Japanese TV Crew Visits LivinginPeace Project in Karamea

A TV crew from Tokyo Broadcasting System came to Karamea at the top of the West Coast of the South Island of New Zealand to film the daily lives of Japanese expat Sanae Murray and her family for a programme titled “Sekkai no Hatte no Nihon jin” (Japanese at the Ends of the World).

Sanae and Diva Murray at the Rongo Hat Party

Paul and Diva Murray and “Ba Bear”

“Sekkai no Hatte no Nihon jin” is one of the most popular TBS programmes and the show will reach a potential viewer audience of 30 million people across Japan.

The crew were in Karamea for five days and were particularly interested in the challenges faced by Sanae and her family and why she chose to leave the comfort, safety, convenience and security of her previous life in Tokyo and move to perhaps the most remote town on mainland New Zealand.

Director Daisuke Jyosawa and his crew set up at various locations around the Karamea and Sanae, her husband Paul and daughter Diva showed comedian “Mr Chin” their venture the LivinginPeace Project as well as their home, farm and accommodation businesses Rongo Backpackers & Gallery and Karamea Farm Baches as well as taking them to some of the best scenic locations in the Karamea region.

Daisuke Jyosawa “Sekkai no Hatte no Nihonjin” Director

Mr Chin comedian and reporter for “Sekkai no Hatte no Nihonjin”

The Heaphy Track, Oparara Basin, Honeycomb Caves, Karamea Estuary, Oparara Arch Mount Stormy, Karamea Gorge and Karamea Beach will all be featured on the programme as well as the lives of Sanae and her family.

Camerman Koichiro Miyagawa films Scott’s Beach from the Lookout on the Heaphy Track

Camerman Koichiro Miyagawa and Sound Technician Takashi Sasaki Capture the Sights and Sounds of the Oparara Basin

Honeycomb Cave Guide Bill Jackson (right) Shows Sanae Murray and the TV Crew the Glow Worms in the Honeycomb Caves

Checking out the Stalactites in the Honeycomb Caves

Coordinator and Translator Kenichi Ogiyama on a Swingbridge in the Enchanted Forest of the Oparara Basin

Comedian Mr Chin Hams up the Bridge Crossing

While in Karamea the crew were able to catch fish, shear sheep, harvest vegetables from the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm, fly over the Kahurangi National Park in a helicopter, do a radio show on Karamea Radio 107.5 FM, enjoy many great feasts, harvest bamboo shoots, go to the Saturday Market, take in a live music event at the Karamea Village Hotel, have a haircut at the police station, interview Karamea locals and generally have an excellent time in one of the very special places in New Zealand.

Mistuyo Numata (Sanae’s sister) (right) and Sanae and Diva Murray show the film crew how to harvest bamboo shoots

The Japanese TV crew wishes to thank all the people involved and the generosity of the fine people of Karamea for making the filming smooth and successful…thanks also to the climate Gods for five days of exceptionally beautiful weather.

The show will air in Japan on January 7, 2013 and will then be available for online viewing on the Internet.

Rongo Guests and Staff (the Rongolians) enjoy the Wrap Party BBQ Dinner

That’s a WRAP!! (Very tired Rongolians and TV crew pose for one last shot)

Posted in Agriculture, Art, Business, Department of Conservation, DOC, Environment, Funny, Heaphy Track, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Japan, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, New Zealand, Oparara, Permaculture, Photography, Social Commentary, Travel, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Intrepid Travels of Rongolian JJ McV and her DIY Dirndl

Garret looked fetching in his tux, and Jamie was nothing short of stunning in her gown.  The entire evening was full of people dressed in there best, offering their best wishes to the happy couple.  How perfect to be set against the gorgeous backdrop of Alaska’s snow covered Chugach Mountains.

Posted in Fashion, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Photography, Travel, United States | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Unspoilt Natural Beauty?

Off the Top of my Head

By Paul Murray
 

Is anyone responsible for the blatantly misleading bollocks written by real-estate agents? In an industry famous for being frugal with the truth and generous with the commission on sales, it would seem wise to monitor the activities of agents to ensure their penchant for deception and avarice does not become rampant.

For example…the advertisement for a property on the North Island of New Zealand has the copywriter gushing with inaccuracies, spurious claims and equivocal postulations.

The banner trumpets the property’s merits as being “Unspoilt Natural Beauty.” It is apparently a “stunning eco-wonderland,” includes “exquisite native bush,” is an “unspoilt piece of stunning New Zealand landscape” and offers the unsuspecting buyer a chance to purchase a “slice of natural wonderland” and a piece of “historic eco-wonderland.

This all sounds most wonderful, but the image attached to this piece of ridiculous nonsense rather belies its magnificence. Instead of the suggested picture-perfect pristine  realty, we see a landscape devoid of all but a fraction of the suggested “natural beauty” and “exquisite native bush” suggested in the copy…the property has been bare cleared, all the natural bio-diversity that would have existed there less than 100 years ago has been removed and replaced with a pasture monoculture.

The text goes on the indicate that the property is “currently used as a grazing block for the fattening of heifers and steers, the property is well set up with fencing and facilities allowing for all types of grazing and fattening,” and that “current owners have undertaken an extensive fertilizer programme as well as planting of natives and shelter trees.”

This would seem contrary to the earlier claims of property being an eco-paradise with unspoilt natural beauty and exquisite native bush.” In reality, this property is nothing like it is poetically described…in fact, it is quite the opposite, the property has has been utilised as a commercial farm…it is devoid of nature, spoilt, has no bush whatsoever, it has been subjected to a regime of artificial fertiliser and chemicals…the copy is entirely misleading in this regard and it is up to the prospective buyer to determine the real state of the block from the supplied images.

Any serious publication would not permit such blatant fabrication of the truth to be published, so who is watching the real-estate copywriters? The Real Estate Institute of New Zealand? REINZ will look after you…Yeah Right! Could the senior partners of Bayleys also be senior members of REINZ? The pyromaniacs are also the firemen.

This property is in a lovely location, the setting is beautiful, but it is NOT anything like a natural, unspoilt eco-wonderland…and is shouldn’t be written up as such…to do so is deceptive, fallacious, duplicitous and should be illegal.

UNSPOILT NATURAL BEAUTY

Travel south-west from Hamilton skirting the foothills of beautiful Mt Pirongia and you will arrive at the stunning eco-wonderland that is Kawhia Harbour. Steeped in ancient history, this magical area of unspoiled natural beauty offers a plethora of leisure activities and is flanked by some of the North Island’s most beautiful farmland. The stunning 109.55 hectares offered for sale here is a shining example of the untapped potential this area offers. Currently used as a grazing block for the fattening of heifers and steers, the property is well set up with fencing and facilities allowing for all types of grazing and fattening. However, it is the lifestyle opportunities this superb piece of land offers which are possibly the most exciting aspect. With a gently rolling north west-facing contour down to the harbour’s edge there are a multitude of stunning building sites on which to create your dream retreat. The harbour itself offers brilliant fishing as well as swimming, windsurfing and kayaking right on your doorstep with approximately 3.5 kilometres of waterfront boundary. Spend a day horse trekking or four wheel motor biking or meander through exquisite native bushand make the only set of footprints you will see on deserted beach walks. Dig your own hot pool on the beach at Te Puia and finish the day with a soak as you watch the magnificent sunsets enjoyed here. Additional local attractions include Gannet Island, the old flour mills plus easy trips to Marokopa, Te Waitere and Aotea Harbour.
This property is located approximately 55 kilometres to Te Awamutu, 46 kilometres to Otorohanga, 78 kilometres to Hamilton and 198 kilometres to Auckland.
Just over 3 kilometres from the property entrance is the Oparau general store offering conveniences from home made pies, a good sized flat white or latte, licensed premises, the possibility of your next Lotto win to petrol and postal services.
The coastal settlement of Kawhia is about 13 kilometres away. Kawhia is steeped in New Zealand history from the time of the arrival of the great waka Tainui over 750 years ago and the arrival of the Europeans just over 150 years ago.
As a farming proposition, the property is well fenced into 42 paddocks, with two bores and troughs to all paddocks. Farm infrastructure includes a two stand wool shed with storage/utility shed, lockable storage shed, cattle and sheep yards with loadout plus a 1/2 round hay barn. The current owners have undertaken an extensive fertilizer programmeas well as planting of natives and shelter trees.
With superb views rolling away in all directions, this unspoilt piece of stunning New Zealand landscape will not remain secret forever. If you dream of owning your own slice of natural wonderland either to create your ideal haven from a busy life or perhaps to share with visitors from near or far, then this could be the property you have been searching for. Continue to farm as generations have done, land bank for the future or pluck this rare jewel and make it shine, developing its exquisite beauty into something to be shared and enjoyed. This historic eco-wonderland is the spiritual and ancestral home of the Maori tribe, Tainui and the final resting place of the great Tainui Canoe; will it become your spiritual home and retreat also?
Nope, no native bush here…
Nope, can’t see the “unspoilt natural beauty” here…there is, however, a few pine trees and some coastal erosion.
Posted in Advertising, Agriculture, Business, Environment, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Money, New Zealand, Parody, Permaculture, Photography, Social Commentary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Tremendous Tom Waits

 

 

Tom Waits

 
Tom Waits
 
Background information
Birth name Thomas Alan Waits
Born December 7, 1949 (age 62)
Pomona, California,United States
Genres Rockexperimental
Occupations Singer-songwriter, musician, actor, composer
Instruments Vocalspianoguitar
Years active 1972–present
Labels Asylum RecordsIsland RecordsANTI-
Website Official website

Thomas Alan “Tom” Waits (born December 7, 1949) is an American singer-songwriter, composer, and actor. Waits has a distinctive voice, described by critic Daniel Durchholz as sounding “like it was soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in the smokehouse for a few months, and then taken outside and run over with a car.” With this trademark growl, his incorporation of pre-rock music styles such as bluesjazz, and vaudeville, and experimental tendencies verging on industrial music, Waits has built up a distinctive musical persona. He has worked as a composer for movies and musical plays and has acted in supporting roles in films including Paradise Alley and Bram Stoker’s Dracula; he also starred in the 1986 film Down by Law. He was nominated for an Academy Award for his soundtrack work on One from the Heart.

Lyrically, Waits’ songs frequently present atmospheric portrayals of grotesque, often seedy characters and places—although he has also shown a penchant for more conventional ballads. He has a cult following and has influenced subsequent songwriters despite having little radio or music video support. His songs are best-known through cover versions by more commercial artists: “Jersey Girl,” performed by Bruce Springsteen, “Ol’ ’55,” performed by the Eagles, and “Downtown Train,” performed by Rod Stewart. Although Waits’ albums have met with mixed commercial success in his native United States, they have occasionally achieved gold album sales status in other countries. He has been nominated for a number of major music awards and has wonGrammy Awards for two albums, Bone Machine and Mule Variations. In 2011, Waits was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Waits lives in Sonoma County, California with his wife, Kathleen Brennan, and three children.

Waits was born at Park Avenue Hospital in Pomona, California, the son of Alma Fern (née Johnson) McMurray and Jesse Frank Waits, both schoolteachers. His father was of Scots-Irish descent and his mother was of Norwegian ancestry. After Waits’ parents divorced in 1960, he lived with his mother in Whittier, and then moved to National City, in San Diego County, near the Mexico–United States border. Waits, who taught himself how to play the piano on a neighbor’s instrument, often took trips to Mexico with his father, who taught Spanish; he would later say that he found his love of music during these trips through a Mexican ballad that was “probably a Ranchera, you know, on the car radio with my dad.”

Origins and musical beginnings

By 1965, while attending Hilltop High School within the Sweetwater Union High School DistrictChula Vista, Waits was playing in an R&B/soul band called The Systems and had begun his first job at Napoleone Pizza House in National City (about which he would later sing on “I Can’t Wait to Get Off Work (And See My Baby on Montgomery Avenue)” from Small Change and “The Ghosts of Saturday Night (After Hours at Napoleone’s Pizza House)” on The Heart of Saturday Night). He later admitted that he was not a fan of the 1960s music scene, stating, “I wasn’t thrilled by Blue Cheer, so I found an alternative, even if it was Bing Crosby.” Five years later, he was working as a doorman at the Heritage nightclub in San Diego—where artists of every genre performed—when he did his first paid gig for $6. A fan of Bob DylanLord BuckleyJack KerouacLouis ArmstrongHowlin’ Wolf, and Charles Bukowski, Waits began developing his own idiosyncratic musical style.

After serving with the United States Coast Guard, he took his newly formed act to Monday nights at The Troubadour in Los Angeles, where musicians would line up all day for the opportunity to perform on stage that night. In 1971, Waits moved to the Echo Park neighborhood of L.A. (at the time, also home to musicians Glenn Frey of theEaglesJ. D. SoutherJackson Browne, and Frank Zappa) and signed with Herb Cohen at the age of 21. From August to December 1971, Waits made a series of demo recordings for Cohen’s Bizarre/Straight label, including many songs for which he would later become known. These early tracks were released twenty years later on The Early Years, Volume One and Volume Two.

1970s

Waits signed to Asylum Records in 1972, and after numerous abortive recording sessions, his first record—the jazzyfolk-tinged Closing Time—was released in 1973. The album, which was produced and arranged by former Lovin’ Spoonful member Jerry Yester, received positive reviews, but Waits did not gain widespread attention until a number of the album’s tracks were covered by more prominent artists. Later in 1973, Tim Buckley released the album Sefronia, which contained a cover version of Waits’ song “Martha” from Closing Time, the first-ever cover of a Tom Waits song by a known artist. This cover later appeared in the 1995 compilation Step Right Up: The Songs of Tom Waits. The album’s opening track, “Ol’ ’55,” was recorded by the Eagles in 1974 for their On the Border album.

He began touring and opening for such artists as Charlie RichMartha and the Vandellas, and Frank Zappa. Waits received increasing critical acclaim and gathered a loyal cult following with his subsequent albums. The Heart of Saturday Night (1974), featuring the song “(Looking for) The Heart of Saturday Night”, revealed Waits’s roots as a nightclub performer, with half-spoken and half-crooned ballads often accompanied by a jazz backup band. Waits described the album as:

…a comprehensive study of a number of aspects of this search for the center of Saturday night, which Jack Kerouac relentlessly chased from one end of this country to the other, and I’ve attempted to scoop up a few diamonds of this magic that I see.

In 1975, Waits moved to the Tropicana Motel on Santa Monica Boulevard and released the double album Nighthawks at the Diner, recorded in a studio with a small audience in order to capture the ambience of a live show. The record exemplifies this phase of his career, including the lengthy spoken interludes between songs that punctuated his live act. That year, he also contributed backing vocals to Bonnie Raitt‘s “Your Sweet and Shiny Eyes”, from her album Home Plate.

By this time, Waits was drinking heavily, and life on the road was starting to take its toll. Waits, looking back at the period, has said,

I was sick through that whole period […] It was starting to wear on me, all the touring. I’d been traveling quite a bit, living in hotels, eating bad food, drinking a lot — too much. There’s a lifestyle that’s there before you arrive and you’re introduced to it. It’s unavoidable.

In reaction to these hardships, Waits recorded Small Change (1976), which finds him in a much more cynical and pessimistic mood, lyrically, with many songs such as “The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me) (An Evening with Pete King)” and “Bad Liver and a Broken Heart (In Lowell)”. With the album, Waits asserted that he “tried to resolve a few things as far as this cocktail lounge, maudlin, crying-in-your-beer image that I have. There ain’t nothin’ funny about a drunk […] I was really starting to believe that there was something amusing and wonderfully American about being a drunk. I ended up telling myself to cut that shit out.” The album, which also included long-time fan favorite “Tom Traubert’s Blues (Four Sheets to the Wind in Copenhagen)”, featured jazz drummer Shelly Manne and was, like his previous albums, heavily influenced by jazz.

Small Change, which was accompanied by the double A-side single “Step Right Up”/”The Piano Has Been Drinking,” was a critical and commercial success and far outsold any of Waits’s previous albums. With it, Waits broke onto Billboard’s Top 100 Albums chart for the first time in his career (a feat Waits would not repeat until 1999 with the release of Mule Variations). This resulted in a much higher public profile, which brought with it interviews and articles in TimeNewsweek, and Vogue. Waits put together a regular touring band, The Nocturnal Emissions, which featured Frank Vicari on tenor saxophone, Fitzgerald Jenkins on bass guitar, and Chip White on drums and vibraphone. Tom Waits and the Nocturnal Emissions toured the United States and Europe extensively from October 1976 until May 1977, including a performance of “The Piano Has Been Drinking” on cult BBC2 television music show the Old Grey Whistle Test in May 1976.

Foreign Affairs (1977) was musically in a similar vein to Small Change, but showed further artistic refinement and exploration into jazz and blues styles. Particularly noteworthy is the long cinematic spoken-word piece, “Potter’s Field”, set to an orchestral score. The album also features Bette Midler singing a duet with Waits on “I Never Talk to Strangers.” The album Blue Valentine (1978) displayed Waits’s biggest musical departure to date, with much more focus on electric guitar and keyboards than on previous albums and hardly any strings (with the exception of album-opener “Somewhere” — a cover of Leonard Bernstein’s song from West Side Story — and “Kentucky Avenue”) for a darker, more blues-oriented sound. The song “Blue Valentines” was also unique for Waits in that it featured a desolate arrangement of solo electric guitar played by Ray Crawford, accompanied by Waits’ vocal. Around this time, Waits had a relationship with Rickie Lee Jones (who appears on the sleeve art of theBlue Valentine album). In 1978, Waits also appeared in his first film role, in Paradise Alley as Mumbles the pianist, and contributed the original compositions “(Meet Me in) Paradise Alley” and “Annie’s Back in Town” to the film’s soundtrack.

Heartattack and Vine, Waits’s last studio album for Asylum, was released in 1980, featuring a developing sound that included both ballads (“Jersey Girl“) and rougher-edgedrhythm and blues. The same year, he began a long working relationship with Francis Ford Coppola, who asked Waits to provide music for his film One from the Heart. For Coppola’s film, Waits originally wanted to work with Bette Midler; she was unavailable due to prior engagements, however. Waits ended up working with singer/songwriterCrystal Gayle as his vocal foil for the album.

1980s

In August 1980, Waits married Kathleen Brennan, a screenwriter, whom he had met while working on the set of the Francis Ford Coppola movie One from the Heart. Brennan is regularly credited as co-author of many songs in his later albums, and Waits often cites her as a major influence on his work. She introduced him to the music of Captain Beefheart. Despite having shared a manager with Beefheart in the 1970s, Waits says, “I became more acquainted with him when I got married.” Waits would later describe his relationship with Brennan as a paradigm shift in his musical development. After leaving Asylum, the label released the first Tom Waits “Best of” album in 1981, a collection called Bounced Checks, notable for including an alternate, stripped down version of “Jersey Girl” and the otherwise unreleased “Mr. Henry”, as well as an alternate master of “Whistlin’ Past the Graveyard” and a live performance of “The Piano Has Been Drinking”. During this period, Waits appeared in a series of minor movie roles, including a cameo role in Wolfen (1981) as an inebriated piano player, and his song “Jitterbug Boy” also appeared on the movie’s soundtrack. One from the Heartreceived its official theatrical release in 1982, with Waits appearing in a cameo as a trumpet player as well as receiving an Oscar nomination for Original Song Score (eventually losing out to Victor Victoria, by Henry Mancini and Leslie Bricusse). This marked the first in a series of collaborations between Waits and Coppola, with Waits appearing in cameos in Coppola’s movies The Outsiders (1983), Rumble Fish (1983), and The Cotton Club (1984), and a major role in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Waits also contributed two songs to the documentary Streetwise (1984), “Rat’s Theme” and “Take Care of All My Children”.

After leaving Asylum for Island Records, Waits released Swordfishtrombones in 1983, a record that marked a sharp turn in his musical direction. While Waits had before played either piano or guitar, he now gravitated towards less common instruments, saying, “Your hands are like dogs, going to the same places they’ve been. You have to be careful when playing is no longer in the mind but in the fingers, going to happy places. You have to break them of their habits or you don’t explore; you only play what is confident and pleasing. I’m learning to break those habits by playing instruments I know absolutely nothing about, like a bassoon or a waterphone.” Swordfishtrombonesalso introduced instruments such as bagpipes (“Town with No Cheer”) and marimba (“Shore Leave”) to Waits’ repertoire, as well as pump organspercussion (sometimes reminiscent of the music of Harry Partch), horn sections (often featuring Ralph Carney playing in the style of brass bands or soul music), experimental guitar, and obsolete instruments (many of Waits’ albums have featured a damaged, unpredictable Chamberlin, and more recent albums have included the little-used Stroh violin).

His songwriting shifted as well, moving away from the traditional piano-and-strings ballad sound of his 1970s output towards a number of styles largely ignored in pop music, including primal blues, cabaret stylings, rumbas, theatrical approaches in the style of Kurt Weilltango music, early country music and European folk music as well as theTin Pan Alley-era songs that influenced his early output. He also recorded a spoken word piece, “Frank’s Wild Years”, influenced by Ken Nordine‘s “word jazz” records of the 1950s. Apart from Captain Beefheart and some of Dr. John‘s early output, there was little precedent in popular music.

Waits’s new emphasis on experimenting with various styles and instrumentation continued on 1985’s Rain Dogs, a sprawling, 19-song collection which received glowing reviews (the album was ranked #21 on Rolling Stones list of the 100 greatest albums of the 1980s. In 2003, the album was ranked number 397 on Rolling Stone magazine’s list of the 500 greatest albums of all time.) Contributions from guitarists Marc RibotRobert Quine, and Keith Richards accompanied Waits’ move away from piano-based songs, in juxtaposition with an increased emphasis on instruments such as marimbaaccordiondouble basstrombone, and banjo. The album also spawned the 12″ single “Downtown Train/Tango Till They’re Sore/Jockey Full of Bourbon”, with Jean Baptiste Mondino filming a promotional music video for “Downtown Train” (which would later become a hit for Rod Stewart), featuring a cameo from boxing legend Jake LaMotta. The album peaked at #188 on Billboard‘s Top 200 albums chart; however, its reputation has come to far outshine low initial sales.

Franks Wild Years, a musical play by Waits and Brennan, was staged as an Off-Broadway musical in 1986, directed by Gary Sinise, in a successful run at Chicago’s famed Steppenwolf Theater. Waits himself played the lead role. Waits developed his acting career with several supporting roles and a lead role in Jim Jarmusch‘s Down by Law in 1986, which also featured two of Waits’s songs from Rain Dogs in the soundtrack. In the same year, Waits also contributed vocals to the song “Harlem Shuffle” onThe Rolling Stones‘ album Dirty Work.

In 1987, he released Franks Wild Years (subtitled “Un Operachi Romantico in Two Acts”), which included studio versions from Waits’ play of the same name. Rolling Stonesummed up the album’s myriad styles this way: “Everything from sleazy strip-show blues to cheesy waltzes to supercilious lounge lizardry is given spare, jarring arrangements using various combinations of squawking horns, bashed drums, plucked banjo, snaky double bass, carnival organ and jaunty accordion.” Waits also continued to further his acting career with a supporting role as Rudy the Kraut in Ironweed (an adaptation of William Kennedy‘s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel) alongside Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep, in which Waits performed the song “Big Rock Candy Mountain“, as well as a part in Robert Frank‘s Candy Mountain, in which Waits also performed “Once More Before I Go.” In 1988, Waits performed in Big Time, a surreal concert movie and soundtrack which he cowrote with his wife.

In 1989, Waits appeared in his final theatrical stage role to date, appearing as Curly in Thomas Babe‘s Demon Wine, alongside Bill PullmanPhilip Baker HallCarol Kane, and Bud Cort. The play opened at the Los Angeles Theater Center in February 1989 to mixed reviews, although Waits’ performance was singled out by a number of critics, including John C. Mahoney, who described it as “mesmerizing.” Waits finished the decade with appearances in three movies: as the voice of a radio DJ in Jim Jarmusch‘s Mystery Train; as Kenny the Hitman in Robert Dornhelm’s Cold Feet; and the lead role of Punch & Judy man Silva in Bearskin: An Urban Fairytale. His only musical output of the year consisted of contributing his cover of Phil Phillips‘ “Sea of Love” to the soundtrack of the Al Pacino movie of the same name and contributing vocals to The Replacements song “Date to Church”, which appeared as a B-side to their single “I’ll Be You“.

1990s

The Black Rider: The Casting of the Magic Bullets—a theatrical collaboration of Waits, director Robert Wilson, and writer William S. Burroughs—premiered at Hamburg‘s Thalia Theatre on March 31, 1990. The project was based on a German folktale called Der Freischütz, with Wilson responsible for the design and direction, Burroughs for writing the book, and Waits for music and lyrics, which were heavily influenced by the works of Bertolt Brecht and Kurt Weill. In the same year, Waits contributed a cover of Cole Porter‘s “It’s All Right with Me” to Red Hot + Blue, the first in the series of compilation albums from the Red Hot Organization — one of the first major AIDS benefits in the music business—which sold over a million copies worldwide. Jim Jarmusch directed a promotional music video for the song. Waits also collaborated with photographer Sylvia Plachy in the same year; her book Sylvia Plachy’s Unguided Tour includes a short Waits record to accompany the photographs and text.

The following year, Waits was extremely busy working on movie soundtracks, acting, and contributing to a number of music projects by other artists. First, Waits appeared on the Primus album Sailing the Seas of Cheese as the voice of “Tommy the Cat“, which exposed him to a new audience in alternative rock. This was the first of several collaborations between Waits and the group; Frontman Les Claypool would appear on several subsequent Waits releases. The same year saw Waits provide spoken word contributions to Devout Catalyst, an album by one of Waits’ greatest influences, Ken Nordine, on the songs “A Thousand Bing Bangs” and “The Movie.” Waits also contributed vocals to a duet with singer Bob Forrest on the song “Adios Lounge” on the Thelonious Monster album Beautiful Mess. He also contributed vocals to two songs (“Little Man” and “I’m Not Your Fool Anymore”) on jazz tenor saxophonist Teddy Edwards‘ album Mississippi Lad. Edwards was extremely complimentary of Waits’ contributions, saying:

Tom Waits is the one who got me my contract with PolyGram. He’s wonderful, he’s America’s best lyricist since Johnny Mercer. He came down to the studio on the Mississippi Lad album, that’s the first one I did for PolyGram, and he sang two of my songs, wouldn’t accept any money, just trying to give me the best boost that he could.

The only collection of exclusively Waits-performed material of 1991 appeared when Waits composed and conducted the almost exclusively instrumental music for Jim Jarmusch’s 1991 film Night on Earth, which was released as an album the following year. In July 1991, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins released the album Black Music for White People, which features covers of two Waits compositions: “Heartattack & Vine” (which later that year was used in a European Levi’s advertisement without Waits’ permission, resulting in a lawsuit) and “Ice Cream Man”. Waits continued to appear in movie acting roles, the most significant of which was his uncredited cameo as a disabled veteran in Terry Gilliam‘s The Fisher King. He also appeared alongside Kevin BaconJohn Malkovich, and Jamie Lee Curtis in Steve Rash‘s Queens Logic, and opposite Tom Berenger and Kathy Bates in Hector Babenco‘s film At Play in the Fields of the Lord, adapted from Peter Matthiessen‘s 1965 novel.

Bone Machine, Waits’s first studio album in five years, was released in 1992. The stark record featured a great deal of percussion and guitar (with little piano or sax), marking another change in Waits’ sound. Critic Steve Huey calls it “perhaps Tom Waits’s most cohesive album… a morbid, sinister nightmare, one that applied the quirks of his experimental ’80s classics to stunningly evocative—and often harrowing—effect… Waits’ most affecting and powerful recording, even if it isn’t his most accessible.” Bone Machine was awarded a Grammy in the Best Alternative Album category. On December 19, 1992 Alice, Waits’s second theatrical project with Robert Wilson, premiered at the Thalia Theatre in Hamburg. Paul Schmidt adapted the text from the works of Lewis Carroll (Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass, in particular), with songs by Waits and Kathleen Brennan presented as intersections with the text rather than as expansions of the story, as would be the case in conventional musical theater. These songs would be recorded by Waits as a studio album 10 years later on Alice. 1992 also saw Waits featuring in Francis Ford Coppola‘s film Bram Stoker’s Dracula, as the possessed lunatic Renfield.

In 1993, he released The Black Rider, which contained studio versions of the songs that Waits had written for the musical of the same name three years previously, with the exceptions of “Chase the Clouds Away” and “In the Morning”, which appeared in the theatrical production but not on the studio album. William S. Burroughs also guests on vocals on “‘Tain’t No Sin”. In the same year, Waits lent his vocals to Gavin Bryars‘ 75-minute reworking of his 1971 classical music piece Jesus’ Blood Never Failed Me Yet; appeared in Robert Altman‘s film version of Raymond Carver‘s stories Short Cuts and Jim Jarmusch‘s Coffee and Cigarettes: Somewhere in California, a short black-and-white movie with Iggy Pop; and his third child, Sullivan, was born. In 1997, Waits and Brennan wrote and performed the music for Bunny the animated short film by 20th Century Fox‘s Blue Sky Studios, which was awarded Best Animated Short Film by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

In 1995, Holly Cole released Temptation, a tribute album consisting entirely of Waits covers.

Another Waits cover was released in 1996, as Meat Loaf covered Martha for his concept album Welcome to the Neighborhood.

In 1998, after Island Records released the compilation Beautiful Maladies: The Island Years, Waits left the label for Epitaph, whose president, Andy Kaulkin, said the label was “…blown away that Tom would even consider us. We are huge fans.” Waits himself was full of praise for the label, saying “Epitaph is rare for being owned and operated by musicians. They have good taste and a load of enthusiasm, plus they’re nice people. And they gave me a brand-new Cadillac, of course.”

Waits’s first album on his new label, Mule Variations, was issued in 1999. Billboard described the album as musically melding “backwoods blues, skewed gospel, and unruly art stomp into a sublime piece of junkyard sound sculpture.” The album was Waits’ first release to feature a turntablist. The album won a Grammy in 2000; as an indicator of how difficult it is to classify Waits’s music, he was nominated simultaneously for Best Contemporary Folk Album (which he won) and Best Male Rock Vocal Performance (for the song “Hold On”), both different from the genre for which he won his previous Grammy. The album was also his highest-charting album in the U.S. to date, reaching #30.

The same year, Waits made a foray into producing music for other artists, teaming up with his old friend Chuck E. Weiss to coproduce (with his wife, Kathleen Brennan)Extremely Cool, as well as appearing on the record as a guest vocalist and guitarist. He also contributed a cover of Skip Spence‘s “Books of Moses” to More Oar: A Tribute to the Skip Spence Album, a collection of covers of the singer’s songs on Birdman Records.[26] The same year, Waits appeared in the comedy Mystery Men.

2000s

John Hammond‘s Wicked Grin, a collection of Waits cover songs, was released in 2001. Waits appears on most songs, playing guitar, piano, and/or offering backing vocals. The album also includes the traditional hymn “I Know I’ve Been Changed,” performed as a duet by Hammond and Waits.

Tori Amos included a cover of the song “Time,” from Rain Dogs on her 2001 album Strange Little Girls.

Tom Waits in Prague in 2008

In 2002, Waits simultaneously released two albums, Alice and Blood Money. Both collections had been written almost 10 years previously and were based on theatrical collaborations with Robert Wilson; the former a musical play about Lewis Carroll, and the latter an interpretation of Georg Büchner‘s play fragment Woyzeck. Both albums revisit the tango, Tin Pan Alley, and spoken-word influences of Swordfishtrombones, while the lyrics are both profoundly cynical and melancholic, exemplified by “Misery is the River of the World” and “Everything Goes to Hell.” “Diamond in Your Mind”, which Waits wrote for Wilson’s Woyzeck, did not appear on Blood Money; however, it did emerge on Solomon Burke‘s album Don’t Give Up on Me of the same year. While Waits has played the song live a number of times, an official version would not be released until 2007. The same year, Waits contributed a version of “The Return of Jackie and Judy” by The Ramones to the compilation album We’re a Happy Family: A Tribute to Ramones, which was released in 2003 on Columbia Records. That same year, Waits was also a judge for the 2nd annual Independent Music Awards to support independent artists’ careers. Waits was also a judge for the 10th annual Independent Music Awards.

Waits released Real Gone, his first nontheatrical studio album since Mule Variations, in 2004. It is Waits’s only album to date to feature absolutely no piano on any of its tracks. Waits beatboxes on the opening track, “Top of the Hill”, and most of the album’s songs begin with Waits’s “vocal percussion” improvisations. It is also more rock-oriented, with less blues influence than he has previously demonstrated. The same year, Waits contributed backing vocals to the track “Go Tell It on the Mountain” on theGrammy Award (Best Traditional Gospel Album)-winning album of the same name by The Blind Boys of Alabama. He also contributed a version of Daniel Johnston‘s “King Kong” to the tribute album The Late Great Daniel Johnston: Discovered Covered, released on Gammon Records.

At this time, Waits made a return to acting after a five-year break, marked at first by the re-release of his 1993 Jim Jarmusch-directed short Coffee and Cigarettes: Somewhere in California, costarring Iggy Pop, compiled in Coffee and Cigarettes. In 2005, Waits appeared in the Tony Scott film Domino as a soothsayer. In the same year, Waits appeared as himself in Roberto Benigni‘s romantic comedy La Tigre e la Neve, set in occupied Baghdad during the Iraq War. In the movie, Waits appears in a dream scene as himself, singing the ballad “You Can Never Hold Back Spring” and accompanying himself at the piano.

A 54-song three-disc box set of rarities, unreleased tracks, and brand-new compositions called Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards was released in November 2006. The three discs are subdivided relating to their content: “Brawlers” features Waits’s more upbeat rock and blues songs; “Bawlers”, his ballads and love songs; and “Bastards”, songs that fit in neither category, including a number of spoken-word tracks. A video for the song “Lie to Me” was produced as a promotion for the collection. Orphans also continues Waits’s newfound interest in politics with “Road to Peace”, a song about the Israeli–Palestinian conflict. The album is also notable for containing a number ofcovers of songs by other artists, including The Ramones (“The Return of Jackie and Judy” and “Danny Says”), Daniel Johnston (“King Kong”), Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brecht(“What Keeps Mankind Alive”), and Leadbelly (“Ain’t Goin’ Down to the Well” and “Goodnight Irene”), as well as renditions of works by poets and authors admired by Waits, such as Charles Bukowski and Jack Kerouac and a previously released duet with Mark Linkous of Sparklehorse entitled “Dog Door”. Waits’ albums Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards and Alice are both included in metacritic.com‘s list of the “Top 200: Best-Reviewed Albums” since 2000 at #10 and #20, respectively (as of November 2009). The same years, Waits appeared on Sparklehorse‘s album Dreamt for Light Years in the Belly of a Mountain, playing piano on the track “Morning Hollow.”

Five different versions of Waits’s song “Way Down in the Hole” have been used as the opening theme songs for the HBO television show The Wire. Waits’s own version, from Frank’s Wild Years, was used for season two. The other versions used for the series were performed by, in season order, The Blind Boys of AlabamaThe Neville Brothers, “DoMaJe” and Steve Earle.

Waits made a number of high-profile television and concert appearances between 2006 and 2010. In November 2006, Waits appeared on The Daily Show and performed “The Day After Tomorrow.” This was significant for his having been only the third performing guest on the show, the first being Tenacious D and the second The White Stripes. On May 4, 2007, Waits performed “Lucinda” and “Ain’t Goin’ Down to the Well” from Orphans on the last show of a week Late Night with Conan O’Brien spent in San Francisco. There was a short interview after the last performance. Waits also played in the Bridge School Benefit on October 27–28, 2007 with Kronos Quartet.

On July 10, 2007, Waits released the download-only digital single “Diamond In Your Mind”. The version of the song was recorded with Kronos Quartet, with Greg Cohen,Philip Glass, and The Dalai Lama at the benefit concert “Healing The Divide: A Concert for Peace and Reconciliation” at Avery Fisher Hall, recorded on September 21, 2003.

Waits’s song “Trampled Rose” (from Real Gone) appeared on the critically acclaimed album Raising Sand, a collaboration between Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. Waits also provided guest vocals on the song “Pray” by fellow ANTI- artists The Book of Knots on their album Traineater.

He played the role of Kneller in the film Wristcutters: A Love Story, which opened in November 2007.

On January 22, 2008, Waits made a rare live appearance in Los Angeles, performing at a benefit for Bet Tzedek Legal Services—The House of Justice, a nonprofit poverty law center.

On May 7, 2008, Waits announced the Glitter and Doom Tour starting in June 2008, touring cities in the southern United States and subsequently announced a series of dates in the UK, Ireland and mainland Europe. Waits was awarded the key to the city of El Paso, Texas during a concert on June 20, 2008. In his generally positive review of the opening show of the tour, The Wall Street Journal critic Jim Fusilli described Waits’ music thus:

The 58-year-old Mr. Waits … has composed a body of work that’s at least comparable to any songwriter’s in pop today. A keen, sensitive and sympathetic chronicler of the adrift and downtrodden, Mr. Waits creates three-dimensional characters who, even in their confusion and despair, are capable of insight and startling points of view. Their stories are accompanied by music that’s unlike any other in pop history.

On May 20, 2008, Scarlett Johansson‘s debut album, entitled Anywhere I Lay My Head, featured covers of ten Tom Waits songs. Waits made an appearance on the albumThe Spirit of Apollo by alternative hip hop project N.A.S.A., on the track “Spacious Thoughts.”

Waits wrote the following introduction for the Tompkins Square compilation People Take Warning – Murder Ballads & Disaster Songs, 1913–1938:

In the late 1920’s and early 1930’s, the Depression gripped the Nation. It was a time when songs were tools for living. A whole community would turn out to mourn the loss of a member and to sow their songs like seeds. This collection is a wild garden grown from those seeds.

In late 2009, Terry Gilliam‘s film The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus was released, with Waits in the role of Mr. Nick. Production began in December 2007 in London. Star Heath Ledger‘s death in January 2008 cast doubt on the film’s future, but the production was salvaged with the addition of new actors playing his character in scenes he did not complete.

2010s

Waits played the role of “The Engineer” in the film The Book of Eli, opposite Denzel Washington, which opened in January 2010.

He is working on a new stage musical with director and long-time collaborator Robert Wilson and playwright Martin McDonagh.

In early 2011, Tom Waits completed a set of 23 poems entitled Seeds on Hard Ground, which were inspired by Michael O’Brien’s portraits of the homeless in his upcoming book, Hard Ground, which will include the poems alongside the portraits. In anticipation of the book release, Waits and Anti- printed limited edition chapbooks of the poems to raise money for Redwood Empire Food Bank, a homeless referral and family support service in Sonoma County, California. As of January 26, 2011, four editions, each limited to a thousand copies costing $24.99US each, sold out, raising $90,000 for the food bank.

It was announced on February 9, 2011 that Waits was to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame by Neil Young. The ceremony was held at the Waldorf-Astoria on Monday, March 14, 2011, at 8:30pm EST. Waits accepted the award with his customary humor, stating, “They say I have no hits and that I’m difficult to work with… like it’s a bad thing.”

On February 24, 2011, it was announced via Waits’ official website that he has begun work on his next studio album.

Waits said through his website that on August 23 he would “set the record straight” in regards to rumors of a new release.  On August 23, the title of the new album was revealed to be Bad as Me, and a new single, also titled “Bad as Me,” started being offered via Amazon.com and other sites. The album was released on October 24.

Waits appears on the songs “Fadin’ Moon” and “Ghost to a Ghost” on Hank Williams III‘s 2011 album Ghost to a Ghost/Gutter Town.

Lawsuits

Waits has steadfastly refused to allow the use of his songs in commercials and has joked about other artists who do (commenting “If Michael Jackson wants to work forPepsi, why doesn’t he just get himself a suit and an office in their headquarters and be done with it?”). He has filed several lawsuits against advertisers who used his material without permission. He has been quoted as saying, “Apparently, the highest compliment our culture grants artists nowadays is to be in an ad — ideally, naked and purring on the hood of a new car”, he said in a statement, referring to the Mercury Cougar. “I have adamantly and repeatedly refused this dubious honor.”

Waits filed his first lawsuit in 1988 against Frito-Lay. The company had approached Waits to use one of his songs in an advertisement, which Waits declined. Frito-Lay hired a Waits soundalike to sing a jingle similar to the song “Step Right Up” from the album Small Change’, which is a song Waits has called “an indictment of advertising“. Waits won the lawsuit, becoming one of the first artists to successfully sue a company for using an impersonator without permission. The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals affirmed an award of $2.375 million in his favor (Waits v. Frito-Lay, 978 F. 2d 1093 (9th Cir. 1992)).

In 1993, Levi’s used Screamin’ Jay Hawkins‘ version of Waits’ “Heartattack and Vine” in a commercial. Waits sued, and Levi’s agreed to cease all use of the song and offered a full page apology in Billboard.

Waits found himself in a situation similar to his earlier one with Frito Lay in 2000 when Audi approached him, asking to use “Innocent When You Dream” (from Franks Wild Years) for a commercial broadcast in Spain. Waits declined, but the commercial ultimately featured music very similar to that song. Waits undertook legal action, and a Spanish court recognized that there had been a violation of Waits’s moral rights in addition to the infringement of copyright. The production company, Tandem Campany Guasch, was ordered to pay compensation to Waits through his Spanish publisher. Waits was later quoted as jokingly saying the company got the name of the song wrong, thinking it was called “Innocent When You Scheme.”

In 2005, Waits sued Adam Opel AG, claiming that, after having failed to sign him to sing in their Scandinavian commercials, they had hired a sound-alike singer. In 2007, the suit was settled, and Waits gave the sum to charity.

Waits has also filed a lawsuit unrelated to music. He was arrested in 1977 outside Duke’s Tropicana Coffee Shop in Los Angeles. Waits and a friend were trying to stop some men from bullying other patrons. The men were plainclothes officers, and Waits and his friend were arrested and charged with disturbing the peace. The jury found Waits not guilty; he took the police department to court and was awarded $7,500 compensation.

From Wikipedia and http://www.tomwaits.com
 

Closing Time 1973
The Heart of Saturday Night 1974


Nighthawks at the Diner 1975


Small Change 1976


Foreign Affairs 1977


Blue Valentine 1978


Heartattack and Vine 1980


One From The Heart Soundtrack 1982


Swordfishtrombones 1983


Rain Dogs 1985


Franks Wild Years 1987


Night on Earth Soundtrack 1992


Bone Machine 1992


The Black Rider 1993


Mule Variations 1999


Blood Money 2002


Alice 2002


Real Gone 2004


Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers, and Bastards 2004 Disc 1 Disc 2 Disc 3

 
Bad as Me 2011
 
Discography from http://grimeyretarded.blogspot.co.nz
Posted in Art, Blues, Historical, Music, Photography, Product review, Social Commentary, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

31 One-Liners

Groucho Marx in 1933

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx (1890-1977)


Peter Kay, Queen's Diamond Jubilee BBC Concert

“My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”
Peter Kay (2 July 1973-)


Just like that: the magic of Tommy Cooper is lost on the younger generation - My cultural lexicon is showing its age

“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
Tommy Cooper (1921-1984)


Film director Woody Allen talks about his new film From Rome with Love.

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.”
Woody Allen (1 December 1935-)


Billy Connolly in 2003

“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.”
Billy Connolly (24 November 1942-)


W.C. Fields as Mr Micawber (right)

“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
W.C Fields (1880-1946)


Tony Hancock in 1963

“This radio lark’s a wonderful hobby, y’know. I’ve got friends all over the world, all over the world… none in this country, but friends all over the world.”
Tony Hancock (1924-1968)


Les Dawson

“My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.”
Les Dawson (1931-1993)


Spike Milligan in the days of The Goons, with Peter Sellers (right)

“Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.”
Spike Milligan (1918-2002)


Dorothy Parker

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)


Gore Vidal

“Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.”
Gore Vidal (1925-2012)


Bob Newhart on the Tonight Show in 1969

“I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down.'”
Bob Newhart ( September 5, 1929-)


Comedian Jimmy Carr is one of thousands of wealthy Britons paying as little as one per cent income tax using an offshore scheme, it has been claimed.

“I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was “Shout For Help.'”
Jimmy Carr (15 September 1972)


Ken Dodd

“I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.”
Ken Dodd (8 November 1927-)


Noel Coward smiles aboard the Queen Elizabeth ocean liner as he arrives in New York City in this 1947 photo

“Never trust a man with short legs… his brain’s too near his bottom.”
Noel Coward (1899-1973)


Oscar Wilde

“The English country gentleman galloping after a fox is the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.”
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)


Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise

“I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.”
Eric Morecambe (1926-1984)


Mark Twain

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
Mark Twain (1835-1910)


Bob Hope in the 1947 film 'My Favourite Brunette'

“I remember my staff asking me when I was going to retire. I said when I could no longer hear the sound of laughter. He said: ‘That never stopped you before.'”
Bob Hope (1903-2003)


Joan Rivers

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
Joan Rivers (June 8, 1933-)


Bill Cosby at the Jackie Robinson Foundation annual Awards Dinner in 2009

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
Bill Cosby (July 12, 1937-)


Mae West in the 1936 film 'Klondike Annie'

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”
Mae West (1893-1980)


Terry Jones

“He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!”
Terry Jones (1 February 1942-)


Jay Leno

“Politics is just show business for ugly people.”
Jay Leno (April 28, 1950-)


Kenneth Williams

“Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!”
Kenneth Williams (1926-1988)


Weary indifference: Jack Dee's latest tour.

“The film industry is like Anne Robinson – always on the lookout for a new face.”
Jack Dee (24 September 1961-)


Jerry Seinfeld performing in July 2012

“I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.”
Jerry Seinfeld (April 29, 1954-)


Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devil's Dictionary

“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”
Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devil’s Dictionary (1842-1913)


Homer Simpson

“Trying is the first step towards failure.”
“I like my beer COLD, my women HOT and my homosexuals FLAMING.”
Homer Simpson (1987-)


Laurel and Hardy in Hog Wild in 1930

“Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into.”
Oliver Hardy (1892-1957) to Stan Laurel (1890-1965)

From: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/culturepicturegalleries/9594011/30-great-one-liners.html?frame=2363267
Posted in Art, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, Photography, Politics, Religion, Social Commentary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Rongolian Star Hits 50 K Milestone

The Rongolian Star – International Publishing Giant

 By Raving Reporter DJ Pukekoski
 

When the International Hall of Fame (accidentally housed at Rongo!) finally receives enough bribes to award the Nobel Prize for “The Most Exceptional Contribution to Publishing Ever!!” The Rongolian Star will unrivalled and unequalled receive this suspicious award!

The Rongolian Embassy: Home of the Rongolian Star

A gargantuan cosmopolitan audience of 50,000 hyped gullible litterati and pseudo wannabe intellectuals have gazed in unadulterated crazed admiration at the literary brilliance of the MENSA life peers employed by The Rongolian Star as journalists, writers, authors, investigative sleuths, comedians and raconteurs!! Shamefully enhanced by subtle mammarian imagery, the spectacular photography of inspired genii and suitably embellished by poignant and significant works of art yet to be discovered outside Karamea, The Ronglian Star is daily; avariciously visually and mentally engorged in over 112 countries worlds wide!!!

A Raving Rongolian Star Reporter

Gratitude for the incredibly hard work required to receive this Nobel Prize will be to the credit of the incredibly complex myriad of  Rongolian Star IT support staff, hi tech computer boffins, caffeine induced critiques, Rongolian Star publishing team, editors, sub editors, DJ Crap, Rongo Trojan Super Soldier The Big Man, DJ Pukeko and most importantly of all Rongo Icon SuperMoo The Karamea Wonder Dog!

Super Moo the Karamea Wonder Dog

All Hail Ceaser’s Salad!!!!

P.S. Incredibly and pathetically there has only been one view from Guadeloupe in the entire publishing history of  The Rongolian Star! Ok, so there are no computers and no internet access in Guadeloupe, Government Thought Police cruelly control the populace and Guadeloupe President IRA Dick Tator is dyslexic and his mother in law is expecting his child!! So fucking what??? There is nothing more important to the education of all Guadeloopians to read, digest and cogitate on the excessive ramblings and nonsense contained within The Rongolian Star!!

Guadeloupe President IRA Dick Tator and his Mother-in-Law

Approved for publication By Order in Council and Rongolian El Presidente for Life:

Senor Palo Murrio!!!!   Arf arf!

Rongolian El Presidente for Life: Senor Palo Murrio

Posted in Advertising, Art, Business, Economics, Education, Environment, Funny, Hilarious, Historical, Humor, Humour, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, New Zealand, Peace, Permaculture, Photography, Politics, Religion, Satire, Social Commentary, SuperMoo the KarameaWonderDog, Travel, Uncategorized, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Farewell Emmanuelle

Off the Top of my Head

By Paul Murray
 

Eulogy to Sylvia Kristel

The radiant light finally left the incredible eyes of 70s starlet Sylvia Kristel, who was known best for her starring role in the French soft-porn series “Emmanuelle.”

An enthusiastic smoker of unfiltered cigarettes since her early teens and, later in life, experimented with smoking through orifices other than her mouth (see “Emmanuelle” 1974 the first film in the Emmanuelle series), Kristel succumbed to throat and lung cancer and died on October 17, 2012.

She approached cocaine similarly and developed quite an expensive habit that led her to make some rather poor business decisions, including the sale of her interest in the film “Private Lessons,” which went on to gross $26 million in the United States alone.

Kristel loved cocaine like she loved smoking and shagging and once said, cocaine is like a “super-vitamin, a very fashionable substance, without danger, but expensive, far more exciting than drowning in alcohol – a fuel necessary to stay in the swing.”

No one has ever quite matched her exquisite talent at looking fantastic half naked on rattan furniture.

Posted in Art, Erotica, Fashion, Historical, Movie Review, Obituary, Photography, Social Commentary, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape #17

The  Karamea Ministry of Red Tape

A New Zealand Government Department authorised by a covertly fictitious and rhetorically ambiguous Act of Parliament and compounded by a tacitly implied Royal Approval to receive Official Complaints.
 

Office Manager:    Red Scarlett

Red Scarlett

Senior Complaints Officer:     Comrade Joseph Stalin

 

Office Receptionist:     Barak O’Banana

Barak O’Banana

Office Executioner:    Gitt Romney

Gitt Romney

Office Rats:     Jaws, Pete Piranha, Cannibal Joe, Mack the Knife

Cannibal Joe

Mack the Knife

Tea Lady:     Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom

Karamea Ministry of  Red Tape Office, Market Cross, Karamea

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape


Staff Training Conference 8.30 a.m. Monday November 5th

Red Scarlett:  Staff!!! Attention!!! In the interests of staff training we need to re-educate everyone in Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Official Protocols and Procedures!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Yawning!!!!

Red Scarlett:  Joe! Wake up! This is very important!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Da! Still yawning!!!!

Red Scarlett:    “Protocol 7. No person making an Official Complaint who exceeds one hundred years of age is to be executed without verbal permission from one or more living great grandparents!”

 

Barak O’Banana:     Fairly restrictive legislation eh what!

 

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Indeed we needing be innovative, flexible and imaginative to overcome such harsh regulatory obstructioning!

Red Scarlett:  “Protocol 11. Any person of English heritage is subject to summary execution upon the placement of any Official Complaint no matter how trivial!”

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom: Whinging bloody Poms!!

Red Scarlett:  Indeed! Priority 1.

Red Scarlett:   “Protocol 15. Methodology of execution! In order of staff merit points!

  1. Pistol shot in the left cornea – 100 points!
  2. Decapitation by Karamea Ministry of Red Tape office
    guillotine – 175 points!
  3. Eaten alive by ferocious office rats – 250 points!
  4. Genital electrocution by 500,000 volt Taser –400 points!
  5. Consumption of Special Coffee – 500 points!

Comrade Joseph Stalin: What if Official Complaining is blinding in left eye, has such  big head that won’t fitting neatly and snugly into our office guillotine, is so repulsing our office rats needing psychological counselling after good snacking, has no balls, and allerging to coffee!

Red Scarlett:     Mmmmmm! Point taken Joe!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   What if the Official Complaining is also over one hundred years of age and we can’t finding a living great grandparent to give verballing?

Red Scarlett:   Yes indeed Comrade! An interesting hypothetical scenario!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:    What if a really hot young English rose walking into Karamea Ministry of Red Tape toplessing to make Official Complaining?

Red Scarlett:     What if I castrate you with my toenail clippers?!?

Comrade Joseph Stalin:     What if I just shutting up?!?

Red Scarlett:   Right troops! Listen up! The Karamea Ministry of Red Tape is way behind in its monthly body count quota! Today is Massacre Monday!!!!

 Comrade Joseph Stalin:    Alrighting!!!!

Gitt Romney:     Baaaaa!!!  Yo!!!

Barak O’Banana:   Out….a….sight!!!

Office Rats:    Gobble gobble gobble!!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Cup of tea???

Karamea Ministry of Red Tape Offices 9 a.m.

Johnathon Winespur:    Ah hello…….

 

KABOOM!!!

Red Scarlett:  Excuse me young lady!!! What about following Official Protocols and Procedures?? We need to establish whether any visitor to the offices of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape is actually going to file an Official Complaint, then we need to extort a suitably outrageous fee, then the prescribed methodology of execution needs to be determined by throwing a dart at our office Horror Scope!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:    Pardon me sir, but his overt body language told me that he had an English father, was about to make a frivolous Official Complaint, that he was a penniless bankrupt and I don’t need to throw a dart at a silly Horror Scope to take away the pure undefiled joy of watching his right cornea implode into his cranial cavity!!!!

Red Scarlett:  Ai Caramba!!! The Official Manual says “ Left cornea!!!!!”

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom :    Oops!!!!

Red Scarlett:  Now look here comes another potential Official Complainant. This time I want you to exercise some diplomacy, tact and discretion!!!

Michael Ridiculous:    Ah….

Kaboom!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:    Yowser!!!!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Bolshoe Krasny Kapusta!!!  Nice shooting Millie!

 

Red Scarlett:   Please!!!! Dear God!!!!

Kaboom!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:     He was still twitching!!!

Red Scarlett:   Give me that bloody pistol!!!You are the bloody tea lady!! You’re not bloody authorised to execute bloody Official Complainants!!!!

 

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:    Boo hoo hoo!

Red Scarlett:  What the bloody heck are you crying about??

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:  You shouted at me!! You’ve hurt my feelings!!!

Red Scarlett:     Ring a bloody doctor!!  I need to have bloody nervous breakdown!!!!

Albert GrossBurger:   Goot morning!  I vish to make ze Official Complaint!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:    Do you having any one of English parents??

Albert Grossburger:     Nein!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:     RATS!!!!

Jaws, Pete Piranha, Cannibal Joe, Mack the Knife:   GOBBLE Aaagghh!!  Aaagghh!!! Aaagghhh!!GOBBLE GOBBLE Aaaaaaghh…….

Jaws

Pete Piranha

Beep Beep  

Gitt Romney:   Baaaa!!!Yes Boss!

Red Scarlett:    Red Alert!!  I need you to dispose of two bodies, twenty seven teeth and one bloated over gorged rat! Pronto!

Beep Beep

Red Scarlett:   Yes!!!

Barak O’Banana:   Constable Paddy Locks of the Karamea Police is at the front counter on official business!!!

Red Scarlett:   Good morning Constable! Look we are rather busy could you please come back next year!!

Constable Paddy Locks:  This will only take a minute!!

 

Red Scarlett:  Gulp!! Do I need a lawyer??

Constable Paddy Locks:  No of course not. Now look here this is a New Zealand Police Official Missing Persons Report. Can you please circulate this amongst your staff and see if they know anything about these persons whereabouts!

Red Scarlett:   Whew!!  I mean of course….my pleasure…I mean…my duty!!

Constable Paddy Locks:  Top o’ t’ morning to ya!

Red Scarlett:  Ok Men, Rats, Millie! Please peruse this Police Missing Persons Report at your leisure preferably outside office hours and see if you can positively identify anyone in these photos!

Comrade Joseph Stalin: Wondering what happened to poor suckers!!

 

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Oh such an extraordinary number of missing persons for a town like Karamea with a population of only 650!

Barak O’Banana:   Perhaps we should send out the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape “Search and Destroy Squad” to hunt them down!

Red Scarlett:  Ok ok!! Cut the humour!! These people are all previous visitors to the offices of the  Karamea Ministry of Red Tape to make an Official Complaint!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Look at that one! What shifty eyes!!

Barak O’Banana:   Yes and such a high forehead!!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Having really hairy nostrils!!!!

Red Scarlett:  Very funny!!  That is Constable Paddy Locks’ Official Police ID photo on his letterhead!!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:  Him having English mother!! Aaaggghhh!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   He drinks coffee!!!Aaagghhh!!!

Barak O’Banana:   He’s got no testicles!!  Aaaagghhhhh!!!!

Gitt Romney:  Baaaa!!!  His head would fit nicely into our office guillotine!

 

Comrade Joseph Stalin:   Constable Locks’ a one eyed Cantabrian!!Aaaghh!

Red Scarlett:   Millie did you put too much sugar in everyone’s tea this morning??

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Most certainly not!! I found a small bottle of sugar substitute in the bottom drawer of your office desk!!!

Red Scarlett:   Noooooo!!! That ..is..ah..um…my. my..medication!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:  Strange! The bottle said “To be taken nasally!!!

Red Scarlett:   Ah … um.. yes.. for my..my… sinuses!!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Yo!!!! Whoa!!!!

Barak O’Banana:      Yeah like crazy!!!!

Comrade Joseph Stalin:     Yowzering!!!!

Gitt Romney:    Baaaaaa!!!! Hey wow!  Look!  The Karamea Area School pogo stick team cheerleaders!!!

Red Scarlett:    Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa!!!

Red Scarlett: Nooooooo!!! You silly bitch!!! Where did you get that machine gun from!! Stop shooting!!!!

Aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa aaa!!!

Miss Millicent Hyacinth Rosebloom:   Yeee…haah!!!!!!!

Ring Ring

Red Scarlett:  Fuck Off!!!!

Constable Paddy Locks:  Begging your pardon Miss Scarlett!!!!

 

Red Scarlett:    Lock me up and throw away the bloody key!!!

Constable Paddy Locks: Ah to be sure!! I am proud to inform you that the Vienna Boys’ Choirrr are singing tonight in the Karamea Rrreturned Services lounge!

Red Scarlett:   So fucking what?????

 

Constable Paddy Locks:   As part of their Overseas Experience I am sending them along the road to visit the offices of the  Karamea Ministry of Red Tape!!!

 

Red Scarlett:    Nooooooo!!!!  Aaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Constable Paddy Locks:   Wow!!!!!  B minor in C flat!!

Bertram Worthington Esquire:   Excuse me!!!!

Red Scarlett: Yes sir!!

Bertram Worthington Esquire:   I am Bertram Worthington Esquire the New Zealand Government Departmental Inspector and I am here to make serious inquiry into the auspices of this office!!!!

Red Scarlett:   Ha ha! Oh bother!

Comrade Joseph  Stalin:     Shall I shooting him Boss?

Bertram Worthington Esquire:    I beg your pardon young man!!

Red Scarlett:    An in house joke!! Ha ha ha! Please step into my office!!

Bertram Worthington:    I can find no official acknowledgment of the existence of this New Zealand Government Department anywhere in my Official Catalogue!!!

Red Scarlett:  Er.. well.. I.. can.. explain!!!

Bertram Worthington Esquire:    Good!!  I have all day!!!

Red Scarlett:   Do sit down and have a special coffee!!!

Bertram Worthington Esquire:  Thank you very much!!! S..l..u..r..p!!!!

Red Scarlett:  Sugar????

Bertram Worthington Esquire:  Why all the bullet holes in your office desk??

Red Scarlett:  You wouldn’t believe it …. but……

Bertram Worthington Esquire:  Why does this coffee taste so………..

Beep Beep

Barak O’Banana:   Trouble at Mill Boss???

Red Scarlett:  Mmm! Mr Bertram Worthington Esquire seems to be taking a rather long nap! Do you think you could feed him to the office guard dogs???

Barak O’Banana:   Did you check his pockets for Whittakers Extra Cacao Chocolate????

Red Scarlett:     Scrumch! Scrumch! Yes indeed!!!  Found some flavoured chewing gum too!  Durex Mentos!

Posted in Art, Economics, Education, Erotica, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Karamea, New Zealand, Photography, Politics, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, Weird, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Obama vs Romney: Shit’s Gettin’ REAL!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Economics, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Money, Parody, Politics, Religion, Satire, Social Commentary, Uncategorized, United States, Weird | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

World Famous Rongo Heaphy & Pot-Luck Feasts

Off the Top of my Head:

By Paul Murray
 

One of the main objectives of the LivinginPeace Project is to provide all our people and our guests with meals made from freshly harvested, locally grown, organic, healthy, nutritious and delicious food grown on our permaculture farm.

LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm (Circa 2009)

LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm: Preparing Spring Garden Beds

We currently offer the Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast at Rongo, which is very popular with trampers or mountain bikers finishing the Heaphy Track, many of who have been eating dehydrated, desiccated, just-add-water “meals” for several days and are hungry for wholesome, fresh, green vegetables, succulent meats and luxurious desserts…so we provide a banquet of such food…the best feed in town for only $25 per person!

Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast: Wholesome, Fresh, Locally Grown, Organic, Healthy, Nutritious and Delicious food from the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

By growing the food to feed our guests, we make a significant reduction in the amount of energy required to provide meals to people visiting Karamea…we reduce the food transport miles, improve the freshness and taste of the meals, reduce the production cost of the food and vastly improve the quality of the repast as the food is fresher, organic, enzymatically charged, nutrient rich and healthy.

Making Compost on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

We are able to offer such top quality meals for such a low price as we grow the food ourselves, which dramatically reduces the cost of putting meals on the table in front of hungry people. The primary producer also gets paid as he can deliver his produce straight to the market, without wholesalers and retail merchants clipping the ticket on the way from farm to consumer, who in turn, pays less for quality produce.

The return to the growers is also much better without middle-men adding to the cost of the end product…and we are able to value-add the farm produce by turning it into meals instead of selling it to a wholesale market. Take, for example, a pumpkin. If we sell the pumpkin to the wholesaler, you might get $5. However, if we take that pumpkin and turn it into 10 bowls of pumpkin soup and sell it for $5 per bowl, the return on the pumpkin is $50 instead of $5 and we can provide an excellent meal for a reasonable price and a good service to pour guests in the process…wins all round.

Mi-Chan Happy LivinginPeace Project Master Chef

For the chef, it is also a win as the food is fresher and of top quality…any chef will tell you, if you start with top quality food, their job is easier. The challenge for our chefs is to take the food we have available and turn it into top-quality meals. The LivinginPeace Project aims to produce meals with a no-waste model, so we prepare enough meals to provide for the number of guests we have staying with us. We know how many people we are going to feed on any given day, we know how much food to harvest and any food scraps, or leftover food is immediately composted and eventually goes back into the gardens to improve the soil fertility and produce more vegetables, fruit, fresh herbs, eggs and meat.

Garden Potatoes and Fresh Rosemary from the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Karamea has a superb climate for growing a wide range of fruit and vegetables outdoors all year-round. The region is blessed with plentiful sunshine, plenty of rain and rich, deep fertile alluvial soil. The climate is mild, we rarely get as frost and can grow bananas, fejoas, tamarillos and  here as well as cooler climate fruits like blueberries and apples.

Winter Produce from the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Happy Customers with Full Stomachs

Pot-Luck dinners are slightly different in that we ask everyone staying with us as guests to make their signature dish…we always crank up the competition among the different nationalities of guests by saying things like, “Well, I really love Italian food, but  think Greek food is even better.” Or, “Japanese food is amazing, but I love Korean food much more.” Such statements ensure the best quality dishes from around the world as everyone is quite proud of their national cuisine…except English people, who are culturally conditioned to eat over-cooked, nutritionally bereft, grey dishes made from boiling the Christ out of anything.

Rongo Pot-Luck Dinners are started in the morning by putting the sign out by the kitchen…and starting the agitation about who has the best international cuisine.

Pot-Luck at Rongo Tonight…Get Your Cooking ON!

At Rongo, we have a pot-luch dinner at least once a week…Rongo is world famous for such dinners and they are VERY popular with the wwoofers and guest alike.

Royal Wedding Theme Pot-Luck Dinner ay Rongo

Rongo Pot-Luck Dinners are Particularly Popular with the Ladies

Karamea is also very fortunate to have an excellent butcher in Karamea. Karaka SmallGoods produce a fantastic array of gourmet sausages, salamis, bacon, hamburgers and all cuts of meat. We purchase locally made produce from Karaka and use it to make meals for our customers. We also purchase locally grown organic food from other Karamea farmers, which helps the local economy.

“Moo” dreaming about fresh locally grown organic lamb

Karamea Gothic: A Bit of Humour on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Harvesting Potatoes on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Tending the Potatoes on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Sheepwork on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast at Rongo: http://www.rongobackpackers.com

French Wwoofer MiMi with a Future Lamb Roast

Locally Made Rongo Burgers

Japanese Cuisine from Locally Caught Fish

Pizza Made From Karamea Karaka Salami

Tonight: TROUT!

Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast: Great food for Young and Old

Winter Brassicas in the Greenhouse on the LivinginPeace project Permaculture Farm

Raw Food Scraps go into the Worm Farm on the LivinginPeace Project Permaculture Farm

Come and Join us for a Heaphy Conqueror’s Feast or a Rongo Pot-Luck Dinner

But…Don’t Eat Too Much!

Posted in Advertising, Agriculture, Art, Business, Economics, Education, Environment, Heaphy Track, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, LivinginPeace Project, Money, Moo, MTB, New Zealand, Peace, Permaculture, Photography, Social Commentary, SuperMoo the KarameaWonderDog, Tramping, Travel, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments