www.normaburrowes.com

Then of course one must examine the superlative potpourri of art on the ceilings, doors, cupboards and walls of Rongo that could adorn the Cistine Chapel in the Vatican alongside Michael Angelo and be equally as mysterious and equally as soulfully spellbinding. The intrinsic and altruistic sublimation exuded from the very pores of these living breathing….. Pon my word, my medication is wearing off!! Make haste Falstaff!

“Glug glug glug !!”

My oath bloody bonza!!!

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Anzac Day

Karamea’s fallen soldiers were honoured on Anzac day by the placing of wreaths outside Karamea School. Relatives of Karamea’s Fallen Soldiers and Returned Servicemen also placed many RSA poppies.

The Mayor and the Buller District Council, the Market Cross Community Group and the Karamea Returned Servicemen’s Association laid wreaths.

World War I  Honour Roll of the Fallen Soldiers :C. Abbott, K. Douglas, B. Foster, C. Issell, J. Jenkins, T. Jenkins, A. Kidd, C. Lucas, W. Lineham,  J. Neilson, V. Neilson,  E. Simms, J. Steel, W. Jeffries

World War II Honour Roll of Fallen Soldiers : W. Jefferies, H.A. Manson, R.L. Scarlett, T.R. Scarlett

For The Fallen

…………….

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: 
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. 
At the going down of the sun and in the morning 
We will remember them.

……………

Robert Laurence Binyon 1869 -1943, who celebrated his 70th anniversary on 10 August 1939, says: “I can’t recall the exact date beyond that it was shortly after the retreat. I was set down, out of doors, on a cliff in Polzeath, Cornwall. The stanza “They Shall Grow Not Old” was written first and dictated the rhythmical movement of the whole poem.”

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Right Said Fred “‘Nother Cup of Tea

Karamea’s vinegar and scrape brigade and indeed fortunate to have the indomitable Dave“Cheese Scone” Roberts on call to for elderly visitations.

Monday 9 am

Dave  “Orright then Fred?”

Fred “Ah!! Wots that??””

Dave “Wozzup you deaf old beggar?”

Fred “ Ah .. I .. ohh ..aah!”

Dave “Right let’s go to work! Attention!! About Face!! By the left quick march, right turn left wheel!! Ok Vacuum cleaning, dishes, clean the windows, do the laundry!!”

Fred “How come I do all the work and you sit in my easi chair and eat all my marshmallow toffees??”

Dave “Got any cheese scones??”

Fred “Why I do I have to do all the jobs??”

Dave “ Right! That’s it!! Give me 20 pressups. I mean Now!!! And don’t forget to clean my car!!”

Fred “ Bastard!!”

Dave “ B.. o…. o … t ..!!”

Fred “ Ow!!b What was that for??”

Dave “ Not sure!!”

Fred “ Don’t eat all my …”

Dave “ Sccrruummpphhh!! Burp!!”

Fred “Can I stop for a cup of tea?”

Dave “Cup ‘a’ tea??? Cup ‘a’ tea??  Are you mad?? We didn’t beat the Hun by having cups of tea!! Work!!! Sccrruummpphhh!!”

Fred “ I’m 93 and I need a walker and you’re working me like a slave!!”

Dave “Right ‘Nother 20 pressups!! Now!!!

Dave “ C’mon Fred 1…. 2…. Fred!! You’re turning purple!! Cripes!! C’mon Fred push through the pain barrier!! It will be worth it in the long run!! C’mon Fred 3!!  ..  c’mon 4!! Fred???
Orright Fred?? Fred??!! Your face looks like a sunburnt beetroot. Fred??!!

Fred” a…h  …..a h ….o …h.. a a ……….”

Dave “Fred!!! Oh my God!!! Ok don’t panic!! Emergency 111

111 “Address, Emergency and name please!”

Dave “Help!! Emergency!! Help!! Ai Caramba!!”

111 “Ok slow down deep breath!! Now tell me your emergency!!

Dave “ Well …. Well … I’ve got a chronic…… case of …… indigestion!!””

111 “Is that you Dave??”

Dave “ Well yeah!”

111 “ According to the computer you are at Fred’s!! Is he alright??”

Dave “He’s run out of gingernuts!!”

111 “ Dave!! Is Fred still alive??”

Dave” Well … sort of..!!”

111 “Dave!! For God’s sake that is the third elderly person this week you have knocked off!!”

Dave “My record’s four!!”

111 “Ok!! Dave you need to prepare a report!!”

Dave “ Where am I going wrong??”

111 “Did Fred clean your car before he gave up the ghost??

Dave” Yeah he did!”

111 “Well Dave! Pat yourself on the back then!!”

Dave “ What am I going to do with his cat Fluffy?”

111 “Mmmm right we can’t leave any witnesses” Drink some of Fred’s whisky for Dutch courage and then give his moggy 30 minutes on medium high in the microwave!”

Dave “S ..l..u..r..pp!! S..luurrpp!!  Sss ll..u..rrr.ppp!!!S .L..U..R..PPPP!!!”

111 “Dave!! I meant a snifter!!”

Dave “S llllll u rrr pppp!!!!

111 “ Dave?? What are you doing?? “

Dave “Heez shgot a shbotttle of Shgordons Shgin too!!”

111 “ Dave!! The police will be there in 5 minutes I’ve alerted the Karamea Police!!

Dave “havshtnDt nookked Flooffy shyet!!”

Police “This is the Police!! Hang ten or we shoot to kill!!”

“Hissssss!!!!!!”

Police “ Kaboom!! Kaboom!! Kaboom!!!”

Fluffy “Scwrooowlll!!”

Dave “ Shdear Gawd!! Shank heavensshoo shgot her ejoost in time to save me from Fluffy. He killed Shfred!!”
Karamea Police “ Police Control from Karamea Police”

Police Control “Go ahead Karamea Police!”

Karamea Police “Yeah Roger Control!! Shot and fatally wounded the offender and rescued Dave again and there are still two cheese scones left!!

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Off the Top of My Head:

Defenestration: Medieval social justice: 

By Paul Murray

Defenestration could be considered the Eastern European version of witch burning, which was more popular in Western Europe.  Suspects were tossed out a window…if they survived the fall (or more the sudden stop at the end of the fall), they were free to go, however, if they died, they were considered to be guilty as charged.The practice gained popularity as an equitable trial system and was soon practiced in France, Belguim, Portugal, Spain, Italy and in Poland, Russian troops defenestrated Chopin’s piano…(in brutal, definite and dramatic forms of musical criticism, no one can shade the Russians!).

Apparently, some of the more determined peasants actually bounced on the ground below and survived their defenestration trials, which led to the authorities upping the ante as the crime rate started to drop and the aristocratic rulers (such as “Václav the Mad“ a Czech ruler, an enthusiastic sadist  and prolific defenestrator, who once “accidentally” shot a monk while hunting) couldn’t continue to justify the practice of throwing innocent people out of windows…so taller castles were built on craggy rock outcrops for the purpose of defenestration, which inevitably led to an increase in the conviction rate. Many a righteous serf had their innocence dashed on the cobblestones and jagged rocks adjacent Prague castles after being tossed out a window to measure their guilt.

One of the leading causes of accidental death in Bohemia in the Middle Ages, was having suspected criminals land on you. Cautious Czechs often developed stiff necks and occasionally injured themselves by walking into posts as a result of looking skyward on constant guard of falling defendants.Cheerful Czechs celebrate their barbarous history with reenactments of famous defenestrations in an annual festival whereby several willing citizens are thrown to their deaths before cheering crowds of history buffs and tourists assembled to remember this dark chapter of Czech past.Defenestration, although now outlawed in favour of less Draconian justice measures like the electric chair, continues to be practiced in many countries.

Recent examples of defenestration include:

• The disposal by window of the son of China’s former paramount leader Deng Xiaoping, Deng Pufang, by Red Guards during the Cultural Revolution in 1968.

• In 1993, Toronto lawyer Garry Hoy fell to his death after attempting to demonstrate the strength of his office tower’s windows.
• On March 2, 2007, Russian investigative journalist Ivan Safronov, who was researching the Kremlin’s covert arms deals, fell to his death from a fifth floor window. Friends and colleagues discount suicide as a reason and an investigation was opened looking into possible “incitement to suicide”.
• In 2007 in Gaza, Hamas killed a Fatah supporter by defenestration, an act repeated the next day when a Hamas supporter was defenestrated by Fatah.
• Recently, in 2009, the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission held several witnesses overnight for questioning. One witness,Teoh Beng Hock, was found dead on the roof of an adjacent building. Public outrage led to the formation of a Royal Commission of Inquiry which is ongoing. And, most recently, in April 2011, a Customs officer under investigation was found dead outside an MACC office.

 ****NB: Here in Sunny Karamea, our crime rate is low and perpetrators are usually found to be innocent, but perhaps only as our buildings are single-story and our ground smooth and soft…and usually lawned.

 Interesting facts on Defenestration from Wikipedia:

Scientific Studies: In 1942, safety pioneer Hugh DeHaven published the classic Mechanical analysis of survival in falls from heights of fifty to one hundred and fifty feet. DeHaven’s work on survival in defenestrations was instrumental in the development of the seat belt.

Self-defenestration (jumping out of a window)

Self-defenestration (autodefenestration) is the act of jumping, propelling oneself, or causing oneself to fall, out of a window. This phenomenon played a notable role in such events as the Triangle Shirtwaist fire, 9/11, and other disasters; it is also a method of suicide.

There is also an urban legend that Wall Street investors jumped out of windows during the 1929 stock market crash.

In the United States, self-defenestration is among the least common methods of committing suicide (typically less than 2% of all reported suicides in the United States for 2005).

In Hong Kong, jumping is the most common method (from any location) of committing suicide, accounting for 52.1% of all reported suicide cases in 2006, and similar rates for the years prior to that. The Centre for Suicide Research and Prevention of the University of Hong Kong believes that it may be due to the abundance of easily accessible high-rise buildings in Hong Kong (implying that much of the jumping is out of windows or from roof tops).

Heaphy Track MTBs Irk IRD

DOC brands one-day riders “tax evaders.”

By Paul Murray

Melanie Miller 1st Female Rider to Complete Heaphy Track on May 1, 2011

The Inland Revenue Department today acted on a report by the Department of Conservation that mountain bikers cycling the Heaphy Track in a single day were utilising a tax-payer funded public facility for free and thereby avoiding their civic, patriotic and national responsibility to the State, the People of Aotearoa and the Nation’s coffers.

Such selfish and unpatriotic behaviour has been deemed by DOC and the IRD as “treasonous” and have vowed to persecute perpetrators and prosecute to the full extent of the law. Mountain bikers found guilty of tax-evasion and thereby treason will be subjected to a rigorous public trial, media exposure, ridicule and denouncement by friends and family and inevitable incarceration in maximum security prisons never again to see the light of day.

Rightly so said local DOC heavyweight Dick Bobson (and VERY amateur poet) in a press release recently. “It’s user-pays these days/mountain bike riders (and other insiders)/ should take responsibility and not ride for free…do you see?”

Spokesman for the West Coast Mountain Biking Association Mr. Samson “Pedals” Elijah added weight to the assertions by the two government departments when he said, “Cycling the Heaphy Track is a privilege made possible by the sweat of tax-payers brows. To abuse the facility without paying is tantamount to lèse-majesté and perpetrators should be apprehended on arrival in Karamea, taken to the police cell, be introduced to Sergeant Windy Locks (the local hairdresser) and given a damn good short back and sides.” (Other penalties provided apparently include;  Brazilian body waxing, anal bleaching, pubic electrolysis and water boarding).

West Coast MTB Association Spokesman Samson "Pedals" Elijah (Currently in prison for walking the Heaphy Track without paying hut fees)

Heaphy Track mountain biker and tax cheat Mr Bill Swindler of Golden Bay said on completing the Heaphy Track on the opening day of May 1, 2011, “I started riding and sunrise and arrived at the Kohaihai Shelter (which was built with public $pondoolie) at 2:30 p.m. and I have to say, that was the most fun I’ve ever had avoiding tax in my career as a tithe dodger…I only wish the track was a little longer so that I could get a full day’s graft in…perhaps I’ll ride a little slower on my way home and get my money’s worth.” When asked to elaborate, Mr Swindler added, “I’m a tax-payer, I’ve worked hard all my life, I believe I am entitled to use public facilities that I have helped pay build for free and without the stigma of public ridicule and slander.”

Mr Swindler’s’ comments raised the issue of the hut fees on the Heaphy Track, which are currently $30.60 per night, which does seem rather steep given the lack of electricity, hot water, linen, Sky TV, and broadband Internet, all of which are available at Rongo Backpackers & Gallery (www.rongobackpackers.com) for as little as $24 per night with the fourth night free. Mr Bobson from DOC responded with the following statement, “The huts on the Heaphy Track are to provide shelter and warmth to New Zealanders and visitors to our country who are walking or cycling through the fabulous Kahurangi National Park and the hut fees contribute to the maintenance of the huts, track and other facilities along the way to ensure the comfort, safety and enjoyment of the people…while the facilities may not be five-star, the experience most certainly is and DOC believes people will appreciate this and allow themselves to be gouged accordingly.”

Rongo Backpackers owner, and Karamea Radio disc jockey DJ Crap said, “The Heaphy Track is a five star experience and Rongo Backpackers provides cyclists and trampers with a little five-star luxury accommodation at the end of the experience…soak in a firebath, watch a movie in the in-house theatre, guest DJ on the local radio station 107.5 FM, catch up on the latest news, update FaceBook posts, tweets, blogs etc on the WiFi Internet service, enjoy a “Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast of locally grown, organic, nutritious, healthy seasonal and fresh food after a hot shower and a cold beer…all for less than the cost of a night on the Heaphy Track…and I should also mention that every 4th night at Rongo is free!” “Book ahead to avoid disappointment,” he added.

Whatever the outcome of the debate on tax-evasion, the Heaphy Track will remain open to trampers and cyclists to enjoy and it is hoped by all concerned that the three-year mountain biking trial on the Heaphy Track will prove mutually beneficial for DOC, the IRD, The General Public, Mountain Biking and Tramping Clubs, local businesses in both Golden Bay and Karamea, the fantastic flora and fauna and spectacular scenery of the Kahurangi National Park…and for the national economy. Mountain bikers who seek to ride the track in a single day and avoid their responsibility to the national coffers are asked to make a generous donation to the Department of Conservation to do their part to help make this trial a big success so that future generations of New Zealanders can continue to enjoy and ultilse such splendid public facilities as the Heaphy Track.

Labour List MP Damien O'Connor and Friends enjoy a ride to the Heaphy Hut and back on May 1, 2011, opening day of the Heaphy Track to MTBers.

 (Are the honourable MP and his Friends tax cheats? DOC and the IRD think so, The Rongolian Star welcomes reader feedback on this issue)

For more information contact the Department of Conservation Perfidy Hotline on: 0800 1080 1080

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The Rongolian Star Picture of the Month: Kohaihai River Mouth: Scenery at the Karamea End of the Heaphy Track

(Photo by Paul Murray)

The Rongolian Star:

Off the Top of My Head:

Scientists/Capitalists vs Permaculturalists/Socialists

Scientists/Capitalists:

In the yin-yang duality of all things, ideological divides exist in the thinking of the future of food production. Significant challenges are ahead as the world population continues to grow exponentially toward nine billion mouths to feed three times a day. Many reports demonstrate that human demand for food and other natural resources already exceed the Earth’s ability to meet that demand by a large margin and that we are rapidly depleting the very essence of what sustains our existence.

Scientists love a good challenge and scientific thought is to utilise technology to produce more food through better plant nutrition, pesticides, plant and animal breeding and most controversially, genetic modification. They say, OK, the world population is growing, we need to provide food to feed future people with futuristic thinking…genetic modification can be shown to increase crop yields, prevent disease, exclude pests and improve shelf life of food. They argue that pursuing a scientific solution and applying GM technology today to food production to meet the needs of future generations can avoid catastrophic food shortages. To ensure availability of food to feed the population is a basic requirement of any government and in the Capitalist/Democratic society we have developed, whereby government and industry work together to achieve such targets, it is of little surprise that we now see significant political support for the application of GM technology in agriculture.

While corporations may have the ear of government, significant opposition exists among thinking people worldwide to the application of GM technology to food production and introducing genetically modified plants ands animals into the natural systems that have been sustaining us forever. Many examples exist of the corruption of natural reproduction processes, pollination etc when GM crop plants have been grown adjacent to natural crops and the reaction of the corporations advocating GM technology has been extremely aggressive toward traditional farmers whose crops have been corrupted by the natural disbursement of GM material into their crops…most famously, the litigation of farmer Percy Schmeiser in Bruno, Saskatchewan Canada pursued by Monsanto when pollen from the corporation’s “round-up ready” GM canola (trademarked as the property of Monsanto) corrupted his non-GM crop. (Read more at: Monsanto vs Farmers: http://www.i-sis.org.uk/MonsantovsFarmers.php).

Canadian Farmer: Percy Schmeiser

More recently, organic farmers have taken the corporations on with a preemptive strike against GM material: Read more at: (Farmers vs Monsanto: http://permaculture.org.au/2011/03/22/farmers-and-consumer-groups-file-lawsuit-challenging-genetically-engineered-alfalfa-approval/).

Organic Farmers vs Monsanto

There are always many solutions to a problem and the scientific approach involves the acceptance of a lower quality product if it is to be produced in sufficient quantity to meet consumer demand. Quantity over Quality is the simplest analogy…to meet the needs of the world’s stomachs, an acceptance that food quality must be compromised in order to produce sufficient amounts of food to sustain the rapidly growing world population. However, a reduction in quality also means a reduction in life quality, or the standard of living.

QUANTITY/QUALITY==>Diminished Standard of Living

However, while corporate farming can produce large amounts of low quality food, it is at great cost, much fuel is required to produce and transport food to markets, refrigeration, packaging, electricity etc, etc means the real cost of the food in terms of environmental depletion and resource consumption is left off the balance sheet.

Depletion of soil nutrition, erosion of soil, pollution of rivers, air and sea with chemical and inorganic fertiliser runoff is an environmental cost of corporate farming that is rarely considered or even mentioned in mainstream media, and the preservatives, flavour enhancers, emulsifiers, nutritive additives, processing etc, etc necessarily added to such produce to present it to the consumer results in a product that is unnatural, not satisfactory for the maintenance of human health and well being and leads to other problems that we are seeing increasingly in Western industrialised nations; obesity, diabetes, cancer etc, etc. Ahhhh…but scientists and corporations have the answer to that as well…develop pharmaceutical solutions, better drugs to counteract the diseases and ailments that result from poor diet…”HURRAH!” they all say because such product development creates demand for new products, new services and funds new research and development…a perfect Capitalistic cycle…supply rises to meet demand and demand drives supply…economics 101.

Permaculturalists/Socialists:

Permaculturalists take a contrary position on the subject of food production and indeed to the utilisation of the Earth’s finite resources. Observation and the subsequent determination of the potential of natural systems to produce an abundance of food in a way that is perpetual is what permaculture is all about. The focus is on sustainable food production, minimal energy use, maintenance of soil, water and air, utilisation of natural energy systems; wind, water and sun, consuming less food of greater quality, eradicating waste, recycling nutrients, reusing, replenishing, restoring, replanting, rejuvenating etc, etc.

Permaculture champion and radical comedian Bill Mollison advocates cannibalism as a solution to world hunger…he also suggests that all religious devotees and ineffective corporate aid workers be composted, which would certainly provide a large amount of fertiliser for food production and while Mr. Mollison is a rascal, in many ways his humorous postulations may in fact be prophecy, for hungry people will resort to drastic measures to meet their belly pangs. A significant reduction in world population is one solution to reducing the demand on world resources to a sustainable level, but that seems unlikely given the nature of humans, religion…go forth and propagate…and the Capitalist system, which feeds on demand. Mr. Mollison will be proven correct in the event of environmental degradation and a significant hunger situation; man will eat his fellow man in order to survive. Such a dystopian future may be inevitable unless the challenge of food production and resource consumption is resolved.

Permaculture solutions involve producing food in situ for local consumers, meeting the food needs of the local population, but also addresses other requirements such as housing, social structures, community development, skill sharing etc, etc. Put simply, permaculture emphasises quality over quantity, more nutritious, organic, enzymatically rich, fresh food, smaller, warmer homes, cooperative communities, efficient supply systems, minimal waste, environmentally responsible living…sustainability.

QUALITY/QUANTITY==>Heightened Standard of Living

New Zealand could be the Norway of the South Pacific:

With our small population, availability of natural resources, fertile agricultural land, good climate, rainfall etc, GodZone should have the world’s highest quality of life/standard of living. Life in New Zealand should be the envy of the world, we should have the best quality food, cleanest water, freshest air, healthiest people, happiest communities plenty of energy, and beautifully balanced, diverse and vibrant environment. Our oceans should have an abundance of fish, our forests dense and our flora and fauna diverse, rivers free flowing and abundant with aquatic life…Kiwi’s should have plentiful, top quality food at low price and instead of sacrificing what we have to grow top quality primary agricultural produce that is exported to distant markets in return for bottom dollar prices, let’s keep the best here and invite people to come and visit to savour the best in the world. Kiwi’s should demand quality over quantity instead of selling out future for a pittance and in the process, improve out standard of living to a level that is the envy of the world…because Kiwi’s deserve the very best! Whatever lies ahead, be it organic utopia or chemical dystopia, I hope both sides remember that in any yin-yang situation there is a little of one side in the other…common ground is the starting point for resolution and in this debate, the common ground is that there is a need to feed.

Kristin Mukrit

Message in a Bottle

Human dynamo and Rongo Artist in Residence for February/March Kristin Mukrit from Al Capones home  town Chicago, Illinois injected Rongo with some art nouveau that really wowed many people!

The Rongo Peace Garden has seen the installation of the Message In A Bottle sculpture which involves Rongo guests inscribing personal messages on specially charrred paper for authenticity, which will be sealed in the bottles. These messages will be sealed until the first full moon after Judgement Day.

Kristin had to go into overdrive to consume sufficient bottles of wine to make up any shortfall for the project and indeed was so motivated by this she started on the bottle collection for the next installation next year straight away. The Message in a Bottle project was completed. While in Chicago Kritsin will work hard to consume at leat three bottles of wine per day to set a solid foundation for the next project. Message in a Jeroboam! Salut! Prost! Skol!

Blue Boy / Red Boy

Kristin’s first installation is a profile of her as a little girl and incidentally the spitting image of my daughter Shannon when she was 8 years of age. Proceeding from the little girls mouth is a speech bubble in a rainbow trail of stamps from New Zealand and around the world.

The New Zealand stamps in particular are a living history of the development of New Zealand as a nation!

Anzac stamps from Post WWI, Health stamps from the 1930’s, sport stamps from the 60’s, Air Mail stamps from the 1930’s depiciting the biplanes that serviced New Zealand’s airmail postal routes Many of our geriatric age visitors were enthralled by this installation with many saying the stamps of yesteryear brought back siginifcant memories! An instant cure for Alzheimers!

Button Up!

Anybody who walked thru the doors at Rongo was requested (nicely, but usually bribed with a spider!) to donate one button to the collection as well e-mail address. In exchange Kristin personally sewed on many buttons on peoples clothing as part of her rehab programme! Kristin had to go into overdrive to consume sufficient bottles of wine to make up any shortfall and indeed was so motivated by this she started on the bottle collection for the next installation next year straight away. The Message in a Bottle project was completed. While in Chicago Kritsin will work hard to consume at leat three bottles of wine per day to set a solid foundation for the next project. Message in a Jeroboam!

Poetry Alive

Sunday nights at Rongo have now become a night of flamenco passion, poetry, song, dance personal cogitations!

Poetry Alive was a concept for Radio Karamea that motivated people to get involved. Svenja singing Buffalo Jim, Kristin with her angelic singing voice rapping to the rhythm!!

Yannick, Bilbo Baggens Bazooka, Myrthe, Claire et Mimi all contributed to some spectacular , informative, culturally sensitive and righteously exciting entertainment!

Bericht eines WWOOFERS (article of a WWOOFER )

By Max Fuchs

Die Rongo Crew hat mich gebeten  einen kleinen und hoffentlich feinen Artikel zu schreiben. Ueber mich meine Vergangenheit und natuerlich Rongo.

Ich bin Max und komme aus Berlin. Ich hab die letzten 6 Monate mit Reisen verbracht und bin dabei fuer 3,5 Monate nach Indien und nach einem kleinen Zwischenstopp in Malaysia weiter fuer nochmals 3,5 Monate nach Neuseeland.

Angefangen hat meine “Weltreiseidee”  eigentlich schon sehr freuh, als meine grosse Schwester mir von ihren weltenbummler Erfahrungen berichtete. Also war klar, nach dem Abi, dass ich mehr schlecht als recht uberlebt hab, gehts weg,  weit weg. Ich wollte schon immer nach Neuseeland, aber dachte dass das alleine vlt. etwas langweilig werden koennte, also beschloss ich, irgendwie muss noch was Spirituelles mit rein und schwups war die Idee von Indien aufm Plan. Nicht nur dass es etwas ganz Anderes als Neuseeland werden wuerde,  sondern auch noch genau auf der Flugroute Richtung NZ liegt.

Im Flieger, kurz vorm Anflug auf Delhi, wurde mir dann das erste Mal bewusst, dass das vlt. nicht nur Zuckerschlecken wird. Genau dass hat sich dann auch am Flughafen von Delhi bestaetigt, als  man mich so ziemlich bei der ersten Gelegenheit erstmal um nen paar Euros gebracht hatt( klingt wenig ist in Indien aber ne ganze Menge). Dann gings los in die wohl turbolenteste Stadt die ich in meinem Leben bisher gesehen hatte und womoeglich sehen werde. Alles war irgendwie anders,  lebendiger, schmutziger  und ich hab mich gefragt wie das alles funktionieren kann. Spaeter als ich laengst aus Delhi gefluechtet bin und meinen Weg ueber Nordindien und Rajastahn nach Calcutta gemacht hatte, wurde mir klar, dass es fuer die Inder ganz normal ist. Ich muss offen gestehen dass ich doch immer wieder mit der Kultur und den Sitten der Indischen Bevoelkerung  angeeckt bin und am Ende doch etwas froh war, nach dreieinhalb Monaten interessanten Reisens in Indien, weiter in westlichere Kulturen zu fliegen.

Nach kurzem Aufenthalt in Malaisia , einem Land das irgendwie zwischen arm und reich steht, und in dem ich das erste Mal mit einem richtigen Monsungewitter konfrontiert wurde, gings weiter nach Auckland. Dort hat mich mein erster Couchsurferhost  Janson herzlich willkommen gehiessen. Nach einigen Tagen machte ich mich auf meine ersten hitchhikeerfahrungen zu sammeln und diese sollten einige werden in den naechsten zwei Monaten.  Doch nach ca. 6 Monaten traveln und davon 2 in Neuseeland wurde mir bewusst, dass ich keine Lust mehr hatte auf staendiges Rumgerase von einem Ort zum naechsten und ich hielt Ausschau nach einem wwoofing Platz. Dieser bot sich dann im Rongo, dem Platz an dem ich eigentlich nur 1 Nacht bleiben wollte aber gemerkt habe, dass hier irgedetwas besonders ist, und es sich lohnt laenger zu bleiben.

Also findg ich an zu arbeiten, wobei ich zugeben muss, dass meine Einstellung gegenueber Arbeit nicht immer Deckungsgleich mit der von Paul oder anderen Woofern war. Aber genau dieser Umstand hat mir viel zu denken gegeben und ich glaube dass ich genau in diesem Punkt das Meiste mitnehmen werde. Andererseits konnte ich hier wunderbar meine Batterien wieder aufladen und hab unmengen interessanter, netter und manchmal auch komischer Leute getroffen, kurzum ein Platz an dem sich viele Bunte Menschen zusammenfinden. Nach einem Monat mit viel Spass werd ich mich langsam trennen von diesem magischen Platz und dann geht es auch bald weiter nach Hongkong und zurueck nach Hause. Ich hoffe mein Artikel laesst traveller die schon wieder zu hause sind, etwas in Gedanken schwelgen und gibt denen einen Vorgeschnmack, die bald unterwegs sind.

1000 Cranes

Mimi "Bubbles" Bordes

Recycling New Zealand’s Womens Weeklys that no-one wanted to read in the first place meant that Rongo was desperately short of weed mulch and ground cover = Platyhelminthe BSC Hons.

The idea for installing 1000 cranes is now a Japanese tradition.

A thousand paper cranes are traditionally given as a wedding gift by the folder, who is wishing a thousand years of happiness and prosperity upon the couple. They can also be gifted to a new baby for long life and good luck. Hanging a Senbazuru in one’s home is thought to be a powerfully lucky and benevolent charm.

Sets of origami paper are sold widely in Japan, with Senbazuru sets including 1000 (or more, in case of mistakes) sheets of paper, string, and beads to place at the end of each string to prevent the cranes slipping off.[1] Commonly the cranes are assembled as 25 strings of 40 cranes each.[1] The size of the origami paper does not matter when assembling a thousand paper cranes, but smaller sheets consequently yield smaller and lighter strings of cranes. The most popular size for Senbazuru cranes is 75 by 75 millimetres (3.0 × 3.0 in). Some people cut their own squares of paper from anything available, such as magazines.

Origami paper used for Senbazuru is usually of a solid color, though printed designs are also available. Larger size origami paper, usually 6×6 inches, often has traditional Japanese or flower designs, reminiscent of kimono patterns.

The Thousand Origami Cranes has become a symbol of world peace[citation needed] through the story of Sadako Sasaki, a Japanese girl who tried to stave off her death from leukemia as a result of radiation from the atomic bombing of Hiroshima during World War II by making one thousand origami cranes, having folded only 644 before her death, and that her friends completed and buried them all with her. (This is only one version of the story. Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum states that she did, in fact, complete the 1,000 cranes.)

Her story is told in the book Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes. Several temples, including some in Tokyo and Hiroshima, have eternal flames for World Peace. At these temples, school groups or individuals often donate Senbazuru to add to the prayer for peace. The cranes are left exposed to the elements, slowly dissolving and becoming tattered as the wish is released. In this way they are related to the prayer flags of India and Tibet.

In Western countries, the custom has been extended from giving a senbazuru to cancer patients, to using them at funerals or on the grave.

Ultimate Frisbee Comes To Rongo

By Zoe Elkin

Where I come from, the small collage town of Amherst Massachusetts USA, Ultimate Frisbee is no joking matter. It is no casual tossing of the Frisbee on the beach or in the park, but the type with a set field, rules, teams, and final score.  The e town boasts of being one of the best Ultimate Frisbee programs in the country, and my former high school team ranks second in the nation. We joke that kids learn to walk, and then how to properly grip a Frisbee.

Every spring and summer, it is not uncommon for there to be games held almost every night of the week for all ages and abilities. It is a big deal to be a player. Under the football lights, crowds of hundreds gather to watch as incredibly fit athletes battle their rivals from across the nation. It is not just in my hometown that this sport has taken by the neck, it is growing to be an international phenomenon. I found this to be true while traveling in Central America. One the outskirts of Antigua Guatemala, believe it or not, there is a Sunday Ultimate Frisbee club. Across America, it has emerged as a popular sport in universities. Every year hundreds of new teams emerge on the scene, proof enough that this sport is really taking off.

Last Sunday, nine Rongolians, guests and locals alike met at the park to learn this crazy new type of Frisbee. We started with some basic throwing of the disk and then moved on to explain the rules of the game. There are no referees in Ultimate Frisbee. One might ask, how can this be? It is the responsibility of the players on the field to call the shots. Every single player is held at high regard and is expected to play hard and play fair. The Spirit of the Game is what it is called.

At tournament the most honored award is that of the Spirit of the Game, which goes to the team (awarded by the votes from the other competing teams) who plays hard, makes smart and honest calls, and embodies what it means to be a great competitor.  The playing field is roughly the size of a soccer field and there are fourteen people on the field at once, seven on a side. In order to score you must catch the Frisbee (also referred to as the disc) in your end zone. There are two end zones for each team located at each end of the field. You cannot run with the disc so it must be passed to a teammate in order to move the disc down the field into the end zone. If the disc is dropped it is a turnover, and is now in the other teams possession. On defense, you must guard someone on offense in order to prevent the pass from being thrown to them.

There are many types of offenses and defenses, but we stuck to the most basic, man on man (or woman on woman).  Ultimate Frisbee is a non-contact sport, and involves as much running (or more) than a game of soccer. All you need to play is a good disc, a field, and most importantly, a group of people who want to learn.  It’s no wonder it is so quickly spreading! Everyone who came picked it up quickly and it was all great fun. Max, a wwoofer here at Rongo, after the game said, “That was actually awesome! I had no idea Frisbee could be so intense and fun.” I think he speaks for everyone who gave it a try that cloudy Sunday afternoon, Ultimate Frisbee is great fun.

(For more information on the sport, and what’s going on in the Ultimate Frisbee world go to: WWW.UPA.ORG)

Mountain Biking

Recalcitrant MTBer Matt Ridgeway

As of May 1^st 2011 The Department of Conservation Is opening up the Heaphy Track to Mountian Bikers. A good 2-3 day ride would enable any fit healthy mountain biker to stay at the Heaphy Hut, Mckay Hut, Perry Saddle Hut and enjoy the spectacular on the track.

Swimming and fishing at Heaphy Hut, Lewis Hut and Brown Hut. Sensational photography at McKay Hut and the Giant Spotted Kiwi at the Gouland Downs Hut.

Essential to jump in the mountain spa at the Perry Saddle Hut!! This invigorating alpine stream spa maintains a comfortable bathing temperature all year round!!

Rongo is intsalling a 10 bay bike stand and will be equipped with a bike repair box with the necessary tools you may need
to  maintain your bike!

The ideal would be take a tent and camp out where permissable and enjoy the stars and the teeming melodious birdlife!!

MTB the Heaphy Track from May 1 to September 30

The Heaphy Track, one of New Zealand’s “Great Walks” is now open to mountain bikers from May 1 to September 30 for a three-year trial period staring in 2011 and is set to also become a Great Ride for people of all ages.

The Heaphy Track offers the only multi-day cycle course through a national park in New Zealand. The track is 82 kilometres long and traverses the Kahurangi National Park from Collingwood in the north of the South Island to Karamea on the West Coast.

The track is well-formed all-weather track and has seven well-appointed Department of Conservation huts along the way. The huts are warm, dry and comfortable with bunk beds, wood-fired heaters, rainwater tanks, toilets and five have gas-cooking facilities. All rivers and major streams along the track have suspension bridges, but there may be some small creeks and watercourses that will require fording, please take care when crossing the bridges and water crossings. It is necessary to book huts, to do so, please visit the DOC Heaphy Track Web site (www.doc.govt.nz) or regional i-Sites or visitor centres.

Along the way, riders and trampers pass through a diverse range of spectacular scenery from lush beech forest up to 950 metres to Perry Saddle Hut, through the expansive tussock plains of the Gouland Downs and down again along the Heaphy River and on to the stunning nikau palm groves where the West Coast meets the roaring Tasman Sea.

Riders should be well prepared for inclement weather conditions as the region is known for sudden storms, associated floods, occasional snow falls and strong winds, as well as for sunshine, clear blue skies and warm, calm days. Please carry wet weather gear and warm clothing as well as sun protection, first-aid kits, plenty of water, food supplies as well as spare parts, puncture repair kits etc. Be prepared for all eventualities, as it is a long way from the middle of the track if help is required and it is important that riders take responsibility for their own safety and wellbeing.

Most trampers travel from the Collingwood end and finish the track in Karamea and riders will likely do the same, but there is no rule as to which way the track is travelled. Several transport services can deliver riders to the beginning of the track from Collingwood and then from the Kohaihai Shelter at the end of the track to Karamea where a hot showers, cold beer, great food and a comfortable beds await riders and trampers alike after conquering the Heaphy.

The Heaphy Track will be a dual-use facility open to both mountain bikers and trampers during the winter months, so please respect the rights of each group to utilise the track and enjoy the facilities, experience and adventure. Please refer to the Mountain Bikers Code below:

***Mountain Biking Article Published in The Press in May 2009***

 

Mountain Biking in the Kahurangi National Park

Debate is raging in the Northern Buller about whether to allow mountain biking in the Kahurangi National Park and Oparara Basin.  

By Paul Murray

West Coast tourism operators from Karamea to Haast are seeking ways of increasing visitor numbers to their respective regions by improving the service and facilities they offer and by creating activities for people to enjoy while they are on the Coast. In Karamea, debate is raging over whether to allow mountain bikers to ride the new Fenian/Oparara Loop Track…Karamea tourism operators are saying “yes please,” while the Oparara Valley Trust, which built the track, is saying “no.”

Mountain biking is a low impact sport that is attracting increasing numbers of people from all age groups.A sport that keeps them fit, relieves stress and satisfies their need for adventure and physical exertion.For many it’s an ideal family activity.It is also highly suited to people with injuries, damaged joints and knees, arthritis and many other medical conditions that make it difficult for them to participate in other outdoor activities.

Mountain biking is also becoming increasingly integral to the growth of adventure and eco-tourism with tourism having changed significantly over the past 20 years.

Take backpacking, for example.It used to be about…well, backpacking.Backpackers arrived on a quest for adventure and experience with a basic kit, an edition of Lonely Planet, and a few dollars for essential items.

They hitchhiked, took public transport, or walked to their next destination.Today’s, “backpackers” communicate through networking sites like facebook, twitter, bebo and many have their own blogs.They still hitchhike, walk or use public transport.But increasing numbers arrive in rental cars with laptops, fishing rods, chilly bins, i-Pods, cell phones, suitcases…and mountain bikes.They are the sons and daughters of the most affluent people in the world; well educated and financially flush with a strong interest in adventure sports and eco-tourism.Perhaps the only similarity this generation of young traveller has to the last is the quest for adventure and experience.

For many of this new generation of“backpackers,” mountain biking is the new tramping and biking bush tracks is an integral part of their adventure tourism experience.

New Zealand is a fabulous eco-tourism destination and large numbers of tourists have a strong interest in ecological issues such as carbon emissions and carbon miles, which is a looming threat to the tourism industry).Mountain biking is an excellent example of how we can provide activities for travellers that address these interests and concerns.

Mountain biking does not involve the use of fossil fuels, helps offset carbon miles and can contribute to the New Zealand Government’s publicly announced goal of being the first carbon-neutral country in the world.It can do all of this while offeringrewarding, fun, active and adventurous pursuits that enable overseas visitors, domestic tourists, and locals, to experience the natural wonders of our stunning landscapes and national parks.

So, what should we be doing?Clearly, discouraging mountain biking on bush tracks is counterproductive to development of the tourism on the Coast and here in Karamea.

Tourism operators and the industry in general, in concert with key stakeholders such as the Department of Conservation and bodies such as the Oparara Valley Trust need to develop and implement programs that open up even more of our unique bush tracks to mountain bikers.Disparaging and over-restricting these types of activities simply demonstrates an inability to respond flexibly to a changing world and the changing needs of our tourists and local communities.

On a more parochial note, at the local level here in Karamea it would be extremely helpful if the Oparara Valley Trust reconsidered its position on the Fenian/Oparara Valley Trust track and any other tracks under its control that it considers unsuitable for mountain biking.

Tracks such as the Fenian/Oparara Valley Trust track are wonderful facilities for which the members of the Trust are rightly given much credit.The tracks have fabulous potential for providing mountain bikers with genuine, low carbon emission, challenging, adventurous and fun activities.Opening up the Fenian//Oparara Valley Trust track to mountain biking would be a great help to Karamea tourism operators, shop owners, hotels, restaurants and accommodation providers and a boon for the local economy.

If as the Trust claims, the Fenian/Oparara Valley Trust Track is unsuitable for mountain biking, I’m sure this was simply an oversight by the Trust during the initial planning stages.One that I am sure can be rectified if there is goodwill on the part of all of the stakeholders involved for the good of Karamea and the West Coast tourism industry.

(Paul Murray owns and operates Rongo Backpackers and Karamea Farm Baches in Karamea, is on the Tai Poutini Eco-Tourism Programme Advisory Committee and is a keen mountain biker).

 

Mountain Biking the Fenian/Oparara Loop Track

 

***Letter to the Editor Published in the Westport News in May 2009 by Michael Reeves***

DJ Reevso

To the Editor.

The recent discussions concerning mountain biking in the Karamea area are

interesting. I would like to add a mountain bikers perspective to the debate.

Let’s start with K Road. Last year it was reviewed in one of NZ’s leading

MTB magazines as being the worst MTB track in NZ. The reason, it is just a

bunch of old logging roads with no single track. I have

ridden there and would agree, nice scenery but who ever set this area

aside has obviously never ridden a mountain bike.

I have however visited the new Fenian track, currently specified as a

walking track. Looking at it through a mountain biker’s eyes it

has great potential. I understand why walkers do not want to be run over

by a fast moving mountain bike, however walkers and bikers can coexist

and do so. Take the Port Hills near Christchurch which has shared as

well as specific tacks for riders and walkers.  I would suggest some

modifications to the steeper downhill bits to avoid heavy braking

which may lead to rutting of the track, and perhaps some alternative MTB and walking

sections in the narrower sections of the track. Alternatively give bikers

access between peak walking periods, even impose a fee to contribute to

track maintenance, but don’t for the sake of Karamea’s local economy

shun this source of income. Come on guys think outside of the square!

NZ is one of the best places in the world to ride mountain bikes, and

Karamea is at the top of the pile given the area’s scenery, climate

and topography, but ironically the area does not promote the activity,

in fact the local authorities seem to actively discourage it. The

typical rider has never been a crazed yahoo hell bent on tearing up

the native bush, but a person with an active life style, has money to

spend and wants to experience the thrill of riding through NZ’s

beautiful bush. It is a low impact, quiet sport. Riders are typically

respectful of other people and the trails they ride.

I am 44, have three kids and as Freddy Mercury sang, I like to ride my

bicycle. Come on Karamea, it is 2009, there are thousands of riders

who would love to spend time in your beautiful town, put together a

working party and develop a strategy to attract riders, you won’t

regret it. I put money on it that the local councillors will be the

first to slip on a helmet and wile away a few hours riding some sweet

local trails. At least your kids will thank you!

Kind Regards

Michael Reeves

St Albans

Christchurch

Rongo Mondays

Sparrow Fart : Tra la la la!!

7:00 am           Put on fire

7:11 am           Light fire!

7:21 am           Get fire started!

7:38 am           Pour a four and half of diesel down chimney from roof!

7:42 am Run to farm baches for conditioning, fitness and survival!!

7: 45 am Ring Rongo! Get Max to light the fire!

8:00 am Ring Rongo!! Max “ Please light the fire!”
“Jawhol…..

8 :00::04 am KABOOM!!!!!!!

8:00:04:01 am DJ Pukeko gets to room with new French wwoofer!!! OO la la!!

9:00 am Meeting in new Rongo bomb shelter!!! Free Water!!!

9:00:01 Roll Call: William?? Oui!! Claire?? Oui Aussi!!

Lisa??? Ya Mein Herr!! Zoe?? You betcha dude!!
DJ Pukeko?? DJ Pukeko??? Absent!! Max ?? Max ?? Absent!!

9:00:01 DJ Pukeko “Da ya tam!” “Where is Max??” “Que???”

9:15:00:00 am WORK!!!!!

9:15:00:00:01 Put tools away!! Double check!!

9:15:00:15 am Morning tea. Max’s home made cheese and onion bread!!!MMMM!! Yummy!

Elevenses : Game of Chess. Max Memorial Trophy up for grabs!

Free water – Brians shout!!!

Lunch : Three Hour Executive Lunch

Free water : Paul’s shout!!!

4 pm Collect firewood for new indoor BBQ pit!

Water rationing after 4 pm!!! Honesty box for wwoofers installed with security camera and secret microphone to tape praise and worship of El Presidente for such an ecologicallly motivated gesture! Wwoofer honesty box for water only takes $20 notes! Arf Arf!!

4:01:01 pm PUB!!!  Free Water!! DJ Pukeko’s Shout!!!

4:10:02 pm PUB Crawl!!

4:20:15 pm Last Resort: Free water!! Paul in really generous mood today!! My shout!! Let’s drink the bar dry!!

4:44:11 Saracens Bush Lounge: Dan’s specialty Fish Soup!!

4:55:15 Rongolians suffering from Hyponaetremia!!!

7:00 pm Monday Pot Luck Dinner : Roast Taniwha, Rangonui Ragoo – All of Max’s food thrown into big pot and boiled for three hours!! Wash down with Max’s spare beers!!

8:00 pm Huge Man Hunt for Max!!!

8:00:05 pm DJ Pukeko!! “ I’m first in the fire bath!!

11:35:35 Search for Max scaled down by Police and Search and Rescue!!  Search to recommence next week weather permitting!!!!

11:45:45 Dans la salle de chambre!! Mmmm!! La perfum de pall mall!!!

DJ Pukeko! “Ah Mademoiselle!! Quel grandes dentes que tu as!! Ah Mademoiselle quel grandes pieds and demains que tu as!!

BIGGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hypothermia

Trampers in the wild and even elderly people at home can get hyptothermic. Karamea has a sub tropical climate but the combination of wet, wind and cold can produce hypothermia within 30 minutes!

To determine whether a person has hypothermia it is important to take a body temperature reading. A reading below 35C , then the person most likely has hypothermia.

Essential:

1. Prevent further heat loss.
2. Rest for 48 hours
3. Gradual warm

After vigorous exercise put on warm clothes.
Symptoms – Shivering, muscles and skin feels cold. Reduced blood flow makes skin pale bluish. Early signs of hypothermia mlook like fatigue!

The type of person who is most at risk of getting hypothermia is someone who has walked too far, carried too heavy a load, unfit, hungry, demoralised. Especially watch childrenwhen they come out after a swim even from heated pools!

Wear a hat preferably fur lined and water proof.

Wet and Wind = 90% loss of insulation.

Warm up gradually with vigorous body rub and also get into sleeping bag in tent and let your body temperature warm the person up. And hey remember to wear a prophylactic!!!

Interview with Moo

SuperMoo the Karamea WonderDog

DJ Pukeko : Good afternoon young man. I would like just to extend the gratitude of the management, publishers, readers and reporting staff of The Rongolian Star for such an elevated celebrity giving the Free World a unique insight into the dynamic world of a Super Dog Wonder Star!

SuperMoo : G’daymateowyagoin’orright?

DJ Pukeko: Upon my word you have a rather broad Ocker accent

SuperMoo : Bloody oath!

DJ Pukeko : So tell the readers how you managed to master the English language with such elan, panache and cultured elocution!

Super Moo : Keeping me ears open sport! I can swear like a trooper in Ocker and Japanese!!!

DJ Pukeko : This is a family publication and I would rather not subject the readers to …..

Super Moo : #@@&*%%$#@!!!!

DJ Pukeko : I do not believe the Pope does anything of the sort!!

SuperMoo : Yeah cobba ah pour us a Schooner of Bundaberg Rum mate!!

DJ Pukeko : What are you going to do with it??

SuperMoo : SSSSSSSLLLLLUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!

DJ Pukeko : Are you relaxed now and ready for our interview?

SuperMoo : Our interview?? My interview schnozzer!!

DJ Pukeko : Ow!!! Schwein hundt!! Did you have to bite me on the leg!!

SuperMoo : I’m a wild wolf bred on hunting my prey for survival and man you taste like a big muffin! YUK!!

DJ Pukeko : Panty Droppers my speciality!!

SuperMoo : GGGRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DJ Pukeko : Scary!! What was that for!!

SuperMoo : The Call of the Wild! The chicky babes love it!! Arf Arf!

DJ Pukeko : You are such a celebrity! Your own Face Book Page with over 200 friends and you had 11 birthdays last year!! Man look at all these hot babes slobbering all over you!! WOWW!

So where do I begin?

SuperMoo : So tell the readers about me being Player of the Day at Russian Rules. Never subbed off and scored 3 ah scintillating tries!!

DJ Pukeko : You only scored one try!!

SuperMoo : RRRRAAALLLLLPPPPPHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

DJ Pukeko : Ok Ok 3 tries and well executed every one of them.

SuperMoo : You know cobba I’m the only dog in Karamea wih enough BALLS!!! to jump off the Karamea Bridge!! Have you made the leap of faith DJ Pookuckoo???

DJ Pookuckoo : Well ah …spiritually ah …yes!!

SuperMoo : You Big Fat Girls Blouse! What a Nancy!!

DJ Pookuckoo : I’m not fat!!! I’m not!

Norma Burrowes’ Karamea Kaleidoscopes and Paul Murray’s ArtofNature: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnFxQkIEBDQ

Native Plants  April – Flax

Flax Harakeke

Flax is a traditional part of Maori life and has been ever since the Maori arrived in New Zealand.

Flax is used for rope, weaving for use as necklaces in jewellery

weaving to make food carry alls.

The seeds are highly edible. When white or green they are sweet and meaty. When black and shiny they are bitter. The sweet ones are nice on their own or sprinkled on a salad.

What I have noticed is that the plants with short, fat pods seem more likely to contain sweet white seeds – and after a while you can predict which pods will contain the sweetest seeds, because they have a slightly more yellow-brown tinge to them than the other pods.

It seems that the easiest way to extract the seeds from the pod is to snap it in the middle and squeeze the seeds out from each end.

They are nice in salads, and I am keen to try adding them to a paste or dip, probably ground up.

I haven’t had much luck with cooking or drying them. They tend shrivel to almost nothing.

Other edible parts
You can get a lot of sweet nectar out of the flowers. Maori have used it as a sweetener.

My friend Jane, who introduced me to flax seeds, says she has a friend who collects the pollen from flax flowers as a nutritional supplement. Flax produces a LOT of pollen, as I found when I looked down at my clothes after brushing up against flax flowers!

Soothing, healing gel
The plant’s gel can be found by pulling apart the leaves at the base. It has antiseptic qualities and makes a good substitute for aloe vera gel. I’ve used it to make a skin lotion.

Paper making
Andrew Reilly, an artisan papermaker in Bulls, has revived the art of making paper from harakeke, and produces a range of lovely papers.

Next Months Issue  – Native edibles

An analysis of what nutritious plants and wildlife exist in the bush and indeed in your own backyard that you can eat. Snow berries, oxalis, nasturtiums, dandelion root, monkey puzzle nuts, flax seed, fern root, huhu grubs and many flowers and seeds from bushes and trees that the Maori ate

LivinginPeaceProject: http://livinginpeaceproject.wordpress.com/about/

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(Issue No. 3 January 2011)

Published by Royal Decree since 1878

Rongo Backpackers

130 Waverley Street, Karamea

West Coast, South Island

NEW ZEALAND

Web: www.rongobackpackers.co.nz

E-mail: rongo @actrix.co.nz

Ph: 037826667

Rongo Backpackers & Gallery: (www.rongobackpackers.com)

Every 4th Night Free!

 

Karamea Farm Baches: 

www.karameamotels.com

 

Every 4th Night Free!

 

UGEMBEO KUTUFU

LOCIN a showy bay yearling colt by Peter out of June Hazel saw first light of day in Jinja, Uganda in 1955. A precocious head strong descendant of the Darley Arabian LOCIN aka Colin’s first day at school was in his neighbour’s back yard and involved basic Bush Craft Survival Techniques. A leopard came into the garden one day and ate a dog instead of the teacher as per instructions much to the annoyance of the little kiddies! Locin’s enraged father Peter shot the leopard and fed it to his pet budgie Pteradactyl.

Peter was District Labour Officer and in Tanzania was involved in the International Labour Organisation and was involved in TANU Tanzania National Union at that time Tanzania was a socialist/communist country.

Gardening was an exciting feature of Locin’s upbringing. A herd of hippos once came into the family garden and fell straight into the cess pit. Locin at 3 despite having a big stick was unable to keep them submerged without help so got assistance from one of his mates.

During the Dar Mutiny when he was in Dar Es Salaam––the Haven of Peace––local natives massacred Arabs for crimes committed over 300 years of injustice and piled up the dead bodies in Locin’s family’s garden under the coconut tree. Needless to say this organic mulch was just what the doctor ordered and the family coconut tree for many years after that produced spectacularly large camel flavoured coconuts.

His mother June Hazel harvested the coconuts by reversing the family Hillman Minx cabriolet into the coconut trees and dislodging quite a number of coconuts. On one occasion a coconut  fell through the roof of the car narrowly missing a trembling LOCIN. LOCIN became a little bit suspicious when his mother insisted he sit in the back seat every time she harvested coconuts.
At 4 he also noticed that the dish washing liquid June Hazel put in his muesli had a skull and cross bones on it. LOCIN started to really worry at 5 when June Hazel with LOCIN in the back seat drove with a cackling laugh after a herd of charging elephants that were going in the opposite direction.

LOCIN was made of tougher stuff and survived to see 17 and  climb Mt. Kilamanjaro (The Misty Mountain) in jandals.

Locins pedigree includes some very successful golfers. His brother Paul was  a club teaching pro and Paul’s son Andrew was a successful golfer winning the England Amateur Match Play Championship and had a successful career on the European Tour.

At 17 Locin’s first job was as a bookmakers clerk at the Bookmakers Club for William Hill at Epsom Downs Race Course. Placing a 10p x 57 bet Heinz x 6 race accumulator Locin picked four winners and collected a  Yankee worth 3 and half thousand knicker. Watched Appalachia win the 1972 Derby at Epsom Downs.  Living in SW18 LOCIN was an upmarket member of the West End Mafia.

Young Locin Collects a Gambling Debt for an East London Bookmaker

Its’ like this see!! Last Monday Gypsy Warning I was in the Jack Tar down at The Frog ‘N Toad having a right Leo Sayer. There I was! Drinking a few Forsythe Sagas with Bonza me best China Plate.

Well strewth the Pitch and Toss from the local Cream Cookies gets me on the Dog and Bone!

Wants to know if I want to earn a Lady Godiva doin’ a Tina Turner! Wants me to collect a Macaroni from a Gerry O’Gorman Four ByTwo who’s done a Botany Bay after losing a John Major on a Bottle of Sauce at the Airs and Graces. So I thinks this Hillman Hunter is right Alan Border.

So I puts on me Weasel and Stoat and heads round Pat Malone to me Steve Claridge, grabs me a shooter, jumps in me Haddock and Bloater and heads around to his Rat and Mouse down in The Isle of Dogs.

Well Fuck Me! If his Trouble and Strife wearing nothing but her pink kippers and Eddie Grundies answers the Rory O’Moore. Didn’t even have a Master McGrath on to cover her saggy tits!! A right old Doug McClure this one. Used to be a Herring Kipper at a sleazy rub a dub in Soho.  Uglier than me old Kate Karney, she makes Draculas Bottle and Porter look like an apple pie. So I just about did a Wallace and Grommet right there on the foot step!

Anway it seems a Bottle Stopper from Uncle Wilf has just been round and her Fryin Pan is back in the Shovel and Pail doin Porridge! Seems Shylock is a right Stoke on Trent!

Cynthia takes me for a right Steam Tug and offers me a Gregory Peck to pay his tab. I says no way. Arthur Ashe or nuffin!! I knows he Coals and Coke. She must have thought I’m a Right old Lilley and Skinner. Anyways, so all this aggravashun is giving me Nuremberg trials the right Raw Tomato!

So I gets on the blower and organises for a few of me Garden Plates in Pokey to visit  Rubenstein in his Flowery Dell and give him a bit of how’s your father. I says to them make sure his bacon and eggs get a right old mutton pie, knock a few Hampstead Heath out of his North and South and give him a couple Oliver Twists on the Red Ruby. Costs me a score and I’m only making a Lady Godiva. A right old Jackie Brambles!!

Well anyways the Pitch and Toss is happy and so I heads round to The Dog’s Bollocks for a Brittney Spears and a plate of Kate and Sidney and Jack The Ripper! Strewth! Costs me all of Jack’s Alive Touch Me On the Knob!!

You can betcha the day Shalomoinker is Whale and Gale I’ll be doin a butchers down at his local Nearand Far. I’ll have his Family Jewels for John Skinner, get my Sugar and Honey back and have a right old Turkish Bath!

Locins most memorable moment was at Walton Heath Golf Course watching his father shoot a hole in one on a par 5. Peter shouted the bar but go so blotto that Locin had to pick up the tab after his father hid in his golf bag to avoid having to fork out for all the bludgers that celebrated his hole in one!

Colin was an extremely popular guest at Rongo and will be particularly welcome back on March 7^th, which is official “Rongo Guests Dig Deep in Their Pockets and Shout the Wwoofers as Much Booze as it Takes for All and Sundry to get Completely Yogenberried Down at The Frog ‘n Toad Day.” Last year’s renewal was so successful that consideration has been given to set aside the month of Ramadan for a nonstop all out PISSUP!!

As a DJ on Radio Tanzania Locin and Patrick Huletes were the first to introduce Reggae into Tanzania. Locins favourite music is The Stones, Desmond Dekker, Led Zep, Dr. John Little Feet and Ska Rock Steady. The Rongo freezer is full of Kahawai thanks to Locins fishing expertise. So cheers mate!

Colin and Friends at Dinner: Rongo Backpackers January 2011

Australia Day January 26^th 2011

Ocker Day is the day that celebrates King George III in 1788 buying all of Oz, excluding Tasmania, which still no one wants, for 2 six packs of VB, a McDonalds Worksburger voucher and a flagon of Meths!

Australia Day was celebrated in fine style at Rongo with an Aussie BBQ, the one and only 500^th Blues show on Radio Karamea 107.5 FM and a fire in the Rongo Firepit. A fine selection of classic Oz Rock, Blues, Pop and Jazz was rudely interrupted by Bollywood Muzak as Rajah Tim (DJ Echo Echo Echo) celebrated India’s National Day.

A pot luck dinner combo of Indian Curry and Char Grilled Mouton saw many Rongo guests sprintto the khazi with Cuckoo Puku!   Strewth!

Rongo El President for Life Palo Murrio said on January 27^th, “I woke up in the boudoir of the local dominatrix bruised and naked, covered in vomit, couldn’t remember a bloody thing…tremendous fun, and I’m really looking forward to next year!!”

Then highlight of Ozzie Day was a rendition of Waltzing Matilda played over Radio Karamea on a miniature hand held organ.

What is Australia great for? Ozzie sportmen have the killer instinct and know how to put the hammer down and whenever they shaft any team of whinging Poms they know how to stick the knife good and deep give it a few twists and come away smiling!  Greatest Aussie of all time Sir Donald Bradman closely followed by Kazaly, Dennis Lillee, Banjo Paterson (no relation to Sir Les Patterson) and Yeah THOMMO!

Hurricane Duncan!!

Storm Force 10!!  Hurricane Duncan hit Rongo with a vengeance last Saturday Night devastating unsuspecting wwoofers and guests alike.

Captain Cook and Black Douglas!! Guilty As Charged Your Honour!!

Dee Shjay Schmupekoko was far too shmart to be cauort unawares by a shlethhal combo of mlashes flavoured hopsh, whisshky and gorsh wiene. A devout Shcristishan and shhetotolasler The Schmupeko wnet to shurshch shcommunshion wish a  clear shed and  all the parishshsionersh said Shallalushjah!!

Duncan and Friends at Dinner: Rongo Backpackers (circa 2009)

The Orchestral Spheres – Karamea Village Hotel

Probably the most amazing act ever seen in Karamea The Orchestral Spheres entertained an exceptionally large crowd. Utilising a clever combination of original dance, off the wall home made musical instruments, clapping, chanting and lyrics The Orchestral Spheres caused many a heart to flutter with gay abandon!

The stand out was a rather ugly dwarf who doubled as a stand up comic. Whenever he stood up the audience genuinely and generously laughed at him!

Quotes from adoring fans!!

“The most eccentric and avant garde act to hit Karamea since the 1929 earthquake.”

DJ Crap.

“A scintillating visual symphony of big hairy grinding, thumping thigh muscle and a mouth watering hint of raunchy ravishing red hot cleavage and sexy dazzling come to bed eyes!! Wow! That Dwarf could multi task and entertain!

Dork Higgenbottom.

“I sincerely hope that the grey haired gentleman I saw leaving  the Karamea Village Hotel holding hands with The Dwarf has had his shots!!”

DJ Pukeko.

The Dwarf has since signed a contract with a major Film studio to appear in a porno version of “Blow White and The Hairy Dwarf!” It is believed that a well known Karamea identity is to play Blow White!!”

Links to related articles:

Karamea: Top of the West Coast: http://happyzine.co.nz/2011/01/30/place-profile-karamea-hidden-at-the-top-of-the-west-coast-of-the-south-island-aotearoa-new-zealand/Mountain Biking on the Heaphy Track: http://happyzine.co.nz/2011/01/30/great-news-for-mountain-bikers-heaphy-track-open-to-mtb-from-may-1st-to-september-30-2011/ 

Rongo Backpackers/Karamea Farm Baches go Carbon Neutral: http://happyzine.co.nz/2011/01/27/karamea-eco-tourism-business-goes-carbon-neutral/

LivinginPeace Project: http://happyzine.co.nz/2011/01/08/the-world-is-your-canvas-karameas-rongo-backpackers-a-self-sufficient-paradise/

*** Upcoming Event: Inaugural Rongo Easter Chess Classic: Four days of chess, fishing, golf, hiking, sight-seeing, good food, music dancing and deep conversation…stay tuned for details***

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On New Year’s Eve Team Sweden on the Radio Karamea New Year’s Eve show played In The Jungle by The Moo, Omoch Omigen, Oh Boy by Miss Li, This is the Right World by The Moo and a love song by Mans Zelmerlof “Cara Mia.”

DJ Pukeko

If Anna ruled the world she would ban Hokey Pokey Ice Cream and execute anyone caught eating it!! If Marie ruled the world there would be no borders and people would be able to go where the fuck they wanted to and if anybody wanted to disagree then they can get Hokey Pokeyed!!

Anna – Favourite song Bob Marley Redemption Song

Marie – Anna stole my favourite song!

A gregarious gargantuan gourmandising  gastronomical gorgeathon was indulged in by the Rongolians and invited ambassadors. Sionara Haren Buchi Bu! Rongo  El Pesidente Paul Murray and his secretary and concubine Sanae, The Big man and Mitsuyo ,  Rajah Timothy the Ambassador for India, Boris Pukekoski Military Attache for Russia, Gerar International Gypsy Ambassador, Brian Cool Dude  for Maui, Anna and Marie Cultural Ambassadors for Sweden, Camille French Consul, Leo Procurator Fiscal for Scotland,  Supermoo and Rongo guests enjoyed an International Extravaganza!

Dave Roberts after swallowing a whole glass of lemonade for Dutch Courage broadcast the 2010 countdown live on air at 23:59:50

Wwoofer of the Year – Laurent Bassier  or was it Zaurent Lassie Barbie??

Guest of the Year – Duncan

SuperMoo of the Year

The Big ManThe cement that keeps Rongo ticking. The Big Man would love for YOU!! Yes you, I’m talking to you Jimmy!! To shout him a meat pie and a beer!! Luxury!!

Dork HiggenBottom or Bottom to his mates. Crimes committed by Dork will be revenged 10 fold on April Fools’ Day, incidentally also his birthday. Dork’s mother in law once sat on his face and now she’s in rehab getting therapy!!

LivinginPeace Project: https://livinginpeaceproject.wordpress.com/about/

Super Wwoofer Mimi is leaving us after two months to travel the country and spreads the word…Bon Voyage Mimi!

The Rongolian Star
Published by Royal Decree since 1878
Rongo Backpackers, 130 Waverly Street
Karamea, Buller, South Island, New Zealand
Ph: 00 64 3 7826 667
E-mail: rongo@actrix.co.nz

Proudly Sponsored By:
http://www.rongobackpackers.com
http://www.karameamotels.com
http://www.heaphytrack.com
http://www.karamearadio.com
http://www.kaka1080.co.nz

News of The World:

His Royal Highness King Wunbungalung of the African Protectorate of Wakuzimbongo today announced that his government will officially recognise Rongolia as a sovereign state. Reciprocal diplomatic and trade missions will be established to allow the import of computer chips manufactured from stolen oil drums and to allow Rongolia to utilise a non-extradition treaty to deport guests of Dutch extraction or spoilt children of Yankee Imperialist Nation who complain about the prices of Rongo accommodation whilst they put their Gold Cards into punishment overdrive on purchases of Monteiths and Tim Tams.

Rongolian El Presidente for life Palo Murrio has declared a national holiday and feast to celebrate this auspicious occasion.

Big Man’s Birthday:

On Saturday The Big Man celebrated his 47th birthday. All the citizens of Free Rongolia convey their best wishes. Vic wanted to know if there was going to be a beer keg shout! Yeah right Tui!!!
All the people that really matter in Karamea signed a birthday card for The Big Man.

Rain Dance:

Karamea has been caught in the vicious jaws of a severe drought that has seen the Karamea River almost dry up and the Rongo Fire Bath go into summer hibernation. To appease the weather Gods Rongolians performed a rain dance to the song “Africa” by Toto. (Rongo TV: Rongolian Rain Dance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPYn1pLREtk) Rain fell that very day and to celebrate an innocent young virgin was sacrificed at dawn and then spit roasted on the BBQ. To find an innocent young virgin in Karamea was a mission entrusted to former gendarme DJ Pukeko. After many long romantic interviews finally one sweet innocent young lass called Rhubarbara came forth and offered herself to Rongo the God of Peace. (I swear it was Bigga in disguise!!)

SuperMoo the Karamea WonderDog:

SuperMoo is gearing himself up for a hectic festive season of social engagements and public appearances . Fresh from receiving the Karamea Russian Rules “Player of the Day Award” Supermoo will be available for signatures and photos on Christmas Eve. To join SuperMoo on FaceBook go to: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000754641826
Favourite song – “ Me and You and a Dog Named Moo”

Like Lambs To The Slaughter:

On Tuesday at sparrow fart Team Rongolia marched en masse to the LivinginPeace Farm witness the last round up at the Karamea Corral. Five benevolent jujubaiea flavoured volunteers were selected by random methodology (Big and Juicy). To be ritually slaughtered halal. Pointed towards Mecca and dispatched by Vic and Bigga. The Rongo freezer is chocka full of quality protein that will feed the ravenous Mongol Hordes, Vikings, Visigoths, Cossack Warriors, Wild Irish and other guests of a slightly more sophisticated upbringing that will camp out at Rongo during the month of Muharram Ul Haram.

500th Blues Show:

Wednesday night saw Radio Karamea celebrate the 500th Blues Show. DJ Crap AND The Big Man played some cosmic Blues, Jazz, Soul and Gospel as the Rongolians sat around a large inferno in the fire pit!! There was a special live phone in request from the two Jills in Austin, Texas who requested Ben Harper and “Burn One Down”

Pot Luck Dinner:

Thursday night saw a pot luck dinner dedicated to Tim and friends of Rongo; Tim’s mother Joan, sister Faith and Tim’s nephew Sathya from Tamil, Nhaidoo. Special guests included Chris, Leo, Tim’s friend Paul, Supermoo and Rongo guests and wwoofers.

LivinginPeace Project:

The LivinginPeace Project encompasses the Wood Lot, Food Forest and Farm Baches Gardens . The wood lot was weeded and mulched. Growth of trees planted to be utilised for timber and firewood has been spectacular and the wattle trees have doubled in size despite the drought. The Farm Baches Garden Beds were planted with soybeans, peas, cucumber, zucchini, sesame seeds and pumpkin seedlings. Future trials will involve chia, quinoa, and Irish jumping beans. The Food Forest, suffering from a prolonged drought, was weeded and watered.

For More Information: https://livinginpeaceproject.wordpress.com/about/

Russian Rules:

Thursday night at the Karamea Domain saw a game of Russian Rules Touch Rugby that resembled a cross between the Stanley Cup, WWF, Roller Ball and afternoon tea at Dave Higg’s mother in law’s. Played in boisterous spirits the game saw the PINK TEAM defeat the Blue Team 10-7!!!
According to one knowledgeable commentator the level of argie bargie in the game reflected normal West Coast bonding.
Players of the Day : Game 1 – Cory Higgs. Game 2 – Logan Timoana. Game 3 – SuperMoo the Karamea WonderDog (Never subbed off the whole game and didn’t bark at the ref once!!) Game 4 Tara The Terminator – Disgraced Politician who took out her fury on Karamea’s young sports stars. Game 5 – Matt James. Game 6 – Hazel. Game 7 Brendan James
Super Sub – Dave Roberts – An impact player who came off the sub bench with devastating effect until an old war wound saw him limp off just after the initial warm up.

Russian Rules A Team as selected by DJ Pukeko Referee and Coach
Matt James – captain, Sam Jacquard, Logan Timoana, Cory Higgs, Brendan James, Alex, Stretch, Tjelva,and Frank. Team of 7 and two subs.

Karamea Crime Report:

Karamea was this week horrified to learn that a thief had stolen Old Mother McCreadies bloomers from her clothes line. Heart broken, but determined to appear in public despite not having any frillies to cover her naughty bits, Gertrude has vowed to catch the culprit and make that miscreant vote for in the next Westport Mayoralty election. Let the punishment fit the crime!

Rongo Guests:

Rongos guests are the most amazing group of people you could meet anywhere in the world and apart from particularly the Tulip Munchers and whinging Poms, Rongo has not a single complaint about the superlative service Rongo guests experience in all of 2010.

Endless pot luck breakfasts, Radio Karamea, the Rongo Fire Bath, SuperMoo, the Peace Garden , tropical weather and amazing cuisine has seen Rongo head honcho Paul on his knees politely begging backpackers who have stayed more than three months to leave to allow room for first time visitors. Putting red hot chilli, salsa and Jamaican cayenne pepper in DJ Pukekos panty dropper muffins and playing Val Doonican or Rolf Harris on Radio Karamea has seen a timely exit of overstayers and fresh guests welcomed with open pockets!!

Join Rongo Backpackers & Gallery on FaceBook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=52782788167&ref=ts

Live the Great Dream Time:

Gurgle your mouthwash loudly.
Dress up like a prince or princess.
Draw pictures of dinosaurs and imperfect stars.
Burn your marshmallow and then burn it again.
Get jean pockets tattooed on your ass.
Find a button, leave a button.
Put an egg in your sock and hatch it.
Kiss hard and smile at the same time.
Put junk in your trunk and dash.
Twist your legs like pretzels.
Joker trumps all.
Put spoons in the fork slot.
Wear face paint instead of makeup.
Talk to yourself with blue steel clarity.
Laughter is an instrument of joy and we are all musicians.

By Katy Anderson