Hike and Bike Karamea: Wild, Wild West Coast Adventure

Posted on September 13, 2011 by LivinginPeaceProject

Hiking and Biking Trails in the Karamea District!

Come to Karamea, West Coast, New Zealand and steal some magical memories your grandchildren might listen to for about 20 seconds in between FaceBook chat!

  • The Heaphy Track.   New Zealand’s “Ultimate Trek” through spectacular Wild West Coast flora.  Bike and Hike 



    •  The Heaphy Track is New Zealand’s Ultimate Trek through rugged West Coast terrain, spectacular flora, clear mountain streams, and unique wildlife. Afterwards treat yourself to the “Heaphy Conquerors Feast” at Rongo… A snack?? Mais Non! A meal? Hah! Dinner?? Nyet tovarisha!!  A FEAST!!!

"Heaphy Conqueror's Feast" only at: http://www.rongobackpackers.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Distance:   82 kms

Duration:  3- 5 days hiking, 2-3 days biking.

Facilities:  Department of Conservation huts at 7 locations along the track, including three shelters. Telephones at Brown Hut northern entrance and Kohaihai Shelter southern entrance! Emergency Radio telephone at Lewis hut! DOC staff huts at Perry Saddle, James McKay Hut and Heaphy Hut!

Hut Fees: $30.60 Adults and children/youths 5-17 FREE!!

Camp Site Fees:  $12 Adults and children/youths 5-17 FREE!!

Route/Directions:   Purchase a map from the Department of Conservation Information Centre. Heaphy Track brochures also available.

Requirements:   Full tramping kit including woolly hat, wind and water proof jacket with hood, torch, matches and sensible scrogging food!

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• Mt. Stormy: Climb the Sleeping Warrior!   Stand atop the peak and breathe in the cool fresh air!   Phenomenal vistas of the coast line and bush!  Hike

Atop Mount Stormy

Atop Mount Stormy

  • Mount Stormy       Hike

Mount Stormy is a mountain climb that provides panoramic vistas of the Tasman Sea, West Coast shoreline and amazing native bush. The exhilaration of completing this challenge and reaching the top will be the achievement of a life time. Are you tough enough to scramble the RAZORBACK !! SuperMoo even stopped here to dance a jig!!

Start Location   :   Mt . Stormy car park 10 kms from Rongo on Arapito Road.
Duration   :  3-4 hour climb.

Direction/ Route   :  Follow the signposts and track markers.

Requirements : Take a day pack, food, water bottle, wind and water proof jacket, woolly hat and  good quality hiking boots.

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 • Opapara Arch.   Largest in the Southern Hemisphere! Prehistoric caves with curious limestone stalactites and stalacmites dating from the Oligocene-Miocene  Age! If you dare, enter the Box Canyon and Crazy Paving Caves. Dark and scary! Check your life insurance!  Bike and Hike

Oparara Arch: http://www.oparara.co.nz (photo by Sean Coleman)

  • Opapara Arch       Hike and Bike

The largest arch in the southern hemisphere! A prehistoric grotto of gigantasauros proportions. The site of the last recorded Taniwha attack! Human remains testify to the savagery and rapacious appetite of this voracious predator!! Please keep an eye on children!!

Prehistoric Crazy Paving and Box Canyon Caves within minutes of the Opapara Basin Car Park.

Distance   :   22kms from Karamea

Duration   :  Bike 2 hours, walk 3 hours.

Facilities   :  Opapara Basin carpark. Shelter and picnic tables, toilets and Department of Conservations information signage on history and prehistory of the Opapara Basin.

Route/Directions   :   Department of Conservation signposts to Opapara Arch and caves.

Requirements : Ultra Lite Track Sprint Shoes, Emergency Pack of 15 x blood transfusions, ability to survive with just your Adam’s Apple intact, Prepaid consult with Doctor Frankensteinway, sense of humour in the face of THE MACABRE!!! Don’t forget your camera, video camera and three forms of inedible identification!

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• Karamea Gorge Track – Greys Hut. Complete solitude. No Facebook!
Wander into the dark mysterious primordial bush and leave civilisation on another planet!  Hike

Karamea Gorge

  • Karamea Gorge – Greys Hut       Hike

Complete solitude! No Face Book allowed!!! Get lost from all civilisation and experience real freedom!

Distance  :    Entrance to Karamea Gorge Track 10 km up Umere Road. A route track only. High level of fitness required. Entrance to track on right just across Virgin Creek. Phenomenal trout fishing for the fly enthusiast all along the Karamea River!

Time   :   6 hours to Greys Hut

Facilities   :  Greys Hut Free!! Bunks and fireplace. No gas bottle!

Sit by the fire on a moonlit night and listen to the haunting calls of the mysterious morepork on a dark still clear night. M..O..R..e..p..o..r..k!!! Obviously not part of a kosher diet!!

Requirements :  Full tramping kit, wind and water proof jacket, enough high energy food to last three days, matches, torch, candles and a good book to read!!

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  •  Karamea Fishing Trail

Kahawai so huge, you need a Sikorsky helicopter just for your bait bag!
Trout so succulent that Karamea’s graveyard is full of the vanquished from pistol duels fought over prime Karamea fishing spots! Snapper so ginormous that Tiger Sharks flee in terror! Eels so slimy and deceitful that any self respecting politician would feel extremely proud to call Amigo! Even the disciples would have caught enough to feed the hungry!!

 Karamea Fishing Trail –  Bike and Hike

Kahawai, Snapper, Brown Trout, Sea Run Trout, Eels, Red Cod, Whitebait. Even the odd coelacanth!!

HUGE!

MONSTROUS!

EASY TO CATCH!!  Even God who can’t use a 1 iron, could catch a lion sized mackerel to keep Her Celestial Indoors happy!!

A FISHERMAN’S HEAVEN ON EARTH!!  Flagstaff Beach, Karamea River Mouth, Mossy Burn, Wangapeka River, Opapara River, Little Wanganui River and Beach, Extra Virgin Creek! Explore the myriad of small creeks for those crafty lurking kura, eels and trout.

Distance : Who knows!

Duration :  Who cares?!

Requirements :  Fishing Gear, Ravenous appetite and enough frail elderly grandmothers to give you  at least a months paid leave. Rongo has grannies for hire. Please do not feed!


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An INCREDIBLY Busy Day for Jesus

Posted on September 12, 2011 by LivinginPeaceProject

Pirate Jesus

Abstaining Jesus

Iggy Jesus

Goalie Jesus

Comedian Jesus

Republican Jesus

Animal Psychologist Jesus

Whacked Jesus

Philisopical Jesus

Chaste Jesus

Entomological Jesus

Frugal Jesus

Captain Jesus

Playboy Jesus

Disagreeable Jesus

Terminator Jesus

Hipster Jesus

Electric Jesus

Showboat Jesus

Horny Jesus

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The World is Your Canvas – Karamea’s Rongo Backpackers Where Self-Sufficiency Meets Creativity

Posted on September 12, 2011 by LivinginPeaceProject
Reprinted from the world’s Happiest Magazine: HappyZine: http://www.happyzine.co.nz
 
Article by By Kathleen Anderson Freelance Writer

Paul Murray is a self-realized artist.  He has invested his whole life and soul in his current work: The LivinginPeace Project, which aims to combine the elements of; art, travel, education and permaculture into an environmentally, socially and economically sustainable business.

Most people may identify Paul as the amiable man behind the reception desk at Rongo Backpackers & Gallery, or the handyman around the Karamea Farm Baches.  However, when delving deeper to discover the intricate web of inter-relationships that embody the LivinginPeace Project, one realizes Paul is not any ordinary artist.  He is an artist who believes life is his canvas. The project thrives on exactly this idea, that we are all artists, interdependent on one another and Earth, and our lives are our current works of art.

Paul grew up on Kangaroo Island in Australia where he says, “whether real or perceived, there were certain expectations of who I was as a person.” Feeling pigeonholed and unsure of his own identity, Paul moved to Tokyo where he was thrown into a foreign culture and a whirl of thirty-three million people he didn’t know.  Ten years living in Tokyo and travelling the world created Paul’s mantra on travel: “international travel is the best means of self-education.”  Travelling allows one to actively gain valuable experience, while tourism is an entirely different endeavour where one only pursues places to check them off the list, not to form new relationships with others and yourself.  At Rongo, guestomers (guests+customers) and woofers (Willing Workers on Organic Farms) find a space asking you to indulge in your own self-education in any manner you can imagine.  Rongo is exploding with self-expression from individuals who have come from all over the world to experience the place. The positive messages on the Visitor’s Wall, the colors of the building, and the infinitely different styles of art on the walls illustrate the open and creative aura surrounding Rongo.

While Rongo’s free-spirited existence exudes an attitude pivotal to the understanding of the LivinginPeace Project, this is only one facet of the project.  In fact, the reason this art project is the most unique to Paul’s portfolio is because it has no end.  Paul has always found himself incredibly motivated to make change, but once that larger change takes place, the goal has been achieved, and movement begins to plane, he loses interest.  With the LivinginPeace Project, “there is always movement forward.  It has no end.”

The project began six and a half years ago when Paul bought property in Karamea and wanted to create a place where artists could live and create, free from the shackles of societies expectations.  In this pursuit, he discovered there must be concurrent focuses because, for example, the artists must eat.  They must have water to shower and do laundry.  “We also need to recognize we are part of something else,” Paul says.  The LivinginPeace Project thrives because it recognizes and embraces that we are all part of something bigger.  It creates a model ecosystem in which the Earth and its inhabitants rely upon one another and give back to one another, a simple equation which has been lost, forgotten, or complicated beyond understanding in places around the world.

“We learn by teaching others,” Paul states.  Self-sufficiency is overlooked in the world today and, on a very basic level, the project also strives to teach people how to live sustainably.  Rongo is set up to teach people how to live sustainably and people are trusted to pursue this type of lifestyle.  The hostel is run by volunteers, and Paul believes this is an essential piece to Rongo’s success.  Woofers are not told exactly, for example, how to clean the rooms after guestomers leave or given an in-depth guide to checking guestomers in.  Instead, they teach one another as new woofers arrive and depart, passing on what they learned to the next Rongolians. “Responsibility and trust makes you work bloody hard,” says Paul.

Rongolians, the name given to the inhabitants of Rongo, are encouraged to speak first, think for themselves, and take action.  If you see a wall, paint it.  If there’s a garden bed in need, tend to it.  If the vacuum bag is full, empty it.  Not only does work get accomplished, but it is accomplished with unique flavor and flare.  A goal is set but how you go about achieving that goal is up to you. “It is not necessary to tell an intelligent young individual how to mop the floor.  We try to let people find their own way,” says Paul.  “They usually find a way far better than mine.”

Although The LivinginPeace Project has surmounted numerous seemingly unconquerable obstacles, it will always be a work in progress.  It strives to be self-sufficient one day but it is far from achieving that today.  Paul has purchased eighty acres of land around Karamea to offset the carbon emissions of travellers.  A permaculture farm is taking rapid shape.  The LivinginPeace Project will forever encounter new obstacles and Paul admits there are discouraging moments, but when these arise, he comes back to the Visitor’s Wall, which is covered in messages and drawings telling the stories of past experiences of volunteers and guests at Rongo.  Hundreds of inspired words slink along the walls as a positive reminder of the impact of the project.  Paul hopes, if anything, that “people walk away a bit taller.” And past woofers and guestomers have made it clear that they experience tremendous personal growth.  One individual, who arrived last year and ended up staying for six months, recently wrote Paul saying, “Last year [while staying at Rongo] was one of the single most enjoyable times of my life.”

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Posted in Agriculture, Art, Australia, Business, Economics, Education, Environment, Heaphy Track, Japan, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, Karamea Radio, LivinginPeace Project, Media, New Zealand, Oparara, Peace, Permaculture, Photography, Product review, Social Commentary, SuperMoo the KarameaWonderDog, Sustainablity, Travel, Uncategorized, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

There’s More to the West Coast than Dairy

Posted on September 9, 2011 by LivinginPeaceProject

The Press August 21, 2008


Off the Top of my Head

By Paul Murray
 

The use of sodium monofluoroacetate (1080) by the Animal Health Board (AHB) on the West Coast is indeed a contentious and emotive issue and one that has attracted a lot of media attention recently. The issue’s newsworthiness results from the groundswell of public opposition to the broad-scale, indiscriminate aerial distribution of the poison over large areas of the West Coast in the service of killing possums to help eradicate bovine tuberculosis.

However, it is important to remember that there are many strings to the West Coast’s economic bow. These include dairy farming and tourism, both of which are pillars of the West Coast economy. Unfortunately, tourism operators have been largely ignored by the AHB’s single-minded approach to Tb eradication on the Coast.

In the recent aerial 1080 operation on the West Coast, tourism operators were not even considered “affected parties” by the AHB or pest-control contractor EPRO Ltd. Attempts to inform the community, or tourism operators of their daily schedules, including the temporary closure of tracks and some tourist attractions, were woefully inadequate.

In 2007, a comprehensive study of the Karamea community revealed that 90% of residents listed the environment as their principal motivation for choosing to live in this remote, but idyllic and scenically stunning, West Coast region. I believe that most West Coast residents share this sentiment.

A local petition circulated by community action group Karameans Advocating Kahurangi Action (KAKA) revealed that over 40% of local residents vehemently opposed the aerial distribution of 1080 in our backyard. A West Coast-wide petition, currently in circulation, is indicating similar results. Opposition to aerial distribution of 1080 on the Coast is widespread and significant. It can hardly be a surprise to the proponents of 1080 that there is significant protest and passionate opposition to the programme.

The 1080 aerial programme has a major negative impact on the Coast region in terms of tourism and may endanger visitors to the Coast. We also have to cope with a poisoned environment for the next six months and suffer the stigma of skull and crossbones signs in place at all public places warning people of the dangers of 1080 to humans and animals. We cannot walk our dogs and residents and visitors must keep a constant vigil on their children to ensure they are not poisoned.

To suggest, as Chairwoman of Tb Free West Coast Helen Lash did in an article headlined “Coast Needs 1080 Use” in The Press on July 31, 2008 (A9), that the entire West Coast economy would collapse if we didn’t aerially dump poison all over the forest in an attempt to control bovine Tb totally ignores the critical role of hard-working tourism, mining, fishing and other non-dairy based business operators in sustaining and growing our local economy. Tourism operators and many others have devoted their lives, invested large amounts of money and continue to work tirelessly promote the region’s unique environment to international and domestic visitors.

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Also, to suggest that all farmers are in favour of 1080 is misleading. Many farmers, including some dairy farmers, on the Coast have refused to allow aerial 1080 operation on their properties. Some dairy farmers have also begun to question the effectiveness of 1080 aerial operations and the relative importance of possums in the transmission of Tb and some suggest that other vectors and stock-management practices may be the root cause of Tb in West Coast herds.

Ms Lash suggests that the AHB 1080 programme is to “protect the Coast from any possibility of any future trade or export restrictions in the farming sector due to Tb infection.” What trade or export restrictions does she refer to? Many countries have Tb infestation rates far in excess of New Zealand and the World Animal Health Organisation has removed Tb as a barrier to regulated trade. While this doesn’t suggest that Tb control is no longer important, it does suggest that a complete review of the AHB approach to the problem is necessary.

A far greater threat to trade and export is the potential for our agricultural exports to be contaminated with 1080 residue and our Clean/Green/100%Pure New Zealand image tarnished by the continued broad-scale, indiscriminate use of a toxin so dangerous it is banned in most countries. The continued use of 1080 will inevitably jeopardise New Zealand’s international image as a tourist destination and producer of quality primary food products.

The AHB is an incorporated society; a Government established and funded quango that is not answerable to the Ombudsman nor subject to the Official Information Act.

It appears to be accountable only to the Minister of Agriculture and Fisheries (Jim Anderton). UnitedFuture leader Peter Dunne summarised the situation well in a recent press release when he wrote, “I know no other publicly funded industry in New Zealand that has such a blatant disregard for community transparency. DOC, the AHB and the poison contractors should therefore not act surprised that public perception has turned against them.”

Both the Minister for Agriculture and the Minister for Finance are shareholders in the government company that makes the 1080 baits. (***Appendix 1) Given these connections, and the legislated protections and financial resources the AHB enjoys, is it any wonder that an increasing body of people are dubious about the accuracy of AHB reports, want independent monitoring of its activities and stronger oversight by Government. Peter Dunne again said it well; “It is crazy that those whose commercial interests lie in the persistence of the status quo are the same people left to assess the effectiveness and future viability of Government policy regarding 1080.”

No responsible anti-1080 campaigners are suggesting that we shouldn’t control possums, or that we should make no attempt to contain and eradicate bovine Tb. Let’s make sure that the solution addresses the problem. Let’s also make sure that the process of looking after the farmers doesn’t contravene the rights of other stakeholders, harm our environment unnecessarily, decimate our native birds, pollute our waterways, poison the land and limit the legacy we have to offer our children.

What is urgently required is a roundtable with all stakeholders to get together and work out genuinely Clean/Green and 100%Pure solutions to the problem of pest-control and bovine Tb, so that we can all go about our respective businesses and confidently promote our country and our primary products to the world market with confidence and pride.

****KAKA is a community action group formed in 2007 in Karamea to represent local people concerned about of aerial 1080 programme on the West Coast of the South Island and to campaign for genuinely Clean Green/100%Pure alternatives to aerial 1080. ****

Paul Murray

Karamea Tourism Operator and Media Spokesperson for (KAKA)

Appendix 1 ***

•    Animal Control Products Ltd – www.pestoff.co.nz

Crown Ownership Monitoring Unit (COMU) – www.comu.govt.nz/shareholders.html

 

 

 

 

Posted in 1080, Agriculture, Buller District Council, Department of Conservation, DOC, Environment, Historical, Kahurangi National Park, Karamea, Media, Money, New Zealand, Social Commentary, Sustainablity, Travel, West Coast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Near the 7th B/Day of 107.5 FM we Recall the 1st

Posted on September 9, 2011 by LivinginPeaceProject

Off the Top of my Head: Karamea Radio 1-Year Anniversary

By Paul Murray
 

Luke Hurley Live on Karamea Radio 107.5 FM in 2004

September 26, 2004 marks the first anniversary of Karamea Radio 107.5 FM, which means the community radio has been broadcasting non-stop (bar a few technical hiccups and the odd power outage) for more than 8,760 hours.

From its humble beginnings at James and Raramai’s “Old Bike Shop” building on Bridge Street to its current location in the old ambulance bay behind Rongo Backpackers & Gallery on Waverley Street, the radio station–and the people who run it–have overcome poverty, equipment failure, technical ineptitude and finite musical archives to continuously transmit an eclectic range of fabulous audio entertainment for the Karamea community.

Craig Stenhouse, James Rae and Stu Mollison were the instigators of the radio station and their vision for the station was realised through their passion for the idea, a lot of hard work and the generosity of the Karamea community, who donated money to purchase a transmitter as well as much of the music and station equipment we still use today. Special mention must be made of the contribution made by Cab in Little Wanganui, who provided a 25-stack CD player, which enables us to play at random 25 different CDs repeatedly all night until the morning DJ arrived to change the tunes. Judith and Norman Stopforth donated many fabulous old records, as did Peter Churchill and Tex Franken and Brian Thomson took the station to a new level with the donation of a laptop computer to store and play the station’s extensive library of music.

Operation of the radio station equipment is surprisingly easy and after some simple instructions, aspiring DJs can begin broadcasting their own material and soon become masters of the decks. Many locals have risen to the Karamea Radio challenge and come down to do their own shows. Tjalve Mollison-Sjoberg, alias DJ-T, plays music every week as well as occasionally reading the news on air. His father Stu has a huge collection of classic records and CDs and is a consummate purveyor of alternative, forgotten and rare tunes. Jethro Davidson-Linnaker occasionally drops in to play narrated children’s stories on air and Cody Wilkinson, Callum Moynihan, Dave Bateman, Simon Vos, Matthew McNabb, Leila and Willis MacBeth, along with the Rongo Crew of Sage, Brian, DJ Crap, Mette, Cath and Tristan are regular performers on Karamea Radio.

Last December, Sylvia Raikes and Alysha Harmon led us into the festive season with Christmas music from around the world and read out lists of good deeds done by Karameans throughout the year––a great idea that embraced the concept of community spirit and community radio.

Poet Sam Hunt and blues guitarist Paul Ubana Jones are two of the N.Z. celebrities who have dropped in to Karamea Radio to say hello to the community over the airwaves and the station also broadcast the world premiere of a German punk bands new album––the musicians just happened to stay at Rongo last summer.

Karamea Radio is non-commercial and has been established by the community for the community, there is no advertising, no sponsorship and no censorship; it is truly free radio, which is very rare in this highly regulated world. Many international visitors, Germans in particular, often comment how envious they are of our radio station and how impossible it would be to establish such a station in their country.

Backpackers staying at Rongo love the radio station and many of them have MP3 players, which allows them to carry their favourite music with them on their travels. This is a boon for Karamea Radio as guests at Rongo can plug in their MP3 gadgets and play the latest tunes from their respective countries. The ease at which MP3 flies can be copied has enabled the station to compile a huge collection of music from the world over on computer hard drive, an archive that is growing rapidly and covers a broad spectrum of musical genres.

As a result, Karamea Radio has probably one of the most contemporary and international play lists of any radio station in the world.

Karamea Radio has made great progress in its first year, but to maintain the growth, development and improvement of the station, additional equipment must be purchased. Main objectives include; boosting the broadcast output to enable more homes to receive the signal, purchase new computer equipment to store and play music, the building of a DJ booth around the equipment to minimise dust and sound interference and to allow DJs to do their thing without distraction.

There are also several building plans to make the radio station more comfortable, for example, the construction of a deck on the sunny north side of the building, painting and insulating the station and the installation of heating to make the chilly winter nights more comfortable.

Talkback radio would be made possible by connecting a phone line to the station, which could lead to Internet streaming and the ability to broadcast Karamea Radio on the Web so that people worldwide could tune in and listen to what’s playing on 107.5FM.

Radio is an excellent medium for entertainment and not too many years ago, sitting around the radio would have been the principal form of entertainment for many Karameans.

In its second year, the radio station will have regularly scheduled programmes that will enable listeners to tune into shows of interest to them whether it’s blues, jazz, rock’n’roll, funk, hip-hop, metal, talk-back, news reports, humour, story-telling, Broadway tunes, classical, Latin, world music or punk, Karamea Radio will continue to improve and grow to provide a valuable service to the Karamea Community.

So tune your radio to 107.5 FM and rip the knob off…if you haven’t already!

Karamea Radio 107.5 FM: http://www.karamearadio.com

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Homeless to be Fitted with Shells

Posted on September 9, 2011 by LivinginPeaceProject
September 8, 2011
By Rick Westwell

Homeless to be fitted with their own shell

The government is set to address the growing problem of homelessness by fitting the poor with snail-style shells as a cost-efficient and convenient home.

The shells will be fitted permanently to the home-seeker, and will provide excellent shelter in all weathers, as well as protection from predatory birds.

Government economists hope that after a small initial expenditure, the shells will solve the housing problem at a stroke by enabling the shellee to make their home wherever they happen to be standing at the end of the day.

“We’re tremendously excited,” explained housing minister Grant Shapps.“We see this as a natural extension of the council house ‘right to buy’ program of the ’80s, only with a lower barrier to entry, and shells instead of houses.”

Government tackles homelessness

Reaction from homelessness charities was cautiously optimistic.

“Once the stigma of being a shell-dweller has dissipated, we feel this could be an excellent solution,” said a spokesman.

“Few people realise how great a threat jackdaws and kestrels pose to the homeless, and this could solve the problem at a stroke.”

Industry representatives have also welcomed the scheme. The Association of Private Landlords is seeking assurances that investors will not be hindered in buying up huge swathes of empty shells as a thriving lower-end rental market begins to emerge.

There have been some suspicions that the wealthier parts of the country will not welcome a slow influx of the crustaceous poor, but councillors from the boroughs of Kensington and Chelsea denied that there was any connection to their newly-announced year-round gritting and road salting programme

Building contractors are already in negotiations to build and fit the shells including several French firms expressing interest, with one describing the scheme as a ‘tasty opportunity’.


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The Rongolian Star Issue 9: August, 2011

Posted on August 23, 2011 by LivinginPeaceProject

The Rongolian Star

Issue No. 9 August 2011
Published by Royal Decree since 1878
Rongo Backpackers, 130 Waverley Street,
Karamea, Buller, South Island, New Zealand
Telephone    00 64 3 7826 667
Web:  www.rongobackpackers.com

Peace & Art Project by Alicia and Featuring The Rongolians

Calling Rongolians World Wide….

Enter the Fantabulous Rongo Badge Competition

Mark of the Rongolian

Rongo Badge FaceBook Photo Competition

For Rongolians with Rongo Badges, please take a great photo of yourself wearing the badge somewhere in the world, in front of a recognisable landmark, with a famous person, or just in your hometown with your friends and family having a good time.

Please then join the Rongo Backpackers & Gallery FaceBook Page post the photo…the best photo will win a week’s free accommodation at the World’s Greatest Backpackers!!! www.rongobackpackers.com

Rongo FaceBook Page: https://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=52782788167

To Join the Competition: 

(To cover postage, handling, packaging and production costs and to help the LivinginPeace Project www.livinginpeace.com)

Send $NZ10 if in New Zealand, or $NZ20 if Overseas to:

Rongo Backpackers, P.O. Box 54, Karamea, 7864, NEW ZEALAND

(Include your name and postal address and we’ll send you a Rongo Badge)

Or come and stay as a guest for 4 nights and we’ll give you one!

Four consecutive nights in the same bed….
Mi-Chan
DJ Crap
Captain Callie
Mademoiselle MiMi
Little Naughty
Count Rongo
Miss Claudia (Very Much!)

Rongo Language and Cultural Exchange Programme

 

 

 

 

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Rongo Master Quiz August 2011

Posted on August 23, 2011 by LivinginPeaceProject

By Rongolian Quizmaster Samson Jesus Elijah

Quizmaster Samson Jesus Elijah

***(1st prize to the first correct entry received via e-mail to CheckmateSport@yandex.ru)***
 

A Spectacular Rimu driftwood Pianola Fortissime!

Quiz open to all earthlings!

Question 1

You are captaining the All Blacks in a game of rugby and the opposition forward pack comprises :

Loose Pead Prop:  The Most Reverend Rowan Williams. The 104th Archbishop of Canterbury

Hooker:  The Right Reverend Michael Scott-Joynt, the 96th Bishop of Winchester

Tight Head Prop:  The Right Reverend and Right Honourable Richard Chartres  the 132nd Bishop of London.

Lock:  David Albert Charles Armstrong-Jones, Viscount Linley

Lock:  John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich PC

Blindside Flanker:  Caroline Cox, The Baroness Cox FRCS FRCN

Open side Flanker:  Prince Richard, Duke of Gloucester

Number Eight: Prince William, Duke of Cambridge

What is the name of this team, where are their clubrooms, what is their motto and who is their mascot?

Question 2

Gustav Holst

Gustav Holst (1874-1934) composed orchestral music and opera. Influenced by Shakespeares Falstaff, The Holy Bible and Indian Folk Music, Gustav was also influenced by a story from a major Indian literary work. Name the work and the story!

Question 3

Harry Houdini

Harry Houdini (1874-1926) magician and escape artist amazed prison authorities and audiences in Russia, USA, Britain and Europe. Famous for his escapes from prisons, strait jackets, locked boxes and his round at pub, Harry had a secret.

What was and still is that secret, what was his real name, who did he call himself Houdini after, and why did Harry Houdini never pay any taxes?

Question 4

Humayn (1508-1556) Mogul Emperor of Delhi spent 10 years fighting the Afghans ( no not biscuits!!) who were led by Sher Shah. Humayn’s son Akbar the Great and his father

Mogul Emperor of Delhi

Baber commanded great influence in the East during their reigns.

In 1857 Dodson captured the Last Mogul at the Tomb of Humayn in a magnificent Mogul Temple near Delhi.

Name the Temple, the name of the Last Mogul, his relationship with the Last Samurai, his seat at the Last Supper and the position where Auckland will finish in the 2011 National Provincial Rugby Championship.

Question 5 

Meng-tzu (372-289 BC)

Mengtzu (372-289 BC)

Mengtzu Chinese Sage born in Shantung ranking next to Confucuius as a moral teacher is the author of one of the Four Books which constitute the Chinese Scriptures.

List the four instinctive feelings in human nature that he along with his disciples expounded in his preachings to the princely courts then existing in China.

Question 6 

Iosif Vissarionovich

Dzhugashvili or Iosif Vissarionovich as he was more properly known joined the Russian Social Democratic Workers Party in 1898 and worked under ground in Transcauacasia. Iosif was an active follower but minor follower of Vladimir Iliyich Ulanov and rose to become editor of Pravda the Party’s newpaper. In 1940 he met at Yalta with a newspaper reporter who had worked as a war correspondent behind enemy lines during the Boer war in South Africa.

Name the British reporter, the newspaper he corresponded for in 1903 and his nickname!!!

Question 7

Boureima Wankoye: Arabic Gum Farmer

This African nation is bounded by Egypt in the north, Libya, Chad and the Central African Republic lie to the West, Congo, (Leopold/Kinshasa) Uganda and Kenya lie to the South and Ethiopa and the Red Sea  are to the East. This country was known as Nigritia and comprises Nubian, Arab and Negro.

What is the Arab name of the river that flows into this country from the North at Wadi Haifa? The world’s largest supplier of Arabic gum. Which tree supplies this gum? What is the average rainfall during the month of July?

Question 8 

Slaspj Np Whfe

Secret Code:

Do you possess the requisite cerebral electricity to crack this coded message?                    “Slaspj Np Whfel”

Hint: It’s more difficult than you think!

Question 9

Super Moo the Karamea WonderDog

True or False? SuperMoo the Karamea Wonder Dog was named Russian Rules Player of the Day in November 2011 after a superlative solo performance at the Karamea Domain. If true, how many tries did Supermoo score, how many autographs of swooning chicky babes did he refuse to sign, what astronomical figure is the total of SuperMoo’s remuneration according to his personal contract, and why are his extremely rare public appearances  never without minders and his personal P.R. Agent?

If false! Have you had a rabies shot recently?? Arf arf!!

Question 10 

In the 1930’s USA Radio vaudeville version of The Lone Ranger who played Silver and what did he use to make the sounds of the hoofbeats??

Clue! His daughter stayed at Rongo as a guest and would be the nicest Yankee Imperialist I have ever met!

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Yes, Head Bumble Bee!

Posted on August 22, 2011 by LivinginPeaceProject
By Raving Auckland Correspondent “Flying” Phil Jackson

Flying Phil Jackson

The Beehive in Wellington is a hive of activity. It’s occupants are the humble bumble bees and in this peculiar little niche they have organised themselves into an established hierarchical order with one Head Bumble Bee, and a bunch of tireless workers, drones, zombies and food gatherers all bumbling over themselves in the pursuit of bumble bee nirvana, which is the total domination of all animals outside.

In the main chamber, they take turns at strutting around, wiggling their fat lazy abdomens and flapping their wings incessantly in order to get attention. The hot air created by this excessive posturing is funnelled from the top of the chamber to the nursery where it keeps budding bumble bee eggs comfortable despite the ferociously cold winds that regularly blow outside their haven.

Wonky Jonky

Today, the Head Bumble Bee, Wonky Jonky has a strategy meeting. Wonky Jonky has been the Head since the big clean-out three years ago when the previous head, HellAnchorLark, was unceremoniously dumped when the outside barbarians got their way and pillaged their ranks mercilessly. HellAnchorLark’s was an exceptional leader who brilliantly used lies, deceipt, lowly ideals, her position, and her power to change the rules that governed how outsiders lived, despite having the ugliest proboscis and antennae imaginable despite many alternative treatments. Wonky Jonkey was so much in awe of her abilities that he sponsored her to go and use her skills in the big beehive at the United Nations. He felt that he might be able to one day have the same respect as his predecessor and that what she did was worth emulating.

HellAnchorLark

With Wonky Jonky is Blinglish, his crusty second-in-command.

Blinglish: I think we need to change the way you smile. Our latest opinion polls are showing that you come across as some sort of simpleton or more like a stupid Cheshire cat.

Wonky Jonky: I thought that Cheshire cats are quite intelligent actually. My aunt had one and it was very popular with children and adults alike. It was able to eat out of a tin using one paw and play dead when it was attacked by dogs. It did such an efficient job of cleaning and preening itself that the faecal bacterial count under his tail was almost undetectable.

Blinglish: As you know, the outsiders are gearing up for another rampage at the end of this year and we don’t want you to be tossed out to the elements like your predecessor. So I think that we need to take this seriously.

Wonky Jonky: I suppose I should then, although the alternative to us under Filgoff isn’t exactly popular. What do you suggest I do?

Blinglish: I suppose that you could copy a confident salesman’s smile. How about a car salesman? When I bought my last car, I was completely reassured by the salesman’s smile that I was getting a good deal and you want to come across like that too.

Wonky Jonky: But didn’t you find out later that it needed significant mechanical repairs?

Blinglish: It was too late by then to do anything, but the point I’m making is that it is only important to deceive the people leading up to the election. What happens after is irrelevant. Remember when HellAndLark told everybody that students would have student free loans and that they could afford it. It helped her get back for one more term before people found out that it had became a large drain on the coffers.

So this is what I’ll do. I’ll send my secretary around a few car dealers and get her to take someone with a camera to capture their smiles. We’ll then pick the best photograph and you can practice copying it.

Wonky Jonky: That sounds great. I can almost feel one of their smiles coming on now. Won’t the public be impressed when I have perfected it. I might just whip into my private bathroom suite and do some practice now. I just can’t wait now. Hurry!

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Karamea Ministry of Red Tape

Posted on August 15, 2011 by LivinginPeaceProject

Dork Clutzburg

Dork Clutzburg   : Welcome to the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape! How may I be of assistance?

Mistress Nympho :  Hello my name is Mistress Nympho and I wish to make a complaint!

Dork Clutzburg  :  Mistress Nympho!  Ha ha ha!~ What a silly name! You sound like a right old trollop!

Mistress Nympho

Mistress Nympho :  I beg your pardon, but I have never been so insulted in my entire life.

Dork Clutzburger  :  Ha! You must have been and often!

Mistress Nympho :  So what is your name smartie??

Dork Clutzburger :  I am Monsieur Clutzburger Esquire, Official Complaints Officer!

Mistress Nympho  :  Ha! I bet your poor mother ran away and left you before you were born!

Dork Clutzburger :  Hmmph!! Can I please have your occupation for our official records??

Mistress Nympho  :   I am the town bike….

Dork Clutzburger :   The town bike!! Ha you’re a Jezebel!!

Mistress Nympho :   Look you rude young man, I am the town bike mechanic!!

Dork Clutzburger :   Do you give massage??

Mistress Nympho  :  Aaaaagghhhh!!!

Red Scarlett

Red Scarlett :  Good morning mademoiselle. I am Red Scarlett Manager of the Karamea Ministry of Red Tape is everything in order??

Mistress Nympho :   No!! This dork here is annoying me!!

Dork Clutzburger :   Mistress .. ha ha Nympho .. ha ha ha is a right Doris Boss!
I think she is menopausal!

Mistress Nympho :  I am not menopausal! I am only 22 and I’m  a feminist!

Dork Clutzburger :  You’re a spinster with Penis Envy! Ha ha haaaaaaaaaa!

Red Scarlett :  Pardon young Dork. He comes from a broken home!

Mistress Nympho :  Broken home! Ha! I knew it! Your parents hate you, they got divorced and they are both in rehab!

Red Scarlett  :  No!  Dork’s home was demolished in last year’s earthquake!

Mistress Nympho  :  Please!! I wish to make a complaint!

Red Scarlett  :   An official complaint?

Mistress Nympho :  Yes an Official   #*%@#@%& Complaint!!

Red Scarlett :  What is the nature of your complaint?

Mistress Nympho : Yesterday I applied to the New Zealand Transport Agency to get a Passenger Endorsement for my licence. I was required to fill out a ridiculous amount of official forms and I wish to make an official complaint!!

Red Scareltt :  That is extremely serious! Right, please step into my office Mistress ha … ha… mm… cough… cough.. Nympho.

Mistress Nympho :  Thank God someone is going to take my complaint seriously!!

Red Scarlett :  Hold all my calls Dork and please get two coffees and some bikkies!

Mistress Nympho  :    Now please tell me what is required to activate my complaint.

Red Scarlett  :  Mmmm! Let me see..Here we go .. Karamea  Ministry of Red Tape Complaint 217 “Required to fill out ridiculous amount of official forms by Government Department.”

Mistress Nympho :  Is it serious?

Red Scarlett  :   It is indeed young lady! Extremely serious. Code Red 7C!

Mistress Nympho : Wow!!

Red Scarlett :  Right let’s get to work. First of all you have to fill out an Official Complaint Form 28B and according to our latest schedule of fees that is $750 including GST!!

Mistress Nympho : That is so unbelievable!!

Red Scarlett  :  Yes true. We have discounted our normal fee to bring you the customer incredible savings.

Mistress Nympho :  I’ve had enough of this. I want to speak to your Superior!

Red Scarlett  :  I am afraid you do not have the requisite security clearance to talk to the Prime Minsters wife!

Mistress Nympho  :  The P.M.’s wife!

Red Scarlett  :   Yes! The Prime Minister is an alcoholic and his wife Popsicle actually runs the nation! So please sign here!!

Mistress Nympho :  Well… ok .. but …

Red Scarlett :  Did I mention this must be in triplicate? So that is mm ?? three times $750 including GST .. mm  ??  ahh  $4,975!!!

Mistress Nympho : Triplicate?? But I wouldn’t have signed if I had known!!

Red Scarlett  :  Too late!!  Now you need to fill out a KGB-72, an IRA-54, a Quango-76, an MI5-17, a IBYY4U-11 and an Official Disclaimer of Liability form if case you get fatally poisoned consuming afternoon tea!

Mistress Nympho  :  So many forms to fill out!

Red Scarlett :  Oh yes and a 1080-B!

Mistress Nympho : Boo hoo hoo!! I’m going to have a nervous breakdown!!

Red Scarlett : Right! You had better fill out a BDHB-2, an ACC-35 and a
UFP-42!!

Mistress Nympho  :   Aaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Red Scarlett  :   Wow!! Look at your teeth!!  You need to fill out a BDS-51 and a TF8!!

Mistress Nympho  :  Noooooo!! I’m down on my knees. I can’t take anymore!!

Red Scarlett  :    Mmmm!!  Nice cleavage!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Чужеземеч Вторжение!

Сегодня чужеземеч космическая исследователская ракета разбился в большый Румый деревый около Умере дороге в Карамый!

Rangi

Rangi  :   Yo Bro! Russian on Radio Karamea!

Max    :   Ya Mein Herr! Try Radio Rhema!
 Rhema     :    ….  “ Oh girls just want to have fun!”…..

Rangi  :   Ai Caramba! Try Radio Westport!

Rhema

Radio Westport     :   Here are the news read by Algernon  Windsor  Forsythe  III. In an historic and momentous decision today, the Buller District Council officially adopted the British Imperial system of currency of pounds, shillings and pence. Also in a vigorously contested split decision, a significant and bold edict was pronounced that from February 31st,  empties,  I.O.U.’s and paua shells will no longer be acceptable as a means of trade and exchange. This decisive exercise of Executive Authority was accompanied by a stout and resolute affirmation to his Royal Highness King James II of England and a cacophonic rendition of God Save the King! Blah blah blah!

Rangi   :   No way man! I’ve got a whole swag of I.O.U.’s me old mate Rick Hemi swapped me for my pogo stick!

Max  :   Borsch! Let’s try the National Programme.

National Programme   :  Today in the small town of Karamea an alien space craft crashed into Tane Kahu the Big Rimu Tree close to Umere Road. Special Air Services commandos dispatched by Lieutenant General Rastakovichskiski are commanding checkpoints and roadblocks as an ultra high security Iron Curtain has been enforced encircling Karamea.

UFO over Karamea

Rangi  :   Russkis!!

National  Programme     :   In other emergency measures; stockpiling of Whittakers Extra Cacao Caramel Chocolate is punishable by immediate execution. All pet food supplies have been commandeered by the Russian Army dog patrol. Karamea’s elderly citizens will now have to survive on special army ration packs for the senile and demented of dried cabbage powder tea and lots of fresh air and vigorous exercise!

Max  :    Stop Rangi! An armed road block.

Max

Corporal Yabloko  :   Доброе вечер товариша! Please showing me your papers comrades!!

Rangi  :   Yeah bro! Here is a packet of Zig Zags and a copy of the Rongolian Star!!

Corporal Yabloko  :   Красный капуста!!  My Kalashnikov having biggest funny bone too! Showing me your official papers or parabellum ptushka!

Max  :   Ya Boris!! Voila!

Corporal Yabloko  :   Черная собаке! Mitre 10 Card!!

Max  :   Ya! Better than a passport!

Corporal Yabloko

Corporal Yabloko  :   I not believing you! Then you having licorice all sorts?

Rangi  :   Yeah mate. Have a piece!

Corporal Yabloko  :    I having whole packet! You driving on, but Big Brother watching you!

Rangi   :   Pedal to the metal!  Wow!!  Karamea has been vaporised!!  Only Rongo is left standing and it looks like a Russian fort!!

Max  :   Schnell! Stop! Ze hot blonde! Ask her what is going on!

Rangi   :  Yo momma!

Alien Babe  : Zzzkxtl   jklzxxz!!!

Alien Babe

Rangi   :   Yo! She’s in shock. I better give her mouth to mouth resuscitation!   X!!

Alien Babe  :   Ktlkkzx  xxkltlkxz!!

Max   :     Rangi!!  Nein!!!  Kaput!!

Alien Babe :   Kkltkmrt!!

Max  :     Nein!! Ze Zarkon Death Ray!!!

Comrade Zarkon  :   ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

Comrade Zarko

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Smithsonian Barbie

Paleoanthropology Division

Smithsonian Institute

207 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled “211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.”
 
We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents “conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago.” Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the “Malibu Barbie”.
 

Malibu Barbie

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen, which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:
 
  1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
 
  2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
 
  3. The dentition pattern evident on the “skull” is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the “ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams” you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
 
  A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
 
  B. Clams don’t have teeth.
 
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.
 
Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation’s Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name “Australopithecus spiff-arino.” Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.
 
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly.
 
You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard.
 
We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the “trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix” that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
 
Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities
 
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Personal Ad for: Mr Robert “Garfunkle” Davids

 

Robert “Garfunkle” Davids

Hey Ladies, are you looking for a REAL man, one who can make you feel like a natural woman?

I’m 45 years old, never worked a day in my life as I suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome, so I have a secure, reliable and steady income provided by the New Zealand tax payer. I spend my days writing poetry and visiting old people in my district to help them eat their scones and sweeties. I am a devout Christian, but have no problem with other religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Animism, Hedonism, Nihilism, Islam, Nudism, Communism and Jingoism as I believe there infinite paths a person can take to accept Jesus Christ as their personal saviour.

I’m looking for a HOT Mamma to accept my Love Seed and milk me dry like a Holstein Friesian. While I’ve never actually been with a woman, I’m pretty sure I know what to do (I’ve been visualising the moment and practicing for many years) …Call now, don’t leave contacting me for another second, I AM the man of YOUR dreams…phone 03-7826-XXX and ask for the Love God…If I’m not home, leave a message with Mum and I’ll call you back and arrange a time to get together for some milk and cookies.

###############################################################

 ***Disclaimer: The Rongolian Lonely Hearts Club is a comedic parody, any resemblance to real persons living or dead is unintentional and purely coincidental.***
Posted in Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Humour, Karamea, Karamea Ministry of Red Tape, Parody, Satire | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment